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Suicidaly depressed lately- Should I spend $12,000 for TMS or try something else?

tms rtms depression suicide suicidal

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#1 Fletch

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Posted 09 June 2017 - 10:08 AM


I have an appointment next Monday to start TMS for depression, but I'm hesitant for few reasons...

 

 

Firstly, my parents will be paying out of pocket $12,000 and I'm wondering if that money would be better spent on alternative methods with more promising results than (as effective as antidepressants- which are a little higher than placebo)

 

Second, I'm on 10mg Valium/day without a Dr.s Rx, so I can't tell the TMS Dr. about it. 

 

Third, I've been suicidally depressed, with 3 attempts in the last few months. TMS if it works, takes several weeks. Something more immediate would be ideal, and ECT is off the table.

 

I'm concerned about how TMS may work/not work while on daily benzo, and if there is a possibility that it could in fact make my future gradual taper more difficult somehow?  I read that chronic benzo use increases rMT (resting motor threshold) but haven't researched exactly what that means or how to interpret that info so as to make it useful in practical terms regarding my concerns. Any help or ideas on this one would be great!

 

What are my other options?

 

Ketamine is a no-go. Been there, done that (albeit on my own, IM administration, anesthetic dose, and ended up repetitively dosing- i.e. psychological addiction/way to escape reality)

 

I was on Nardil for years and it worked fairly well, yet I was suicidal on it at times, including these last suicide attempts, and especially when I came off and reinstated! Intrusive suicidal impulses that I don't want to risk again.

 

SSRIs are shit. I went back to Paxil after Nardil and became a zombie who slept 20 hours a day, with disturbing vivid nightmares that were almost worse than my waking life.

 

I have some NSI-189 but didn't give it a fair run because of all the reports of increased anxiety, and concern that supply could be cut off. I also don't trust my scale to measure 10-40mg accurately, yet it's the best selling one on Amazon and I didn't see any ones with any better reviews.

 

Right now I'm on lithium orotate, fish oil, 10mg valium (which I need to get the hell off of- a hellish journey in itself), was taking 10mg memantine twice a day until I stopped today for some gut reason it was making me more depressed or causing inter-dose swings in mood perhaps, vit C, magnesium, pterostilbene, nicotinamide riboside, vit E, and started ashwagandha today.

 

What about home use devices for brain stimulation, or biofeedback? I'm pretty ignorant about those things.

 

Any advice to get me out of this recent HELL asap is highly welcomed and appreciated! Thanks



#2 Rib Jig

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Posted 30 May 2018 - 12:35 AM

This may be way late, but...

there are non-addictive drugs that are almost "happy" pills;

my relative lost so much sleep during 2009 financial crisis that he

became constantly negative-hopeless-fearful.

 

a shrink put him on 2-drug combo:  remeron+lexapro

& that first night he got 10+ hrs sleep & snapped out of

his condition first time in almost a year -- PERMANENTLY.



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