Hi guys.
I don't know how much there is to do about this, but I have been combatting problems with motivation, avolition and irresponsible behaviour (read lazyness...) for a long time now. Basically, I'm not really interested in doing anything. I don't partake in society or political issues or anything, I don't have any desire to seek out friends or family, to travel, pursue a career, or find a partner, I don't even clean my apartment until I have to let someone in because I have to. Either it's not interesting or it's too much work and I just want to sit down and do nothing. So most of the time I do everything in the last minute and the days just fleet by. People I prefer to avoid so I don't have to interact with them. And I'm kind of lacking in empathy and my social skills make people think I'm kind of weird most of the time, but.
Right now I'm studying a one year course to become a CNC-operator, but it's not going very well because I'm not that interested in industry work. I mainly chose it because I wanted to get away from cab driving, which was my main occupation for a little more than a year, and because nothing else was interesting and I can't work with people basically. Mainly I wanted to leave because working friday and saturday nights was about to give me a heart attack every time because of the stress. Taxi is okay over all, but I hate the late weekends because of the drunk people, I feel like shit every time. And I already prefer to avoid and not talk to people as it is. And when I do get together with one of my two closer friends I have to reall strain myself to talk. I have no problem just shutting up and just sitting there, which might be okay at times, but not the entire time and with all people. Socially/motivationally, I'm almost frighteningly alike my grandmother, who has Alzheimers disease, although not as cognitively impaired of course.
This is a little bit embarassing for me to write about but I feel like I need to bounce some ideas here I feel. I have talked about my thing with people with a doctor and a curator but they haven't been able to help me. I just got directed to therapy. For a while I managed to get the idea into my head that I was a psychopath and I had suicidal ideation during the whole summer because of not knowing how to resolve the situation.
Basically what I'm trying to achieve is a state of where I care, when things and people are important because the outcomes matter. Now it's like I don't really understand the long term importance of things kind of. Or I do understand but it's not worth doing it, or it's not worth thinking about it. I'm a lazy bum and even if I can work with making schedules, to do-lists etc, it doesn't do that much for my interest in things and the tiredness that makes entrance as soon as something is not interesting. As well as the panic that ensues me because i know I need to have an income, but I have no interest in any field or in people, and without those interests, I think it's hard to get past an interview even if you have the education.
What I've been aiming at is brain regeneration. Creating more connections, enhancing plasticity. I've also tried testosterone supplements, dopaminergics and stuff.
This is the list of what I've been trying the last half a year for various hypothetical causes:
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Supplements, in case there might have been a deficiency:
Vitamin D
Magnesium
Zink
B-vitamin complex
Vitamin B6, B9 and B12 tabs
Fish oil caps
Methylfolate
Benfotiamine
Diets:
Paleolithic
Semi-vegetarian
Gluten free
Lactose free
Exercise:
I lift heavy 2 times a week and play badminton 2 times a week
Substances/compounds/herbs:
Bacopa
Green tea extract
Ashwagandha
Lithium Orotate
Caffeine
Inositol
Lions mane Mushroom fruiting body extract
Testrogain
5-HTP
Noopept
Semax
Oxiracetam
Choline bitartrate
(Right now I am on these)
Jiaogulan
Lions mane mushroom
Olive leaf extract
Curcumin with bioperine
Other:
Compassion meditation every day (not any longer)
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None of these things have helped anything, except for Semax that gave me quite a bit of libido for a couple of days at least. I also felt slightly more inclined to be interactive. Unfortunately I felt stressed on it, and my resting pulse during the days was quite high, up against 80-95 bpm. So that trial I kept on for 6 days. Now I'm waiting for a gram of NSI-189, to see what it could do with my mood and my memory which I need for work.
However, what I think I would need to aim at is the frontal lobe, mainly. Things that increase activity in, or blood flow to, the DorsoLateral PFC, the VentroMedialPFC and/or the OrbitoFrontal Cortex, like Guanfacine or something. Or maybe I would need to attenuate the NMDA signalling or something. I'm not sure. Some articles talk about higher dopamine levels in the insular region determine lazyness. But I don't know if it's possible to change that as of yet.
Anyway. I would appreciate some feedback on this, and maybe some suggestions on substances that could help me direct more energy outwards and to feel more compelled and engaged, and that can work in the long term if possible.
Edited by Sleepdealer, 02 November 2015 - 01:28 AM.