Update: After about a week of daily TAU dosing at 100mg, I started noticing extreme spells of sadness that would last a few hours. Then I started having suicidal thoughts which is not characteristic of me. I ceased both Uridine and Modafinil immediately and started taking Saint Johns Wort at 900mg for two days along with B-Vitamins and Tryptophan at night. I know that SJW after a week of prolonged use gives me symptoms of hypomania, so it's not a long-term solution, but it is somewhat effective in the short term.
Feeling a bit better now, although I still have little motivation to do much except stare at the ceiling. But at least the despair is gone, replaced by exhaustion and apathy, but not sadness. I'm not sure why this happened, as everything I read shows Uridine as a treatment for depression and even stabilizing mood in bipolar disorders, but this was not my experience. It could have possibly been the interaction between the Uridine and the Modafinil, but given that I've now lost 4 days of my life, including the holiday where I wasn't "present" and was so miserable that I couldn't leave the house much to the disappointment of my family, I'm hesitant to try it again. Tomorrow, I'll resume Modafinil again as it's the only thing that significantly helped motivation and focus for task saliency. Since I have people depending on me, I cannot afford to lay around like a slug all the time and anhedonia is not an option. I just hope that it wasn't the Modafinil that caused the depressive symptoms. I have been taken 100mg 1-2x per day for the last month with good results until this last incident.
This is only my anecdotal. I wish I knew what exactly caused this and why, but I can only think of the Uridine as the reason, as prior to that I was having decent results with just Modafinil, but was looking to augment and eventually replace it as it didn't seem like a long term solution due to possible liver toxicity issues with prolonged use. I really hoped that Uridine would be a decent non-pharmaceutical solution for depression/anxiety and focus. 5-htp helped a bit in the short term as well, but I noticed that in the long term, while it improved mood, it impaired my desire and motivation to learn, study, write, concentrate and engaging in any form of mental activity became a drag. Happy and stupid is unacceptable as well.
I would consider that the Alpha (a-)GPC might be the problem. I have experimented with a-GPC and CDC choline, and always the results have been exactly as you describe: severe bouts of sadness, a sickly "I feel like I'm going to die" feeling, suicidal depression, and psychotic episodes in which I smash or hurl my possessions. I also experimented with 5HTP, L-tyrosine, and Semax during that time. All my results with those things have been problematic. There is considerable documentation here about the adverse mood effects of choline supplementation. Semax seemed to make amphet. more effective for a few hours, followed by extreme depression & crash later, which I normally don't have a problem with.
I have just recently started taking phosphatidyl choline (PC). So far, no negative effects. My plan is to work very slowly toward a DHA+choline+uridine regimen, by introducing each component separately to evaluate whether anything adverse is happening. Of course, I expected no problem with fish oil, which has been true. So far, 1x840mg PC/day has produced no adverse effects. Now I am starting 2 PC doses/day. So far so good.
People often take "stacks" here of too many supplements and nootropics, making it impossible to determine which variable is the cause of what effect. This is stupid. It makes me seriously question the efficacy of these supplements in general!
So for me, I've decided to take only modest doses of just a few critical supplements that are strongly recommended for my particular conditions and very unlikely to cause any weird reactions. Ie.,
vit D3 1000IU + Mg 100mg + DHA 500mg + 840mg PC with breakfast + lunch
200mg Mg (no D) & 300mg DHA with dinner
Zn 25mg + B50 w/ breakf. + vit E&Se w/ lunch unless I develop a cold sore, in which case Zn 50mg/day for 1-3 days (plus Valtrex)
4-6g of buffered vit C/day, when my stomach is empty
Re: modafinil, I took that for a few months before getting tolerant. In the beginning, the stim/anxiety ratio was acceptable. Later, too much anxiety and too little stim to make the reward/risk ratio >1. So I switched to Ritalin (severe crashes), then dextroamphetamine (no crashes, hard to get enough sleep!). So my medication progress is the reverse of yours, and it's interesting (and troubling) to hear of your energy and motivational problems after stopping Adderall. I don't know if there is an exit strategy with these stimulants, unless there is some other root cause which can be fixed.
In my case, chronic mercury poisoning (from dental amalgams) was hinted by corrosion deposits on my oral appliance for sleep apnea, and confirmed by very high lab measurements (95th percentile blood Hg2+, NOT with a chelator/challenge test!), and dropped precipitously after removing the toxic fillings. However, I anticipate a 2-3 year struggle to recover, assuming no other underlying problems or severe permanent damage.
Quick question: do you have mercury amalgam fillings?
Good luck.
