Ok....so here we go. I am withdrawing from Phenibut. And my arsenal is full..... I will survive this. Anyone who thinks that melo dramatic has no clue what intense phenibut withdrawal is like.
My daily intake is 13 scoops of my suppliers orange scooper. I believe its 750mg.... but I never wanted to know......large crystal phenibut
Background - I Discovered Phenibut 1 year and 9 months ago. For 4 months my emotional state was beautiful. Thats really the word for it. I'd wake up in the morning appreciating life and suddenly had coping skills I never had. I thought "wow this is how healthy people pretty much walk through life". As someone that has suffered depression and anxiety since I was quite young I've now come to believe, or strongly relate to the premise of Reward Deficiency Syndrome. The very foundation of this disorder is that many of us have fewer dopamine receptors. While we watch people go through life keeping jobs, coping with life's problems..they look at us with a look that convey's "cmon get strong, life isn't easy, work hard, run...push yourself". I can say that I am equally as intelligent as several of my siblings so why then have I had such difficulty in maintaining a really steady career. Why is it so hard for me to get up without a feeling of dread. Are they saying they're stronger fighters? Its possible but I don't think that's the case....It's dopamine people. Monoamine hypothesis which led to the monopolizing of SSRI's may have its merits but I know very few people who found peace through them....if you did then I couldn't be happier for you.....but a 33% success rate? ehhhh
I was three months into my daily intake when my next Phenibut order was coming in a few days. Boom... In bed petrified. That was the first of many. But I've now come to realize that Phenibut withdrawal is almost like a tiered system. Its like blowing through one wall after the next. By my third withdrawal I had to fake a family death (pathetic) to take a week off of work. I was too afraid to even step out of my apartment. As I lay there I realize that I needed to consume alcohol in order to mitigate this pain. Somehow I was able to get to a wine store and I stabilized. Do I recommend this to those with alcoholism,,,ovbioulsy not,,, but when your in the heat of withdrawal and your not sure how to make it I recommend you saddle up. I'm sure many will argue this but gaba b needs to be repaired and wine is a gaba a agonist. I actually recommend this even if you are taking benzo's as well as doctors give them out so sparingly.
Wanted to touch briefly on some of the detrimental side effects - which I see sparingly amongst others but are all part of my addiction... Since I take an adhd drug - the two of them together cause uncontrollable sexual urges leading me to do things I truly regret. I cont really sleep....I wake up every two hours....then at lunch I have to go into a private conference room and doze in and out for an hour to be able to remain,,literally...awake at my desk
So here I am..... Last week I woke up felt a bit sick and just off. I was taking my phenibut an antiobiotic (could have played a role here) but suddenly I was in an absolute morbid depression. But why? I'm taking my Phenibut? Well I think I blew through another gasket and it simply was no longer having an effect. Luckily I have a doctor who is a little loose with ol prescription book. My last dose was on Thursday morning and below is what I am using. I thought long and hard about posting this as god forbid someone hurts themselves.....but I'm doing it anyway.
PHENIBUT ARSENAL
1. Restoril - Temazapam - benzo for sleep.... I have 45 15 mg pills. Its a good time to highlight a very salient point. Discipline, discipline, discipline. I am one that has an affinity for all things narcotics so all I can say is be careful. I'm in a dire situation and this is my last withdrawal - i pray
2. Vyvanse - 50mg - 30 count - Over the course of the past week I've become more and more convinced that Phenibut is also playing a dramatic role on my dopaminergic receptors. I need to fire those up. I can already hear certain readers saying "thats beyond stupid". I challenge that. Yes stimulants surge and then deplete dopamine levels. However when all is said and done I'll be a little unmotivated for a week. I won't be dealing with phenibuts ice pick to both my dopamine and gaba at the same time.
3. Valium - 10mg's - 60 count - Bc I am on the vyvanse the valium does two things. A. Smooths out the amphetamine release and B. Obviously acts to sooth general anxiety.
4. Kratom - about 8 months ago I did it cold turkey (plus wine I mentioned earlier)... I was still in a state of utter hell and I took kratom and almost instantly felt baseline. I'm not suggesting this played a role bc I was beginning to return to baseline..... but actually I am.....if I feel one way and then take something and 20 minutes later feel much better I pretty sure I have a good idea as to what happened.
5. Wine. Not an all day booze fest. Just a few glasses over the course of the day......ok maybe a bit more at night but god almighty life is short 
6. Fascoracetam - I do believe it upregulates gaba B. During one withdrawal it was all I had and it took the edge off.
I know this is a long post but its cathartic and hopefully informative. When you start to get deeper into Phenibut the withdrawals take on a much more intense flavor. I would start to think about what if this is god punishing me and teasing me with the beginning of hell. I would fear that I could be arrested for something that didn't even happen. Like what if someone I met was hurt they would some how trace it back to me. Its simply irrational. But theres no way to convince yourself of it. Suicidal thinking becomes really prominent....I'm a very typical professional. If I read this post years ago I would have said this guy is a loony.....but the brain is ...well...the brain
So day 3ish...forget what time I took it last on Thursday.,,,possible I took some at night which would make it less. I woke up this morning with signicant depression. Took my vyvanse, fasco, valium.....felt completly normal in 35 minutes. If this sounds like optimism it is.....if you think for a second that I think the next 7 days are going to be easy your nuts.
But there you have it....I hate updating these things....so easy to not do it once you feel better. But I'm hoping I catch a little altruism and circle back......that is if anyone reads this
