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Choline, porn addiction, stuck thoughts, and later depression

choline

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#1 Epicjobguy

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Posted 23 February 2018 - 09:13 AM


Hi

30 yo male, no previous mental health issues. Not taken any drugs before

About 3 years ago, I had a change in porn habits. Usually I watch it for 10 mins of Vanilla porn whilst masterbating. Then I became less interesting in orgasming and more interested in just watching. I would watch and edge for literally 4-6 hours. And I developed fetishes I never had before. And whilst watching had very eutrophic feelings which I’ve never had before. I also became very panicky, little things felt like major disasters in the heat of the moment. Also, I would worry about something, which at the time felt like big issues and it would be in the front of my mind and annoy me all day. And then I would move onto another worry, and then looking back at the previous worry, I was like why was I worried about that? It’s not even an issue. How can My thinking change like that? These worries usually centre around my insecurities and existential angst. Other issues were cold hands, acne, and hemmeroids.

The porn addiction was so bad that I would get hard ons and get wet just thinking about certain images and there was just no way to stop. I could spend my entire weekend just watching.

A weird thing I noticed, so this one worry was driving me crazy all week. These worries don’t really have solutions just I keep feeling like something is wrong. and I remember binging on porn for 4 hours of edging. And after ejaculating, the worries were no longer problems. Like, I thought to myself, why were you even thinking about this stuff before. It’s a non issue, but I only realise that after ejaculating. What is that? It only happens after epic edging sessions though. Normal porn use doesn’t produce thes same effect.

Ok, so only after reading this forum a year ago, someone mentioned choline and Hypersexuality. So I stopped taking fish oil, no eggs and reduced my protein intake from 180g to 60-90g. I am into weightlifting so I follow my diet macros. After around a week, no more crazy sex drive, no fetishes, no more cold hands, intense panic gone. Without any effort the addiction was gone. I also realised that these symptoms all started when I began to take weightlifting more seriously and upped my protein and omega 3 intake. I thought I was sorted. I still had worry issues though. I would still make mountains out of molehills and only a week later realise I was worrying about nothing.

And then I fell into a deep depression. Totally adhonic, like what’s the point in doing anything. Hardly sleeping. Couldn’t be bothered to go to the gym, my most favourite past time. Low sex drive. Worries that just never go away. This has happened 3 times over a year since stopping porn edging. When I’m a depressive state, I end up edging and that seems to pull me out of the depression?? I also noticed that after edging, my heart rate during cardio is a whole 30 bps lower than usual for a week or so and then over the weeks the heart rate during cardio goes up. Any link there?

Also during my first depressive episode, I took tyrosine a week before I came out of it. And I remember the day when I felt better. I felt really good, gym session was great, music was great. And I cried in the shower out of relief because I felt like the old me. Felt like a real bounce in terms on mood. Which I’ve never felt before. Again any links there? And was in a great mood for a few months after that. Made a lot of positive changes. until the next depressive episodes.

Anyways, anyone know what’s wrong with me and how to fix it? I have a feeling that although the addiction is over, the excessive edging has left me with some issues. I’m not a no fap guy or anything btw. But I hear a lot of dopamine related issues, but I’m not well bereaved in this area. Currently in a depressed state for the past 6 weeks. Also I want to fix because I don’t want to be in the same position in 3 months time.
I am so utterly sick and tired of this, I want my old brain back.

Sincerely thank you for responses.

#2 Nate-2004

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Posted 23 February 2018 - 01:57 PM

  1. Please see a work in progress, my guide for conquering depression, and make sure you've got all the balls in the air. That takes time.
  2. Choline in my experience is limited. It's not going to do much for you. It's in eggs.
  3. Set yourself a goal re: porn, it does mess with dopamine sensitivity and libido. Take a long break, just use your imagination till March 23, a month from now. Try writing porn instead.
  4. BDNF helps most people out in situations of dopamine center dysfunction because it helps to build new neurons.
    1. Go on some long runs for the next few weeks, maybe train for a marathon.
    2. Sit in the sauna for 20 mins 4x a week.
  5. Set a sleep schedule where you are only in your bed/bedroom for an 8 hour time period, do not sleep outside that time period, aim for 11pm to 7am, ideal for natural melatonin rise/fall.
  6. Add the fish oil back, krill oil has incredible DHA bioavailability due to the phospholipid base. Viva Naturals is the best brand.
  7. You can raise dopamine levels during the day by inhibiting MAO-B (EGCG, Rhodiola), upregulating Tyrosine Hydroxylase (Lithium Orotate) and then adding B6 as a substrate for the TH.

Edited by Nate-2004, 23 February 2018 - 01:59 PM.

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#3 hydrus

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Posted 25 February 2018 - 09:58 PM

no more cold hands, intense panic gone

 

I took tyrosine a week before I came out of it.

 

 

could point to a thyroid problem?


Edited by hydrus, 25 February 2018 - 10:01 PM.


#4 CWF1986

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Posted 27 February 2018 - 03:50 AM

The combination of weightlifting, high protein diet, and consumption of certain fats from certain foods including eggs can increase testosterone levels.  Increasing T levels can cause increased libido, anxiety, and irritability.  

 

I'm not saying I know this is the issue for you, only that I think your conclusion that this is choline related might be premature.  



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#5 kurdishfella

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Posted 08 February 2021 - 09:13 PM

 

 

And I developed fetishes I never had before

I think some fetishes to a certain extent are built in our brain. Like people with feet fetishes, I don't remember where but I remember someone saying healthy feet is a sign of good health, but feet fetish people also must have some mental illness that take it too far. Also tanned skin, visible jawline, healthy nails and hair, vibrant colour, not small neck- all sign of good health. And of course can't forget the face. And I think you can change your body with how you think and confidence, i know it sounds weird. 


Edited by kurdishfella, 08 February 2021 - 09:14 PM.






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