Substance abuse recovery. Mostly MDMA.
PMFWIW 15 Aug 2017
Hi, I am a long-time lurker on this forum, but registered couple months ago to ask for educated answers on my drug use. I know this isn't a drug forum and apologize in advance, but I greatly respect people on this forum, hence the reason I am making this topic. I am obsessed with the thought that I have damaged my brain by MDMA use and I really want to evaluate how bad it is. These thoughts keep me awake at night reading forums, research papers etc. This is bad by itself since I am constantly anxious and every fail in my daily life I attribute to drug use.
So here are some statistics. In the scope of 2 years here is what I believe is to some extent accurate estimations of my drug usage:
MDMA: 6 grams
Amphetamine sulphate: around 1g
Cocaine: under 1 gram
Mephedrone: 1g
Alchohol: A lot of it.
I have also been a habitual weed smoker for these 2 years.
Most of it happened during the first year. Should be noted that I have never taken 2 drugs simultaneously (except combined with alcohol). my average session with mdma was about 3 mg/kg separated in somewhat equal dosages (around 250 mg). Highest being around 6 mg/kg. Also, I have never binged on any drug after I get back from a night out.
What has changed since my drug use:
- Concentration and attention span have noticeably worsened.
- Short term memory decreased but it's getting better
- emotional swings and instability. I have always been moody, but now it is absolutely ridiculous, I can go from feeling great to suicidal in a matter of minutes.
- anxiety!!! Especially in social settings. Massive panic attack out of the blue was actually a turning point for me. I don't get those anymore but first 3 months of abstaining were complete hell.
- Most importantly I have constant muscle twitching all around my body (very irritating). Some days it's better, but it never goes away.
I must say that I have always been a somewhat neurotic and anxious person (drugs helped a lot with that for some time)
I don't feel like my reasoning abilities or abilities to solve complex tasks worsened, but the symptoms I mentioned above seriously impacted my overall quality of life. I still perform well at uni and work.
I have been abstaining from any drugs for about 8 months now (and will stay that way for the rest of my life) aside from caffeine and occasional alcohol. Although I am hardly ever getting drunk as hangover triples anxiety symptoms.
So far I have been doing:
- gym 3 times a week high intensity 45 mins workouts.
- daily 15 min meditation
- supplementing with fish oil, vitamins. You know, the general stuff.
- diet
My questions are:
What further actions can I take to recover? I know there is no magic pill...
How can I address the problem of twitching and anxiety? I really do not want to take any benzos or any anti-anxiety medications for the rest of my life.
How do I stop obsessing about brain damage? Meditation seems to help but I still get some sleepless nights going over and over my past choices.
Edit: I've heard that ayahuasca can increase the density of serotonin receptors. Any thoughts on that?
Edited by PMFWIW, 15 August 2017 - 07:57 PM.
hydrus 17 Aug 2017
The obsession about brain damage can be a symptom of anxiety.
Look up how people recovered even from the most severe forms of brain damage from car accidents for example. In case you had a damage it would be really minor stuff.
If you can still perform at work it can't be that bad.
Not sure why you think you have to take benzos for the rest of your life.
Perhaps you find something that can lessen your symptoms and speed up your recovery. Ideally you would need something that doesn't do further damage. Benzos do can cause brain damage.
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PeaceAndProsperity 24 Aug 2017
It absolutely seems to be permanent with these sorts of drugs. I have a relative who has abused serious drugs and over 10 years later and he is still not like he used to be cognitively, socially and in other respects.
The best you can do is to educate other druggies on the importance of thinking before acting, and taking responsibility.
kurdishfella 23 Apr 2021
Everything that you need to heal yourself is already in your body but you just need specific drugs to activate them.
TMNMK 24 Apr 2021
I would highly recommend a neuropsychological evaluation to tease apart the details of what you describe in much more concrete and actionable terms. Be sure to do a comprehensive evaluation, not a targeted evaluation. It's expensive but if you have good insurance that the provider accepts, that'll cover some of it, perhaps up to half or more of the cost. The neuropsychologist you choose should either have their ABPP-CN or be board eligible (or if they are older either extensive credentials, training and experience, or have their ABN - that's totally fine too).
Every person is unique and I think it is absolutely admirable that you are dropping the substances and cutting back on the alcohol. None of those things, on a chronic basis, are good for you. Some of those things might be good to experience once in a blue-moon perhaps, for fun, for levity, for entertainment. But you can't go wrong with abstinence.
Fwiw, I've done much worse in my life with every one of those substances you mention (and many, many others - probably kilos (!) for a few of those things). Don't throw in the towel, good to reach out and get suggestions. I don't do any of those things anymore now that I've become older and more health-conscious and additionally I quit drinking alcohol entirely about 7 months ago because of this paper here that scared the crap out of me:
https://tspace.libra...b-2018-0248.pdf
This may sound off-the-wall a bit, but I have heard some absolutely shocking results coming out of acupuncture and hypnosis for things such as anxiety. I might suggest in your case someone like this: https://mindzaihypnotherapy.com/ (I am not affiliated with this practitioner, I don't know him whatsoever, we've never met, but have heard of him through others - just an example of someone who might be able to help via less conventional means). There are also some very good clinical and counseling psychologists who may be able to help you to overcome anxiety. But again I think if I were you I'd start with a comprehensive neuropsychological evaluation to at least put to bed (or validate) your concerns regarding your brain.
Also, I'd really suggest not jumping into another drug to fix a problem potentially aggravated by former drug use. Ayahuasca seems antithetical to your purpose. I'm sure ayahuasca has its uses, but in your case I don't think yet more...
... is really going to help
Edited by TMNMK, 24 April 2021 - 07:37 PM.
CWF1986 16 May 2021
Only thing I can think of to do is exercise your mind. Like reading novels, puzzles, chess, take a college class if possible, or just start learning about a subject that interest you.
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roser 01 Jun 2021
The drug abuse caused very bad and toxic influence of stress on the brain. You may look on the innovative substance ISRIB(Integrated stress response inhibitor), which is blocking small stress factors and regenerate neurons in the brain. It may really recover your brain. ISRIB is very effective for healing from mechanical or chemical damages of the brain as well as strokes.