19 replies to this topic

[jack black]

What breakthrough? Lets just start with the fact that I'm a low energy person, sensitive to any life stressors, and prone to depressions, who is not fully satisfied with life despite being a successful professional on paper (glass half empty). I fooled with supplements/DIY treatments on and off for 2-3 years, but only in the last year it became a full fledged, full time hobby. Don't get me wrong, i did fine tune my stack and it helps some, but it's a slow, evolutionary process.

 

this is the first time i feel a massive improvement, although it may sound trivial for a normal, young, and well functioning person (well, i'm neither of those): 2 days in a row i'm waking well rested about 4AM and decide it's a good idea to get up and walk around my hilly neighborhood for an hour, later not going back to sleep, but doing some other things before work. This is all without any traditional stimulants (i nearly eliminated caffeine weeks ago as part of my stack fine tuning). I also find myself more relaxed, less irritable, more productive at work, and i eat healthier. I suddenly feel younger a couple of decades. I only hope this will last.

 

what did i do differently? a few different things happened recently, but the best i can time the events it must have been dusting an old book that i enjoyed as an adolescent and reading it again. I don't think the choice of book is important, except for the fact that this is my native language, it's something i felt strongly as a young man, and has incredibly rich language while dealing with heavy duty philosophical shit, while disguised as a sci-fi fiction.

 

reading the pages and especially words that i forgot they existed is almost like rediscovering a lost treasure and peeling layers of memory that are coming back to life. it's not an easy read though, i can only do 20-30 pages max in PM before getting tired going to bad early.

 

so, my dear fellow longecitians, see if there is something you deeply enjoyed on an intellectual level earlier in life, especially something that changed/built your personality, that you can do again and see if that rejuvenates yourself. please report back.

[jack black]

No takers yet? I almost expected this would be flagged as "needs references" or some other nonsense.

In a preemptive move, i'm providing references. believe or not, some people practice "bibliotherapy" and take some good money for it:

http://www.theschool...-bibliotherapy/

 

there is also this (news to me): https://en.wikipedia...i/Bibliotherapy

Edited by jack black, 19 January 2017 - 05:29 PM.

[jack black]

Updated. The effects diminished on the fourth day. Nice while it lasted and no cost. I'm still shocked a book could do it.

[Mind_Paralysis]

Well, I've had such moments myself - whenever I have found a NEW subject which I find interesting, or / and actually show some skill at:

 

Video-games, painting, drawing, sci-fi-novels (ey! we got something in common! I prefer the lighter reads though - 19th-century stuff), exercise, cooking, you name it!

 

 

I would say, in your case, it might be because you are Autistic, yes? And what you discovered is a long-lost SPECIAL INTEREST! It's been known and proven that people on the spectrum just feel *so much* better when they have the opportunity to freely and frequently engage with their #1 special interest.

 

Loss of the special interest is related to anxiety and depression...

 

So, what I think you need to look closer at, in order to truly get something out of this discovery, is looking at structural changes to your behaviour and how you work, how you interact with your family - and above all - how much of it plays into your special interests? Does your family share in them? Do you have FRIENDS which share in these interests? Believe me - this can be LIFE-changing...! Some of the times I've seen autistic friends the most alive, the most vibrant, is when they found others which shared their passion for their #1 special interest.

 

In essence - how can you OPTIMIZE your life, every single process that you go through, around the potential STRENGTHS of Autism? And can you likewise optimize it so you MINIMIZE exposure to thinking, and actions, which make the weaknesses of Autism more obvious?

 

Doing this, should be able to take away some of the stressors which cause anxiety and depression for Autism.

 

 

Give it some thought, and start listing things! = ) Map out your life! There are gains to be made here...

[Dichotohmy]

Updated. The effects diminished on the fourth day. Nice while it lasted and no cost. I'm still shocked a book could do it.

The surest way for one to hear god laugh is to announce you are doing better/well/have big plans: take your pick.

Seriously, though, make it a point not to look too deeply into short-term improvements. Anything from natural illness fluctuations, to flat out coincidences, to overlooking some other intervention, to the dreaded placebo effect, can all explain non-lasting short term improvements in a chronic condition. IMO once you get up to over a month of improvement is when its more likely that an intervention is demonstrably doing something.

I think Stink's post above makes a lot of sense for ASD people. I do find that nostalgic things, rediscovering old pleasures, and resuming stalled out projects does give me a little mental energy and modest mood improvement. The boost never lasts long, though. I don't think I'm an ASD person, but yet another ADHD and attribute these short-term boosts to novelty seeking; which may in fact just be a over-expression of whatever causes the Hedonic Treadmill effect..

Edited by Dichotohmy, 22 January 2017 - 07:32 AM.

[iseethelight]

I don't believe the book had anything to do with it.. I think waking early and going for a walk and getting stuff done  early in the day was what made the difference. If you could continue that. but then you need the energy to do that, see if you can muscle your way thru it first few days... Also your body might have reached a temporarily equilibrium due to combination of what you ate that day plus the supps you're taking. I get these temporary cures all the time, I've learned my lesson to not speak too soon. 

[jack black]

I've learned my lesson to not speak too soon.

Yeah, I'm a slow learner. If I was smarter I would not post in this forum at all, because there is always a loser who is going to flag my posts "ill informed".

[Mind_Paralysis]

 

I've learned my lesson to not speak too soon.

Yeah, I'm a slow learner. If I was smarter I would not post in this forum at all, because there is always a loser who is going to flag my posts "ill informed".

 

 

Don't sweat that, man - just keep posting good, well-informed posts, and you will continue to get more positive feedback. And, last I checked, your standing in the forums was by no means a bad one - you're generally considered an at least decent poster, irregardless of the ratings you have received.

 

I, personally, think you add something to the forum and would miss you if you left.
 

[Meggo]

I like your discovery. Could also be that the reading you did uncovered early emotions and memories which were attached to the memory of the text, thus forcing integration of suppressed parts of your psyche into your personality which led to a little less dissociation and the consolidation of a real self which acts in the world according to its own motivations instead of just being a spectator.

 

[William Sterog]

 

 

except for the fact that this is my native language, it's something i felt strongly as a young man, and has incredibly rich language while dealing with heavy duty philosophical shit, while disguised as a sci-fi fiction.

 

Was this book Solaris by Stanislaw Lem? 

[jack black]

 

 

 

except for the fact that this is my native language, it's something i felt strongly as a young man, and has incredibly rich language while dealing with heavy duty philosophical shit, while disguised as a sci-fi fiction.

 

Was this book Solaris by Stanislaw Lem? 

 

 

Wow, i'm impressed. It wasn't Solaris, but it was Lem alright. One of his later books that was never translated to english: https://en.wikipedia...ion_on_the_Spot
 

[Duchykins]

I periodically reread a lot of my old favorites.  Never has that kind of effect on me.

 

I've reread the Coldfire Trilogy for maybe the 12th time now.  No change.  I seem to periodically go back to this series every 3-4 years anyway.

 

The Death Gate Cycle for maybe the 9th time now.  No change.  Same as Coldfire.  Nostalgic as fuck.

 

The Redwall series, first 6 books.  No change.  

 

Ender's Game.  No change.

 

Clan of the Cave Bear.  No change.

 

Wizard's First Rule.  No change.

 

The Gunslinger.  No change.

 

The Eye of the World.  No change.  

 

Hyperion.  No change.

 

Dragonflight.  No change.

 

Dust (Pellegrino).   Still love it and it came out right at the end of my adolescence, but no change.

 

A few old (now non-canon) but small Star Wars books.  Facking Disney.  Nope.

 

I actually have trouble stopping when I'm in a good book.  I easily can go 12 hours without feeling the time go by, like some MMO gamer or Netflix binger.  It can be unhealthy since I've been known to neglect myself in the past (I don't do that anymore since I've become more aware of myself, but that part of me still lives inside me ready to take over if I'm not vigilant).    

 

I can get cranky if I am interrupted at a really good part.  I won't sleep either unless I'm done.  But I'm on an indefinite supply of Ambien anyway.

 

I read a lot regardless, so maybe this wouldn't be expected to have a similar effect on someone who never really stopped reading.

 

You do you though.  Good luck

Edited by Duchykins, 06 February 2017 - 08:01 AM.

[sthira]

so, my dear fellow longecitians, see if there is something you deeply enjoyed on an intellectual level earlier in life, especially something that changed/built your personality, that you can do again and see if that rejuvenates yourself. please report back.

Thank you, Jack, for the good thoughts. You've heard of Ellen Langer's "Counterclockwise" study?

https://www.amazon.c...=bisafetynet-20

If we can turn back the clock psychologically -- by reading stuff we read as kids, or doing stuff we did as children, or surrounding ourselves in environments of our youths -- could we also physically turn back the aging clock?

Placebo be damned: create part time time warps: be temporarily surrounded by the silly toys and wall posters of youth, the black lights and glow stars on the night bedroom ceiling, relearn the planets, the constellations, spin a basketball on your middle finger or learn to juggle three tennis balls, balance on one leg, write with a non-dominant hand, draw and draw again dumb jokes with a crayon between your toes, roll around on the floor with a smelly dog: be alive.

In Ellen Langer's "Counterclockwise" she created for some 70 year olds a 1950s environment of their youth. It had effects. We can do the same, even temporarily and secretly.

When I was three I wanted to be a truck driver and I rolled trucks around on the carpet, I indented rugs with tiny tire tracks, and then I became a famous professional basketball player, so I played all day, all week in rain and shine, I shot hoops hot and cold for years, imagined my way to greatness, and then I learned grace on the court through ballet, so my mom took me to ballet classes -- me, the only male -- and my body grew up strong and flexible and dreamy until ballet later became a profession, my income for years, so much hard work and joy, freedom and devotion, then the inevitable injuries, my ripped up hips and knees, my poor broken feet, injuries stopped me, so now is the time to relearn what once came effortlessly in youth. And the relearning sends me back to younger times: sliding backwards and forwards in time is healthy for us, don't you think?

So do what's necessary for you to reignite your own youth -- you, no one else matters.

Of course we see old people trapped in the past -- their dusty furniture and rotting books, the neglect, the failure to keep up with time. On one hand, we won't get stuck stodgy in our past. On the other, that old person trying so fucking hard at the music festival to mimic the stoner teenagers feels sad. So there's balance: seek youth with intelligence and subtlety.

Ellen Langer's "Counterclockwise" is a good read, and seeking youth can be your own private pursuit -- who needs to know beyond you? Your own secret: you're younger, you need no desperate t-shirt displays, you may think yourself younger, you may prove nothing to no one, and -- wow -- it's surprising how powerful our suggestive minds can reshape us.

Meanwhile, we await the regenerative medicines that we're told may be ahead -- they're our best hope forward.

Edited by sthira, 06 February 2017 - 06:08 PM.

[jack black]

I experienced another startling and unexplained improvement in my mood, productivity, and happiness similar or greater to that mentioned in the very first post. I've been slowly transferring my old family VHS to DVD and the project goes in bursts of activity interrupted by long inactivity due to burnout, hardware failures (old equipment), health issues, and family emergencies. It started 9 years ago and I just restarted it on Sunday as the deadline approaches (travel to see family members that begged for some of those DVD). As soon as I started working on it (it was a rough start as I forgot some details and equipment failed again), the energy levels, focus, and productivity went through the roof. Only a weeks ago i was low on energy in evenings and only able to watch TV and snack. Ironically I was trying to improve my stack and trying to find something that gives me boost in PM, tried a few different things with little effects and now only a cup of coffee in PM gets me going well past the midnight.

 

Today it's day #4 and lets see how long it lasts. I don't think it's a coincidence.

It's either:

1. happiness to do things that are pleasurable, but long delayed, or

2. mentally going back to old happy days, or

3. some things trigger hypomania in susceptible persons.

 

BTW, to the loser who hits me with negative feedback everytime I post, go ahead, I don't care.

[jack black]

Update, the improvement lasted about a week, exactly 8 days. since that i lost my focus and started boosting my stack to get more productive. Will try to restart it this weekend again.

[jack black]

I just experienced another surging mental energy moment and i'm going to share it here despite the harsh feedback i'm getting for posting here (WTF?). 

 

not surprisingly, it has with reconnecting with my past. recently, I got an email from a woman I very briefly dated when we were in college over 30 years ago. she desperately needed help in something I specialize in and she found my name on the net. it turned out I could not help her much, but she was very appreciative anyhow and mentioned a few things from our past. mind you these were details I long forgot about, and as I recovered those lost memories, a flood of emotions hit me strongly. in the midst of that nostalgia, I suddenly wanted to reconnect with all the people I knew and cared about long time ago. this evening, I spent some time googling for the names I remembered, hoping eventually to get in touch. mind you, our generation is not savvy on social media and only some of us have contacts posted on the net. 

 

that flood of emotions keeps me awake late at night and this yet another Eureka moment for me, even though it may not last long (as previous episodes proved).

 

i'm thinking that we are all true ourselves while young, and later as we "mature" we learn to suppress our nature and true emotions in order to conform to the society and to be politically correct. often we play a role in life just like actors, and that is a heavy burden to sustain for many years. that ends up with depression, alcohol, drugs, etc (fortunately, only depression for me). 

 

yet, when we reconnect with out innocent past, the true personalities emerge without the filters/role-playing we impose upon ourselves.

 

does it make sense?

 

 

[Mind_Paralysis]

I just experienced another surging mental energy moment and i'm going to share it here despite the harsh feedback i'm getting for posting here (WTF?). 

 

not surprisingly, it has with reconnecting with my past. recently, I got an email from a woman I very briefly dated when we were in college over 30 years ago. she desperately needed help in something I specialize in and she found my name on the net. it turned out I could not help her much, but she was very appreciative anyhow and mentioned a few things from our past. mind you these were details I long forgot about, and as I recovered those lost memories, a flood of emotions hit me strongly. in the midst of that nostalgia, I suddenly wanted to reconnect with all the people I knew and cared about long time ago. this evening, I spent some time googling for the names I remembered, hoping eventually to get in touch. mind you, our generation is not savvy on social media and only some of us have contacts posted on the net. 

 

that flood of emotions keeps me awake late at night and this yet another Eureka moment for me, even though it may not last long (as previous episodes proved).

 

i'm thinking that we are all true ourselves while young, and later as we "mature" we learn to suppress our nature and true emotions in order to conform to the society and to be politically correct. often we play a role in life just like actors, and that is a heavy burden to sustain for many years. that ends up with depression, alcohol, drugs, etc (fortunately, only depression for me). 

 

yet, when we reconnect with out innocent past, the true personalities emerge without the filters/role-playing we impose upon ourselves.

 

does it make sense?

 

To an extent, yes - especially when one takes into consideration that you have Autism and possibly some kind of attention-disorder - those of us whom are not neurotypicals are constantly, even from birth, trained and encouraged by the neurotypicals to "fit in" - to emulate their behaviour, in order to function within the fairly narrow social constructs that Western society have developed - all aimed squarely at neurotypicals.

 

Any and all such behaviour outside of this norm is then, to various extents, punished - hence, we whom are not neurotypical start forcing ourselves into acting, prentending to be like the people around us.

 

It's a well-known fact that many people with more severe Autism than you have, experience terrible dysphoria when forced outside of their comfort-zone of Autistic behaviour - removing themselves from neurotypicals and being allowed an exclusively autistic life-style, with personal assistants to help with various societal interactions, often completely dissolves the dysphoria.

 

The same can *kind of* be seen in people with ADHD - because of the pressures of society, they end up in problems with anxiety, anger and depression - but once stimulant-therapy is engaged, ALL of this dysphoria dissapears - this is of course because stimulants remove the symptoms of ADHD, and hence, it suddenly becomes EFFORTLESS to pretend to be neurotypical.

 

 

How I envy the ADHD-ers... how great it would be to simply take one pill and cast off this terrible, terrible burden...

[jack black]

Stinkorninjor,

very good point how it's an extra hardship for neurodiverse people to mask themselves as neurotypical.

another point i wanted to make, going back in time brings me to my young version that was full of optimism and idealism about world, life, etc. with time, i learned to fail, be cynical, lie, and do things i was ashamed of. i paid a price for that and had a life crisis at the young age of 23. I guess it's typical, but mine was fairly bad: https://en.wikipedia...ter-life_crisis

 

i decided now to connect with people of my youth, especially the ones i was attached to and cared about greatly. i have to admit, that while i was busy with education, career, and my own immediate family, I neglected friends and extended family.

 

BTW, Stinkorninjor i continue to be very impressed by your good insights into these psychologic/psychiatric issues at such a young age. You do have a talent for that. I was clueless about it at your age, but of course things were very different back then and access to any information was not exactly easy.

 

 

Edited by jack black, 07 February 2018 - 04:59 PM.

[jack black]

I guess I came back to update this with my conclusions. Believe this or not, the recent euphoria is still in place more than a week later, and maybe in fact permanent. Here is why and how.

Turns out i'm either cyclothymic or bipolar2 and what i'm describing are hypomaniac states. I simply (re)discovered my hypomania triggers. Thinking back on my entire life I felt my best when being in love (especially platonic), traveling, vacationing, immersed by intellectual curiosity, discovering new things, etc. Basically novelty seeking. On the other hand, stress, anxiety and boredom would trigger depression (and weight gain), that would put me in a vicious cycle.

 

In the past, not having insights into emotions or able to control them meant that i used to let ride them too high (I guess it made me a great, tireless, and creative lover back then), but it also meant I would crash hard on earth and shatter the same triggers that made me well in the first place

.

Now, I have the power of insight, knowledge, and Lithium salts on hand. But even better, I reconnected with a soul whom I lost many decades before. I loved her but I thought she didn't love me. Turned out she loved me too, but never showed it. We both went different ways and only some tragic events connected us together and we realized we cared for each other very deeply despite all those years and each of us starting different families. We are only altruistically connected by emails, and there is no chance or plan to even meet physically. This a friendship of my life and we promised each other it will be permanent. When my emotions are a bit high and i have trouble concentrating on work, i stay away from emails and titrate lithium a bit higher (I use low dose in the first place); when it's cooling, i go and reread our emails (much more convenient than paper love letters of my youths) and passions explode again.

 

I know it sounds like some cheap love story, but it's real. Since I think I figured out my problems, I won't be hanging here as much as before.

 

good luck everyone!

Edited by jack black, 13 February 2018 - 07:20 PM.

[Mind_Paralysis]

I'm very glad to hear you're feeling so much better and may have a handle on things. = )

 

I wish you well, and one day we shall converse again!