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Spouse refuses to persue life extension


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#1 revenant

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 12:20 AM


I am confounded by my wife's refusal to consider intergrating life extension into her lifestyle. I have been trying to get her to pursue life extension for over 10 year now, but she still seems complacent. I am worried about her faltering health. She had a minor ischemic stroke recently, but still won't change her diet, supplement, nor will she exercise. It's not that she doesn't believe life extension is valid, she just doesn't want to put in the effort I guess. What can I do? I am such a freak about these things. How can two married people have such differing views on this? She would kill me if she knew I was posting this. I feel like such a rat.

Edited by revenant, 20 April 2012 - 12:25 AM.


#2 churchill

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 08:13 AM

Lost cause? Normally people who have these sorts of wake up calls are finally willing to change there lives for the better, that she has not tells me that she is actually pretty happy how things are and does not want to change. You could try doing some group exercise with her, like tennis, or zumba, or take dancing lessons.

A more radical solutions would be to work on your own attractiveness, make yourself looks better work out more, start flirting with other ladies. This would have the effect of potentially making her take more care over her appearance exercise more and watch what she eats, just don't blame me if it blows up in your face:)

#3 Mind

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 11:09 PM

I am sad to hear of your predicament. My spouse is a bit like that. She believes in the near-death-experience-see-the-white-light-mystical-life-after-death stuff. She is all behind my efforts to conquer aging, but I am not 100% sure she will partake in it herself. Your predicament is very similar to what many cryonicists have experienced through the years. Many of them had to divorce because their spouses represented a threat to their cryonic suspension plans.

Don't feel like a rat for posting here. Maybe we can help. Hopefully, talking it over will help come to a resolution or at least initiate a process toward a resolution. I have always found that open communication (although very difficult sometimes) is the quickest way to get to the bottom of things. Maybe you just need to have a heart-to-heart talk to let her know how passionate you are about life extension and what a wonderful goal it is to conquer aging. If she knows this is your true desire, then maybe she will come around, or there will be some other satisfactory resolution. If you already did that, then maybe it is sad reality that she has accepted frailty and death.
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#4 Danail Bulgaria

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 11:32 PM

Damn women :) My wife also do not supports the idea of living longer.
But I don't pay her much attention. I live the life I coose and believe in things, that I want to believe.
If Your wifes tell You not to waste Your time with life extension, simply tell them You'll devorce and they will suddenly allow You to have life extension practices :)
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#5 Luminosity

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 04:57 AM

:|?

Maybe it's just you she doesn't want to live longer.
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#6 Droplet

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 08:33 PM

I have a similar problem with some of my family. They won't listen and are the biggest bunch of deathists out there. My dad admits he fears death but won't do much about it and my mother will probably killl herself through neglect because she won't even get herself checked out at a doctors. My eldest brother won't even listen and the second eldest thinks the future will be terrible and he is better off with a limited lifespan despite already having a degenerative disorder. It is annoying to see people you care about content to just lay down and die. :(

I also have friends who won't even talk about it. Many I know just want to put their fingers in their ears and sing "lalala" rather than think about getting old, even if we are thinking about never having to face that misery. It's like everyone has already given up without even trying to get out. I really don't get it...if a building was on fire you'd not sit there and think "oh well we're gonna cook" you'd try to get out. Why the heck are people content to let aging catch up with them and burn them away when there just maybe an escape? I understand acceptance may be hardwired over millenia but heck we've made so many medical advances we couldn't have dreamed of a hundred years ago!

I get the impression with some people that they don't believe it could ever be possible so ignore it all in favour of acceptng what they see as the inevitable. For example, I've broached the topic a few times at work but no one has ever taken it seriously enough other than saying "that would be nice." I even gave a Longecity postrcard to one of my colleagues but it has never been mentioned.

Edited by Droplet, 21 April 2012 - 08:41 PM.


#7 revenant

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 04:49 AM

Thanks for the counsel guys. Yeah it's weird, I get the feeling that almost everyone I try to talk to about life extension, my wife included, sort of looks at me like they feel sorry for me. What the hell? I am just about the damned healthiest person I know.

#8 churchill

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 07:13 AM

Thanks for the counsel guys. Yeah it's weird, I get the feeling that almost everyone I try to talk to about life extension, my wife included, sort of looks at me like they feel sorry for me. What the hell? I am just about the damned healthiest person I know.

Could it be that people you talk with are relogious and thus they think you are going to hell, and feel sorry for you for that?

Pretty much anyone you talk to about life extension is going to have a negative reaction unfortunately that is nothing new, people (me included) are not rational in many things they do in their life. Unfortunately the way that popular culture and movies have portrayed it you will either be incredibly feeble or have to cause someone else harm to life forever.

#9 revenant

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 12:51 AM

Could it be that people you talk with are relogious and thus they think you are going to hell, and feel sorry for you for that?

Pretty much anyone you talk to about life extension is going to have a negative reaction unfortunately that is nothing new, people (me included) are not rational in many things they do in their life. Unfortunately the way that popular culture and movies have portrayed it you will either be incredibly feeble or have to cause someone else harm to life forever.


The few people I know personally who are amenable to life extension are educated and open-minded. In general though we are enculturated to believe that death before 100 is a certainity, and any effort at living longer is impracticable, perhaps insane, or evil. Common precepts about what is possible are not yet in stride with modern science. Even if there were a big news story one day about a breakthrough that could radically extend human lifespans, like global warming, many would not believe it, or would organise against it being put to use. Such news could possibly spur polarized social movements.

#10 churchill

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 09:27 AM

Could it be that people you talk with are relogious and thus they think you are going to hell, and feel sorry for you for that?

Pretty much anyone you talk to about life extension is going to have a negative reaction unfortunately that is nothing new, people (me included) are not rational in many things they do in their life. Unfortunately the way that popular culture and movies have portrayed it you will either be incredibly feeble or have to cause someone else harm to life forever.


The few people I know personally who are amenable to life extension are educated and open-minded. In general though we are enculturated to believe that death before 100 is a certainity, and any effort at living longer is impracticable, perhaps insane, or evil. Common precepts about what is possible are not yet in stride with modern science. Even if there were a big news story one day about a breakthrough that could radically extend human lifespans, like global warming, many would not believe it, or would organise against it being put to use. Such news could possibly spur polarized social movements.

I agree, I think that when life extension is brought up it brings up something that many people just do not want to think about so they actively try and ignore it. Unfortunately being educated and open minded does not mean that someone will realise that life extension is a worthy cause, mention it once and you can almost guarantee that someone brings up a litany of reason why it is a bad idea, ask a person whether they think cancer, heart disease and alzheimers research is a bad idea and they will say of course not even though the end goal is ultimately the prolongation of life.
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#11 Droplet

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Posted 26 April 2012 - 05:55 AM

Unfortunately being educated and open minded does not mean that someone will realise that life extension is a worthy cause, mention it once and you can almost guarantee that someone brings up a litany of reason why it is a bad idea, ask a person whether they think cancer, heart disease and alzheimers research is a bad idea and they will say of course not even though the end goal is ultimately the prolongation of life.

You're spot on there. It's like everyone wants to live longer but if they expresss an interest in living too long then it's bad! The same people would take treatment if they had something that ruined their quality of life and/or killed them, which is life extension in a way.
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#12 Mind

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Posted 26 April 2012 - 06:35 PM

A related thread about cryonics and spouses.

#13 scottknl

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Posted 26 April 2012 - 08:01 PM

I guess I'm the lucky one here. I had several health problems, the most serious was high cholesterol, before starting CR 3 years ago. My wife must have felt bad each time I would bring home medical tests that marked another few steps closer to the grave. I started CR and had great results after 6 months. A few months after that I was able to convince my wife to do CR as well. Now we're both thin, very healthy and pretty happy. However, our friends don't understand and I'm ok with that. I guess they'll ask when it's too late to undo the damage from aging. The biggest problem with getting people to make changes seems to be that people don't see how damaging a normal diet is until it's too late.

I feel very fortunate to have a wife that support my CR by cooking healthy foods and not demanding too many cakes, cookies and other unhealthy food. When I ask myself "Why did she change?", the answer I come up with is that it has to do with age. Around age 50, women change and I suspect feel a little desperate about stopping or slowing down the changes that are occurring. Maybe if I asked her around age 40, the answer might have been very different.

#14 churchill

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Posted 27 April 2012 - 03:40 PM

I guess I'm the lucky one here. I had several health problems, the most serious was high cholesterol, before starting CR 3 years ago. My wife must have felt bad each time I would bring home medical tests that marked another few steps closer to the grave. I started CR and had great results after 6 months. A few months after that I was able to convince my wife to do CR as well. Now we're both thin, very healthy and pretty happy. However, our friends don't understand and I'm ok with that. I guess they'll ask when it's too late to undo the damage from aging. The biggest problem with getting people to make changes seems to be that people don't see how damaging a normal diet is until it's too late.

I feel very fortunate to have a wife that support my CR by cooking healthy foods and not demanding too many cakes, cookies and other unhealthy food. When I ask myself "Why did she change?", the answer I come up with is that it has to do with age. Around age 50, women change and I suspect feel a little desperate about stopping or slowing down the changes that are occurring. Maybe if I asked her around age 40, the answer might have been very different.


Not exactly the best strategy advice, wait 10 years have a bunch of health problems then she might come around?:) My hope is to become better at convincing others on the validity of life extension then hopefully the same works on my wife.

#15 starlight_starbright

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 09:20 AM

Such interesting perspectives. I think it is best that you avoid the specific language of life extension at all. I enjoy being able to discuss it with my husband, but he is still far more into the technical aspects than I am, even to the point of becoming frustrated with me for not getting interested enough. I am just not that interested in the technical details of which drug or diet contributes to which specific mental or physical benefit. I'd rather take a holistic view, imbuing smarts and good food on the basis of my own personal examination of how they make me feel overall.

These differences are strong, but still we get on because our goals are similar. In your case, I would hope that you can extend your wife's life by being healthy yourself. Having health means you can care for her and be aware of things that might help her (without attaching your longevity ideas to your actions)
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