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OCD, most likely flared up by drugs...really need help

ocd drugs

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#1 tommo1992

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Posted 20 March 2019 - 05:59 PM


Hi all,

So for as long as I can remember I always had some minor OCD tics, just the usual mundane not stepping on sidewalk cracks etc, which never bothered me at all, never even gave it a second thought.

At the age of 20 (I’m now 26) in my second year of University I started doing MDMA relatively regularly. Unfortunately my friends and I at the time were unaware of the 3 month rule or anything to do with sensible rolling. The summer after that year, I was walking with a friend when suddenly I became very aware of the movement of my lips when speaking, which naturally made me panic and I was unable to stop thinking about it. To an extent I still have it to this day, mainly when I’m anxious.

The six years since I carried on doing drugs recreationally with my friends, not really caring about being careful - sometimes mixing MDMA, pills, coke, weed etc. I still never really thought about the speaking OCD tic as it was relatively manageable, and I didn’t consider that anxiety from drugs (I never had anxiety until I started taking them and over the years it’s got worse) is what caused it.

Fast forward to last September, my dad passed away. It was a long time coming and though it was very traumatic, he was sick and wanted to go and so it didn’t seem so bad. Stupidly, 3 days after the funeral I went to a festival with some friends and took a pill (maybe 2, can’t remember). I had a great night, and woke up with serious dry mouth. Suddenly as I went to get water I was consciously aware of my swallowing, which gave me a pretty intense dread. The come down was terrible, and i was worried I would be conscious of each swallow, but after a few days and being busy with work I kind of forgot about this new tic.

October rolls around and I go travelling, having a blast in Southeast Asia and the new OCD is forgotten. December/January i’m with a friend in NZ, being an idiot I still haven’t attributed any anxiety/OCD to drugs and do a pill for New Years Eve. About a week later that OCD about swallowing comes back strong and it hasnt left. It consumes my thoughts 90% of the day, huge anxiety about it never going away, and has turned me into a person I don’t recognise. I used to be the happiest guy on earth, and I should be - I’ve just moved abroad, met an amazing girl, about to start a new job. But I can’t find any joy in life now and every day is a struggle. I used to love bouncing out of bed at 6am and hitting the gym, in a great mood and ready to take the world on. Now i stay in bed as long as possible to avoid the world as long as I can, and spend most of my time buried in Google searches about how to undo the damage.

So i’ve come to you guys for help - I’m not particularly clued up on neuroscience but I know there’s some incredibly smart folks on here.

Is it possible I’ve burned out my serotonin beyond repair and I’m totally screwed? Or how can I replenish it as fast as possible? Or could it be entirely different - glutamate levels etc? So far I’ve just started on fish oil and B12 supplements, and I’ve been trying some probiotic (lactobacillus rhamnosus) which apparently helps with OCD. It’s only been a few days so no change yet.

I just want my life back. 6 months ago I was unrecognisable to who I am now.

Any recommendations would be amazing, I feel utterly hopless. Needless to say after experiencing this i’ll never touch drugs again.

Thank you in advance.

#2 MichaelFocus22

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Posted 21 March 2019 - 02:37 AM

I'll answer this since no one else decided they wanted to. Hopelessness is a state of being it's not who you are. So you should definitely realize this. For example, I take concerta because I need to be able to function to level by which I would like to be able to hold my life together without having things constantly fall apart on a repeated basis despise my best efforts to doing so. It's important to realize, that all of your outcomes are transitory and those outcomes will pass as well. I sympathize with you in simply wanting your life back in that I want my own life without things constantly going wrong is indeed a very bad side effect.  Your best bet is to simply wait it out and feel all the horrible side effects until things get better. Life gets better even when you think it doesn't. If you want an example I recommend you check out my semen retention thread so that you realize the magnitude of what your going through. Semen retention is easily one of the hardest things that I've ever done but it's simply when you do what is hard then your life will be easy. I assure you what your feeling is nothing in comparison to the withdrawal I'm going through. You will be fine just continue onward. Success comes to those who wait.



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#3 tommo1992

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Posted 21 March 2019 - 10:37 PM

I'll answer this since no one else decided they wanted to. Hopelessness is a state of being it's not who you are. So you should definitely realize this. For example, I take concerta because I need to be able to function to level by which I would like to be able to hold my life together without having things constantly fall apart on a repeated basis despise my best efforts to doing so. It's important to realize, that all of your outcomes are transitory and those outcomes will pass as well. I sympathize with you in simply wanting your life back in that I want my own life without things constantly going wrong is indeed a very bad side effect. Your best bet is to simply wait it out and feel all the horrible side effects until things get better. Life gets better even when you think it doesn't. If you want an example I recommend you check out my semen retention thread so that you realize the magnitude of what your going through. Semen retention is easily one of the hardest things that I've ever done but it's simply when you do what is hard then your life will be easy. I assure you what your feeling is nothing in comparison to the withdrawal I'm going through. You will be fine just continue onward. Success comes to those who wait.


Thanks, I appreciate it. I just wish it wasn’t such constant pain, every day is a huge fucking struggle and I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact my brain is doing this to me...or more to the point I’ve done this to my brain.

I’ll definitely check out your thread, hope you’re doing better now.

Incidentally if I’ve at least helped flare up my ocd with drugs, do you think antidepressants would be effective in returning me to normal?

Thanks again.

#4 MichaelFocus22

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Posted 22 March 2019 - 11:12 PM

Thanks, I appreciate it. I just wish it wasn’t such constant pain, every day is a huge fucking struggle and I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact my brain is doing this to me...or more to the point I’ve done this to my brain.

I’ll definitely check out your thread, hope you’re doing better now.

Incidentally if I’ve at least helped flare up my ocd with drugs, do you think antidepressants would be effective in returning me to normal?

Thanks again.

 

 

          1. All you can do is wait it out until things get better. I would reccomend using as many natural remedies towards your issue as possible instead of building dependence on Antidepressants. Anti-depressants are typically serotonin reuptake inhibitors, so they were mess with your limibic system and create an artificial state of production by which you will feel yourself being changed. Thus, your only putting a band-aid on a problem that will get worse when you stop taking it simply because it's a  non-natural condition of the human brain. Justr wait out  the bad withdrawl your feeling until it goes away. I assure you pornography is a much worse addiction and the withdrawl symptoms are significantly worse. Hell doesn't last forever, just keep going. Make sure your taking active measures to feel good, the simplest remedy is working out consistently. I've never really been a depressed person, I've always been in a state of contentness.  Rather, you should only take a prescription if you have a neurogenetic disorder that REQUIRES you to re-balance your reuptake inhibitors so that you have a semblance of a normal life. I really don't even like taking concerta because it makes me a bit flatter than what I like to be. Yet at the same time, I've literally pulled my hair out figuring out all the possible ways I could put my life together. No matter what I did, it just kept falling apart, despise my efforts to MAKE things work and WANTING to be successful. Within this respective scenario, that I've found myself  in, I HAD to take medication to actually be functioning so that I could finally reach my fullest potential. No matter what I did, something kept going wrong, I'd lose my license, lose  my insurance card, get tons of tickets for no reason, be consistently inconsistent with my hobbies, addictions kept cropping up after I removed another one, I felt bored in something I WANTED to DO. I tell you this because these are UNNATURALITIES of the mind. If you have exhausted all your options, THEN take prescription medication. It sounds like to me you just need to work on taking better care of yourself and you will get better. Antidepressants will probably make you worse in the long run because you will exhaust your reuptake inhibitors. So be careful when using them. Solution: EXERCISE or Microdose THC at the lowest therapuetic dosage, Fish Oil, Meditation, Methylfolate, Vincopocetine. Do not take these all at once just take one or two. If you take more you will find yourself getting into rages because your overloading your neurochemical systems. Build up to it slowly, so your not overwhelmed.


Edited by DrewMichael21, 22 March 2019 - 11:16 PM.


#5 tommo1992

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Posted 23 March 2019 - 12:23 AM

Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. My plan for now is definitely to treat my body and mind well and give it time to bounce back. I really don’t want to take anti-depressants as I am convinced I can return to a normal state without needing them, they will definitely be a last resort. The problem is i’ve no idea how long to leave it really before I give in. The last time I did any drug was a pill at NYE so it’s not even been 3 months, and before that it was a pill in September. I’m hoping by the summer with healthy living and working out my body will be somewhat on the way back to normality, but really i’ve no idea how long these things take. The problem is the depression is only caused by the OCD flare up, if it weren’t for that i think i’d be totally fine. I keep telling myself that I barely had any OCD at all before indulging in drugs at 20, and so with long enough away from them i’ll eventually return to that state - I just hope there’s truth in that.

#6 tommo1992

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Posted 30 March 2019 - 02:44 AM

I've been trying curcumin and fish oil a lot but so far it hasn't seemed to make any difference. 

 

If the good people of this forum were me, how long would you leave it before resorting to traditional medication? Every day is pure hell at the moment, it's only been 3 months since I last did a drug though. I just wish there was a way of telling if I was even getting better or that this is even temporary at all.



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#7 MichaelFocus22

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Posted 31 March 2019 - 10:45 PM

I've been trying curcumin and fish oil a lot but so far it hasn't seemed to make any difference. 

 

If the good people of this forum were me, how long would you leave it before resorting to traditional medication? Every day is pure hell at the moment, it's only been 3 months since I last did a drug though. I just wish there was a way of telling if I was even getting better or that this is even temporary at all.

 

 

         1.    I'll reply again since, I'm slightly procrastinating where I will be doing 100+ pages of reading and then doing an essay within a single day. My first suggestion to you is to quit, complaining life sucks, boohoo. Get over it. I've spent thousands off dollars on things I didn't need, lost many friends, lost jobs, lost everything and suffered probably more than you have but all you can do is keep going. Your wasting your time by dwelling on the suffering. If you want to take those antidepressants than TAKE IT. Why are you asking us? Just remember that if your suffering and in pain, then that's a good  thing. That means one your either being challenged or two your body is healing itself. When I accidentally changed my medication to dextroamphetamine, I blundered and developed poor testosterone levels and it raised my tolerance to ritalin that I lost my ability to be able to be consistent which was a huge blow to my self-esteem  because I thought I'd finally become normal. I thought it was going to smoothen out my emotional cycles but it didn't. After I stopped taking, it I felt AWFUL I didn't feel the same for weeks until I finally regained a sense of normality. From that day onward, I've never touched those repulsive amphetamines for it did to me and my life. The same goes with pornography, when I stopped it was easily the most painful thing I have done and am STILL doing to this day. ADHD is one thing but controlling your sex drive is another. The withdrawal was so fucking horrible I didn't feel the same for months on end. Even now,I'm BARELY recovering at 3 1/2 months. This is YEARS of addictions that I've slowly been chipping away at due to persistence and understanding that results are NOT going to come to me right now. It's going to take a good period of time and a good deal of patience before things even get remotely better. 

        2. Conclusion: Quit complaining and suck it up. That's really all their is too it. I've been working on stopping hardcore pornographic materials for years but one day I just decided that I needed to DO IT. I was sick of not changing and I changed because I made the choice. It was painful but I got over it. So get over it. Life sucks that's the way of the beast.  







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