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I am a terrible person and I'm trying to figure out why.

depression anxiety

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#1 lostsoul

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Posted 05 August 2015 - 02:45 AM


As a kid, growing up I was always antisocial and deranged also psychotic. 

I do not understand why I am the way I am. I use to go around killing insects for fun. I would hunt down salamanders and collect them. I put them in a mason jar and after I felt I had enough I use to kill them for fun. I remember using a 2x4, nails and a hammer. I would nail salamanders to a cross that I made when I was nine years old. 

I would torture them by cutting off all their feet and tail and let them live with a nail jammed into their body. After I felt they suffered enough pain I would chop their heads off. 

 

I would choose which ones would live and which ones would die as well. I'd let one or two ones go just for the sake of it.

 

My parents did not like each other and they fought all the time. My mom was an alcoholic and my dad abused her.

He worked all the time and when he came home he was always mad. I was never hit my self. My brother was both physically and mentally abused. I was only mentally abused as a child. Never hit.

 

 

I was a very neglected yet spoiled child. I was pulled out of school in the first grade after suffering an injury to my hand. I never went back. My mom tried to home-school me but I always threw hissy fits and wanted to sit on the computer all the time. I simply did not want to go to school, to talk to any kids. I always felt as if I wasn't liked by my peers and that they judged me, even at this very young of an age.

 

I spent my child hood playing video games, lots of them. I was left to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

I see now that the computer as a child is a very, very serious addiction if left untreated.

I played violent video games such as Quake, Counter Strike, and so on. I've used a computer since the age of six and I am now almost in my mid twenties.

 

 

My uncle lived with us and he was also a raging alcoholic. I witnessed him fight many times with my dad.

 

My parents loved me. I just feel as if they didn't take care of me, and I also now feel as if I didn't take care of my self at all. I simply didn't care about my future, or about anything much else than my immediate family and the computer.

 

I got to stay up all night and go to sleep at six am, wake up in the middle of the day and continue to play video games.

 

When my uncle passed away in my driveway one evening from a massive heart attack after a long history of alcohol and drug abuse, I was awaken by my brother in the hall way. He was sixteen at the time. He was punching the wall and telling me that our uncle was dead. 

 

My grandfather also lived with us, he sat there at the table doing a puzzle, never crying or doing anything much else. He didn't want to speak after the ambulance left. Everyone else went to the hospital besides my brother, grandfather and I.

 

Shortly after this I started worrying about my mom dying. constantly. I was always afraid that she was going to die in a car wreck, or die like my uncle did.

I would have to pray a certain number of times (usually an even number) every night otherwise I literally felt as if god was going to take my mom away.

 

 

 

 

Growing up I was never exposed to social elements, I did not go to school. I did not have friends. I did not talk to anyone besides people on the internet and my immediate family. At the age of fourteen I started abusing drugs. Nothing major. I started reading online on a forum called totse. I found my moms marjiuana pipe and heated up the resin and smoked it. Before this the very first time i smoked I was five years old. I do not remember it and I only know of it because of my brother telling me about it.

 

I started reading about cough pills like benadryl and got really heavy into that since it was readily available to me. I didn't start seriously smoking bud until my brother started hooking me up with it. I do not blame him. We had a shitty child hood and I love him to death. It was my own choice to start doing drugs.

 

 

 

At the age of seventeen I started heavily getting into them. Painkillers, DXM, alcohol, Gaba antagonists like Neurontin

It became a downhill spiral just increasingly getting more and more fucked up. In 2009 the incense rage just started hitting my area.  I smoked tons of it. 

I moved nearly 1000 miles away with my brother and his wife from the rest of our family. 

 

In 2012 my mom and grand mom passed away, I got in a car wreck which almost killed my brother.  I wasn't harmed.

This all happened within a three month time span.

 

He spent the next two years rehabilitating. 

 

This sent me on a downward spiral because at first I thought he was going to die along with my mom and grand mom. I started becoming heavily suicidal as I was left with nobody. I did not trust the rest of my family back up north, nor did I trust the people I was with at the time. One person I trusted slightly, but the others around her I did not.

 

 

 

 

 

When my brother was rehabilitating I did not see him as much as I should have. I did not trust the people that were staying at my house 1 1/2 hours away from the hospital he was at.

I was doing drugs and drinking even more at this point, trying to escape what happened.

 

I will always regret not being there every step of the way for him. It is permanently in-stained into my mind.

 

I started becoming socially exposed around the age of 19. It isn't until now at the riple old age of 23 that I've realized how much of a fool I have been acting and how poorly I treat people.

 

I simply do not care about people.  I am ashamed. I do not know why this is. I am also extremely afraid of having to talk to people, I feel as if groups of two or more people try to plot against me, talk about me behind my back, etc.

 

 

The ones that I do talk to I use them. I feel including my brother as well. 

 

 

 

I am always worried about something. Things repeat in my head over and over.

 

Everything I have was given to me and I did nothing to get any of it. I feel as if I will be a bum one day as I have no ambition to complete my education or get a full time job working 40 hours a week for someone who doesn't give a fuck about me just so I can pay 600-800 a month in bills and have little spending money or energy left over to legitimately make more money because I am poor as shit.

 

I am prone to sudden violent and psychotic outbursts. At the age of fourteen I went to a psychiatrist because I had thoughts of killing my mother who I loved more than anyone in the world at the time and was afraid that she was going to die yet at the same time having these thoughts come into my head.

 

I don't trust anyone. I don't trust my self. I feel as if my life isn't going to get any better and I have no ambition to make it better. I feel as if I've been totally complacent the entire time of my life.

 

I abuse  drugs and have bad urges. I'm totally sporadic and end up committing crimes. They're mostly non violent toward other humans.

 

At the age of 21 I started hearing people talk about me... when they weren't even there! or walking away.

 

They'll say things like "You're useless." "You're an idiot." "Who gives a fuck about you anyway?"

 

"Once he's dead, it'll all be mine anyway." "You're going to have a shitty future." "I fucking hate you."
"Nobody likes you." "The only reason why anyone talks to you is because of your brother."  

 

Pretty much thoughts that I have in my head I hear people tell me even though they aren't telling me. I feel as if these thoughts are words that have come out of their mouth. It is eating away at me. I do not know who or what to believe anymore. I do not trust anyone!! Including my self! Anyone I meet I'm extremely paranoid of.

 

 

 

Please help. 

 

Update:

AS of this moment right now. I heard someone walk by my room. So I thought they said "Have fun posting your life story on the internet." I started feeling angry. Then I immediately thought that my brother had keylogged my computer and that he's secretly against me. I love him to death so why would I think this?


Edited by lostsoul, 05 August 2015 - 02:46 AM.


#2 nightlight

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Posted 05 August 2015 - 08:00 AM

Put on a nicotine patch or two and cut down on weed. But before anything else, stay away from shrinks (don't talk to anyone about what you hear), they'll chemically lobotomize you and keep you on the pharma drugs for the rest of your life.


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#3 registered

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Posted 05 August 2015 - 10:20 AM

hi lostsoul

i have (or i had) psychosis and everything that comes with it

paranoia JUST like you described

voices

and violent thoughts unfortunately

it was hell

your own personal hell inside your head

 

but you dont need to live like that

best thing you can do to help yourself is to go and seek professional assistance

medicine is advancing (not very fast but its better than just few decades ago)

your condition can be treated successfully!

it can take some time to find right cocktail of meds but once in the near future at the end of the day you will feel sooo grateful to yourself

because you went to a shrink

 

meds are not sufficient however

best combination is meds+suplements+therapy

attack your condition from all weapons

people here can you help with suplement side of things

 

i suggest you to take what you have written here and read it to a doctor

(very well written btw)

be informed about antypsichotics and antidepressives

so you can make a proposal to your shrink

 

and stay away from drugs for some time

they def make it more intense

esp marihuana

 

whether you like it or not but this thing you described IS NOT something thats unheard of

and there are people who can help you

if you wait too long it can can only become worse

 

 

 

 

 


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#4 lostsoul

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Posted 05 August 2015 - 04:35 PM

I'm stuck.



#5 registered

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Posted 05 August 2015 - 05:01 PM

i know that feeling very well

but its just a feeling you are not really stuck

that is you are still capable of helping yourself

 

i asked one of my old friends for help

i wanted to go to doctor but i didnt have an insurance and some other documents i needed

thing is i was completely unable to care for myself

and she helped me to sort things out

also noopept helped i think

 

so what you need to do is

1. you need to go to psychologist (i dont really know how this works in america)

2. ask one of people that you still trust to help you make an appointment

3. start feeling better (voices and paranoia should go relatively quickly)


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#6 vanille

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Posted 05 August 2015 - 06:36 PM

You need therapy and medication. I believe supplements will do little to help at this point, especially if you're still dabbling in drugs. Please see a doctor, it's the best thing you can do for yourself right now.


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#7 Sasha_

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Posted 06 August 2015 - 04:58 PM

I might get downvoted for saying this to someone who's hearing voices, but I think you should look into psychedelic therapy, more precisely Iboga.

As a safety measure psychedelics are generally not advised for people suffering of psychosis, schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder, but I read accounts of people

who claimed to have been cured by Iboga, and I truly believe in it.


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#8 Duchykins

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Posted 07 August 2015 - 06:49 AM

Lostsoul,

 

I agree with the previous encouragements to seek a doctor.  

 

Some of your add something that my doctor said to me just last week that was probably the best thing any doc ever told me so far.  

 

He said: "I want to tell you something: you're very critical of yourself."  

 

My standards and expectations are high, perhaps sometimes unreasonably high.  I've known this for a while, but never knew quite why, but now I might suspect an underlying cause.

 

My mother has borderline personality disorder.  She sabotaged a lot of my efforts to attain independence and leave the nest.  She also, throughout my childhood, spoke to me like I was another adult in the household who needed to be kept informed and consulted on various things like rent, bills, family drama, etc.  My father (alcoholic, wife-beater, bi-polar) also did that to me, even right up to the end when he woke me in the middle of the night, in a small crisis, holding one of his rifles and crying.  And he told me he was going to kill himself if my mom ever took us away from him.  He did shoot himself some time later after we moved out.    

 

I was never allowed to be sick or just have an off day because nobody could never be as sick or in as much pain as my mom was in, according to her.  I gradually became the under-entitled child cowering in suppressed rage from an over-entitled vindictive bitch.  I carry that under-entitlement with me even now, but I believe it's one of the few things from my mom that might not be so awful after all.

 

But fuck all that, I was starting to ramble off-topic: I was trying to get to the anger part, and the sense of worthlessness.   What you have is a righteous anger from a lifetime of being stomped on.  It eats at us because we get no vindication unless we lay it out in front of someone, and that person says "You are entirely justified to be angry from this treatment."

 

Part of the reason criticize yourself so harshly because of that anger you've been hanging to for a long time.  Society tells us anger is bad, and that we're not supposed to use our words to express anger.  You're judging yourself for having this anger, and because no one else has acknowledged it.

 

I just realized my ambien kicked in about 10 mins into writing this, lol, so I'm really sorry if I say some incoherent or just stupid, but I want to finish my thought before I go to bed.

 

Here goes:

 

Bottom line, LostSoul, you are not a monster.  

 

You are not a terrible person.  You are a good person.  

 

And how do we know that?  Precisely because you say you are a terrible person, precisely because of the way you criticize yourself, precisely because of your desperation to get well.

 

You've done or thought some things that disturb you, you can come back from that.  You were hurting bad from inside.  You haven't done anything unforgivable, it's just that the hardest part of it is forgiving yourself.   Which you'll never do if you don't find a way to kill that monkey on your back that's feeding you your lines of self-criticism and beating you down into the dirt.

 

Why did I write all of this shit when I should be asleep already?  Because you're fucking worth it, that's why.

 

And do you know why you're going to start getting a doctor you can spill your guts to?  Because you're worth it, that's why.

 

Your life does have value.  Don't be shaking your head at me!  You can be redeemed, and you will have been made all the better for the experience.  

 

Not only are you a more good person than bad, that goodness only comes from you, that's all yours, and nobody else can take credit for it.  That's your birthright as a human being.  Nobody gave it to you, and nobody can take it away, only you can smother it.

 

Alright, I hope I didn't ramble too much, but I'm falling over and it's nighty-night time for me.

 

I hope I hear from you soon, LostSoul.  Good night.


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#9 lostsoul

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Posted 09 August 2015 - 02:57 AM

I need help



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Posted 09 August 2015 - 09:33 AM

Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you.

#11 PWAIN

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Posted 09 August 2015 - 02:00 PM

it sounds like you are essentially a good person with some sort of chemical imbalance in your brain. If that is indeed the case, you need to find some mechanism to fix the imbalance.This is usually done by taking medication to try rectify the imbalance or at least compensate for it. It is mostly trial and error and can take quite a bit of patience.

 

If you are really ready to receive help, than go see a medical professional in a mental health unit and get them to asses you and be patient while they find what will work for you. You will get the life you want or as close as science currently can get you and the community will get a welcome new member.

 

Most likely, no one can make you do this and it will take all your reasoning skills to overcome the emotional side pushing against the difficulty of seeking treatment. Your first post sounds like you are quite rational most of the time so I think you will be able to do it if you are ready. I wish you well and hope to see you on the other side and I am sure that despite your paranoid feelings, just about everyone you know including the people on this forum and in your everyday life are rooting for you and hoping that you can overcome this. Good luck.



#12 lostsoul

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Posted 11 August 2015 - 09:21 PM

Today I pooped my self and ate a ham sandwich. I can't figure out why.

 

Should I be taking Noopept or Piracetam?? Will these make me a better person?


Edited by lostsoul, 11 August 2015 - 09:21 PM.

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#13 Saffron

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Posted 14 August 2015 - 10:40 AM

I dont have any answers for you other than to point out that in my view, 100% of the population is sociopathic to some degree

 

You are describing forms of sadism and psychosis, and it is true you are more psychotic and sociopathic than the average sociopath. But if it helps at all, I can tell you that the entire Earth-Population has sociopathy to a significant and very noticable degree. I have never met anyone "Good" before in my life, if we define "Good" as not perfect, not immune to mistakes, not immune to SOME wrongs, but does have a fairly normal amount of empathy and regular-normal human consciousness

 

Every person ive ever met seems sociopathic and malicious in some way, unless they drop MDMA, then they temporarily become Lightly sociopathic combined with being too empathic in some ways, too awkward in some ways, but closer to a normal person. And also they get E-Tarded with side effects, then it wears off and they go back to being sociopathic. I mean, this is the late 90s, ive not observed anyone on drugs that make them more normal any recent time.

 

But Yeah listen buddy, you arent alone, the entire Earth-Population are dissociative sociopaths with a broken DNA, the only difference is how dark & evil, how dissociative sociopathic they are. Theres degrees of it, but its medium to ultra-high for the entire population of 7 billion.

 

I guess the reason for this are errors in the genetic code, I have no clue what the cause is of the entire population being sociopathic.

 

Most people pretend what I am saying is an obscure incorrect viewpoint based on a cognitive and perceptual disorder, instead of being true, even though its Elephant-in-the-bathroom proportions of obviousness. I see this as clear and evident as you would that a person with down syndrome has down syndrome.

 

The reason people pretend what Im sayin gher is a false cynical viewpoint or perceptual and cognitive disorder, is because there is very strong psychological denial and cognitive dissonance that an entire population can be mentally ill. its only portions of people that are ever admitted to be abnormal in nature, never a whole. When you say something about a whole instead of a part, there ensues deep seated psychological denial where the reader or listener will pretend its untrue, even though its true.

 

The website and quote that contains the closest thing to what I just said in this post, is a David Pearce site with a passage from H.I., and the quote is:

 

""...our genetically-enriched descendants are likely to view us as little better than psychopaths.......Quasi-psychopathic callousness forms part of 'normal' archaic mental health. Yet our deficiencies in love are only another grim manifestation of selfish DNA. "

 

and the website is:

 

http://empathogens.com/

 

so thats the closest thing to this i can find. as far as i know, no one else has pointed out the things I say in the words I use, there might be a few semi-close things that are more deviated than empathogens.com. but they are only semi close to what I say

 

Basically, the human species on Earth is very much broken with an abnormal consciounsness, but since there is no frame of reference for comparison, people actually believe their dissociative sociopathy, malace, and strong degree of darkness is actually normal instead of abnormal.

 

That doesnt mean anything though, if there was an isolated colony of child-rapists on an island, they would all think and view themselves as normal and claim anyone who says otherwise has a perceptual disorder, is cynical, and that child rape is normal.

 

Clearly, the population is saturated with darkness & evil

 

I appologize in advance for any offense the reader might take, Im both one of the most real and one of the most powerful forum posters in the world, but I dont really care that I am or have a big ego, it doesnt matter at all. Im just warning that Im the most powerful big-picture synostic paradigm poster there is, so my posts are going to stir intense reactions. I hardly ever post on forums because I am too real and too powerful to post. That sounds narcissistic, right? but Im just giving you the reason and i dont care about narcissism or my ego. I dont think that highly of myself. Im sure I have spelling and other errors in this post. I do not feel well and have a disorder that is barely treated by the most effective medicines available to treat it out of like 100 tried. So as you can see, I have nothing to do with having a big ego even though I just said Im a powerful poster and the wording of this last paragaph is very ackward and appears to be self-absorbed.



#14 Mrs Miggins

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Posted 05 September 2015 - 06:26 PM

What you have described is complex & doesnt seem to have just one cause. You almost certainly have a personality disorder - quite a severe one too. Probably this one.

http://www.nhs.uk/co...troduction.aspx

 

You probably also have various forms of mental illness caused by drugs. Then theres the damage your childhood caused in terms of you not being able to even attempt to form relationships - though possibly your parents kept you away because they could see you were failing.

 

The best & only thing you can do is to find a good doctor specialising in personalty disorders/severe mental illness to help you, & as someone suggested take this with you. Most of the battle is explaining what you feel (or dont) & exactly how it affects you. If you cant give them a full picture they cant help.

 

Then its up to you. Take the meds, dont f*ck around with them thinking you dont need them. Eventually you can work with the doctor to tweak them, & then you can start adding nootropics/supplements ONCE you are stable. You have to take responsibility for your own behaviour & find out as much as you can about your conditions. Once you know what youre dealing with then you can regulate some of your behaviour because tyou will know why you are doing it. You will be able to say 'this isnt real, its the illness'. That doesnt mean you excuse yourself it means you can hopefully stop yourself from over reacting to various triggers.

 

Ive had depression & have ADHD & every day I didnt go to the doctor is a day of my life I wasted. The drugs work, though you have to experiment, & also research them yourself once you are a bit better (Im taking tianetine now which is so much better than Prozac. My doctor thinks its for old people. But Prozac saved my life when I started taking it). But without a very good GP for the Prozac & a skilled psychiatrist for ADHD meds I would never have got to the point of being ok enough to find stuff elsewhere.

 

Think of it like skiing. First you do the green & blue runs with an instructor, doing everything they tell you (doctor). You learn the right techniques & get a feel for the mountains. Then you move to the red runs (experimenting with your doctor) & finally after youre god enough you can tackle the black runs & go off piste. Dont strap on a pair of skis & throw yourself off piste, youll end up dead.

 

You may want to jump right in & want instant gratification but you are facing serious, complex challenges. You will always have them, to some degree. You need EXPERTS.

 

In the meantime keep an eye out for nootropics that help with empathy, sociability & emotions. Research nootropics for anti socal personality disorder (the most likely one you have). Its going to be tough but the vast majority of people with personality disorders will deny the things they do forever. The fact that you even made this brave post means you actually have a chance of success.

 

Oh, & MDMA isnt the answer. Its fun if your brain works ok to start with it but wont make any lasting changes, & will possibly harm you. I had Ecstacy when it first came out & it was bliss..till the next day. MDMA wasnt as much fun & isnt viable. How sh*t you feel after tells you everything you need to know about a drug really.


Edited by Mrs Miggins, 05 September 2015 - 06:30 PM.


#15 platelicker

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Posted 07 September 2015 - 03:32 AM

Hey there lostsoul,

When I first saw your post, i immediately wondered how many times the username "lostsoul" has been used, or attempted to be used on the internet—what with so many lonely, unhappy and similarly disconnected people we're all searching for meaningful interaction with others. I could never guess how many, honestly.

I wasn't sure exactly what I would read in your post, but after having read it—and BTW, agreed... well written indeed—I felt sad and a very familiar sense of detachment, reaching out with the hope of connecting with the right kind of person. Even though I don't like people much, something still pushed me to try, one more time. I actually read Abbott myself in your post, though. Obviously not exactly the same, but enough to be familiar. Know what I mean?.

It seems no matter how many times I get hurt or feel betrayed, I do try and try, even when I sometimes I'm convinced its kind of dumb, I guess. I think one day, maybe I could learn to trust one day. I too don't trust anyone. ANYONE. Including myself, a lot of times.

I realize, mostly, this definitely has everything to do with self preservation, and protection. Combine that with actually having plenty of damn good reasons not to trust—helloooo! Like most of my childhood.

It has taken me a long, long time to accept the possibility that given the way things in my life have played out up to this point, the way I struggle and behave, have just about EVERYTHING to do with the shitty things I was constantly exposed to as a child, an adolescent... And a young adult.

Maybe at least past of the answer to your question - "why are you "this" way." Maybe some of how I answer this question for myself, might make sense for you too.

Hell, maybe any innocent child put through what we've been through, cold have the exact same answer.

Matter of fact, if you somehow met a 13 year old kid, who tells you Abbott his life—almost exactly like yours, and he wonders the EXACT same things. I bet you'd know exactly why he would feel and sometimes behave the way he does.

Its called urvival. A human instinct. Often times a fragile, precarious situation. Hell, almost always fragile. Were hardwired to fight to survive. One way humans do this is through adaptation. Very powerful. But in fucked up situations, adaptation can easily derail healthy outcomes. No big deal.

Truthfully, is not that you are fucked up, or a monster or something like that. The situation is that, as a young kid, you has to fight hard to survive an extremely difficult set of circumstances. You had to adapt without guidance. Now you're a young adult, its time to y take care of yourself like before, but in a different way, in order to re-adapt, with support. That's all, man.

You're certainly smart enough and durable enough to know when to take advantage when the right support comes along. Your snare enough took exorcise that the time had come to reach outside of psychics shell you developed while growing up. That's s very good sign.

In not going to try and convince you that I can be trusted. I know you asked for help (hard to do man), and you need help, and even though I'm often a person crying for help,

I'm willing to help as much as I'm able. I'm not just talking about posting in here to tell you what you need to do. I personally can't tolerate that situation, and eventually I just disappear. I've got 3 kids, all older than you i believe, so I have some guidance experience, if interested.

I doubt any of us could avoid being human, no matter how hard we try. Our first instinct is always to adapt, and to survive. Human nature is much, much too strong, determined and persistent to derail the will to survive. You've just turned to the next chapter, and need support just like EVERY human being needs it. You made a good decision to reach out. Be proud of yourself.

For me, so many situations I found myself in as a child, and teenager, were seriously fucked up, bizarre and even extreme many times. From having read your post it seems like you no doubt encountered similar, and likely much worse situations. So I know, having no one to teach me, I just fucking made it up (surviving) as I went along. Made tons of mistakes, I'm sure. Hey, whatever it takes, man.

I'm thinking that when a person (especially a child) is consistently in this situation, your fragile young brain begins to adapt—a great thing in a healthy situation with the support of a positive environment. That all makes a lot of sense.

In pretty sure the chsllenge arises when a child, or even teen, HHS to adapt to a dangerous, adverse, inconsistent, unsuppottive and basically negative environment, problems easily arise.

Its mostly because everything is required to function immersed in such a fucked up situation, But once things change, or you are removed into a different, perhaps less negative situation, most of those "coping" tactics usually tend to backfire, creating basically the opposite intended out come. Maybe this makes some sense, maybe not. Its taken me decades to figure things like this out myself, and how this happens in my situation.

So, I welcome a message if you want to talk more. Hit me up.

BTW, In not entirely comfortable having much conversation here, add I'm very concerned with the nature of the free range advise I've already seen in this thread. Something tells me thou know better than to jump into Psilocybin or LSD self treatment. This can be extremely dangerous, especially if you feel that you're already vulnerable to hallucinatory features, and there is certainly nothing wrong with seeking appropriate professionalh help.

I find that as long as I remain educated about any directions, medication, treatment and instructions my physician recommends—then its my responsibility to myself to respond with either questions, a request for clarification, options or even a respectful refusal, i'll be just fine.

Good luck man, get in touch if it feels right.

#16 platelicker

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Posted 07 September 2015 - 03:35 AM

My idiotic auto-correct on my iPhone, thinks that "about" is spelled "Abbott" - so sorry.

#17 123apk

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Posted 08 November 2015 - 11:54 PM

 But before anything else, stay away from shrinks (don't talk to anyone about what you hear), they'll chemically lobotomize you and keep you on the pharma drugs for the rest of your life.

 

Can't really help the thread starter, but this what you said is why I turned to the internet, forums such as this and my own research to cure my own problem (social anxiety) myself and to do so on things and in ways that work for me not what's convenient and easy for a doctor to prescribe. Plus I don't want that sort of thing on a record somewhere holding me back like a black mark. Good advice for anyone.



#18 Sleepdealer

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Posted 18 November 2015 - 06:21 AM

Am I the only one who thinks the thread starter is just trolling? First he writes a really long and elaborate message for help. He answers other members's offers of help with a couple of two-word statements, and then goes about to say "Today I pooped myself and ate a hamsandwich. I can't figure out why?". I mean, come on.



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#19 gamesguru

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Posted 18 November 2015 - 06:08 PM

he's a piece of work, a sick puppy, a strange monster, an odd cookie, a lost soul


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