I have had some sort of issue where my brain is degenerating somehow, ever since I was born, most of the threads I have found through searching note that people have become like this via something like stress. As a minor I grew up with my emotions mostly disappearing, to the point where my default state at 18 was suicidal depression, and then years from that point I lost even the ability to feel sadness. I have tried all of the categories of prescription drugs, tons of nootropics. I was never abused or neglected as a child, this is not from chronic stress, I was born like this. I have the symptoms of someone who has been smoking meth for 30 years and has done damage to their dopaminergic system, and complete anhedonia as my baseline. None of the categories of prescription drugs work, I have tried TMS as well. The only drugs that have given me temporary relief and extended my life for the last few years have been dopaminergic substances, but for the last few years they've all rapidly built up tolerance, even brand new substances I never used before. I will read about someone using uridine for a year with slowly increasing tolerance, but in my case within weeks I had to build start using 20x the dose per day to feel even a normal baseline. I have lived off of BPC-157 for a while, and even that stopped having positive effects for me after a year.
Can someone give me a theory as to what might be occurring when someone can't get a buzz or even stimulation from dopaminergic drugs like nicotine, vicodin, amphetamine, etc and so on? I feel like this might be an important clue, but I don't know enough about neurology to find that answer on my own. I have recently attempted a course of 9-ME-BC, and my experience was different than everyone else, the effects actually rapidly decreased and I had to increase my dose within a week, the effects decreased the more I took it, whereas normal people report and increase in effects the more they take it. I survived off of citicoline for a while, some people report that the effects actually got more severe as they continued to take it(shown to increase dopamine receptor density), yet for me it got less effective The only thing that ultimately might have stayed with me would be the twitchy sort of dopaminergic effects. If I keep taking it I will end up with tardive dyskensia. I realize the standard response is that the brain and especially the dopaminergic system is complex and not understood, and you depression is not that simple, which is true. But the fact that only dopaminergic drugs where the thing to ever provide relief, even for a short time must mean something. I'm looking for a theory, possibly a new direction of things to try, because I'm probably all out of options at this point.
Edited by BrankLucas, 26 November 2018 - 03:14 PM.