Before I begin, here is some base info for me:
21 years old
Live in the US
Female
140 lbs
3.4GPA - Junior in college - Above average intelligence
Typical college microwave diet, high carbs, fats, sugars...=/
Occasionally active
Poor self-discipline, poor motivation, poor focus, social anxiety
Overall happy outlook
Past substances used:
Alcohol = Don't like it. Makes me very quiet, reserved, not want to be around people.
Pot = Makes me paranoid, upset, anxious. Don't like it.
Cocaine = Love it. Has limited effects though compared to most people.
Ecstasy = Favorite. Though the last two years of my drug life, pills had no positive effect, just the negative comedown effects the next day. Even after taking 4-6 pills.
Hydrocodone = Rarely used. Small effect after taking 2 10mg. Gave it up.
Mushrooms = Taken once. Bad trip, paranoia, extremely self-conscious.\
5-HTP = Helped with negative effects of ex. When taken daily, didn't eat for days, and was even more lethargic than usual. Too much serotonin? Idk.
I need help with finding a nootropic that works. If you don't care about my backstory, please just skip to the ******** below. =)
I became interested in nootropics because I have taken Adderall on many occasions, and am in love with it. I never took it as recreational drug exactly, just one or two a day for school. It also alleviated almost all of my social anxiety which is pretty moderate. I ended up being caught by an undercover cop buying them, was arrested and charged, and am now on probation. After being depressed and stressed out, I went to a psychologist and told her my story. She asked more about why I had been taking them, and on the 3rd visit, had me take a couple tests for ADHD. To my utter surprise, I failed (or passed?), pointing to the diagnosis of ADHD. I never seriously thought I had this because I have always done well in school, even if not up to what I am capable of.
Reasons I took the Adderall was because it:
-Woke me up and got me to class(I'm used to ~14 hours of sleep and still being exhausted every day. Went to only 2-3 classes/week out of 10)
-Helped me pay attention
-Helped me begin, and finish assignments when I start them, and not the night before. (I have never done an assignment earlier than the night before. Ever.)
-Made me want to talk to people, not avoid them.
-Helped me not to lose my wallet, keys, phone, etc daily.
-Calmed my extreme nail-biting and leg-shaking.
From my point of view, those were problems to me, but I never thought something was wrong. From her point of view, I was self-medicating and there was nothing wrong with that. She decided to send a referral to my primary care doctor to prescribe me Adderall. I. Was. Elated. =)
Turns out, I am not allowed to take Adderall because it was what I was caught with, even though I have a prescription. I was okay with that; I said I would try a different drug. Next was Dexedrine. Now this did absolutely nothing to me. I was very confused. It had absolutely no effect. She gave me 5mg IRs and 15mg XRs, both = nothing. I even took double my dosage for both Dex and Foc. Still no effect. After a month, I told my psych this so we decided to try Focalin XR. The only effect this has is erasing my appetite. Nothing positive. I don't understand how Adderall could work so well yet Dex and Foc do nothing at all. Does this mean I don't have ADHD? My psych is convinced I do, and I swear I haven't tried to fake it. I went in for anxiety/depression, not to con her out of medication. Are there people who don't respond to amphetamines or methylphenidate like this? Does the fact that they don't make me cracked-out mean I do have ADHD? A counselor at my university recommended I try Wellbutrin since it's an anti-anxiety and is used off-label for ADHD so I did. This definitely made a difference in waking up in the morning, but had no effect on anything else. This is when I decided to do more nootropic reading...
************
I have read thread after thread on here, and on Bluelight.ru, and on Erowid, for about two months now, and was very excited to try my first Noot - Piracetam. I was very let down. To date, I have purchased Piracetam, ALCAR, Alpha GPC, Rhodiola Rosea, Deprenyl, and Lecithin. Here is my log so far..
Day 1:
5:00pm------No reaction
---150mg Wellbutrin the night prior
---1600mg Piracetam
Before bed
---150mg Wellbutrin
Day 2:------No reaction
8:00pm
---3200mg Piracetam
---150mg Wellbutrin
Day 3:------Stopped Wellbutrin(unsure if it was causing the no reaction from Pir)
------No reaction
5:00pm
---3200mg Piracetam
12:30am
---3200mg Piracetam
Day 4:------Very irritable, sleepy, lethargic all day.
------Very emotional at night, small argument made me cry, insomnia. (From no Wellbutrin probably)
------No reaction from Pir
8:00am
---3200mg Piracetam
5:00pm
---3200mg Piracetam
Day 5:------Very irritable, apathetic about life and school, left class early when assignment was due.
------Bought ALCAR.
------Very emotional at night over little things. Sad for friend's problems. Trouble sleeping.
------Possible diarrhea from ALCAR.
3:00pm
---1600mg Piracetam
8:00pm
---500mg ALCAR
Day 6:------Awake and in good mood in AM, still apathetic about school.
------Sleepy but still in good mood in PM. Took nap (recently unusual for me, from no Wellbutrin I'm sure).
8:00am
---2400mg Piracetam
---250mg ALCAR
---Centrum
2:00pm
---800mg Piracetam
---250mg ALCAR
Day 7:------Bought Lechitin
------No reaction
11:00am
---1600mg Piracetam
---800mg Lechitin
---250mg ALCAR
---250mg Magnesium (Read it helped with energy? Now unsure if I will be continuing)
---Centrum
Day 8:------No reaction
4:00pm
---3200mg Piracetam
---1600mg Lechitin
---250mg ALCAR
---250mg Magnesium
---Centrum
2:00am
---1600mg Piracetam
---1200mg Lechitin
Day 9:------No reaction
3:00pm
---1600mg Piracetam
---1600mg Lechitin
---500mg ALCAR
---250mg Magnesium
----Centrum
Day 10:------No reaction
3:00pm
---1600mg Piracetam
---160mg Lechitin
---500mg ALCAR
---250mg Mag
---Centrum
12:00am
---1600mg Piracetam
---1600mg Lechitin
---500mg ALCAR
Day 11:------Deprenyl came.
------Very sleepy and lethargic. Slept all day long.
------No effect from Deprenyl.
9:00am
---1600mg Piracetam
---1600mg Lechitin
---250mg Magnesium
---500mg ALCAR
---Centrum
4:00pm
---5mg Deprenyl
3:00am
---1600mg Piractam
---1600mg Lechitin
---500mg ALCAR
Day 12------Bought Alpha GPC, Rhodiola Rosea
------No reaction.
11:00am
---1600mg Piracetam
---1600mg Lechitin
---500mg ALCAR
---250mg Magnesium
---5mg Deprenyl
---Centrum
6:00pm
---1600mg Piracetam
---900mg Alpha GPC
---500mg ALCAR
---240mg Rhodiola Rosea(12mg Rosavins)
Day 13------Exhausted all day.
------Same appetite-decreasing effect from Focalin XR.
12:00pm
---1600mg Piracetam
---900mg Alpha GPC
---250mg Magnesium
---240mg Rhodiola Rosea(12mg Rosavins)
3:00pm
---5mg Deprenyl
---240mg Rhodiola Rosea(12mg Rosavins)
---Centrum
---B50 Complex
5:00pm
---15mg Focalin XR (Wanted to see if it had any effect. Needed energy.)
Day 14 (Today)------Still very sleepy, apathetic, unmotivated.
3:00pm
---10mg Deprenyl
---B50 Complex
---Centrum
I know my schedule is eratic, but I expected to feel SOMETHING from these items I have tried, especially Deprenyl. If I felt anything, positive or negative, I would implement a more stable dosing schedule. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Smaller doses for anything?
My goals in this endeavor are:
---Wake up easier. I am in the most angry and depressed mood every morning. Class, work, even lives in danger, sometimes have no effect on me. I turn off 3 alarms in my sleep. Often, I don't even get a chance to make a decision to get up or not. This is not making my future life in the labor force look very enjoyable. Thank goodness I have a roommate at the moment to yank me out of bed.
---Have motivation for school. I have so much trouble just getting started on assignments, and I don't care if I miss them. But after the fact, I am very regretful.
---Not feel like I constantly need a nap. This has a big effect on my mood and my motivation, I'm sure.
---Increase my memory and comprehending power. I used to be very intelligent, but after starting college, I feel like I have lost IQ points.
Over the past few years, I've noticed that I don't respond to medications like most do. It always takes a little more than usual to get the effects needed or they're opposite, or I don't get them at all. This has held true with ecstasy, alcohol, Advil, Tylenol, DayQuil, NyQuil, diphenhydramine, Vicodin, and others I don't recall atm..
I know that the effects of nootropics aren't going to be like the kick of Adderall (though I would love that almost-instant feeling), but I've read enough to come to the conclusion that I am not reacting like most do...
Btw, I also have Vinpocetine that I have not taken yet, just fyi..
Please help me...
Thank you so much for your time and attention. I am very grateful for all of those here who take the time to share their knowledge.