Hi friends,
dont't want to annoy with long story so I'll try to be as much schematic as I can.
I apologize for my english...i'm sorry it's not my language and I hope you can understand what I write.
Real problems began 13 years ago while I was in an extreme honeymoon love relationship but also extreme stress (family + jelousy)
Suddenly I felt all the magic going away, the first obvious things were a sudden drop in sex drive and feelings of love, so i initially thought it was not being in love anymore, but soon I realized there was something more going on:
- Extreme depression
- Anxiety
- Obsessive thoughts
- Fatigue
- Weight gain
- No emotions
- Loss of pleasure and interest life in general.
- Tinnitus
I can cope with ocd, fatigue and weight issues but really can't with the pleasure thing.... i don't know if i can call it anhedonia because anhedonics can't get reward from anything, for me it's different: it's like my reward system regulated to feel only extreme stimulation..i'll try to explain it:
when I was "normal" I could get pleasure from little things like listening to music, play video games, fantasize love and sex with a girl, but also smaller things like simply earing the rain from my bed (i remember this was very pleasurable for me).
Now little things does not exist, music have to be loud and extreme in complexity and heaviness (and still never satisfies me), can't feel feelings of love for no one (including my wife, son and parents), no empaty, sex drive is non existent (i can perform but never have desire to do it) the only way to feel strong sexual arousal is using porn (not regular porn, a kind gross enough to make me distress), can't enjoy videogames unless it's highly competitive multiplayer game, tend to overeat.
Things I tried:
Psichoanalisys: did nothing
CBT: did nothing
Hypnotherapy: did nothing
Acupuncture: nothing
Abstaining from porn/masturbation: nothing
Meds
- Citalopram: nothing
- Cymbalta: nothing
- Effexor xr + notryptiline: really nothing for emotion/pleasure/reward but lifted mood a bit and lessened ocd and anxiety (effexor was at max dosage for 1,5 years)
- Welbutrin: nothing and made me anxious
- HCG injections (i tested testosterone and it was low normal): brought back morning erections for 2/3 weeks but it faded and did nothing.
Supplements
- Vitamins (all of them): no difference
- 5HTP: first dose gave me a burst of energy and better mood but never worked again (tolerance?)
- curcumin: nothing
- luteolin: nothing
- EGCG: nothing
- Sulbutiamine: nothing
- Macuna pruriens: nothing
- Maca: nothing
- NAC: nothing
- Fish oil: i started taking it 2 years ago and from the 2nd day I felt my mood lifting and a general sense of wellbeing and pleasure for simple things like being outside with my wife in a sunny day. Unfortunately it faded in about one week despite upping the dose and changing various brands of fish oil...stopping and resuming never brought the same effect.
Sometimes i feel an improvement in energy and mood after aerobic exercise (cycling)
If I go one night without sleep I feel an incredible boost in energy, self confidence, mood and social skills.
This is rare, but it happened to wake up after about 2 hours of sleep with incredible libido, i literaly wake up while making passionate sex with my wife.
Please, if someone has some idea in what i could try to do to fix this... is very welcome.
