13 replies to this topic

[vendelin]

I've had problems with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Since the age of 5 I was taken for a myriad of medical tests due to the symptoms thereof - stomach pain, headaches, low energy, extreme shyness/selective muteness, thyroid tests, etc. I've been suicidal since age 10 (clearly, this is no imminent threat). By the time I was dragged off to a therapist these lifelong issues were so deeply imbedded it felt pointless, and still does to a large degree. As I don't have any memory of feeling "normal", and cannot think of any event that triggered my psychological problems, I suspect the cause may be at least in large part genetic and biochemical. I would appreciate it very much if someone would help me put together a solid stack in any case.

 

I believe I might now have a personality disorder, and/or possibly be somewhere on the spectrum of schizophrenia (definitely not full-blown), but as I've never been properly evaluated this is only guesswork which may or may not be helpful.

 

To specify, my main symptoms are:

- Social anxiety (any kind of social contact)

- Intrusive thoughts and excessive rumination

- Hypersensitivity to critisism and stress

- Constant physical tension that is very apparent (accompanied by daily headaches)

- Generally low energy

- Lack of motivation/pleasure/reward, no emotional connection to other human beings or joy in spending time with them

- Extreme procrastination, in spite of substantial negative effects

- Memory problems (numbers, names, faces, difficulty reciting information, forgetting what I was saying mid-sentence, etc.)

- Difficulty falling asleep and waking up

- Brainfog (slow/unfocused thinking, "wrapping my head around" things becoming increasingly difficult)

- Mild paranoia (feeling watched, believing people have an unlikely fascination and preoccupation with me)

- Periodical slight hallucinations in my peripheral vision

- General sense of despair, hopelessness and "impending doom"

 

Things I believe has helped at least somewhat:

- Rhodiola Rosea

- Nicotine

- Ashwaghanda (very sedating, but helpful for sleep)

- Choline+Inositol (helps with the intrusive rumination)

- 5htp (some years ago, might have been placebo)

- Curcumin (general pains and aches)

- Vitamin D (probably due to deficiancy)

- Magnesium Citrate (again, guessing deficiancy)

 

Amphetamine is something I've only tried a few times, but mentally it made me feel 100% how I imagine normal people feel. Strangely I had no problem sleeping and no major "crash" even after hours of intra-nasal dosing. Any insights?

 

Things that didn't really help:

- Tyrosine (increase in physical tension not worth the small effect)

- Theanine (causes extreme turmoil like nothing else)

- ALCAR

- St. Johns Wort

- Panax Ginseng

- Fish Oil (maybe larger dose is needed)

- B-complex

- Exercise

(+ a bunch more things I can't think of right now)

 

Things I'm planning to try:

- Bacopa

- NAC

- Munuca Pruriens

- Glycine

- Anything else?

[nicklesprout]

CBD has seemed to help some of us here with no major risks. may try that.

[vendelin]

Thanks for your advice, but unfortunately CBD is classified as a narcotic here and I don't think I would be able to get a prescription. :/

[chemicalambrosia]

Have you tried an elimination diet? You might want to check out a book called the "Ultramind Solution". The Doctor that wrote it is at least a tiny bit of a quack, but he documents similar cases(children and adults with massive lists of symptoms, behavioral and mental health problems, etc) who have miraculous recoveries, often due to removing foods they have intolerances to and correcting nutritional deficiencies. I personally have a food intolerance, and after years have finally noticed that many of those things on your list apply when I eat the food that I have an intolerance to. It sounds simplistic to the point of being stupid, but you might be surprised.

[vendelin]

I've not tried the elimination diet per se, but I've been on a vegan diet for 1 year with no positive effects, and strict low carb diet for 1 year with only slight effects, so I don't think I am intolerant to any of the common foods at least (meats, eggs, diary, grains). I might look into it nonetheless. It's hard to keep my diet in check now as getting around to cooking meals is pretty difficult, and obviously that isn't making things any better.

[vendelin]

Ok, small update...

 

A few months back I tried taking ALCAR alongside Tyrosine, with very little (if any) noticable effect. I tried it again today, following a few days of 5-htp supplementation, and definitely felt a much stronger effect. Slightly euphoric, even. Does this mean I simply didn't have enough available serotonin for the ALCAR to work before?

[Application]

Assuming no physical abnormalities found in all those tests, psych problems going back as far as any memory makes me wonder about early attachment difficulties.

[vendelin]

Assuming no physical abnormalities found in all those tests, psych problems going back as far as any memory makes me wonder about early attachment difficulties.

 

Very possible, but not much I can do about that now. Oopsie-baby from a teenage pregnancy, not very affectionate mother and father not present.

 

Yes, I forgot to mention that. No abnormalities found, except elevated liver values which have also persisted since childhood, not sure if that's relevant.

Edited by vendelin, 22 March 2015 - 07:40 AM.

[Application]

 

Assuming no physical abnormalities found in all those tests, psych problems going back as far as any memory makes me wonder about early attachment difficulties.

 

Very possible, but not much I can do about that now. Oopsie-baby from a teenage pregnancy, not very affectionate mother and father not present.

 

Yes, I forgot to mention that. No abnormalities found, except elevated liver values which have also persisted since childhood, not sure if that's relevant.

 

 

Well if we are on the right track and early relationship failure is at the root of your difficulties, then relationships will be the path out.  If possible (money/insurance/availability), I would suggest looking for psychoanalytic therapists and interviewing them until finding one who you like and with whom you could see yourself forming a connection. 

 

This will be hard to manage with chemicals alone.

[vendelin]

 

 

Assuming no physical abnormalities found in all those tests, psych problems going back as far as any memory makes me wonder about early attachment difficulties.

 

Very possible, but not much I can do about that now. Oopsie-baby from a teenage pregnancy, not very affectionate mother and father not present.

 

Yes, I forgot to mention that. No abnormalities found, except elevated liver values which have also persisted since childhood, not sure if that's relevant.

 

 

Well if we are on the right track and early relationship failure is at the root of your difficulties, then relationships will be the path out.  If possible (money/insurance/availability), I would suggest looking for psychoanalytic therapists and interviewing them until finding one who you like and with whom you could see yourself forming a connection. 

 

This will be hard to manage with chemicals alone.

 

I see your point. I don't think I had an abusive childhood, so it feels a bit like overkill, maybe... But that might just be me making excuses for avoiding therapy as my previous experiences with that was extremely terrible. I guess I will try again if things get so bad I have no choice, or if I get to a point where I'm emotioanlly strong enough to not have a mental breakdown 2 minutes after entering the doctor's office. I'd like to explore every other avenue first.

 

I guess what I'm thinking is, plenty of people have terrible parents and still end up more mentally healthy than me, so that can't be the only factor. I'm not even sure that I want relationships, it seems impossible and pointless to maintain them as there's just no connection there on my part.

Edited by vendelin, 22 March 2015 - 11:24 PM.

[Application]

 

 

 

Assuming no physical abnormalities found in all those tests, psych problems going back as far as any memory makes me wonder about early attachment difficulties.

 

Very possible, but not much I can do about that now. Oopsie-baby from a teenage pregnancy, not very affectionate mother and father not present.

 

Yes, I forgot to mention that. No abnormalities found, except elevated liver values which have also persisted since childhood, not sure if that's relevant.

 

 

Well if we are on the right track and early relationship failure is at the root of your difficulties, then relationships will be the path out.  If possible (money/insurance/availability), I would suggest looking for psychoanalytic therapists and interviewing them until finding one who you like and with whom you could see yourself forming a connection. 

 

This will be hard to manage with chemicals alone.

 

I see your point. I don't think I had an abusive childhood, so it feels a bit like overkill, maybe... But that might just be me making excuses for avoiding therapy as my previous experiences with that was extremely terrible. I guess I will try again if things get so bad I have no choice, or if I get to a point where I'm emotioanlly strong enough to not have a mental breakdown 2 minutes after entering the doctor's office. I'd like to explore every other avenue first.

 

I guess what I'm thinking is, plenty of people have terrible parents and still end up more mentally healthy than me, so that can't be the only factor. I'm not even sure that I want relationships, it seems impossible and pointless to maintain them as there's just no connection there on my part.

 

Early attachment problems don't require abuse in order to cause a lifetime of struggle. Its more of a neglect, abandonment or extremely poor fit with parents type problem. From the wiki article on attachment theory: 

 

...The most important tenet of attachment theory is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for the child's successful social and emotional development, and in particular for learning how to effectively regulate their feelings....

 

 

Why everyone who experiences the same level of adversities does not develop the same kind of problem is an interesting question and there are many theories. Two of the more likely ones IMO are dispositional/genetic differences in vulnerability and differences in access to corrective relationships and experiences outside of the family.

[thenaturalstep]

Hi,

Some suggestions.

 

1. Magnesium is an good idea since when you get anxiety your will release magnesium in large amounts and you risk to be deficient

2. Training works but it may make it worse in the short term. So start to train 3 times every week.

3. Mindfullness are good for dealing with stress, watch this

4. Meditation also helps but it may make it worse in the short term, but keep figthing it and it will make things better in the long run.

 

Good luck

[Heisenburger]

Assuming no physical abnormalities found in all those tests, psych problems going back as far as any memory makes me wonder about early attachment difficulties.

 

Very possible, but not much I can do about that now. Oopsie-baby from a teenage pregnancy, not very affectionate mother and father not present.

 

Not necessarily. The first thing that popped into my head even before I finished reading your OP was “crappy childhood: refrigerator mom + genetic predisposition.” The first thing I would suggest is the advice that men have been giving other men since time immemorial—“dude, you need to get laid.” However, I’m going to couch it in a somewhat more clinical and scientific context. There’s been an exponential growth in the understanding of attachment pathologies in the past decade and a half. It’s been clearly demonstrated now that being in a committed, reciprocal relationship with a member of the opposite sex can simply erase an entire lifetime of attachment issues in less than two years. I’m also thinking that there may be a little ADHD action going on here. Try taking a small amount of pseudoephedrine. Does it make you feel more focused, and does it seem to have a paradoxical anxiolytic effect? Also, do you jiggle your leg up and down (“sewing machine leg”) when you’re sitting down and reading or watching TV? If so, talk to a psychiatrist (not a clinical psychologist) about it. I’m thinking this could all be fixed with a few simple and inexpensive modifications to your lifestyle and internal biochemistry.

[vendelin]

 

Assuming no physical abnormalities found in all those tests, psych problems going back as far as any memory makes me wonder about early attachment difficulties.

 

Very possible, but not much I can do about that now. Oopsie-baby from a teenage pregnancy, not very affectionate mother and father not present.

 

Not necessarily. The first thing that popped into my head even before I finished reading your OP was “crappy childhood: refrigerator mom + genetic predisposition.” The first thing I would suggest is the advice that men have been giving other men since time immemorial—“dude, you need to get laid.” However, I’m going to couch it in a somewhat more clinical and scientific context. There’s been an exponential growth in the understanding of attachment pathologies in the past decade and a half. It’s been clearly demonstrated now that being in a committed, reciprocal relationship with a member of the opposite sex can simply erase an entire lifetime of attachment issues in less than two years. I’m also thinking that there may be a little ADHD action going on here. Try taking a small amount of pseudoephedrine. Does it make you feel more focused, and does it seem to have a paradoxical anxiolytic effect? Also, do you jiggle your leg up and down (“sewing machine leg”) when you’re sitting down and reading or watching TV? If so, talk to a psychiatrist (not a clinical psychologist) about it. I’m thinking this could all be fixed with a few simple and inexpensive modifications to your lifestyle and internal biochemistry.

 

You make some interesting points. I've tried dating and such, and even though I do crave a relationship on some level, I've never found it very rewarding. I guess because my attachment issues prevent me from, well, getting attached. Maybe I'm expecting it to come more naturally than what's realistic though.

 

Amphetamine make me much less anxious mentally, my social anxiety is 100% gone and I feel like I can focus and connect with people in a way I've never experienced without them. I've considered that I may have ADD, but considering I did very well in school until my social anxiety got the better of me, I'm not sure that could be the case (please correct me if I'm wrong on this).

 

And no, I don't jiggle my leg much.