Ever since damage done to me over a decade ago from Accutane and ECT I have had severe long term memory issues. Great difficulty retaining new memories. Whatever experiences I have had over the past 12 years are a blur. Any relationships, friendships, joys, hardships... they would be buried away somewhere and difficult to access. Once in a rare while I have some subtle retention here and there depending what supplements/meds I am taking or time of day, but overall it's a very amensia-like existence.
For instance. I just recently started watching some old seasons of Survivor as a means to try and entertain myself as I work on my issues with deep anhedonia, low energy, melancholic depression, negativity, and low estrogen + low testosterone issues. And while I watched so many of these before over the years I cannot remember any of the winners. I would start a season and it all seems so fresh to me. Except the one season which I watched (the first) before Accutane and before ECT. Everything else would be a huge blur. This is just an example though. If I didn't constantly write things down I would be absolutely lost in the world. There is a girl I loved so immensely about 5 years ago and I honestly have intense difficulty remembering hardly Anything we ever did together during the many times we were together, nor can I hardly remember anything about her as a person. I have a general perception of people which I can recall but specific events are sometimes impossible. We shared so many memories but these are not memories I am able to recall. It is brutal.
Excuse my not so intelligent style of writing. I had taken some gabapentin and it helps makes me social but makes me feel significantly less intelligible.
What options do I have to improve my long term memory retention? Glutamate enhancement? Racetams I do not enjoy as they slow down time perception to a crawl in me usually.
Furthermore I develop intense short term memory issues while standing or physically exerting myself. This may relate to orthostatic intolerance as my pulse goes from 60 to 110 while standing and I tend to feel dizzy and reallyyy worn out if I am standing for a bit too long. Surely some circulation issues. I could be at the grocery store and know what I want to buy and then everything gets muddy rapidly. Foggy, and my information processing slows down intensely. Becomes so difficult to read. This may be due to adrenal exhaustion as I have low cortisol but Chronic Fatigue Syndrome symptoms I have had for years. Not to mention possible hypoglycemia, dehydration, or blood sugar fluctuations. Cognitive issues with me have been severe in general and I would just like any advice on how I can improve myself. I honestly find it difficult to even communicate with people on a basic level much of the time. The time when my mind flows most freely is usually when I am sitting in the shower and the water is flowing around me. My body's circulation I assume improves in this state and things just come much more naturally to me. Then I quickly get worn out mentally once I am out of the shower. Back to feeling like a slow minded zombie with no interests.
Edited by AlexCanada, 01 May 2015 - 09:44 PM.