32 replies to this topic

[mandible]

Hello,

I feel pretty damn awful. The reason is that somehow no pdoc I have tried out in the past few years really seems to

put much thinking into drug therapy and possible approaches. It's like I get absolutely standard care and my actual symptoms

which I struggle with daily play no role at all! This makes me so damn angry.

 

For example, I suffer from depression,ocd,gad and add. That's what I know so far.

Even figuring out that I have add required a lot of begging on my side to finally get tested for it. This is also totally upsetting.

 

Anyway,

I have tried many drugs so far and nothing helped with any of my issues.

Ritalin doesn't help with add for example.

For depression/ocd/gad I tried many antidepressants which all sucked!

(celexa,stablon,valdoxan,remeron,wellbutrin,cymbalta,anafranil,memantine - off label trial)

 

Now the problem is that I put a lot of thinking into my symptoms and try to come up with possible explanantions and think about what kind of

neurotransmitters could be causing my issues. But my doc doesn't seem to care about this at all. He even told me to stop reading books about

this and stop thinking about it!

 

But how does this help me?

I mean if no antidepressant helps me then why do doctors not start to try other drugs which affect other transmitters in the brain? But somehow they don't.

I asked my doc about Lamictal. He said he doesn't think this will help me and I'm also not bipolar.

 

BUT for over a decade I have been noticing symptoms which are totally limiting and they affect me almost every day!

For example what I notice is that I have a very little stress tolerance. When I am exposed to something which is a threat to me or which scares me like reading

something scary online or on the news or getting bad news from the doctor then I almost instantly feel totally overwhelmed and aggitated.

Or when I have many things to do at once then I also get the same feeling.

Sometimes this feeling lasts the entire day and then I am completely unable to actually function. I do nothing productive at all and feel impatient and driven.

I dont even have the "patience" to cook for myself and then eat junk food. I also cannot focus or study.

I have been noticing this stuff for a long time and it's totally disabling.

Sometimes I almost feel as if I'm intoxicated somehow, this is how strong this feeling can get. It's the exact opposite of being at peace and having a clear mind.

Sometimes I also have melodies or music in my mind which I cannot turn off which is also totally annoying.

 

My thought was that maybe this kind of irritiability has something to do with excessive glutamate. I definitely know that antidepressants do not seem to tackle this at all.

I also cannot take benzos all day hoping that this will calm me down.

 

I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like it's all up to me. I mean when I describe these symptoms to a doctor why doesn't he on his own come up with possible

explanations and then develop a treatment strategy? But even when I personally bring these things up it doesn't matter cause my suggestions are not really taken seriously.

 

I was thinking about trying lamictal and already asked my doc twice and he always declined.

 

I don't know many other drugs out there which would also affect glutamate and which could be prescribed for depression.

Stuff like riluzole would be off label and hardly any doctor would be willing to prescribe it to me they would probably be too scared.

Lithium seems more risky to me than lamictal when it comes to side effects and safety.

Lamictal is the only thing which comes to my mind. I also tried taking NAC 600mg but I don't notice any difference when I take it.

 

Do you have any ideas or suggestions? What would you do if you had such symptoms?

I mean if I "only" had depression,ocd,GAD then it would be easier but this irritability is something else in my opinion.

It's at least as limiting as being depressed all day and not being able to work. When I'm in this restless state then I also cannot focus on anything.

 

What I also notice is that my depression is also not stable. I am easily overwhelmed by problems which then make the depression much worse and this

can happen pretty easy. I also didn't notice any benefit from antidepressants when it comes to being overwhelmed.

 

I mean how shall I become stable and "functionable" when I have like 10 different problems in my life which all have the potential to overwhelm me and

make me become totally depressed at any time when I am reminded of them? I try to not thinking about things which can trigger depression but this doesn't

work all the time. Sometimes I start to think about my situation and then it always hits me like a sledgehammer again and again no matter how often I have already

thought about the SAME problems it never becomes any different. I don't get used to it or get over it or am able to just accept it.

 

 

 

 

[OneScrewLoose]

A few things here. You have a lot of wiring built up in your brain that focuses on negativity and anxiety, because that's what you're used to. Sometimes, specific neurotransmitters might only be part of the problem, and the neuronal structures that maintain these thoughts (which happens through Hebbian Learning, a term I really recommend you look up), end up being the bigger problem.

So the first thing I recommend is getting into meditation. Start with just 5 minutes a day. You can do it sitting, laying, kneeling, whatever, as long as you are not just spacing out, but focusing on yourself and your environment. I recommend starting by counting your breathes 1-10 and then repeating. As your first conceptual exercise: try to feel your body more acutely and deeply than you normally would. Any experiences and thoughts, especially negative ones, should be seen as clouds passing by, entering and then leaving, or perhaps leaves in a river is a better imagery for you. Don't all thoughts and feelings move on at some point, even if they return at another? This teaches you to see thoughts and feelings as transitory, and trains you not to dwell on them. This is just a beginning exercise. Check out this book for some more great starter exercises. Remember that a lot of them, maybe even most, might not work for you, but if you find just 3 in the whole book that work well, then it was worth it. And each exercise that doesn't work for you will give you just as much insight into how you operate as the ones that work.

Now I realize that meditation would be very hard for someone like you, that's why I think you should focus your drugs and supplements on things that will help you meditate longer and more peacefully instead of trying to directly fix things. I feel at this point, even if you pinpointed the neurotransmitters, there are so many neuronal connections in your mind reinforcing this thinking that you would still be left with a lot of it the thinking. Thankfully, these things can be reprogrammed and rewired. And once you gut some of the negative thinking and replace it with positive, erasing those connections, I think it will become much more clear which drugs will help you and what neurotransmitters are to blame.

Meditation has had minor effects for some things for me and major effects for others. But what it did above all was obliterate my borderline-OCD. It was never full blown, but I would often spend 3 hours on organizing a single drawer, as each piece of paper in it had to have a clear and defined purpose. This is just one example of the behavior. The meditation showed me intermediate fears between the OCD behavior and the thoughts that would precede those behaviors, and once I saw them, it was a short trip from there to disconnecting the OCD behaviors, as I could now see why I was doing it. I would say that in about 6 months, meditation nuked about 75% of my borderline OCD. Over the next years, another 20% slowly dissipated. I feel like I'm just left with 5% of the original insanity (that's how I felt about it stepping back, as insanity, being it necessary to clean for 6 hours as a prerequisite for doing homework, among many other things), and 5% is a burden I can deal with.

Now let's get into drugs and supplements. The first two recommendations I have may help you both meditate and increase your overall well-being.

1. I am guessing that you more often than not get negative experiences from weed? Me too. THC reduces GABA levels in the brain. A separate cannabinoid in marijuana, CBD, acts as an inverse agonist (this means it has the opposite effect of an agonist [like THC in this case], it doesn't just block it like an antagonist) at the CB2 receptor, and can actually increase GABA levels. I feel this will not only mellow you out, but help you meditate as well. 2 birds, one stone. More awesomely, it's completely legal and can be bought OTC. The most cost efficient way seems to be vaping it, and this is the best price per dose I've found. Some contain as little as 20mg per 10ml. This has 300 per 10. The closest I've seen to that is 50 per 10. If you need advice on setting up a vape, let me know. I have a vape pen, where I build my own coils, do my own cotten, and even make my own juices. Don't know what any of that means? Just ask!

2. Something that's definitely worth trying is OTC Inositol, in large doses of 18g per day. See this and url. It might not be as helpful as a high-dose SSRI (SSRIs need to be around double their standard dose to treat OCD: 80mg of Prozac, 200mg of Zoloft, 80mg of Citalopram, etc...), but it could be beneficial, and anything you can do to reduce OCD in the short term will aide your meditation to take that wiring down in the long term.

Let's look at some things that could help you meditate specifically:

 

1. Rhodiola + Caffine: These two have a strong synergistic effect. Taking 200-500mg of Rhodiola with a cup or two of coffee (start out on the low doses), can give you quite a concentration boost. However, the effect will begin to diminish if you use it every day, so I recommend 2-3 times per week only.

 

2. Clonidine: Since Ritalin didn't help, this might. Instead of stimulating you, it reduces your brain's capacity to be distracted by other stimuli, letting you focus on what you are already focusing on. Might make you a bit sleepy though, but that might be alright if you are mediating. If this works really well for your ADHD, then I would look into Intuniv, something very similar that lasts all day.

3. Aniracetam + Choline Bitartrate:  For some people, increased acetylcholine activity can help with concentration, which is what the *racetams do. I recommend Aniracetam to start wth, first because of its short half-life (1-2.5 hours), which will give you a way to experiment with it even if you get some negative effects along with the positive (since you seem to be sensitive to a lot of substances). Second, Aniracetam seems to effect some systems that other racetams don’t, like the dopamine system, which could improve meditative capacity

Now, something to treat just the underlying neurology:

Amitriptyline: First of all, it has about 1/10 of  the SRI activity of Anafranil, while having twice the NET activity. These two alone things give it a different pharmacological profile already. Unlike Anafranil, Amitriptyline significantly antagonizes the 5HT2a receptor, which can help some with unwanted, repetitive or paranoid thoughts, and even more strongly antagonizes  5HT2c, thereby increasing dopamine in a major pleasure center of the brain (the VTA). However, the main reason for this I am recommending this has nothing to do with the above, but rather its unique agonism at the TrkA and TrkB receptors, the targets of NGF and BDNF. These receptors increase neuronal and dendritic growth, and if you are trying to rewire your mind, amitriptyline could accelerate that, though I admit that that is more on the side of conjecture.

Well, this has been a much longer post than I expected! But, you have a long road ahead of you, and I hope this can give you a starting place. Don’t be afraid to report back after attempting any of this.

Good luck!

Edited by OneScrewLoose, 05 May 2015 - 09:29 AM.

[mandible]

Hi, thanks for your reply.

 

i have no experience with THC.

 

Clonidine isnt available for adhd where I live otherwise I would have tried it.

 

i just started zoloft. i'm at 100mg now.

i will probably move to 200mg in the next few days.

but i'm also a bit scared cause i'm also trying out dexedrine for adhd.

yesterday i took 5mg dexedrine. i didnt dare to take more cause there is a slight chance

of getting serotonin syndrome when you mix ssri + amphetamines which scares me.

this is a real problem cause i have the impression that dexedrine works better than ritalin.

but if i always worry about serotonin syndrome when taking it then this is also not good.

 

you mentioned amitryptiline. the problem which is see here is that mixing a TCA with dexedrine

is probably even more risky than mixing a ssri with it. TCAs alone can already cause QT prolongation.

back when i was trying out anafranil my pdoc told me that i shouldnt take ritalin while i'm on it.

he doesnt seem to have experience with such combos. then he'd also be against mixing a TCA with dexedrine.

 

you mentioned racetams. i dont know anything about them. can they be mixed with ssris? cause if not then this

isnt really an option cause i need some kind of antidepressant even if it's only a crutch. i mean if i went off antidepressants

completely then i'd feel worse. as long as i try out different meds i can at least hope to find something which works. :/

 

i also dont understand why ssris like like lexapro which i took for 4 months at 20mg didnt do anything for me. i have ocd this is for sure.

shouldnt it at least have worked for this? i dont understand why nothing works.

i'm also considering trying other drugs. if antidepressants dont work then i have to try something else.

 

besides the depression i also suffer from inner unrest. everything bothers me. i only feel well when i'm alone. even family members get on my

nerves. i describe this stuff to my doc and hope for an analysis but it's like he cant work with it and it doesnt matter. this is not satisfying.

my theory is that maybe it's too much glutamate. but this is just a theory.

i also saw a psychologist once and this idiot scared me and said it could as well be schizophrenia and that i should get tested for it.

then i went to my doc and he said that this is nonsense.

but this also doesnt help me cause i know that things arent right. i'm just not functionable.

often i have to sit in a dark and quite room simply to come down or walk around outside when it's dark.

I hardly ever have clarity of mind usually only at night when I'm alone and nobody gets on my nerves.

I cant tell how far this is normal. I mean I have so many problems on my mind all the time, maybe this is normal and somebody else would

experience the same in my situation but it's still disabling.

[pheanix997]

How's the dexedrine trial working for you?

[Flex]

Be careful about perresistent sexual side effects due to SSRI /SNRI

 

Have You tried to block 5-ht2a/c ? 

Whats about rhodiola rosea or St. johns wort ? Hypericum is actually not a strong antidepressant but it affects 5 or 6 neurotransmitters.

 

 

[OneScrewLoose]

Hi, thanks for your reply.

 

i have no experience with THC.

 

Clonidine isnt available for adhd where I live otherwise I would have tried it.

 

i just started zoloft. i'm at 100mg now.

i will probably move to 200mg in the next few days.

but i'm also a bit scared cause i'm also trying out dexedrine for adhd.

yesterday i took 5mg dexedrine. i didnt dare to take more cause there is a slight chance

of getting serotonin syndrome when you mix ssri + amphetamines which scares me.

this is a real problem cause i have the impression that dexedrine works better than ritalin.

but if i always worry about serotonin syndrome when taking it then this is also not good.

 

you mentioned amitryptiline. the problem which is see here is that mixing a TCA with dexedrine

is probably even more risky than mixing a ssri with it. TCAs alone can already cause QT prolongation.

back when i was trying out anafranil my pdoc told me that i shouldnt take ritalin while i'm on it.

he doesnt seem to have experience with such combos. then he'd also be against mixing a TCA with dexedrine.

 

you mentioned racetams. i dont know anything about them. can they be mixed with ssris? cause if not then this

isnt really an option cause i need some kind of antidepressant even if it's only a crutch. i mean if i went off antidepressants

completely then i'd feel worse. as long as i try out different meds i can at least hope to find something which works. :/

 

i also dont understand why ssris like like lexapro which i took for 4 months at 20mg didnt do anything for me. i have ocd this is for sure.

shouldnt it at least have worked for this? i dont understand why nothing works.

i'm also considering trying other drugs. if antidepressants dont work then i have to try something else.

 

besides the depression i also suffer from inner unrest. everything bothers me. i only feel well when i'm alone. even family members get on my

nerves. i describe this stuff to my doc and hope for an analysis but it's like he cant work with it and it doesnt matter. this is not satisfying.

my theory is that maybe it's too much glutamate. but this is just a theory.

i also saw a psychologist once and this idiot scared me and said it could as well be schizophrenia and that i should get tested for it.

then i went to my doc and he said that this is nonsense.

but this also doesnt help me cause i know that things arent right. i'm just not functionable.

often i have to sit in a dark and quite room simply to come down or walk around outside when it's dark.

I hardly ever have clarity of mind usually only at night when I'm alone and nobody gets on my nerves.

I cant tell how far this is normal. I mean I have so many problems on my mind all the time, maybe this is normal and somebody else would

experience the same in my situation but it's still disabling.

 

The possibility of serotonin syndrome from amph + SSRIs is only theoretical, and I don't even think there has been a single documented case of this. Not to mention that 5mg of dexedrine is quite low. I was on 60mg of Celexa at one point with a 30mg x3/day prescription of Adderall. No serotonin syndrome to speak of, so don't even begin to worry about that. The serotonin releasing agent aspect of amph is not very potent.

High doses of SSRIs are required to treat OCD, twice the standard dose, until the real effects are seen. So, the standard dose for Zoloft is 100mg, the OCD dose is 200mg. Other examples:

Celexa 40mg/80mg (for OCD)
Paxil 20mg/40mg
Prozac 40mg/80mg
Lexapro 20g/40mg
Luvox 100mg/300mg (this one is actually higher)

So don't be surprised that 100mg of Zoloft isn't treating your OCD yet. And sometimes, that might not work and you'll have to switch to another one, which can be a process.

Clomipramine is the only TCA used in the treatment of OCD, so that would be your only option. It might be the strongest SRI there per dose. TCAs and Adderall are commonly prescribed together. There is no danger of mixing the two, except perhaps with higher doses of desipramine, but that is seldomly prescribed.

Racetams work on completely different mechanisms than those which SSRIs operate on. They are completely safe to be mixed. Do some research on them, especially the history of Piracetam, than come back with any questions you have.

The reason the Lexapro probably didn't help you so much is that the dose needed to treat OCD is 40mg.

That inner unrest is likely related to your OCD. Before tackling that specifically, you need to find which of the SSRIs will be right for you (or clomipramine) and get on a dose that's suitable for the treatment of OCD.

A high dose, 18g per day, of Inositol might help with your OCD. There are studies that show this, type 'OCD inositol' into PubMed if you'd like some more info. It's safe at 18g/day and actually tastes sweet, so it's easy going down.

[mandible]

hello,

i havent taken any dex the past few days. i am absolutely hopeless due to my personal situation which is a long story.

i have never felt that hopeless. the last few days i was only lying in bed. i also cant sleep anymore. i feel totally sick.

 

my doc wants me to switch to vortioxetine he says this is better than zoloft. i dont know what to do now i only took zoloft for a few days.

i also dont know if zoloft might have made me more anxious but it can also have been a coincidence but the last few days i felt very anxious.

 

the thing is, my personal problems are so big no antidepressant can help me with them. if i cannot fix them then no drug in the world can help me.

and it looks like i cannot fix them. i have never felt so hopeless before. i simply have too many problems all at once which all overwhelm me and i cannot

deal with them all.

 

i have been suffering the last 11 years immensely trying to finish my university studies always feeling like my life depends on it. so many times over the years have

i just felt like giving up but i couldnt cause of my age. i had already started other things before and then quit and this was basically my last chance. so i just stuck with it.

i kept dragging myself on year after year always feeling like my life depends on getting the diploma so that i can at least say i finished 1 thing.

and now after all this time my fear has gotten simply too big, the fear of the final exams is so strong that i feel like going insane. i feel like my life depends on finishing

and if i cannot then everything is over. my parents also told me this all the time when i was telling them that i feel like i cant do it they always told me i have to do it

there is no other way. and now i am a total wreck. i have been on antidepressants for years and nothing helps and i feel like i simply cannot do it cause of this insane

fear. i dont know what to do now. i am so ashamed and depressed.

i dont know how to deal with this. just think about this. this would be such a blow how can you recover from something like this?

i am already very depressed now and have been depressed for a long time but if i couldnt finish studying everything would be even worse.

i just feel like it's over.

i have no plan B and i'm way too old (33) to start something new and also way too defeated and also my health is really messed up. i feel like all these years of mental torment

have ruined my body. :(

i also have nothing which i am good at and which i could do for a living. and with my depression i'm also not able to work. and how shall i get out of the depression when everything

is so bad? to me everything seems totally senseless.

i mean i'm sick and this alone drags me down. i have some major things wrong with me. years ago i found out i have a rare genetic syndrome which has been dragging me down ever

since and i am also reminded of it all the time cause the syndrome (birtt hogg dube) causes fibromas on the skin and i see them all the time but the syndrome can also cause kidney

tumors.

for me this was such a blow to find out about this. i mean i have so many health problems and always felt like something is wrong with me but doctors found nothing and always said

i am healthy and then all of a sudden this bad news. it was simply too much to deal with. since then i have been even more depressed.

but besides this syndrome i have many more health issues and no doctor can help me.

 

my bad health already makes me so depressed and drains all my strength and when i at the same time have nothing in life but only sorrows and fears then how shall i do this?

every time i am reminded of my problems i become totally overwhelmed and then i am depressed for days. this way it's impossible to function or do any work. i dont know how

i shall survive on my own. i'm simply not functionable. my GAD is also a huge problem.

i have had this since being a child. everything scared me. the world scares me. having to work in a job scares me. i tried to escape it all by going to the university.

the bottom line is i'm not functionable. a psychologist also told me this once. i also sense it. i am so damn scared and have no inner strength at all.

 

 

[pheanix997]

hello,

i havent taken any dex the past few days. i am absolutely hopeless due to my personal situation which is a long story.

i have never felt that hopeless. the last few days i was only lying in bed. i also cant sleep anymore. i feel totally sick.

 

my doc wants me to switch to vortioxetine he says this is better than zoloft. i dont know what to do now i only took zoloft for a few days.

i also dont know if zoloft might have made me more anxious but it can also have been a coincidence but the last few days i felt very anxious.

 

the thing is, my personal problems are so big no antidepressant can help me with them. if i cannot fix them then no drug in the world can help me.

and it looks like i cannot fix them. i have never felt so hopeless before. i simply have too many problems all at once which all overwhelm me and i cannot

deal with them all.

 

i have been suffering the last 11 years immensely trying to finish my university studies always feeling like my life depends on it. so many times over the years have

i just felt like giving up but i couldnt cause of my age. i had already started other things before and then quit and this was basically my last chance. so i just stuck with it.

i kept dragging myself on year after year always feeling like my life depends on getting the diploma so that i can at least say i finished 1 thing.

and now after all this time my fear has gotten simply too big, the fear of the final exams is so strong that i feel like going insane. i feel like my life depends on finishing

and if i cannot then everything is over. my parents also told me this all the time when i was telling them that i feel like i cant do it they always told me i have to do it

there is no other way. and now i am a total wreck. i have been on antidepressants for years and nothing helps and i feel like i simply cannot do it cause of this insane

fear. i dont know what to do now. i am so ashamed and depressed.

i dont know how to deal with this. just think about this. this would be such a blow how can you recover from something like this?

i am already very depressed now and have been depressed for a long time but if i couldnt finish studying everything would be even worse.

i just feel like it's over.

i have no plan B and i'm way too old (33) to start something new and also way too defeated and also my health is really messed up. i feel like all these years of mental torment

have ruined my body. :(

i also have nothing which i am good at and which i could do for a living. and with my depression i'm also not able to work. and how shall i get out of the depression when everything

is so bad? to me everything seems totally senseless.

i mean i'm sick and this alone drags me down. i have some major things wrong with me. years ago i found out i have a rare genetic syndrome which has been dragging me down ever

since and i am also reminded of it all the time cause the syndrome (birtt hogg dube) causes fibromas on the skin and i see them all the time but the syndrome can also cause kidney

tumors.

for me this was such a blow to find out about this. i mean i have so many health problems and always felt like something is wrong with me but doctors found nothing and always said

i am healthy and then all of a sudden this bad news. it was simply too much to deal with. since then i have been even more depressed.

but besides this syndrome i have many more health issues and no doctor can help me.

 

my bad health already makes me so depressed and drains all my strength and when i at the same time have nothing in life but only sorrows and fears then how shall i do this?

every time i am reminded of my problems i become totally overwhelmed and then i am depressed for days. this way it's impossible to function or do any work. i dont know how

i shall survive on my own. i'm simply not functionable. my GAD is also a huge problem.

i have had this since being a child. everything scared me. the world scares me. having to work in a job scares me. i tried to escape it all by going to the university.

the bottom line is i'm not functionable. a psychologist also told me this once. i also sense it. i am so damn scared and have no inner strength at all.

You gotta clean up the paragraphs bro. I want to read it but it's too straining on the eyes lol. I'm guessing you wrote this on your phone.. 

[mandible]

I hope this is better. No i wrote it on the computer.

 

 

hello,

i havent taken any dex the past few days. i am absolutely hopeless due to my personal situation which is a long story.

i have never felt that hopeless. the last few days i was only lying in bed. i also cant sleep anymore. i feel totally sick.

 

my doc wants me to switch to vortioxetine he says this is better than zoloft. i dont know what to do now i only took zoloft for a few days.

i also dont know if zoloft might have made me more anxious but it can also have been a coincidence but the last few days i felt very anxious.

 

the thing is, my personal problems are so big no antidepressant can help me with them.

if i cannot fix them then no drug in the world can help me.

and it looks like i cannot fix them. i have never felt so hopeless before.

i simply have too many problems all at once which all overwhelm me and i cannot

deal with them all.

 

i have been suffering the last 11 years immensely trying to finish my university studies always feeling like my

life depends on it. so many times over the years have

i just felt like giving up but i couldnt cause of my age. i had already started other things before and then quit

and this was basically my last chance.

so i just stuck with it.

i kept dragging myself on year after year always feeling like my life depends on getting the diploma so that i can at least say i finished 1 thing.

and now after all this time my fear has gotten simply too big, the fear of the final exams is so strong that i feel like going insane.

i feel like my life depends on finishing

and if i cannot then everything is over.

my parents also told me this all the time when i was telling them that i feel like

i cant do it they always told me i have to do it

there is no other way. and now i am a total wreck.

i have been on antidepressants for years and nothing helps and i feel like i simply cannot do it cause of this insane

fear. i dont know what to do now. i am so ashamed and depressed.

 

i dont know how to deal with this. just think about this. this would be such a blow how can you recover from something like this?

i am already very depressed now and have been depressed for a

long time but if i couldnt finish studying everything would be even worse. i just feel like it's over.

i have no plan B and i'm way too old (33) to start something new and also way too defeated and also

my health is really messed up. i feel like all these years of mental torment have ruined my body. :(

i also have nothing which i am good at and which i could do for a living. and with my depression i'm also not able to work.

and how shall i get out of the depression when everything

is so bad? to me everything seems totally senseless.

 

i mean i'm sick and this alone drags me down. i have some major things wrong with me. years ago i found out i have a

rare genetic syndrome which has been dragging me down ever

since and i am also reminded of it all the time cause the syndrome (birtt hogg dube) causes fibromas on the skin and

i see them all the time but the syndrome can also cause kidney tumors.

for me this was such a blow to find out about this. i mean i have so many health problems and always felt like something

is wrong with me but doctors found nothing and always said

i am healthy and then all of a sudden this bad news. it was simply too much to deal with.

since then i have been even more depressed.

but besides this syndrome i have many more health issues and no doctor can help me.

 

my bad health already makes me so depressed and drains all my strength and when i at the same time have

nothing in life but only sorrows and fears then how shall i do this?

every time i am reminded of my problems i become totally overwhelmed and then i am depressed for days.

this way it's impossible to function or do any work. i dont know how

i shall survive on my own. i'm simply not functionable. my GAD is also a huge problem.

i have had this since being a child. everything scared me. the world scares me. having to work in a job scares me.

i tried to escape it all by going to the university. the bottom line is i'm not functionable. a psychologist also told me this once.

i also sense it.  i am so damn scared and have no inner strength at all.

 

Edited by mandible, 21 May 2015 - 06:43 PM.

[mandible]

Be careful about perresistent sexual side effects due to SSRI /SNRI

 

Have You tried to block 5-ht2a/c ? 

Whats about rhodiola rosea or St. johns wort ? Hypericum is actually not a strong antidepressant but it affects 5 or 6 neurotransmitters.

 

No I havent tried SJW. The problem with SJW is it has many interactions. SJW + amphetamines would porbably not work.4

I really dont even know what to do and what to target wether I should target depression alone or depression + adhd.

 

I mean now where I know I have adhd I also am scared of going unmedicated. I cant say how much damage adhd caused in my life.

I cant say if I would have done better with the proper meds or not.

[pheanix997]

 

I hope this is better. No i wrote it on the computer.

 

 

hello,

i havent taken any dex the past few days. i am absolutely hopeless due to my personal situation which is a long story.

i have never felt that hopeless. the last few days i was only lying in bed. i also cant sleep anymore. i feel totally sick.

 

my doc wants me to switch to vortioxetine he says this is better than zoloft. i dont know what to do now i only took zoloft for a few days.

i also dont know if zoloft might have made me more anxious but it can also have been a coincidence but the last few days i felt very anxious.

 

the thing is, my personal problems are so big no antidepressant can help me with them.

if i cannot fix them then no drug in the world can help me.

and it looks like i cannot fix them. i have never felt so hopeless before.

i simply have too many problems all at once which all overwhelm me and i cannot

deal with them all.

 

i have been suffering the last 11 years immensely trying to finish my university studies always feeling like my

life depends on it. so many times over the years have

i just felt like giving up but i couldnt cause of my age. i had already started other things before and then quit

and this was basically my last chance.

so i just stuck with it.

i kept dragging myself on year after year always feeling like my life depends on getting the diploma so that i can at least say i finished 1 thing.

and now after all this time my fear has gotten simply too big, the fear of the final exams is so strong that i feel like going insane.

i feel like my life depends on finishing

and if i cannot then everything is over.

my parents also told me this all the time when i was telling them that i feel like

i cant do it they always told me i have to do it

there is no other way. and now i am a total wreck.

i have been on antidepressants for years and nothing helps and i feel like i simply cannot do it cause of this insane

fear. i dont know what to do now. i am so ashamed and depressed.

 

i dont know how to deal with this. just think about this. this would be such a blow how can you recover from something like this?

i am already very depressed now and have been depressed for a

long time but if i couldnt finish studying everything would be even worse. i just feel like it's over.

i have no plan B and i'm way too old (33) to start something new and also way too defeated and also

my health is really messed up. i feel like all these years of mental torment have ruined my body. :(

i also have nothing which i am good at and which i could do for a living. and with my depression i'm also not able to work.

and how shall i get out of the depression when everything

is so bad? to me everything seems totally senseless.

 

i mean i'm sick and this alone drags me down. i have some major things wrong with me. years ago i found out i have a

rare genetic syndrome which has been dragging me down ever

since and i am also reminded of it all the time cause the syndrome (birtt hogg dube) causes fibromas on the skin and

i see them all the time but the syndrome can also cause kidney tumors.

for me this was such a blow to find out about this. i mean i have so many health problems and always felt like something

is wrong with me but doctors found nothing and always said

i am healthy and then all of a sudden this bad news. it was simply too much to deal with.

since then i have been even more depressed.

but besides this syndrome i have many more health issues and no doctor can help me.

 

my bad health already makes me so depressed and drains all my strength and when i at the same time have

nothing in life but only sorrows and fears then how shall i do this?

every time i am reminded of my problems i become totally overwhelmed and then i am depressed for days.

this way it's impossible to function or do any work. i dont know how

i shall survive on my own. i'm simply not functionable. my GAD is also a huge problem.

i have had this since being a child. everything scared me. the world scares me. having to work in a job scares me.

i tried to escape it all by going to the university. the bottom line is i'm not functionable. a psychologist also told me this once.

i also sense it.  i am so damn scared and have no inner strength at all.

 

Your doctors might be right and there might be nothing wrong with your health. Therapy would help. Do you think you were born scared of the world or do you think your upbringing caused that? And having no inner strength to solve your problems is frightening and you should really see a professional for help. 

[mandible]

I have tried various therapists and it was totally useless. Besides this what shall a therapist say to me to help me in my situation?
I really dont know. 

[pamojja]

Your doctors might be right and there might be nothing wrong with your health. Therapy would help. Do you think you were born scared of the world or do you think your upbringing caused that? And having no inner strength to solve your problems is frightening and you should really see a professional for help.

I have tried various therapists and it was totally useless. Besides this what shall a therapist say to me to help me in my situation?
I really dont know. 

 

I understand it can be very hard to find good therapist, and how frustrating it can be to be disappointed again and again. The odds of finding one are just a bid better by not giving up.

 

A therapist doesn't have to say much. He may ask questions and then listens silently. In such a process it would be you who found partial answers first, and - with the strength which may come in the company of the other - might see more implications with all the visceral unpleasant feelings that come with it. You even might notice the fearlessness too - which already is noticeable in your posts - in acknowledging your situation with all that terrible it entails. And with all this elements in place something completely new may be perceptible grow out of all of that. (Grossly simplified and usually taking many more sessions; any explanation can not substitute for the actual experience of such subtle inner processes unfolding)
 

 

 

Edited by pamojja, 22 May 2015 - 02:07 PM.

[pheanix997]

I have tried various therapists and it was totally useless. Besides this what shall a therapist say to me to help me in my situation?
I really dont know. 

Well a good one would review your childhood and help you understand how you came to be this way. Not everything can be fixed by altering brain chemicals. When you're aware of your patterns and how you got there you can step out of them. Sometimes our patterns become so fixed and part of who we are that we don't question them and just chalk them up to "that's just how I am," like a fish who doesn't know it's swimming in water. A narcissist really don't believe he's a narcissist; his worldview is all he knows. A person with undiagnosed ADD will think they're normal and think everyone else experiences the world like they do. People with obsessive compulsive personality really believe in their routines and don't see what is the problem. 

 

Gaining a different perspective on your problems is the first step to changing them. That's why people take psychedelics for personal growth; it lets them view themselves from a detached, bird's eye perspective. Which can be painful at the same time it's enlightening. Therapy is similar if you find a good therapist, which is hard.

[mandible]

A therapist who only listens doesnt help me. I know this. Talking about my problems only makes me feel worse.

 

And I also dont have time for depth therapy which takes years! I cannot go fishing in my childhood for years.

I dont have this time anymore. I needed something which helps fast.

 

 

[OneScrewLoose]

So you started on 100mg of Zoloft? Zoloft takes up to five weeks to work, my friend. A few days isn't going to tell you squat. If you need immediate relief, I would order these supplements:

5-HTP
EGCG
Inositol
L-DOPA

I wouldn't expect miracles, but I would expect some relief much quicker than 5 weeks, closer to 2-4 days. Then when you get a better foundation you can evaluate what pharmaceuticals might be best for you.

The Inositol has shown to help with OCD at 18g per day. This is safe at this dose, and it tastes sweet so it goes down easy, I linked to the 1kg package, so you get a lot for your money. That would give you 55 days worth.

The 5-HTP needs to be taken with EGCG so it gets to the brain, and doesn't turn to serotonin in the body. It will also do the same for L-Dopa, preventing it from turning to dopamine before it reaches the brain. This is because both 5-HTP and L-Dopa are converted by the same enzyme, L-Amino Acid Decarboxylase, which is inhibited by EGCG.

Don't start the L-Dopa with the other rights away, however. Give the Insositol and 5-HTP a few days first, because L-Dopa may help quite a bit, but it also has the potential to make some of your symptoms worse, so you need to try that without any other variables changing.

This should help ease the pain, and then you can move on from there.

On top of this, if you can manage it, I highly recommend starting meditation for just 5 days per day. To me, meditation and medication do the same thing: change the chemical state of your brain. Meditation is a powerful tool to add on to this, and it was extremely effective for my borderline OCD tendencies I had, more than any other issue I dealt with (it exposed fears that I couldn't see that instigated and/or amplified the obsessions and compulsions). Here's someting I wrote to someone else:

As for meditation, I recommend that this be your first exercise:

http://bit.ly/1dh50vz

Do it just just 5 minutes per day, 10 if you're really enjoy it. The point isn't to make your mind work like this all the time, but just to have it work like this for a moment.

I highly recommend that book "The Meditation Bible," btw. I've had it for years and it's great. All the exercises are just 2 pages, like that one, and are amazingly easy to follow. BTW, meditation does not have to be sitting, or in any position. You just have to be sitting/stand/laying/aligned in such way that you can focus on the exercise (which is why I don't often meditate laying down).

I recommend the same exercise for you. Good luck, and hold on man. If you need any advice, just post, and we'll keep talking in PM.

P.S. Don't combine the 5-HTP with the Zoloft.

[pamojja]

 

Your doctors might be right and there might be nothing wrong with your health. Therapy would help. Do you think you were born scared of the world or do you think your upbringing caused that? And having no inner strength to solve your problems is frightening and you should really see a professional for help.

I have tried various therapists and it was totally useless. Besides this what shall a therapist say to me to help me in my situation?
I really dont know. 

 

...A therapist doesn't have to say much. He may ask questions and then listens silently. In such a process it would be you who found partial answers first, and - with the strength which may come in the company of the other - might see more implications with all the visceral unpleasant feelings that come with it. You even might notice the fearlessness too ..

 

A therapist who only listens doesnt help me. I know this. Talking about my problems only makes me feel worse.

 

And I also dont have time for depth therapy which takes years! I cannot go fishing in my childhood for years.

I dont have this time anymore. I needed something which helps fast.

 

 

Didn't you ask in the title of this thread:

 

 

Pdocs don't pay attention to my symptoms, feeling damn lost

 

Ok. You don't want to explore causes with a depth therapist, you don't want the understanding from an emphatically listening talk therapist.

 

You just want to get rid of the symptoms and not face the pain which caused the symptoms?

 

Guess a good sedative and never having an own life would help? - Ask yourself.

[mandible]

@ OSL

 

My concern with taking supplements for depression is how do I know if they are safe? With drugs at least I know the side effects and interactions.

 

For example how do I know if I can take a benzo if I need one when I'm on 5HTP and all that?

 

And why do you think L-Dopa is more effective than dexedrine? I mean if dexedrine doesn't help me with depression why should L-Dopa?

 

And doesnt 5HTP cause heart valve issues? I once read about that and then I didnt dare to try it.

 

 

[pheanix997]

 

 

Your doctors might be right and there might be nothing wrong with your health. Therapy would help. Do you think you were born scared of the world or do you think your upbringing caused that? And having no inner strength to solve your problems is frightening and you should really see a professional for help.

I have tried various therapists and it was totally useless. Besides this what shall a therapist say to me to help me in my situation?
I really dont know. 

 

...A therapist doesn't have to say much. He may ask questions and then listens silently. In such a process it would be you who found partial answers first, and - with the strength which may come in the company of the other - might see more implications with all the visceral unpleasant feelings that come with it. You even might notice the fearlessness too ..

 

A therapist who only listens doesnt help me. I know this. Talking about my problems only makes me feel worse.

 

And I also dont have time for depth therapy which takes years! I cannot go fishing in my childhood for years.

I dont have this time anymore. I needed something which helps fast.

 

 

Didn't you ask in the title of this thread:

 

 

Pdocs don't pay attention to my symptoms, feeling damn lost

 

Ok. You don't want to explore causes with a depth therapist, you don't want the understanding from an emphatically listening talk therapist.

 

You just want to get rid of the symptoms and not face the pain which caused the symptoms?

 

Guess a good sedative and never having an own life would help? - Ask yourself.

 

I agree with this... if you don't want to face your pain then just go to sleep with a tranquilizer and erase the past. Just make sure you shut down your frontal lobes, don't do any thinking, don't grow stronger as a person. Nobody has time for that. 

[mandible]

If you had taken the time to actually read my stuff you'd see that in my situation I dont have 2 years for depth therapy to feel better.

I needed something which helps me overcome my fears asap. But I guess it's easier to just pull a quick idea out of the hat and then bash me for

not agreeing with it.

 

Edited by mandible, 23 May 2015 - 04:10 PM.

[OneScrewLoose]

 

If you had taken the time to actually read my stuff you'd see that in my situation I dont have 2 years for depth therapy to feel better.

I needed something which helps me overcome my fears asap. But I guess it's easier to just pull a quick idea out of the hat and then bash me for

not agreeing with it.

 

EGCG prevents the 5-HTP from converting to Serotonin in the body, thus preventing any heart issues. It's perfectly safe to take with a benzo.

 

L-Dopa will make the dexedrine stronger, so be careful with the dose. It can still be safe however. Like I said though, don't start the L-Dopa right away.

 

They're kind of being dicks, but their right. You need to take a multi-faceted approach, including therapy and meditation. I'm giving you a way for some short-term relief, but you need a long term plan as well.

Edited by OneScrewLoose, 23 May 2015 - 06:09 PM.

[pheanix997]

 

 

If you had taken the time to actually read my stuff you'd see that in my situation I dont have 2 years for depth therapy to feel better.

I needed something which helps me overcome my fears asap. But I guess it's easier to just pull a quick idea out of the hat and then bash me for

not agreeing with it.

 

EGCG prevents the 5-HTP from converting to Serotonin in the body, thus preventing any heart issues. It's perfectly safe to take with a benzo.

 

L-Dopa will make the dexedrine stronger, so be careful with the dose. It can still be safe however. Like I said though, don't start the L-Dopa right away.

 

They're kind of being dicks, but their right. You need to take a multi-faceted approach, including therapy and meditation. I'm giving you a way for some short-term relief, but you need a long term plan as well.

 

Didn't mean to be a dick, so sorry about being harsh :P.

 

OneScrewLoose is right, you need a long-term plan. It makes me uncomfortable picturing someone treating their problems solely with a chemical cocktail. I'm not saying don't look for short-term relief, but try to stay on a low-dose so you still feel your pain and you can work through it, while at the same time it keeps you from getting worse.

I think too many people keep upping the dose of whatever medication their taking until all their problems are washed away. It makes me think of a lobotomized patient, where the past no longer matters and you no longer have any incentive to understand your suffering, because it's gone. You can now float through life. 

I'm not anti-psychiatry at all. I'm just also very pro-therapy. 

[pamojja]

You just want to get rid of the symptoms and not face the pain which caused the symptoms?

 

Guess a good sedative and never having an own life would help? - Ask yourself.

 

If you had taken the time to actually read my stuff you'd see that in my situation I dont have 2 years for depth therapy to feel better.

I needed something which helps me overcome my fears asap. But I guess it's easier to just pull a quick idea out of the hat and then bash me for

not agreeing with it.

 

 

That's why I formulated - what you mistakingly perceive as bashing - as a question. A very important you owe to answer only to yourself.

 

I did read your stuff and one big question which kept coming to my mind was: What are your preconscious secondary benefits from such a self-defeating attitude? - Again, this is not a question to answer on a public forum, but one you owe yourself and future wellbeing.

 

Just to give you an example of a possible (but likely wrong) answer, again in form of a question: What does failing your final exam prevent you from? Or: How would you or parents benefit from such a situation or 'failure'?

 

My, again probably wrong, impression is, maybe you precociously want something completely different and more challenging from you life than the successful final exams would determine you to?

 

Just maybe, maybe you already wasted too many years?

[mandible]

I have tried 4 therapists and was always hopeful and then realized that it totally sucks. Every time after "therapy" I felt worse cause I noticed how little this helps me.

I don't think I will ever try therapy again. The chances of finding a therapist who is good and cares are simply too slim. Talking to a jerk who just sits there and looks at his watch doesn't help me.

 

And then I saw one who told me I'm so messed up that no drug can help me ONLY his depth therapy can help me and this will take years. loool!

He didn't even know what wellbutrin was and he was a psychiatrist. And all of my physical issues he simply labeled as psychosomatic. How does this shit help me?

Maybe you missed it but I wrote down the name of the genetic syndrome. This clearly is not psychosomatic. Shit like this only angers me.

He also didn't seem to be affected at all by my sad story which was also a bad sign.

Usually a person which cares a bit should be affected or show some concern.

 

I dont know what to do now. I only know that therapy is something I'm done with. I cant stand to go to therapists and then realize that they absolutely suck. This only creates more stress

and anger. Even figuring out if a therapist is good or not takes multiple visits and after each visit I'm upset and can't really decide wether he sucks or not. I have experienced this time and time

again. In the end therapy only made me feel worse.

 

It's simply naive to think that going to a therapist is the solution. People always say stuff like you need therapy as if this was the magic cure. I used to think that but I quickly realized that this is

just a waste of time. Also antidepressants are a disappointment. I think that somebody who has always been depressed can't be helped by drugs. They cant change my personality. I wish

they could and just turn me into a happy person which doesnt think about how senseless everything is. I wish I could just think like most people which obviously do not even get these thoughts

but I cant.

 

 

[mandible]

EGCG prevents the 5-HTP from converting to Serotonin in the body, thus preventing any heart issues. It's perfectly safe to take with a benzo.

 

L-Dopa will make the dexedrine stronger, so be careful with the dose. It can still be safe however. Like I said though, don't start the L-Dopa right away.

 

 

And how do I know how much ECGC and 5HTP I would need?

 

With drugs at least I know how much to take and what to look out for.

 

And why should 5HTP work better than a SSRI?

 

Since I just started with vortioxetine I'm gonna give it a chance and take it for a few weeks.

I ordered some inositol. Could it be taken at the same time?

 

I'd be far more willing to try supplements if there wasn't this whole issue with drug interactions.

[pheanix997]

I have tried 4 therapists and was always hopeful and then realized that it totally sucks. Every time after "therapy" I felt worse cause I noticed how little this helps me.

I don't think I will ever try therapy again. The chances of finding a therapist who is good and cares are simply too slim. Talking to a jerk who just sits there and looks at his watch doesn't help me.

 

And then I saw one who told me I'm so messed up that no drug can help me ONLY his depth therapy can help me and this will take years. loool!

He didn't even know what wellbutrin was and he was a psychiatrist. And all of my physical issues he simply labeled as psychosomatic. How does this shit help me?

Maybe you missed it but I wrote down the name of the genetic syndrome. This clearly is not psychosomatic. Shit like this only angers me.

He also didn't seem to be affected at all by my sad story which was also a bad sign.

Usually a person which cares a bit should be affected or show some concern.

 

I dont know what to do now. I only know that therapy is something I'm done with. I cant stand to go to therapists and then realize that they absolutely suck. This only creates more stress

and anger. Even figuring out if a therapist is good or not takes multiple visits and after each visit I'm upset and can't really decide wether he sucks or not. I have experienced this time and time

again. In the end therapy only made me feel worse.

 

It's simply naive to think that going to a therapist is the solution. People always say stuff like you need therapy as if this was the magic cure. I used to think that but I quickly realized that this is

just a waste of time. Also antidepressants are a disappointment. I think that somebody who has always been depressed can't be helped by drugs. They cant change my personality. I wish

they could and just turn me into a happy person which doesnt think about how senseless everything is. I wish I could just think like most people which obviously do not even get these thoughts

but I cant.

You have to keep looking for a good therapist with good credentials and understanding of depth therapy - or you can teach it to yourself. How is this not worth it? It's your life and happiness you're talking about. 

 

And no, it's not naive to think that therapy is a solution. Nobody is saying "magic cure," it seems that that's what YOU seem to be looking for though.

Edited by pheanix997, 26 May 2015 - 02:19 AM.

[OneScrewLoose]

 

EGCG prevents the 5-HTP from converting to Serotonin in the body, thus preventing any heart issues. It's perfectly safe to take with a benzo.

 

L-Dopa will make the dexedrine stronger, so be careful with the dose. It can still be safe however. Like I said though, don't start the L-Dopa right away.

 

 

And how do I know how much ECGC and 5HTP I would need?

 

With drugs at least I know how much to take and what to look out for.

 

And why should 5HTP work better than a SSRI?

 

Since I just started with vortioxetine I'm gonna give it a chance and take it for a few weeks.

I ordered some inositol. Could it be taken at the same time?

 

I'd be far more willing to try supplements if there wasn't this whole issue with drug interactions.

 

Usually 100g of 5HTP and 500mg of EGCG. 5HTP wouldn't work better than an SSRI, you just seemed to be impatient with SSRI (Sertraline for only a few days is ridiculous), so I suggested this as an alternative.

I think Vortioxetine is a great medication. Just be patient and give it the full 5 weeks. But some its effects start right away through its 5HT1a agonist mechanism. Do not take this with 5HTP.

This will not interact with inositol, and I think the combination of the two might work great.

 

I have to ask, once you ease the immediate pain, due you plan to explore things like therapy, meditation, exercise and other non-pharmacological approaches, in addition to what you're already doing?

Edited by OneScrewLoose, 26 May 2015 - 06:08 AM.

[mandible]

I'm not doing anything.

I have no plans or visions. I feel pretty helpless on my own.

I am sure other people if they were in my shoes could reach more than me. But I really dont know what to do.

I cannot even decide what I would like to do in life. I would like to do something which I like or which at least doesnt stress me out even more.

But I cannot even figure out what I want to do. If I could have figured that out I would not have made so many bad choices.

For me every day is the same. I'm trapped in the same destructive routines and helplessness.

 

@ pheanix

 

WHat exactly is depth therapy supposed to do? I mean I could spend YEARS going to a therapist and then talk about my childhood.

My parents got divorced when I was 6. Sure this was bad for me. But is THIS the explanation for all my issues? I dont think so. Already before the divorce

I had anxieties. How shall I figure out the "real cause" of my anxieties? Even if I figure it out what does it change?

I really dont understand how depth therapy is supposed to help. ANd like I said I am in a place where I needed something which helps me function ASAP

and NOT in years from now. I am facing my final exams and if I cant somehow find a way to pass them and deal with the huge fear which I have then it's basically

over then depth therapy also cant save me. I have a lot of issues and I cant afford talking to a therapist about all of them cause this would take years or decades and

it's not sure if it would even help me one bit. Of course a therapist wants to have patients which he can treat for years and years. He profits from this.

 

[OneScrewLoose]

I'm not doing anything.

I have no plans or visions. I feel pretty helpless on my own.

I am sure other people if they were in my shoes could reach more than me. But I really dont know what to do.

I cannot even decide what I would like to do in life. I would like to do something which I like or which at least doesnt stress me out even more.

But I cannot even figure out what I want to do. If I could have figured that out I would not have made so many bad choices.

For me every day is the same. I'm trapped in the same destructive routines and helplessness.

 

@ pheanix

 

WHat exactly is depth therapy supposed to do? I mean I could spend YEARS going to a therapist and then talk about my childhood.

My parents got divorced when I was 6. Sure this was bad for me. But is THIS the explanation for all my issues? I dont think so. Already before the divorce

I had anxieties. How shall I figure out the "real cause" of my anxieties? Even if I figure it out what does it change?

I really dont understand how depth therapy is supposed to help. ANd like I said I am in a place where I needed something which helps me function ASAP

and NOT in years from now. I am facing my final exams and if I cant somehow find a way to pass them and deal with the huge fear which I have then it's basically

over then depth therapy also cant save me. I have a lot of issues and I cant afford talking to a therapist about all of them cause this would take years or decades and

it's not sure if it would even help me one bit. Of course a therapist wants to have patients which he can treat for years and years. He profits from this.

I have no plans or visions. I feel pretty helpless on my own.

 

Perhaps this is at the root of your problem. Who says you have to have any plans or visions? Why can't you just sit back for a bit and see where life takes you? A lot of Americans/Westerners don't realize that having these intense, elaborate goals are an American/Western cultural expectation that doesn't necessarily exist in other cultures.

You don't need to accomplish anything right now. Hell, you don't 'need' to accomplish anything in your life. Why is that a requirement? Make your plan and your vision to be alright with yourself and your existence, and then see what happens from there.
 

[pheanix997]

I'm not doing anything.

I have no plans or visions. I feel pretty helpless on my own.

I am sure other people if they were in my shoes could reach more than me. But I really dont know what to do.

I cannot even decide what I would like to do in life. I would like to do something which I like or which at least doesnt stress me out even more.

But I cannot even figure out what I want to do. If I could have figured that out I would not have made so many bad choices.

For me every day is the same. I'm trapped in the same destructive routines and helplessness.

 

@ pheanix

 

WHat exactly is depth therapy supposed to do? I mean I could spend YEARS going to a therapist and then talk about my childhood.

My parents got divorced when I was 6. Sure this was bad for me. But is THIS the explanation for all my issues? I dont think so. Already before the divorce

I had anxieties. How shall I figure out the "real cause" of my anxieties? Even if I figure it out what does it change?

I really dont understand how depth therapy is supposed to help. ANd like I said I am in a place where I needed something which helps me function ASAP

and NOT in years from now. I am facing my final exams and if I cant somehow find a way to pass them and deal with the huge fear which I have then it's basically

over then depth therapy also cant save me. I have a lot of issues and I cant afford talking to a therapist about all of them cause this would take years or decades and

it's not sure if it would even help me one bit. Of course a therapist wants to have patients which he can treat for years and years. He profits from this.

A good therapist would help you understand why you feel like you have no direction, no goals, and feel so helpless. And how you can change that, essentially overcoming a developmental arrest. It's not normal to feel helpless and as you say "have no idea what to do next." Those are the worries of a child who is stuck in a dependent phase who hasn't yet individuated. When a person individuates and moves out into the wider world to master the environment, discover their interests and strengths and build an identity around that, the thought of "being helpless and not knowing what to do next" doesn't cross their minds - because their gradual mastery of the world and relationships gives them enough pleasure and incentive.

 

If you fear the world, of course you're not going to know what to do next, because you're stuck. A dependent child doesn't know what to do because his parents controlled his world. Then, something happens (either tragically or chronically) that leaves the child in that stage of development even as he becomes an adult. So essentially a large part of his operation is that of a scared child who can't make sense of the world because he never developed yet to that point. Things in the family weren't safe enough; he was abandoned; his parents did everything; or his attempts at individuation and separation into a confident person were either ignored or suppressed by people who wanted to keep the child in a helpless state so as not to move too far away from them. 

Without therapy, a person's personality remains stuck in developmental mud, not knowing how it got there and what specific steps need to taken to grow beyond the current role/ script/ circumstances you find yourself in. But that's just one aspect; brain science is just as important, but it can't grow you as a human being! There's a misconception about therapy that there's one traumatic event (e.g. parents divorcing) that screws a person up. It's not neat like that. Uncovering "memories" don't heal you - overcoming your PATTERNS does. 

Edited by pheanix997, 31 May 2015 - 04:08 PM.