Hi, I am a long-time lurker on this forum, but registered couple months ago to ask for educated answers on my drug use. I know this isn't a drug forum and apologize in advance, but I greatly respect people on this forum, hence the reason I am making this topic. I am obsessed with the thought that I have damaged my brain by MDMA use and I really want to evaluate how bad it is. These thoughts keep me awake at night reading forums, research papers etc. This is bad by itself since I am constantly anxious and every fail in my daily life I attribute to drug use.
So here are some statistics. In the scope of 2 years here is what I believe is to some extent accurate estimations of my drug usage:
MDMA: 6 grams
Amphetamine sulphate: around 1g
Cocaine: under 1 gram
Mephedrone: 1g
Alchohol: A lot of it.
I have also been a habitual weed smoker for these 2 years.
Most of it happened during the first year. Should be noted that I have never taken 2 drugs simultaneously (except combined with alcohol). my average session with mdma was about 3 mg/kg separated in somewhat equal dosages (around 250 mg). Highest being around 6 mg/kg. Also, I have never binged on any drug after I get back from a night out.
What has changed since my drug use:
- Concentration and attention span have noticeably worsened.
- Short term memory decreased but it's getting better
- emotional swings and instability. I have always been moody, but now it is absolutely ridiculous, I can go from feeling great to suicidal in a matter of minutes.
- anxiety!!! Especially in social settings. Massive panic attack out of the blue was actually a turning point for me. I don't get those anymore but first 3 months of abstaining were complete hell.
- Most importantly I have constant muscle twitching all around my body (very irritating). Some days it's better, but it never goes away.
I must say that I have always been a somewhat neurotic and anxious person (drugs helped a lot with that for some time)
I don't feel like my reasoning abilities or abilities to solve complex tasks worsened, but the symptoms I mentioned above seriously impacted my overall quality of life. I still perform well at uni and work.
I have been abstaining from any drugs for about 8 months now (and will stay that way for the rest of my life) aside from caffeine and occasional alcohol. Although I am hardly ever getting drunk as hangover triples anxiety symptoms.
So far I have been doing:
- gym 3 times a week high intensity 45 mins workouts.
- daily 15 min meditation
- supplementing with fish oil, vitamins. You know, the general stuff.
- diet
My questions are:
What further actions can I take to recover? I know there is no magic pill...
How can I address the problem of twitching and anxiety? I really do not want to take any benzos or any anti-anxiety medications for the rest of my life.
How do I stop obsessing about brain damage? Meditation seems to help but I still get some sleepless nights going over and over my past choices.
Edit: I've heard that ayahuasca can increase the density of serotonin receptors. Any thoughts on that?
Edited by PMFWIW, 15 August 2017 - 07:57 PM.