Hello. My first post after having trawled through this forum and it being an enlightening experience, I felt compelled to join in hope that somebody may be able to assist me.
I'm Male, 32, from London. I have a history of mental illness since the age of 11 (Depression, anxiety, panic attacks). I have never taken medication for these conditions except ambien in 2003.
I am (attempting) to control these conditions through diet, exercise and nutritional supplements.
The past 5 years or so, I have been in a stable condition. Highs, lows, but fairly stable. Anxiety is always there. Depression not so much.
My daily stack of supplements consists of:
Krill Oil
Ashwagandha
Rhodiola
Inositol
NAC
Acetyl Carnitine
Curcumin
Phosphatydl Serine (On occasions)
Bacopa (Occasionally)
Zinc glycinate
Magnesium glycinate
During May of this year, I was having trouble sleeping. I managed to obtain Zolpidem (Ambien). After one nights use, I fell into a deep dark depression bordering on suicidal. The stack of supplements I had been taking were not having the same effect anymore and my mood decreased dramatically. I felt the same during my ambien use in 2003. Not certain why it causes me these negative side effects.
Anyhow, I persevered and I continued with my stack, and in august, my mood began to improve and I felt fairly stable again. (After having incorporated a ketogenic diet).
In October, My car had broken down unexpectedly after vising a friend of mine out of the city , and unfortunately I had been stranded on a Motorway (highway) for 6 hours. I did not reach my house until 7am in the morning.
I panicked because I knew lack of sleep always has a detrimental effect on my mood. I had thought about attempting to take extra magnesium to help me with my sleep, but I had remember a few months earlier, a friend had given me a packet of phenibut he had purchased and insisted I try it one day. I had never got around to trying it, and I had been hesitant as I have read positive and negative experiences on its usage.
But that morning, I desperately needed something to help me sleep, so I ended up taking a quarter teaspoon. I felt the effects within around 40 minutes, and I drifted off into a deep sleep and woke at 2pm feeling drunk, happy, euphoric and high. My anxiety had completely diminished and I, for once in my entire life, felt totally carefree.
I remember thinking.. Is this what it feels like for other people who are depression and anxiety free? Is this how they experience their daily lives? Is this how being normal felt?
Needless to say, the experience was fantastic, and that evening, i ended up calling random friends and taking everybody out for a catch up over a meal. My fear, social phobia etc at the time were non existent.
Now I had read about the effects of phenibut and the issue with tolerance, and I had no intention of ever trying it again.
But during that week, I rationalized its use and then thought, maybe its something I should take once per week, every Saturday. I would be less likely to become dependent on it and the issue of tolerance shouldn't be a problem as technically, id be taking it 4 times a month.
Fast forward to the next saturday. I woke early, ate something, and took my stack and a quarter teaspoon of phenibut. The effects took longer to kick in and were way more subtle. I did not feel the euphoria I had felt the previous time. The need to be social was also not there. I just felt calmer and more relaxed and sleepy.
The third saturday is when things took a turn for the worst. I took the Phenibut in the morning as per usual, but a few hours later, I started to develop depression and a really melancholic state. I had a few crying spells due to thinking about past events etc, and I felt incredibly nervous, insecure, scared and sad. This was odd. I had assumed phenibut would have made me feel the opposite. I coped and made it through the day anyhow.
Mid week, the feelings of depression unfortunately lingered, and I just felt so sad, with constant crying spells and gloomy thoughts. I could not work out why this was occurring. I hadn't had any crying spells lasting this long since 2007.
At that point, it didnt occur to me that Phenibut had a part to play.
It was only until I reached that saturday, where I woke and took half a teaspoon of phenibut, a handful of hours later, and the same deeply depressing distressing thoughts recurred only magnified. I felt no benefits to the phenibut, so lessening of my anxiety, no nothing. It just felt like it made me depressed. I didnt sleep all that great to that night.
I have used phenibut around 6 times in total spread out over a 8 or so week period as there have been times where I hadnt used it for a fortnight or so. But since the last occasion, it seems as though these feelings of depression arent subsiding. Ive lost all little motivation I had before, I just dont want to do anything, see anybody, or go anywhere, and I keep feeling sad with dark thoughts.
Can anybody help to explain what is going on? and if i will make it out of this? Is there anything I can take to reverse this effect?
Your input would be greatly appreciated.
