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#1 medievil

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Posted 25 May 2016 - 09:40 PM


[quote=crayzyMed;1085687977]This looks like a wall of text as i typed it in word first, to not lose it and it took me a while, srry for that
 
Hello guys, i havent been here for a long time haha, either way i still succesfully use stimulants for social anxiety anhedonia but most important of all, i came to using stims because after using MDMA the first time i felt normal, in a way thats hard to explain, i could interact with people like it felt others could do, i felt like i was a normal person and not likemy brain was broken, this can easily for many be explained because of the drug high, eg the euphoria and lack of inhibitions removing social anxiety and someones feels "normal"
 
However, i allways knew that it was something way deeper then that, as the difference was mind blowing and also lasted all day the next day, even if i felt depressed and really ****ty, i still felt in a way cured, ppl asked me then how i could feel prosocial when your depressed but it had nothing to do with that, its impossible to explain for people that dont have any neurological issues, also the day after, while my neurological anxiety was gona, i still felt extremely uncomfortable around people, but thats where confidence comes in.
 
After many weeks of hanging with friends every sunday i slowly started building confidence and social skills, both are entirely seperate things, as youcan feel confident but still act akward around people which does connect to confidence in ways, as they are connected in differened ways, but not the same.
 
eg, the more social skills you have, the more confident you get.
 
Also, alcohol never removed my anxiety at all, no matter how drunk i got, even if i couldnt think at all, also ive been addicted to GHB, but from the start i knew it wasnt therapeutic for me, it made things more fun, and talking to people less akward, but it was obvious i didnt feelnormal on it, not saying it wasnt a more fun experience, atleast if i was online on my own, compared to feeling normal but extremely depressed and ****ty the day after using MDMA.
 
Anyway, i couldnt work out why mdma worked, with the therautic effects only, not the high lasting all the next day, one experience with amphetamine slowly led me to the conclusion it was dopamine related, which later was confirmed with selective serotonin releasers not being therautic at all, eg mdai, mdma basicly is a combination of that with amphetamine. SSRIS not working wouldnt have ment anything as the reuptake inhibition shifts balance to tonic sero activation and also their effectiveness being simular to placebo, 30% which means they are weak, not that they dont work, as the placebo effect can be as strong as the therapeutic effect, eg it being noise, placebo generally disappears after 8 months while poop out with ssris is usually reported after 5 years, so we dont know the actual effectiveness of ssris as they are never trialled longer for a longer period then 8 months.
Either way, i first wasnt sure wheter amphetamine wasnt too strong to use daily, so i tested things like AMT, its a combined sero and da releaser and sero agonist like treshold doses of psychedelics, activating some sero receptors, which makes it very effective for atypical depression, doing the opposite of meds like mirtazepine which work better for the melancholic type.
It was used as a highly effective safe antidepressant in russia for decaders untill it was banned probably because of abuse potential, the problem however was, that there is a dose effectiveness limit, in the prescribed doses, the da release was too low for remission of my symptions and going higher i didnt like the effect of too much sero release, also excessive sero activation wouldnt be ideal if it didnt have a therapeutic effect, it can be psychedelicbut you get tolerant to that effect after 2 days.
Either way, i could allways get trough the day not feeling normal, which often happened as i had a addictive personality and used a month supply of dex in a week or something, and i never ordered bigger ammounts on later periods as ive allways been a recreational drug user, so ordering enough so i could abuse it everyday is something i would never have planned ahead in the past and did, i also wasnt too sure about long term usuage so i trialled differened chemicals too like amt and 4 fluoroamphetamine etc.
Around that period i started researching memantine for tolerance, the original idea didnt come from me, i knew online one guy posting somewhere it worked for amp tolerance and he kinda put forward the idea for others sometimes in a couple of posts on a certain fora, but i saw rodent research before and was allways extremely optimistic about it.
Googling it i found a couple of anecdotes, all of which i posted in my thread about nmda antagonists for tolerance, which i started after posting this intervention in some threads, telling people it could be possible to use mantine or dxm for drug tolerance but i only got replys of people saying that it wont work as it sounds too good to be true.
So i tried to find all the possible research i could and all anecdotes, posting it all in the advanced section of bluelight in an attempt to get the more academic people to try it and get more positive anecdotes which stimulates more people to try it etc.
The results where mind blowing.
Anyway coming up is how a testosterone cycle triggered my anhedonia, which basicly is like mind torture, and no with anhedonia i dont mean being chronically bored, i talked to people online saying they had anhedonia too and like me had no other option but to take stimulants, now i see them online without being on stimulants, which i couldnt understand...they claim to still have anhedonia but if i have anhedonia i just lie in bed all die trying to keep on sleeping, causing severe body pains and stuff, but its the least horrible thing to do to get trough it, or wathing tv hoping the day and pain will be over soon.
Theres no way its possible to go sit in front a computer and actually reading about stuff or replying to people while i felt so bad, i was shocked to conclude that some people i talked too just suffered from addiction, and they addicts easily get diluded they need a certain drug or they cant function which means that i recommened amphetamine to easily to people, personally i could allways tell the difference btw euphoria or a high covering certain issues up compared to something being actually therapeutic, but in the early days i wasnt addicted to any drug yet, but afterwards when i got addicted to GHB i still noticed the difference.
Either way ever since my testosterone cycle ive been going trough extreme mental torture without stimulants, and i had no other option but to take stimulants to get trough the day. Ive allways used stims in a addictive way but i never really used them longer then a period of 2 or 3 weeks, usually 1 week at a time as i didnt have enough funds to pay for taking stims in a addictive way with the money i had, but it was possible with GBL.
Only after i triggered my severe anhedonia i got addicted to gbl as going trough the day sober was just way to hard, gbl kinda made the day fun again, and it was possible to enjoy some time with my girlfriend but there was still some anxiety there, i didnt feel normal and while i had confidence it wasnt 100% anxiety free, which for me makes it obvious gbl wasnt therapeutic at all, if confidence and social skills are no longer an issue but you still feel some anxiety around people while you feel that that isnt who you are, you can tell wheter you are naturally shy or not, then a powerfull drug wont ever be therapeutic, simple as that.
Amphetamine blew pretty much my ocd, social anxiety, most of my adhd, anhedonia completely away when i developped my confidence and social skills, while feeling like myself, eg i could talk to the people i wanted to talk to, i could act like what i felt was myself without needing to take a dose that induces anything more then mood elevation, eg 10mg dexamphetamine 3 times a day, while GBL induced euphoria.
Naltrexone could be a good test to isolate the therapeutic potential of some drugs but removing the rewarding effects trough blocking the opiate receptor.
Anyway, coming up:
 

Anyway, coming up:


Unable to get dex in uk leading to rc stimulant addiction
explaining that i never used any excuse to abuse stims, at first it was because i liked it and i had a addictive personality, now its more because i have to order rcs which come in powders, that makes it easy to abuse it while now im older i really prefer to use them therapeutically, i did this automatically when i ordered 4 fluoromethylphenidate in pellet form with theraeutic doses, or when i had dex for 2 weeks under a fake name here in the uK, you can only go the nearest docter, but then they noticed i used a fake adress
Exactly what the benefits where of memantine for me andin general for others for tolerance and other mental health issues
How people are individual and for some CBT is the key, others some natural supplemets can hold the anwer but this could be rcs, normal medications, addictive drugs used therapeutically, orally taken essential oils etc, everyone is individual.
I beleive that we have to look at the whole gamma of all medications, supplements, chemicals in research like NSI 198, supplements like curcumin, but finding the working ones is hard, as ppl into supplements are idiots promoting them for traditional uses which isnt any evidence, promote extremely weak crap, advise ppl that meds are bad and hand out magazines how mental health issues are caused by nutritional defiencys and other nonesense.
Examine. com is a good source for info about supplements, then we also have ppl taking meds saying most sups are weak crap and are skeptical about proven alternative medicine like homeopathy.
Point is, often for people its acombination of differened approuces, based on synergism, individual responses, neuroprotection, prevention of negatives like tolerance and more.
Why meds or supplements will never work on their own and chronic exosure, building of confidence, building social skills and things like CBT are essential for pretty much everyone.
And more, jeezes this took me long, also guys please post any questions, im planning on staying for a bit
Med~


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#2 medievil

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 10:07 PM

Haha well written, im rushing trough everything, im not a good writer, altough when i wright a article i allways post a abstract straight after every statement i make, i think its also easier for other to double check the information ive written down, as often you read trough a articel and you dont know whats shit and what are facts, also i lost all the formatting when copyying from out of worid, that said ive allways been bad at writing stuff down, being organised or things like that, my true talent more lies in finding information and putting differened puzzle pieces togheter.


Haha well written, im rushing trough everything, im not a good writer, altough when i wright a article i allways post a abstract straight after every statement i make, i think its also easier for other to double check the information ive written down, as often you read trough a articel and you dont know whats shit and what are facts, also i lost all the formatting when copyying from out of worid, that said ive allways been bad at writing stuff down, being organised or things like that, my true talent more lies in finding information and putting differened puzzle pieces togheter.


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#3 medievil

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 10:20 PM

The healthcare in the Uk is fucking horrific, its impossible to get anything offlabel, let online stimulants or benzos, so i had to result to ordering legal highs online, due to limited funds i could only afford enough stimulants for one week every 2 weeks, so my life shut down every other week, right now the situation is better and ive been able to use stims pretty much regureally for the last 2 or 3 months.

 

Also as ive said before, make no mistake ive often abused stims and ive got a addictive personality, i do not advocate using stims in a simular way at all, as this can be extrenely harmfull and lead to long term addiction, if anyone is interested in using stims and is consirned about getting addicted then ask your docter to get your stims prescrined in a controlled way, this is a good long term solution which allways your docter to control your usuable while not having to worry about starting to take too much.

 

Either way my history on online fora started when i started posting on social anxiety support about how i could fix my social anxiety issues, ive been posting on online fora like bluelight before that. I started experimenting with all sorts of differened research chemicals due to the limited effectiveness of available medications and i strongly beleive in achieving full remission instead of being satisfied with just some anxiety relief, while others can live life completely anxiety free.

 

Everyone should be able to live life anxiety free period, its possible for everyone to find full relief of their mental health issues, i knew from experimenting with sero releasers, amt, wich is a sero, da, sero agonist releaser, da reuptake inhibits and da releasers that dopamine releasers like amphetamine worked absolutely the best and pretty much provided me with complete relief, however amphetamine faced several issues;

 

- Tolerance

-  Anxiety

- Sometimes inducing paradoxal effects, like the third dose of the day inducing depressions.


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#4 gamesguru

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Posted 28 May 2016 - 01:39 AM

so i had to resort to ordering legal highs online, due to limited funds i could only afford enough stimulants for one week every 2 weeks, so my life shut down every other week, right now the situation is better and ive been able to use stims pretty much regureally

When his mother passed away a few years ago, he used the inheritance to try to become a comic book writer. keyword: try
Just kidding, I have no idea about his family.

Have you looked into regenerative strategies? Like for molly, im particularly curious myself

#5 medievil

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Posted 28 May 2016 - 08:38 AM

Are you saying that because i could never afford enough stims to last my longer then a week or 2? most stim addicts buy street amphetamine, and i allways used to take much while rcs are alot more expensive thats why.
 
I will allways stand corrected when i see the right evidence or if your anecdote adds some more information.
 
There is no evidence that singly mdma use causes long term issues, those that suffered from issues after mdma use all seem to have triggered an underlying disorder, such as predromal shizophrenia looking at their symptions, i triggered predromal but never fully developped it with my testosterone cycle, after that, when i took mdma i developped some sort of forum anxiety, i felt to anxious to log into fora, after that i took mdma again and it got worse, but that was after testosterone triggered something in me whic i didnt know what it was at the time, and my response to drugs dramatically changed, also after that my brain was much more sensitive to damage caused by other substances
 
It seens that consistently mdma triggers the following long term issues:
 
- social withdrawal
- depression
- anhedonia
- ocd
- cognitive adhd like difficouldtys
- Diffcicouldtys with logical thinking
 
Over the longer run more positive symptions like delusions
 
Allmoest never it seems to induce just a single issue, but a combination of differened negative symption which is a sign that it triggered an underlying disorder, mdma can be quite stressfull for the brain so for those that have shizophrenia riskgene it could be a potential trigger.
 
The first drug i ever took was mdma and that was the start of my recovery, for the first time i felt like a normal human, and my social anxiety, ocd, adhd etc stayed completely abolished all next day long after the high has worn off, i still didnt have any confidence tough and felt extremely uncomfortable hanging around with ppl every sunday, but slowly over the months i started learning social sills and gain confidence, that was the start of things changin, i started hanging out with my friends during the week but allways felt extremely uncomfortable around them, i still feeel terrible around ppl without stimulants, because i just dont feel normal i cant explain it, its like being in a room where you cant breath, its unrelated to the high, no matter how high i would be on methadone, gbl, alcohol whatever i wouldnt feel comfortable or nornal.
 
That said please post any evidence if you have any that can contradict me, personally i beleive that if mdma caused you issues you had some underlying issues which mdma trigered so id like to hear more about them, so i can come up with some suggestions.


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#6 gamesguru

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Posted 28 May 2016 - 01:07 PM

It's associated with depression, anxiety, and now schizotypy:
"Furthermore, ecstasy users reported more schizotypal traits, something which had not been investigated in any previous research."


I knew it affected dopamine and serotonin and neurogenesis for the worse, maybe also glutamate... thats another major neurotransmitter involved in schizofrenie.

I think you me and flex have it. It's basically negative schizophrenia. Also very inducable by cannabis.

I made a thread on natural treatments, but a lot are very obscure herbs, that aren't available online.

Edited by gamesguru, 28 May 2016 - 01:10 PM.






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