Hello all. I am posting because I am seeking advice as to what to do about what I think may be severe neurotoxicity I have caused myself from amphetimines/ and also mdma. So basically I’m high school I started doing a good bit of mdma when I could find it on weekends and partying all night with my friends. I was and daily pot smoker and drank whenever I got the opportunity. I would party as much as I could with my friends and whenever we could get Molly bought probably anywhere from a half of a gram to a gram and usually went through it in a night. As this became more frequent I would drink alchohol on top of this all night and I got into taking marijuana dabs lit. Occasionally in high school I would buy stimulants or people’s ADHD medicine and take it I suppose for the high and also to get work done as well. This was not an everyday thing but more of when I could find it. Other drug use continued and I pretty much went as hard as I could whenever I could. I was not really concerned with what it might do to me and didn’t really think anything was hurting me at the time. I was never diagnosed with ADHD and had no reason to be taking any kind of medication. After I graduated I went on to community college. Knowing that I would probably have a hard time focusing and getting my work done I started buying stimulants wherever I could and taking them probably about 3 times a week for six months during my first semester of college. I would but mainly adderall or vyvanse, and take anywhere from 20-40 mg of adderall a day or 3-60 mg of vyvanse and do my school work. After the semester I began to feel really sick. And people began to notice I had changed. I would lash out and break things, get really irritated over small things, had a hard time controlling myself, and had no goals or aspirations in life. I felt weak and sickly and run down every day. I began going to a wellness doctor, eating paleo, and got sober. After about three months I was feeling a bit better and decided to move out and get a job. I didn’t feel back to 100% and was in sure if I ever would but I was able to function normally and had just enough motivation to get through day to day. When I moved out I began drinking and smoking pot again. I’m not even really sure why with the pot because ever since I was young it gave me pretty bad anxiety and has made me feel bad but I just did it to kind of fit in and I guess I wanted to enjoy it. Eventually I ended up eating a couple grams of mushrooms twice. This was a horrible decision and ever since the second time I have not felt the same since. After eating 2.8 grams my brain has just felt absolutely fried. I have been severely depressed and have had a hard time functioning. I feel scrambled with no sense of social setting. I have lost the ability to sense what’s weird, explain myself, and be in a social setting,frustrated by very small things and pretty much everything. I don’t sleep nearly as well as I used to. ( after the mushrooms I didn’t sleep for three weeks) I can finally get to sleep now but it feels like I don’t get as good of a sleep and sometimes I still have trouble where as I used to never. I make the same mistakes, have a hard time thinking things through and making decisions, feel tired and lethargic everyday with no motivation to do anything, have a hard time retaining information , nothing feels rewarding or entertaining anymore, I feel lifeless with no drive, I can’t remember something that just happened, I can’t remember my childhood much, or my high school career, i have a major lack of emotion, don’t really react to things, and have a hard time reading, comprehending and even keeping track of conversation when I talk to people, it frustrates me to even be around people a lot of times for no reason and I tend to over react a lot. My life has completely changed I don’t feel competent anymore. I feel mentally disabled and kind of like schizophrenic without the hallucinations or delusions. I have moved back home and been trying to get in a scheduale, eat good and exercise. I just don’t enjoy exercising like I used to and don’t feel like a part of my environment as much anymore but I still force myself to do it. I am wondering if anybody else can relate or has ever had any trouble with this. I am also wondering if I will ever get back to normal if I continue to stay sober, try to sleep well, eat well, and excercise. Everywhere I have read says that these effects are pretty permanent and that things may get a bit better but ultimately I have fried my dopamine receptors and damaged my central nervous system that does not repair its self. I am 19 years old about to turn twenty in may and hardly feel like I can function or take care of myself . I am apprehensive as to get on medication such as Wellbutrin which has been prescribed to me because I feel like it may hinder the healing process and have read that it decreases dopamine in the long run. I am taking fish oil and a couple of other vitamins and along with eating well I can just barely get by day to day. If anyone can provide any information on this or has had a similar experience it would be great to hear. I feel like I have completely ruined my life an am not sure what to do. Any advice would be great as well. Thanks guys
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