9 replies to this topic

[PeaceAndProsperity]

Fellow spirit beings and astral travelers, let me send positive vibrations and tell you something wonderful that happened!

Ever since entering my late 20s I've been having various issues with my body that progressively got worse. At 30 I began losing my hair and my youthful stamina, at 40 I got my first few gray hair and back pain, at 50 I was losing muscle mass and memory like never before. Now at 60 I've gone impotent.

I was reading the newspaper the other day and an article was talking about a scientist who discovered how this disease could be reversed by supplementing a chemical found in snakes to increase the amount of a protein molecule called CRAP+. The + sign simply denotes that the molecule is charged with a positive electron but never mind this it's complex rocket feceks. CRAP+ is an abbreviation for ©ellular ®eactive (A)ging-related (P)rotein Anyway, this molecule CRAP+ rapidly declines after the age of about 24 which results in various metabolic defects as this molecule protein thing is necessary for metabolizing chemicals, electron donation and all sorts of things. You wouldn't believe! Now the bastards at the "RDA" (reptilian drug administration) have been doing their best to keep this discovery hidden, using all sorts of Internet and forum and real-life trolls that attack anyone trying to bring the truth out. Anyway, this supplement that increases CRAP+ in the body is only found in the body of snakes; it's therefore entirely possible that the seller himself has lots of it in his body. So to create this exotic chemical they have to kill some snakes and grind their bodies and then extract the oil. The oil is HIGHLY potent so beware! And it's not cheap because you know, it's difficult to extract and you need a thousand snakes to make a bottle of snakes oil and most snakes have good lawyers. Good thing all the third world countries have lots of snakes, right?

 

The side-effects of snake oil are almost entirely non-existent:

Headache

Loss of libido and erections

Fatigue and reduced exercise capacity

Reduced sleep quality and duration

Blood pressure changes (hypotension)

Allergy induction

10% increased risk of bankruptcy and wife leaving you because she's sick of your shit

 

But the benefits, oh the benefits are wonderful!:

A 2lb decrease in body fat over a 12 month period of 250mg everyday.

A significant 5% reduction in total cholesterol and triglycerides.

An unknown but significant reduction in cases of cancer (99% of users report no cancer before and during usage!!!!!)

Obscure family members experiencing full body rejuvenation and detox from negative energies absolutely magnificent shining skin looking and pheeling 20 years younger!!!!

 

 

Please mods this is a joke, spare me from the cruel fate of troubled souls!

[Mind]

Well written satirical post! However, proper placement is probably in the "other conversations" forum.

[sthira]

CRAP+

Yes I love comedy and bathos, too. But you do realize the pace shall advance, right? It shall advance because it must advance: too many old sick aging people are bankrupting the systems.

We can say coldly -- oh, just let them all die. And indeed this is what the medical industry does today, and billions more nice and mean people shall die of that moving target of preventable aging.

So it depends on which current into which you'd like to step: aging kills comedians just like age kills everyone else. (Dana Carvey, though, at 60 still looks like a kid on a skateboard, haha...)

[Dorian Grey]

 

CRAP+

Yes I love comedy and bathos, too. But you do realize the pace shall advance, right? It shall advance because it must advance: too many old sick aging people are bankrupting the systems.

We can say coldly -- oh, just let them all die. And indeed this is what the medical industry does today, and billions more nice and mean people shall die of that moving target of preventable aging.

So it depends on which current into which you'd like to step: aging kills comedians just like age kills everyone else. (Dana Carvey, though, at 60 still looks like a kid on a skateboard, haha...)

 

 

I'm dismayed at the state of health in the population these days myself.  I'm old enough to remember when the sight of a morbidly obese person or someone in a wheelchair was a real shock.  The problem is, before these folks fall off the twig they tend to run-up several hundred thousand dollars on medical and disability costs.  The end of life care for the boomer generation is estimated to run into the tens of trillions and will truly break the financial back of the USA due to our pricey medical system.  Generation X/Y/Z will be enslaved paying for this.  

 

Diet and (lack of) exercise to blame?  I don't think so.  In the more healthy "good old days" women didn't even work outside the home, and daytime television was all soap operas.  Men drank (& smoked) a lot more back then, and meat & potatoes was the norm for dinner.  

 

I don't know what's going on, but its terrifying to watch.  If we don't get to the bottom of how to improve health soon, the world's going to be in a dreadful state, and not all that far down the road.  Mainstream medicine is failing miserably.  The only alternative I know of is "Alternative Medicine".  

[sthira]

The problem is, before these folks fall off the twig they tend to run-up several hundred thousand dollars on medical and disability costs. The end of life care for the boomer generation is estimated to run into the tens of trillions and will truly break the financial back of the USA due to our pricey medical system. Generation X/Y/Z will be enslaved paying for this.

Diet and (lack of) exercise to blame? I don't think so. In the more healthy "good old days" women didn't even work outside the home, and daytime television was all soap operas. Men drank (& smoked) a lot more back then, and meat & potatoes was the norm for dinner.

I don't know what's going on, but its terrifying to watch. If we don't get to the bottom of how to improve health soon, the world's going to be in a dreadful state, and not all that far down the road. Mainstream medicine is failing miserably. The only alternative I know of is "Alternative Medicine".

It's hard not to wax conspiratorial about legislation, ain't it. Lustig's "sugar-is-poison" speech says a lot of what's going on in the world right now, what are the terrible consequences, and this stark presentation was given more than seven years ago. I'm sure you've probably watched it, if not, it's worth everyone's time to listen up:

https://youtu.be/dBnniua6-oM

[ceridwen]

It's enough to make one believe in the Georgia Guidelines!
It's enough to make one believe in the Georgia Guidestones!
Sorry

[Keizo]

 

 

CRAP+

Yes I love comedy and bathos, too. But you do realize the pace shall advance, right? It shall advance because it must advance: too many old sick aging people are bankrupting the systems.

We can say coldly -- oh, just let them all die. And indeed this is what the medical industry does today, and billions more nice and mean people shall die of that moving target of preventable aging.

So it depends on which current into which you'd like to step: aging kills comedians just like age kills everyone else. (Dana Carvey, though, at 60 still looks like a kid on a skateboard, haha...)

 

 

I'm dismayed at the state of health in the population these days myself.  I'm old enough to remember when the sight of a morbidly obese person or someone in a wheelchair was a real shock.  The problem is, before these folks fall off the twig they tend to run-up several hundred thousand dollars on medical and disability costs.  The end of life care for the boomer generation is estimated to run into the tens of trillions and will truly break the financial back of the USA due to our pricey medical system.  Generation X/Y/Z will be enslaved paying for this.  

 

Diet and (lack of) exercise to blame?  I don't think so.  In the more healthy "good old days" women didn't even work outside the home, and daytime television was all soap operas.  Men drank (& smoked) a lot more back then, and meat & potatoes was the norm for dinner.  

 

I don't know what's going on, but its terrifying to watch.  If we don't get to the bottom of how to improve health soon, the world's going to be in a dreadful state, and not all that far down the road.  Mainstream medicine is failing miserably.  The only alternative I know of is "Alternative Medicine".  

 

https://en.wikipedia...d_energy_intake

I would doubt as many ate as many calories or sugar "back then". But sure, some things might have improved, like alcohol consumption. Meat and potatoes might be a massive upgrade from what a lot of people eat today. 

 

I think a problem with anti-aging might be that it will be incredibly expensive for what you get for it, especially for society. Consider the political aspect, the retirement plans, social security plans, and so forth that might be tax funded.

Just because someone becomes much more healthy and lives longer, doesn't mean they would want to work for another 20 years, or that the way society organizes these benefit systems will suddenly change.

How much of a net benefit (purely economically in sustaining the society) is the average person who works anyway? is there and will there even be a need to put most people back in the workforce?

Edited by Keizo, 23 April 2017 - 01:52 PM.

[PeaceAndProsperity]

GUYS HOLD ON THIS IS BREAKING JUST IN

I think I know why some people experience side-effects from snake oil. It has to do with methylation cycles.

Some people are undermethylators and some are overmethylators. Snake oil adds a methyl group and thus increases methylation.

 

Symptoms of overmethylation are:

Fatigue

Depression

Irritability

Diarrhea

Constipation

Irritable bowel syndrome

Paranoia

Hallucinations

Weight changes

Hyperactivity

Hypoactivity

Running nose

Congested nose

Headache

Tinnitus

ADD

ADHD

Nervousness

Anxiety

Heart palpitations

High pulse

Low pulse

High blood pressure

Low blood pressure

Loss of appetite

Increased appetite

Dry mouth

Decreased libido

Increased libido

Impotence

Chronic penile erection

Anorgasmia

Skin rashes

Dry skin

Feeling faint

Nervous system excitation

John Miller Syndrome

 

 

[mikeinnaples]

I really miss the days when blatant trolling wasn't tolerated in the supplement forum.

[mrnootropic]

I really miss the days when blatant trolling wasn't tolerated in the supplement forum.

Agree, but this post was, sort of funny at least .. haha!