Hello again, everybody.
Sorry to have taken a while to respond. First of all, thanks a million to everyone who's taken the time to read and reply; I appreciate all the feedback.
Let me begin by answering the specific, numbered questions asked of me:
1. My mood is terribly inconsistent. Some days pass by in a gray blur of lethargy and sulleness, while on others I awaken by leaping out of bed with a song in my heart, pledging to make the most of the day. I am, in any case, never content with myself.
2. My sleep is better than most peoples'. Approximately 8 hours a night, beginning from 7 PM to 9 PM and waking usually before sunrise.
3. My appetite is also inconsistent. Sometimes I am disgusted by the thought of eating, but on some days I am positively voracious for the entire day. On such days, I have an unusual craving for meat and sweets.
Skipping a few now, since they're answered further on.
My libido has also decreased since I was younger, but I still feel that I could engage in sexual activity at least four days a week.
My concentration is awful; I'm all over the place. Can't stay put in a book or behind a paper. I'm always trying to find a distraction to bring some quicker form of gratification; typically, videos or stories that are humorous, or simple games.
I interact very well with other people; I regret afterwards not having acted differently, but nevertheless I always seem to particularly good impressions upon people, even when I fear I've done the opposite.
There's all kinds of crazies in my family. Couldn't begin to list the various problems. But they all seem rather different from me; I'm not remotely like any of those people, don't act or think or speak as they do.
I'm not asserting that risperidone killed my creativity, as some others have - quite the opposite, I was at my most creative while I was on it. It is precisely because this condition seems contrary to the experiences of so many other people that I posted this question. I just can't understand why it would be so. PetaKiaRose's theory of receptor sensitivity makes sense, though I'm not sure how to use that knowledge to improve my present dearth of certain cognitive/emotional qualities that I believe I used to enjoy a greater wealth of.
I had been particularly imaginative, emotional and energetic for the whole of my life; taking risperidone did not bring this condition about, nor did ceasing to take risperidone end it. It only so happened that the time in my life at which I had the greatest intensity of emotion and curiosity coincided with my taking risperidone. There may be no relation whatever, but I thought it a very interesting question as to why any sort of hypomania (or symptoms of it) should be able to occur in a person taking risperidone, as, according to everything I've read, the medication should effectively snuff that sort of thing out.
Allow me to clarify: I am not asking this forum how to treat schizophrenia. I do not have schizophrenia. I am just trying to get some clearer picture of the particulars of my neurochemistry, to aid me in plotting the most effective course of exploration into the realm of nootropics. Presently, I'm inclined towards selegiline, though I am finding the combo of bacopa, ashwagandha and rhodiola rosea to be pretty envigorating presently - along with the standard stack of ALCAR, Piracetam, Aniracetam, DL Phenylalinine, AlphaGPC, Multi-Vitamins, Sulbutaiamine, Chocamine, Idebenone, yadda yadda yadda. I might as well mention that, again contrary to the experiences of others, when I boost my dopamine with these various supplements or with tobacco, I have far less of a temper than I do when unsupplemented; an increase of dopamine seems to have the opposite effect on me in that regard.
Before I was on risperidone, I was on prozac, during which time I was still very energetic and inquisitive, but not to the same extent as I was while on risperidone.
After the risperidone, I took one called "geodon," which quelled my excitibility markedly, as well as my pruning the outgrowing branches of my personality; I became contemplative and introverted on it.
I ceased taking it, and my personality reverted to a state not altogether dissimilar from my situation while on risperidone, however all of my perceived qualities were, as I've indicated before, less intense.
Since that time, they have continued to fade; I am 24 now, and the past four years a blur, really, as if out of a dream, during which I felt no great impulses that I could retain with any consistency; I've lost enthusiasm for my plans and discoveries, very much unlike myself as I was before turning 20.
I've been taking far better care of myself in all respects during the past four years than I had at any time previously. I weighed over 200 lbs when I was 16, and reached a peak of 250 at the age of 20. By 22, I had come down to 170, and though I've gained some of that back, I remain in much improved physical condition and consume far healthier foods, while exercising regularly.
I don't claim to be saying anything of any value with my thread here; I'm not trying to posit and conclusions on anything. The whole point is that I'd just like to understand my brain's peculiarities better, since I'm clueless as to why it should be functioning in the manner it has.
Thanks again, take care.
Edited by dumbdumb, 05 January 2009 - 08:38 PM.