Hello everyone!
First of all I want to apologize for any mistakes. English is not my native language.
I would like to share my story in short and ask you for any recommendation, because I want to help myself get better if it is possible. I am looking for answers by myself, but so often I find misleading or just conflict information. I am amazed of knowledge you have on this forum so I decided to write here, in hope I will get some tips in what direction should I follow.
To beginning of high school I was very happy, full of energy and passion boy. I had good grades in primary and middle school. I also was very active kid with talent to sports like running and swimming. I didn't have problems with making new friends. I was very honest, sometimes too much and I hated to lose. If something didn't go by my way I was very frustrated and full of rage.
My problems began in the high school. Despite the fact I didn't have problems with starting new friendships I rarely was satisfied with myself and my situation in life. I started to have very low self-esteem and began to avoid people. I started to being depressed and I was put on Setraline first time at age 17 yo. I have been on it for 1,5 years. Depression was gone, but I was a bit hypomanic. Nothing extreme, just a bit. I got off it without significant problems, omitting anger. After 2 years I was put on Paroxetine after next depression episode. Since then I am on it so its gonna be 5 years right now. I tried to wean off but I've got extremely anxious, paranoid and depressed. I'm on 20mg. I tried to hold 10mg for a year after reading all horror stories with antidepressants, but I was barely functioning. I was so depressed and suicidal, that I didn't know how long I would hold on.
NOW
Since a year I am on therapy. Therapist diagnosis is Borderline personality disorder. After my try to get off Paroxetine I'm fatigued most of the time. I can't focus like I used to. Despite the fact i'm back on 20mg Paroxetine, after good few months depression is back and anxiety is killing me. The worst is in the morning after waking up. Pure panic. It gets better after eating something. I am getting very anxious again when I am getting hungry. Under stress I'm getting so anxious that I can't function. Even when anxiety subside I constantly have that "wired" feeling and I feel strong irritability. Right now I'm extremely sensitive to stimulants like coffeine. Tried B-complex, but my anxiety was through the roof. If I try to smoke weed most of the time I get extremely paranoid and anxious. Feel better when abstain from porn or masturbation.
IN SHORT
- 24 years old male
- Since 5 years on Paroxetine
- Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder
- Very empathetic and selfconcious
- Mild to severe depression
- Strong anxiety (worst in the morning and bad when hungry. Under stress it's extreme)
- Chronic fatigue
- Sensitive to stimulants
- Extremely adverse reaction to B-complex
- Paranoid and anxious from weed
LAB TESTS
- COMT v158m, h626h and MTR A2756G polyphormism (more in attachment)
- In hair high sodium 155%, potassium 228% and copper 125% and weird ratios like 521% Na/Mg or 2061% for K/Co (more in attachment).
- Estradiol - 38 pg/ml (1 min - 39.8 max)
- Testosteron - 3.5-5.5 ng/ml (1.75 min - 7.81 max)
- Free testosteron - 23.56 pg/ml (1 min - 28 max)
- Homocysteine - 13.5 umol/L (5.1 min - 15.4 max)
- Vit B12 - 527 pg/ml (211 min - 911 max)
I would be very grateful for any help and tips what I can do more to get better.
Best regards
Attached Files
Edited by dzidek794, 28 August 2018 - 02:35 PM.