Currently I am on a short course of low dose anti psychotics due to steroid induced psychosis after dianabol depleted all my serotonin.
It was a major introspective moment for me and realised I need to turn my life around or I will die before I turn 40 from self neglect.
I am not hoping for any pity but I hope this motivates people here to push through whatever they are going through now. My story is years ago I binged on drugs for a few months after trying to fill the void of devestating heart break, as I have a neurotic disposition I went to a hellish place in my mind coming off those drugs where I experimented under the effects of a self induced chemical lobotomy not long after I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and survived, due to these events I have been somewhat disconnected in life and withdrawn, after the diagnoses I did something stupid and self medicated with testosterone to feel better but was still withdrawn, this is a regretful decision because I have neglected my own health, I think a lot of my problems stem from impulsiveness which I have always had due to poor diet and upbringing I guess.
Right now I am at rock bottom in my life I look sick, I dont socialize, I have slowly developped a blunted effect, I am smoking 2 packets of cigarettes a day.
I hate to say it but I have wasted 6 years of my life, before this I had wasted one being a natural introvert.
The thing is I can do A LOT more with my life, I have spent the past couple of years reading up on social science and psychology and it has helped me realise the problems of my environment and my own weaknesses.
Right now I absolutely NEED to turn my life around before I turn myself in to a vegetable, I may seem coherent but as I am now I am socially disabled, I know I can improve on my mental health but my 2 scariest problems which I think some of you could help me with are these:
1) Dissociation, losing track of time, time goes by too fast possibly due to OCD, possibly PTSD, both can be overcome by improving on anxiety and mental health I am told.
2) This may be due to ecstasy use, this is kind of hard to explain, it could be blunted affect, or something not firing right in my brain, it could also be PTSD, I will be talking to someone and recall a memory from years ago or ask a question about someone and I will unintentionly look down depressed, this is embarassing because I have done it at socially inappropriate times, it is impossible for me to fake being happy. It is like a tick, its as though something needs to fire in my brain and it just doesnt happen and instead I look down and put my chin down.
This really feels like brain damage.
I can study with Inositol+Choline.
I took a lot of fish oil after my drug use which helped.
TL;DR
Right now I have a 6 month plan to get myself mentally healthy, starting with aerobic exercise and more frequent CBT and quiting smoking.
I have been seeing a senior psychologist who believes most my issues stem from anxiety and severe OCD.
What I want help with here is suppliments which can supposedly reverse brain damage. I am not looking for neuroenhancers or protecterants but rather just something to heal.
This is my current list:
Vit C 1g 4x day for adrenals
inositol+choline for concerntration
glutamine for gaba
flax oil + fish oil
olive oil anti inflamitory
multi vitamin
magnesium I have a deficiency
avocados contain tryptophan
blueberries
oranges for phytos
apple a day
For the brain damage:
BCAA- Leucine, Isoleucine, Valine shown to reverse brain damage
Ginkgo I will cycle this
Things I am unsure about:
acetyl-l-carnitine
ALA
n-acetyle-Cysteine
I am concerned about taking nootropics as I dont want to be dependant on anything that forcefully changes my brain chemistry, I want to rewire my brain and let my neurons and axons and such develop themselves if possible.
Edited by Anewlife, 18 December 2012 - 12:30 PM.