Hello,
I want to begin straight away. I had a problem with abusing cocaine, mdma, alcohol for 2 years.
It is just recently that I begin to understand the damage I did to myself.
I think the underlying problem was my tendency of feeling understimulated because of my adhd. The first year of using cocaine was relatively soft-use. I snorted between 1-2g per week.
Mdma abuse was not that much but without the needed breaks between usage, so I ended up with some kind of panic disorder, dp, dr symptoms for four month. I think I could have recovered easily from all this but my personmal life at this point just broke away so I ended up binge using cocaine. By binge using cocaine I mean 2-3g on one day with a lot of alcohol, nicotine week after week for one year straight.
It was just recently I realised that I had a problem. Not so much with abusing drugs but because of adhd releated reward deficency. Life really never felt that rewarding for me, obviously when abusing drugs the reward threshold rises but I´m talking about pre- drug use.
So I began to see a doctor, who prescribed me ritalin for the adhd I have. I have to say, that between going to the doctor and getting the ritalin prescription and the last coke binge there was just two week inbetween.
So I began using ritalin hoping to fix my adhd symptoms and getting rid of all the substances I abused. The first week was pretty rough as ritalin seemed to change my personality quite a bit. I also noticed that I got more and more depressed, feeling apathic, lethargic etc. I thought it must be the ritalin so I changed to vyvanse took it for 1,5 month but the symptomps became more and more severe.
After 3 month of using prescription stimulants I just felt utterly bad. Fatigued, extremely depressed, lethargic, apathic etc.
When I now take vyvanse (30mg) I just feel flue like symptomps without any energy. I get the same reaction from smoking cigarettes and even caffeine sends me into an lethargic, apathic, depressed mood.
Is it possible that receptors are so much downregulated so that I just feel the negative effects of any drug ? I just recently did cocaine, just to see and I had the same reaction as with prescription stimulants.
Obviously, I´m going to take a long break from everything but I´m interested in the mechanic of this dysphoric reaction after a period of stimulant abuse. I know people who abuse stimulants for a life time and never feel any dysphoric effects. Obviously, the tolerance goes up but they don´t experience this flue-like symptomps I experience and I just abused drugs for two years...
Right know I´m trying to recover by just staying away from any kind of stimulant even caffeine...
I pretty much feel exhausted all day, fatigued, sleepy (even dough I sleep 12-15 hours a day), no motivation, no libido, depressed etc. I know this will take a while to reset but I find this symptomps a little bit to extreme for the abuse I did.
Any suggestions and/or similar experiences ?
