I keep referring to this comment I found on lifehacked. For me, it's explained why choline and racetams made me more anxious. Anyone have experience sourcing ketamine and/or ibogaine?
"Hi,
Thanks for your reply, Steve. As it happens, I’m grappling with the same issue as you re: depression! I suffer from post-traumatic stress – and quite a severe level. I have severe depression with suicidal ideation, short term memory issues (I’m 32 and it’s like I’m a forgetful old person!), anticipative anhedonia, and aversion to interacting with other members of the public – all to a level that I’m currently listed as disabled.
This is all the more alarming given that my PRIOR state was exactly the opposite – and that I’m pretty well-educated in behavioural psychology and neurobiology! Ironic, really… but it goes to show; at the end of the day our personalities ARE ruled by our brain chemistry whether we like it or not.
I would agree with you that if you suffer anxiety, piracetam (and Noopept, which has similar action) is NOT the thing to be taking! Remember that these drugs upregulate acetylcholine and as such, they will make any existing hyperarousal/anxiety issues much, much worse.
In fact a possible explanation for your observed issues with piracetam may well be that you’ve upregulated a system which was already set to “extreme stress” mode; causing you to fall into full-on post-traumatic syndrome. The lethargy, memory issues/brain fog, etc. are all consistent with neurochemical changes due to prolonged stress. You may have made your own monster!
That said, there ARE some things you can look at that may be of considerable help. I have extensive, personal experience with each, and they’ve all helped to great degrees. In fact, i was even rendered cured for a blessed but brief time… but had the extreme misfortune to suffer 4 major life stresses immediately afterwards, which threw me back from whence i’d come.
Briefly, the things to look are are:
1. Transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS). The theory here is that in prolonged stress (also physical or chemical damage
), one of the “links” in the brain is disrupted. This link is between the amygdala (your alarm center) and the prefrontal cortex (the “you” that can tell your alarm center to STFU). It seems that this link is quite delicate and destabilises easily. Once down, it is prevented from coming back “online”… its job is to shut up the amydala, and with the link “down” the amydala has unfettered ability to yell “alarm”. This creates a vicious circle of MORE stress, which ensures the circuit remains down…
…interestingly this is why electroshock seems to be so effective (however the side effects are devastating). The seizures induced seem to “stimulate” the link into coming back online. Of course, that’s like doing surgery with a hammer… so, enter rTMS. This technique uses powerful magnetic pulses to – via the magic of physics – stimulate a very small electrical current in a precise area of the brain. The current is JUST enough to make neurons spontaneously fire. rTMS treatments daily for 4 weeks can cause the resurrection of the “offline link”:… and a subsequent cure in anxious or depressive behaviours. I’ve had this and it was indeed the thing that “cured” me. It’s not fringe science (mine was administered by the McGill University neuropsych department) and it’s very very interesting. And, in fact, it’s really pleasant! For half an hour after treatment (which is painless and relaxing) you are a Zen grand master… a profound peaceful feeling is upon you. And, oddly, a craving for coffee…
2. Low-dose psychedelics. No, I’m not being weird here… the curative abilities of psychedelics are well-documented and have been noted since the 1960s. Specifically, low-dose psilocybin (magic mushrooms) provoke neurogenesis (neuron birth) in the hippocampus. This is significant since the hippocampus shrinks in profoundly depressed and anxious people (this is behind some of the memory issues). Short term low-dose psilocybin has been shown both in rats and humans to cause ‘fear extinguishment’, i.e. cessation of the nervous response when exposed to a trauma trigger. I can vouch for this being of considerable benefit for me right now. MDMA and LSD also have effects, although slightly different applications… LSD is known to weaken depression and addictive/compulsive behaviours, and MDMA was one of the most effective tools in psychoanalysis until it was sadly banned as a party drug. Even today MDMA is now being re-trialed for use reducing fear of death and depression in terminally ill patients. Single or intermittent use of N,N-DMT (also known as just “DMT”) is also known to be of benefit – this one, personally, completely cured fear of dying on my first go.
3. Ibogaine. This is a psychedelic but a very unusual and interesting one. It has a number of effects on a number of receptors, with stunning and profound results. One of its uses is in drug addiction, where it is up to 20x more effective than traditional detox programs,. The OTHER use – which is intertwined with the anti-addictive effects – is in non-psychotic depressive disorders.
Its multi-pronged action simultaneously resets opiate receptor tolerance; floods the brain with dopamine, leading to re-regulation of disturbed dopaminergic effects such as anhedonia; has profound NMDA inhibitory effect (which is a whole new area of anti-depressive research right now, and also allows you to “re-process” traumatic memories); is a stimulant (cures brain fog and lethargy); is an SSRI (cures depressive behaviours); and last but not least, it upregulates production of BDNF. BDNF is a growth factor which causes neurons to “re-sprout and repair”… think a bare tree growing new leaves. Further, taking the full “flood dose” of 25mg/kg gives you a fascinating 20 hour trip in which you have unparalleled access to all your memories (thanks, NMDA inhibition) and can literally re-visit and gain insight into any part of your life. This has been called “2 years of intensive therapy in 1 day”.
Ibogaine can be dosed as the hallucinogenic “flood dose”, but that requires medical preparation, a minder, and is quite rough as a trip – expect nausea and ataxia. However it’s rewarding enough that many people do it once a year just for the incredible insight into one’s self that it brings.
However the way I tend to use it is the “microdose”. This is a 50mg dose per day, in a 7 days on, 3 days off pattern. The dose is not psychedelic at this point. You don’t notice it affecting you at all, but it IS there doing its work.. and by Week 2 you will definitely notice significant improvements in many aspects . If you’re interested in learning more, I wrote an entire treatise and protocol manual on this and can share it with you.
4. Ketamine – scientists at Yale University released some amazing data on this in 2012. Its mechanism of action is simply as a short-acting (30-45 minute) but intense NMDA inhibitor. Its effect is immediate – complete cessation of depressive and suicidal traits. And this, in people who had tried and failed to respond to conventional SSRIs! Further, one very small dose produces these effects for up to SEVEN DAYS. Part of this is that it, too, induces BDNF (Google Image search “ketamine bdnf” for a really cool image as to how this made rat axons grow back).
5. The methylation cycle. This is also a huge area of research, and has to do with B-vitamins. It turns out that almost half of Caucasian people are partially or severely unable to produce enzymes that assist in “methylating” things. Specifically, folate is unable to be methylated to the active form 5-MHTF, and/or homocysteine cannot be converted to methionine. These errors occur via silencing of genes, specifically MFTHR and BHMT. The net effect is that over 600 different metabolic processes are affected, especially those relating to DNA synthesis, epigenetic methylation, and manufacture of dopamine, seratonin and SAMe.
This is a little tricker to fix as you have to know your genetics. You can’t just pop a single pill – because if (like me) you have issues on MTHFR, MAO-A and BHMT, taking folic acid will lead to an excess of unmethylated folate; taking just 5-MHTF will lead to depletion of B12; taking just B12 will lead to a buildup of homocysteine, etc. You need to address ALL the weak points in the cycle. In my case this means supplementing with 5-MHTF (methylfolate), P-5-P (B6), methyl-B12, SAMe, riboflavin (B2), benfotiamine (B1), DL-phenylalanine, and trimethylglycine. Fortunately all these are pretty damn cheap.
Failure to address ALL of these at once will cause knock-on issues that will, generally, make you feel like complete shit. But the good news is that since I’ve started this last month, my condition has been slowly but steadily improving. It turns out that many cases of treatment-resistant depression, memory issues, mood instability, and PTSD are caused or heavily influenced by methylation cycle faults. It’s definitely worth a try. To find out what genes may be at fault, get a $99 genome scan from 23andMe (good for many reasons!) and then download the raw data and feed it into GeneticGenie or Promethease.
6. I cannot stress enough that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBS) and/or practising “mindfulness” is as critical as any drug. You MUST pay attention to this. The effects are both psychological and biological. Any and all treatment programs are not complete without this. And indeed I’ve found doing this was the key to finally starting to unwind it all…
That’s my basic braindump on this subject I hope it helps.
I’ll say it again, though: DO NOT TAKE RACETAMS IF YOU ARE ANXIOUS OR SUFFER FROM DIAGNOSED OR UNDIAGNOSED NERVOUS OR MENTAL ILLNESS. I would suggest that the problems people here are noticing (erectile issues, memory issues, anxiety issues) are actually just worsening of existing illness. All of those symptoms are hallmarks of depressive and nervous conditions.
This worsening would have been caused by the hyperarousal state induced by upregulated acetylcholine… which in turn was triggered by use or overuse of racetams. This would also neatly explain why symptoms fail to improve when the racetam is stopped – mental illnesses rarely fix themselves once triggered, for reasons I’ve begun to cover above"
