Hello guys.I have been on this forum for a while just reading through many threads and its time that i seek out some help and i was hoping you could help me out or guide me in the right direction.I have had a really bad childhood ( My mother being a Psychopathic-Maniac). We had to move very often which made it hard for me to make friends which resulted in a weird personality. Things got better as i was about 10, as she married again. But thing were only good for a few month , then she took her crazy behaviour to a whole new level. I started doing drugs at about 16. I am unsure if i already had anxiety at that time ( being 20 by now). I always had this drive to try out new things and it lead to pretty bad decisions. This is the list of substances i have abused:
-THC(often)
-MDMA(often)
-Amphetamin(very often)
-LSD(6-8 Times) I cant be sure if those tabs contained lsd or rcs
-Salvia Divinorum( I bought 20g of leaves and 1g x10 extract which i smoked myself until it was finished. About 6 Weeks)
-Buprenorphine( 4Pills - 1 Lasting me 2 weeks)
-DXM( 5 Times)
-Oxycodon ( 5 Times )
-Scopolamine (I made it myself and i am not sure what the dosage was, as i made it of stomache pills. But i guess the dosage was between 20-25mg). I did a little research and i guess this has done alot of damage. I was on it for 4 days in delirium and 2 more day with huge pupils all day, regaing slowly my ego.
-Methylphenidate ( I bought my self a bottle of concerta containing 30 pills a 52mg. I took them everyday and then i just stopped. I think this triggered a mild psychosis in the retrospect
-Magic Mushrooms(2 Times)
-Mephedrone (4 Times) I am not sure if it was Mephedrone. I was told these are MDMA crystals but thats impossible . I compared the Ki to DA-Receptors and 5-HTP-Receptors and this is the only substance which could have produced such pronounced effects, in such a low quantity.
-Cocain ( 4 Times)
-various Benzos ( 30-50 in Total )
As I was about 14 i found a pill in my (dead) grandmas house and it had no blister to it. I had to try it and i have no idea what it was. As soon as it kicked in I couldn't breath through my Nose anymore and it was really weird. I cant recall much except that i couldn't breath well and it was all over in 2 hours. I guess it was some kind of Neuroleptic.
Here i am now. I stopped my consumption almost completely. I still suffer the after math of this crazy time. I have now anxiety almost everyday. I was always different then the rest but i was very intelligent. I was always ahead of the rest in my age and i felt superior. This stopped at the age of about 17-18. I dropped out of school and things got worse. About 2 years ago after i dropped out i started taking Piracetam and i ate everyday 4-8 Eggs for the choline. Things started to get better slightly. My grades where ok but i was in a worse school then before.
About 2 Months ago i started to take Uridin alongside with CDP Choline,L-Tryptophan,B-Complex, Piracetam, DHA and a Vitamin Complex which improved my life in a manner i cant describe. I could focus again and i was able to learn things alot easier. My life used to be controlled by procrastination and i was pretty psychotic. I just couldnt understand other people well. I misinterpreted many actions and what people said which led to even more anxiety and psychotic thoughts. I felt autistic and stupid. I stopped taking this stack about a month ago after i run out of uridin and choline. Also i got a weird skin rash which slowly spreads over my whole body. It doesnt itch , it has a lighter color and its oval. My question is now what damage was done by the scopolamin with that dosage, while 100mg being the LD50 dosage, and what stack would you recommend me to take. I am emotionally crippled because of the 5-HTP damage. I lack motivation because of my anxiety and things are just so hard to get done. The uridin made it alot better. I now have a job and i slowly regain social skills. But i am far from normal. I used to have Parkinson like symptoms where i would twitch together without being able to control it( 40-60 Times a day). Any advise is welcome.
