After 5 or 6 years of chronic stress and depression, I couldn't sleep, think, or create anymore yet alone concentrate or be productive at work. My job requires a lot of "brain RAM", in that I must hold and then process many stashes of information at any one time and somehow glue them together, then modify to create the final product. (programming / computer science type stuff) Prior to finding imminst.org I was struggling bad, about to lose my job yet could not find energy or motivation to change anything - and could not make sense out of what used to be simple tasks. Add the sleep problems into the mix and you have a seriously cognitively inhibited individual, myself.
I would say I suffered heavy damage from my problems and my own mind's thoughts were acting against me in every space.
So for someone like me - who was NOT healthy to begin with, who really felt sick and could not even hold a friendly conversation with pals - nootropics worked for me and continue to produce the effects I want. I wish there was someway to compare effects - like go back in time to when my brain was functioning normally and test out various nootropics, then compare results from the past few months. Alas, I must stick with what seems to be working and continue the trend of positivity and productivity I have been blessed with through ongoing research the past 5 years.
Are you sure that nootropics is the correct medication? The state of mind you describe looks somewhat similar to clinical depression. And depression can dramatically affect productivity, concentration and memory. Have you visited a doctor?
I've visited a dozen allopathic doctors, ending with specialists - allergist, endocrinologist, rheumatologist, neurologist. Also went to two naturopaths, threes DO's, 2 phychologists. No one could tell me why I was tired all the time despite sleeping solid 7 hours a night, why I couldn't think clearly or why my verbal skills were waning at the age of 28. It was difficult to keep eye contact with people while speaking to them, which made it difficult to build and support relationships. Backstory to this is: 5 years ago went through 1st major depressive episode, brought on by (surprise!) the end of a long relationship. Got into bad cognitive habits: generalizing, catastrophic thinking, snowball-effect analyzation, self-seclusion, social anxiety. Eventually became suicidal. On advice of clinician, took an SNRI for 1 year (venlafaxine) which got me out of the ditch I was laying in, able to function semi-normally again. Tapering off the venlafaxine was pretty entertaining ... the feeling of flying while walking and head-in-clouds sensations. After cessation, had a bit of a hard time but started exercising again and it helped prevent these relapses, plus getting muscles is an ego boost in itself. Also went to cognitive behavioral therapy with another psych, took care of my issues, and they don't bother me anymore. I am not and have not been depressed in the slightest for almost 3 years now.
However despite the lack of depression, I could not return to my pre-depression energy levels nor could I think clearly as before.
In essence, I feel the medical establishment failed me. The only thing they were good for was to point me away from things that were NOT the problem. I've got a binder full of medical tests 100 pages thick. All inconclusive or negative for the most part, besides the "incidentalomas".
My theory is this: I lived with untreated depression for more than a year: the nightmares and middle-of-night awakenings, the very real and present stress and pressure I put myself under day and night, and the poisonous thoughts I held about the world and myself in it generated such a strong long-term stress response that I physically damaged my mind. My exploration with nootropics here is more of an attempt to re-build my mind to a state that I remember it to be in 5-6 years ago, when I was clear, strong in body and mind, able to stand up for myself, and a social butterfly.
LongeCity
