Hi, this is my first post aside from the introductory one I was required to make. I'm hoping it's posted in the correct category; despite it concerning supplements the effects they are having I'm fairly certain are due to my mental, and perhaps physical, health.
I've been experiencing mind tearing anxiety for about two months now; my mind seems to be in a fairly consistent state of panic and despair; I've been trying various supplements to help quell the anxiety but many seem to work for only brief periods of time (couple hours maybe) and then make things worse or only manage to calm me physically, take some of the edge off, but mentally the turmoil boils on. I have read through Science Guy's posting on curing anxiety and tried some of the supplements he's recommended but.....
Well, I should state that I have had an issue with abusing propylhexedrine fairly consistently these past several years...sometimes once every couple weeks, sometimes once every several months; i was in the course of one of those longer periods of abstinence and had it in my mind that i was done with it for good, but during the months of November through about 3 weeks ago - following a car accident, the loss of my job, and a failed relationship with someone i really liked, all occurring within a couple weeks- my use has been more frequent, often every week or every other week, and the quantity had in the last 3 instances increased to 8 - 10 inhalers. I assumed due to this my serotonin might be low so I tried 5-htp; it resulted in worsening anxiety if taken during the day; approximately 1 hour or so after ingesting my sense of panic brought on by regret was almost unbearable, causing my to scream these suppressed screams so as not to make much noise (they would still hurt my throat though); it also elevated libido which has been uncontrollable lately to the point where it's a nuisance and just adds to the anxiety (especially considering I've developed an overwhelming sense of social anxiety / phobia of late and even won't leave my house during day light hours to walk or jog the dog; I wait till it gets dark and even then I've only been taking her once or twice a week (don't worry; she has a big yard to run around in). With the libido issue I've also developed an extreme case of PE. The 5-htp, if taken at night, although helping me fall asleep results in me waking a couple hours later, at most, after very vivid bizarre dreams with a fear to fall back asleep as I don't want to dream the dreams I was having.
I tried BCM-95 (curcumin extract) as I read it helped others with both depression and curbing libido. Every day on which I have tried to take it has significantly increased both anxiety and libido.
I'm fairly certain I have high cortisol levels as I've had them in the past and despite not having them tested this time I feel like I did then only worse. (I also used stim heavy pre workouts on and off for several years now prior to working out and feel like they, along with the propylhexedrine, and maybe even over training at times, have contributed to elevated cortisol levels once again - i recently dumped them all out. I also have a lot of the symptoms of elevated cortisol, especially of late.) Anyway, I tried relora and although at first it did seem to calm me, at least for a couple hours after taking it, I feel like it has been worsening my anxiety and doing nothing for my cortisol; and it definitely does not help me get to sleep. I've tried an adoptogenic blend that contains schizandra, rhodiola, and ashwagandha; again I feel calmed for a couple hours but am not sure if it's making my anxiety worse as my panic and anxiety comes back stronger after those 2 or so hours (Maybe it would have been at the same level if i hadn't taken either of those supplements and they just allowed for a two or so hour reprieve from it). But anyway, the calming effect feels more physically calming, and not so much mentally calming. I tried 10 mg of DHEA sublingually this weekend but after 90 minutes or so it send me into complete panic mode.
I'm assuming I have low dopamine levels as whenever I take a dopamine precursor I feel much better; my outlook is definitely more positive hours after taking tyrosine and l-phenylalanine; I actually feel like I may make it out of this hole and my anxiety and suicidal ideation is replaced with a positive outlook. Unfortunately this combo soon there after increases my libido which in turn brings about anxiety; (on a side note, an I apologize if i'm being vulgar here, but post ejaculation I actually feel the worst anxiety and despair of all.) Low dopamine and high cortisol levels usually list decreased libido as a symptom, so i'm a bit confused there.
Paradoxically, when I take a testosterone boosting supplement containing mucuna pruriens standardized to 75% L-dopa, along with safed musli, carnitine l tartrate, and huperzine-a I feel the positive outlook I get from the tyrosine but with an actual decrease in libido (something the product claims to increase). But again, I feel like it make the anxiety worse later on in the evening.
Melatonin no longer works for sleep. I do feel like it calms me down but it does not help me fall asleep and an hour or two after ingesting it I had begun to notice an increase in libido. Benedryl has become the only thing that helps me fall asleep and it helps me sleep a fairly dreamless sleep, but i know in the long run it won't help my anxiety or insomnia issues, only make them worse.
I ordered some tianeptine and hope that helps with the anxiety but am worried about the effects of increased libido and vivid dreams many have reported. If it were to further elevate libido would it be safe to take it with the mucuna pruriens containing product? At least when i take that i have a good 5 or so hours where i feel normal - a feeling i never really took into consideration until this state of panic and despair set in a couple months ago; my libido is quelled to where i could focus on other things, like actually typing up this post - holy s... it's a long one; i apologize and commend anyone who's still reading.
Could the combination of tianeptine and the L-dopa from the mucuna be dangerous?
Also, the same company makes a similar product but without the carnitine or huperzine-a (the reason i'm assuming i was never able to get to sleep if i took it at night) but instead with rhodiola and dodder seed which I've read some claimed gave them great sleep. Altough i worry that the dodder seed could increase libido even further.
Anyway, anyone's input as to what might be going on with my brain chemistry, or any suggestions would be much appreciated. Sorry if this isn't the right place (not just category wise but maybe even website wise) to be posting something like this.