4 replies to this topic

[ironfistx]

Here, two things.

 

1.  Normally I don't like to do too much good stuff for myself because I feel like if I get past a certain point bad things will happen.  So it's easier to stay in the middle.

 

2.  Relatedly, I don't like to schedule things.  When I schedule things, nothing ever works.  If I just do everything by feel, it seems to work nicely.  Here is an example, so for work things, I don't schedule meetings, because the people will need to change it up a bit.  Conversely, if I just show up and start talking to them, it seems to transpire.  This drive my associates nuts, but it works for me.  Totally, I would prefer the structure of having plans, but it won't happen, so why bother?

 

A separate way of looking at this is I am a control freak and when things don't go how I scheduled I get annoyed.  Because I cannot have it exact, I don't want to give the effort at all.

 

This is the difficulty with which I am struggling.  These things are starting to unhappily affect my life.  I want to do things, but I believe if I do, perhaps I will reach some kind of tipping point where I get punished for doing too many good things for myself.

 

This has nothing to do with childhood. I had a wonderful childhood with kind, loving parents, during which I was generally supported and told I could do whatever I wanted.  This is a new thing, sort of, learned through experience I guess.  While I have some woo explanations for this, describe to me your summary first.

[Eryximachus]

Schizophrenia really should be diagnosed by a psychiatrist.  You do not seem psychotic, but an internet forum is not the place. 

[MichaelFocus22]

No, Frankly I would describe you as ADHD-PI that doesn't really do anything. Your rationals don't make any sense towards being in the middle because your lazy. If you did x more you could be lazier in the future if you accurued enough money, so your excuse doesn't hold up. Honestly, just get a diagnosis and go check but as I've stated  the issues of mental illness are primarily genetic with some environmental traits. So ask yourself if there, are people in your family who have genetic disorders or mental issues. Why are you afraid to succeed is the question?  If you do what is easy your life will be hard, if you do what is hard your life will be easy. So you should just do the second option and you would get a better outcome. If there is nothing wrong with you then you should just EXECUTE an action and stick to it and a multitiude of y answers will appear over z time and all you have to do is one thing. If you are normal, do it over and over until you build competence and everything else will come. Being normal is idiotically easy.  If your not normal then that's a whole other beast. My point is stop wasting your time thinking, it's a pointless activity, I think all day and night. So I know what I'm talking about. Just do something.

[Kimer Med]

Might be some mild delusions there, but it doesn't sound like schizophrenia or OCD to me.

 

Sounds more like Asperger's or something similar on the Autism Spectrum (ASD), but as others have said, that's really just a guess.

 

[BlueCloud]

It seems that anything different than acting like a complete predictable robot these days is being diagnosed as "not normal". You definitely do not sound schizophrenic, you might be a little bit OCD and anxious, but is it to the point that it  merits "treatment" ? Hard to say on an internet forum... Maybe just start working on some general relaxation first : exercise, meditation, good sleep, then work your way up from there.