7 replies to this topic

[A941]

Here a fe jokes from bosnian joke-sites.
I hope it is ok to put jokes in this forum


The cold war era, an american and a russian are talking about freedom in their countrys:
American: We have so many freedoms, few day ago i pissed at the fence of the white house and nothing happend.
Russian: We also have such freedoms, few days ago i crapped at the Front gate of the kremlin and nothing happend.
American: Okay, i lied, to be honest, i watched around me before i pissed at the fence.
Russian: Okay, i want to be honest too, i left my pants on.

A:How did slovenia join the EU?
Q:As parking space for Austria.

For some people the corss on their grave is the only plus in their life.

How do you call a wooden cellphone?
Pinokia

A:How does a smart serbian call a stupid serbian?
Q:From a phone in another european country!

A painter of nude is flirting with his mistress in his studio
suddenly he hears his wife coming upstairs:
"Quick, undress, my wife is coming!"

Two almost deaf old men meet at the street:
1:Do you go fishing?
2:No, no, i go fishing!
1:Oh, i thought you go fishing!

Mujo talks with Haso:
M:Today i saved a girl from beeing raped!
H:How that?
M: I presuaded her!

The racist joke:
Q:Whats the difference between a black man and tires?
A:Tires wont sing the blues if you put them in chains!

Q:Why the internet wont replace the newspapers?
A: You cant use the internet to kill a mosquito!

In a catholic girls-School a nun asks the children what they want to be in the future:
N: What do you want to be Mary?
J: I want to be a doctor!
N: And you eve?
E: I want to become a teacher!
N: And what do you want to be Susanne?
S: I want to be a prostitute!
N: WHAT did you say?
S: I said i want to be a prostitute!
N: Thank god, it sounded like protestant.

The son of a serbian man and a jewish woman asks his father:
Am I a serb or a Jew?
Why do you want to know?
A boy wants to sell me his bike, now i dont know if i should bargain with him, or beat him up and take the bike.

In the communist era:
Every day Mujo stops at a Newspaper-Kiosk, takes a brief look and walks away.
And one day the Shopkeeper asks: What are you looking for?
M: Iam looking for the obituarys.
S: But they are on the last pages and not on the front page!
M: The guy i mean will be on the front page!

Better seven times with snow-white than one time with the dwarfs!

Q:What is the main reason for divorce?
A: Marriage!

A man enters a drug store and asks for arsenik.
The druggist tells him that he cant simply buy poison.
The man takes out a photograph of his mother-in-law and shows it to the druggist.
D: Oh i didnt know you have a prescription.

Q:What has four legs and one arm?
A:A happy pitbull which returns from the playground.

And another racist joke:
(Yes it was written in english on the bosnian joke-site)
An Arab at the airport:
-Name?
-Abduhl al razhib!
-Sex?
-Three to five times a week!
-No, no... I mean male or female?
-Male, female sometimes camel.
-Holy cow!
-Yes, cow, sheep animals in general.
- Oh dear.
-No, no deer run to fast.

Conversation between two gravediggers :
1: Yesterday we had to bury a man of 400pounds, that was hard!
2: Thats nothing, yesterday we had to bury a famous rock star, we put him out five times for encore.

Chuck Norris needs a Bunsen burner and a crowbar to masturbate.




I hope they are not offensiv.

[forever freedom]

Haha i like them.

[RighteousReason]

Chuck Norris needs a Bunsen burner and a crowbar to masturbate.

Hahahahaha...

[A941]

A few new jokes:

The marines have heard that there is a military unit in bosnia which is said to be better than the Marine Corps, so they decide to send a marine to bosnia to make the entrance test.
A few weeks later he returns.
His commander asks: have you been succesfull?
No i faild!
How? Was it because your skills as marksman have been bad?
No, i established a new time record!
Did you fail in endurance or survival?
No, there i have also been the best one.
But what happend?
I havent been able to finish the last test:
Shooting a Machinegun while running and carrying a TV and a refrigerator.

A burglar has entered a house and now he is searching for money, suddenly he hears a voice:
I can see you and jesus can see you too!
He turns around, but there is nothing, and again he hears:
I can see you and jesus can see you too!
He turns around and spots something in a corner of the room, it is a parrot.
He smiles at it: You are a nice bird, whats your name?
My Name is Hieronymus!
What a strange Name for a parrot.
Right, but Jesus is also a strange name for a rottweiler.

Surgeon to his patient:
I have bad and good news for you.
Ok, tell me the bad news at first!
We have made a mistake, instead of your left leg we have amputated your right leg.
And what are the good news?
Your left leg has healed and we dont need to amputate it.

A man was diagnosed HAGS, and now he asks the doctor about that disease:
Doctor whats that HAGS?
Its a combination of Herpes, Aids, Gonorrhoea and Syphilis.
What should i do now?
We will put you in an isolated room and feed you with pizza.
Will this help me?
No but thats the sort of food which could be pushed under the door in an eas way.

Why do the mute masturbate with the left hand?
Cause they use the right hand to moan.

A couple in chernobyl durning intercours:
He: Damn, four tits!
She: If you dont like it you can suck my d*ck

When Milica got trapped in a gunfight between two gangs she had big luck, of the 15 Bullets which hit her only one was lethal.

Dracula and a fellow vampire are playing cards with captured villagers as stake.
Dracula: You won, i have no villagers left.
And whts with these guys in the cellar?
Oh, they have diabetes, my wife keeps em there to make jem later.

Mum, Mum! Why is dad running through the garden?
Shut up and reload!

Belgrade 2020, little Ivica returns from School.
Mum i failed at the last test.
What a shame, durning the bombing 1999 i had six different exams and recieved an A+ in each one, but you are unable to be successful, even with two heads.

Mum, the other children are mean, they say my feet are too big!
Thats nonsense darling, now put your shoes in the garage and come in, dinner is ready.


What did the british Queen say when she visited Slowenia?
You have it nice here, it remembers me on my Garden!

What do you have to give an elephant with diareah?
Enough space!

A man stops on a free parking space in front of the bosnian Assembly.
A policeman tells him "do not park your car here, didnt you see that it is in front of the asembly?"
He replies:"No problem i have an anti-theft alarm!"

Whats written on th sign infront of a roundabout in bosnia?
Five rounds are the maximum!

Chuck Norris is the only one who was able to strangle a man with the cord of a wireles phone.

Two blond bimbos are having an argument:
Why did you sleep with my husband?
I wanted to know if he is better than mine!
Why didnt you ask me?

Why did the recession came to bosnia?
To die in the fatherland!

Recently the Virgin Mary had a vision of Chuck Norris.

Iam not a racist.
Racism is injust and an outrage, therfore racism is only commited by black people.

Whats osama bin ladens opening turn when playing Chess?
Pawn on C4.

A man enters an inn, followed by a big cat.
He orders 30 glases of whiskey and 40 burgers, he starts drinking and gives the burgers to the cat which eats all of them really fast, after he finished drinking he grabs in his pocket and puts out a bundle of cash and gives it, without counting the money, to the Innkeeper.
The innkeeper counts the money and it is just right enough.
The next day the same man and the same cat enter the same inn and everything is like the day befor: the man drinks his whiskey, the cat eats the burgers, he pays, and then he leaves.
And again the next day the man comes back and orders his whiskey and the burgers for the cat, but now the innkeeper is curious and asks about the whiskey, the cat and the money.
The man grins and starts telling his story: Few months ago i mett a fairy which granted me three wishes.
My first wish was to be able to drink how much i want without getting drunk,
my secound wish was that i always may have enough money in my pocket.

And whats about the cat? the innkeeper asks

Oh, i think the fairy misunderstood my third wish, i asked her for an insatiable pussy.

The Kosovo
A gypsy is hunted by an albanian who tries to kill him, in the last moment he is saved by a KFOR-Soldier who shoots the albanian.
The gypsy is gratefull to be alive and tells the soldier he may tell him how to repay him for his rescue.
The Soldier smiles: "Okay put down your pants i want to take you from behind!"
The gypsy is shocked: "No please i dont like that"
S: "There is no way to evade this, show gratitude and bend over!"
G: "No please, it will hurt."
The Soldier puts out a tube of vaseline: "Take that and it want hurt:"
The gypsy takes the vaseline and starts to rub it on its chest.
S:"Thats not the way how it is used!"
G: Yes, but my butt will heal, my heart wont."

A guy with a pitbull enters a restaurant and asks the waiter:" Do you serve small children?"
W: yes we do!
G: Okay, then bring me a steak and two children for the dog!

After a long night of love a boy asks his girl: Please Tell me how many men did you have before me?
After twenty minutes of silence he says: Sorry, i didnt want to insult you... please talk to me!
She: Wait, iam still counting!

What does a programmer do if he is tierd from sex?
Left click on the woman/properties/allways on top

Fata to mujo: No iam not that sort of girl, also the grass is wet, my mother will get mad if i return too late, and also 100€ are not enough!

Q:What do you get if you glue a sligshot to a tube boat?
A:The Albanian Navy!

Q:What are the two thinest books in the world?
A: the atlas of slowenia, and "the good deeds of serbia"
(Its not offensive to write such jokes if you are a serb :wink: )


Back in the 60ies
MUjo to Haso: I ve heard the sexual revolution broke out.
H: Damn, and again a revolution in which we go unarmed.

Sex is inheritable, that means if your parents did not have sex, you also wont have sex.

[Luna]

I love it!!! I need to show this to my boyfriend, he is bosnian

[okok]

Jokes on aging, anyone? It's sad enough.


A Husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:

'To My Dear Wife. You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight .'

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

'My Dear Husband. I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Maths, you will understand that although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference:

18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.'

[A941]

Some Chuck Norris Jokes:

Chuck Norris lives in a haunted house, and the ghosts tell horros Stories about him.

Chuck Norris doesnt need a zebra crossing, he is always on both sides of the street.

The Movie anaconda was filmed in the pants of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows Victorias Secret.

A Chuck Norris Action Figure has slept with more women than some real men.

When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.

Chuck Norris uses childrens Letters to Santa Claus as toilet paper.

[niner]

18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

LOL Good one.