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A short story about what it means to have stumbled upon existence.

the broken portal

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#1 brokenportal

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Posted 22 January 2009 - 08:23 PM


The Broken Portal


Captain and crew float through an abyss of pitch black, you can hear talking in the void.

"This blackness is too much for me to take, it's a dark evil, will it ever end?"

"I don't know private," sobs a little.

People are heard talking, "Blackness, days? or eons of silence and blackness?"

"No time here."

"How long have we been here Lieutenant?"

"Eons Damn it." You hear dry heaving in the background.

"This forsaken place," is muttered by another random person on the ship.

Blackness…

…blacknesS

"I cant take it!" Screams through the void.

"Eons, soul crushing eooooooooooooons……………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Nothing.

Eternities of nothing.

“Hello?!?!??!!!!”

“Helllooooooo!?!!” echoes through crushing nothingness.

No color, no goals to pursue, nothing to do, nothing to think about, nothing to see, nothing to smell, nowhere to go, no mysteries to unravel, no edges to explore, no marvels to witness, no substance to lend to even a spark of imagination, no discoveries to make or tools to innovate and create.

Existencelessness………..




black, black, black, black…....................................











.....................the never ending abyss hangs heavy.

and then,


AND


THEN



"Captain, captain we've found it, we've found a portal into existence!"

The captain turns back from the helm, eyes wide. It's the first time his eyes have ever been seen since it's the first time light has ever struck them. If anybody were looking at them that is, because they were all fixed on the portal like frozen statues, light flooding through. To them the light was equivalent to an explosive fire ball pouring down through their ranks. This fire ball though, welcomed by all with every eager ecstatic electrified hyper stimulated particle of their beings. .. Jaws dropped hearts pounding. Time starts and then stops again, standing still, but only in their minds this time.

A speaker erupts through the newly found air and the permeating silence, thrusting time into full speed again. They start to slowly move and make exclamations.

"We have found a portal." Is said in electrifying exasperation.

From afar can be revealed an ever widening sea of people frozen in the on rush of the explosion of light, into this dark, dark eternity of void.

Somebody yells "Yes!" or “I can’t believe it!" or "damn!" or some exclamation in all the different regions of the crowd, the sea of crowds, as time picks up. In the distance you can see an orb of light broadcasting in through a distant portal, but that portal, is broken.

"Its broken. The portal is broken." Some one says.

"The fucking portal is broken!" Someone else nearest it screams.

"But its broken." Screams another

"Its broken! Damn it!!! The portal is brokeeeennnn!!!"

Some sighs and sobs can be heard around, but mostly in the form of slight gasps.

"Hold it open, hold it open god damn it." Screams the captain. "We've been searching for this for eons, we'll find a way, bring in the army. We are fixing this portal if it's the last thing we do."

The astonishment of what they are witnessing through the portal is almost suffocating to them. Their joy is explosive. It's a miracle. Not only is there a portal into SOME thing, ANY thing, AND they've found it, but its filled with things that exceed their wildest dreams all combined by, by an infinity. They've found an infinity of substance and they are about to pour through that portal into it like jar of sea monkeys into an ocean that never ends, a bottomless box of tools at their side.

"What are we going to do captain?"

"I said bring in the army. Im not going back to that forsaken fucking void. Im not. I AM NOT! Do you hear me? We are going to do whatever it takes. You see that twinkling of glimmering gold Lieutenant? That light that you've never seen before? What is that huh? Where did it come from? We'll call them stars. However this all got here, it must be one hell of a story. If we ca.. if we, better.. if we can stay here.. keep this glorious,"

Long pause.

"forsaken portal from crumbling down around us." The captain almost trembles with grief.

In a low, frustrated, exasperated tone he goes on. "It's a conundrum, we've found it, but it’s broken. We got it open, but it’s broken, we're here, but it’s leaving. We finally made it, but it’s departing. … I can’t turn from it, the twinkling of these stars; look over there Lieutenant."

He points to some planets. Those places, each vast and abounding with centuries of mystery and intrigue and discovery and joy and adventure. The journey of it all…."

He pauses in its incredible magnificence to take it all in.

"and that's just 3 of them. Look over there."

He points into the mystery.

"That's infinity, that goes on, forevvverrr. There's an endless well fountain of lands, endless I tell you…"

The captain puts his head to his hand.

"The history, the future of each, what we can create and bring to life and do and discover, not to mention as I said… We haven't a clue as to what it is, how it got here, what is going … my god…

This portal is staying propped open, I will dig into it to hold it open until my fingers are raw to the bone. I will die to keep this open. There's no going back from here. There's no going back from this glory to the abyss. "

The captain gives off a very noticeable shudder. He almost collapses. The lieutenant grabs his arm and stands him back up.

"Let’s get to work!" The captain bellows out as the ship bumps the dock of the portal.

"Go, go, go!!!! get the army in here, get the supplies, call in new orders, unlimited supplies full steam ahead. Full steam. We have got this, and we will win this, we are NOT, letting go."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dark eons, followed by a broken portal into an existence of infinite mystery require that we fix the portal. If we are to be then this is what we must do. This grand symphony of splendor is ours for the taking.

This existence and universe are the essence of infinite potential, they are everything, and just because someone, maybe you, can’t see the scope of that magnitude and appreciate it for what its worth doesn't mean other people can’t, or that you shouldn't stay to see it anyways. You are robbing and raping and murdering your soul if you are content to die and I will fight to shake that horrible tragic indifference out of your mind. I will figure this place out and explore it if I have it my way, and I will work to give you that opportunity to do it as well. I will not lie down like a scared dog while the grim reaper stalks me, I will fight. I will fight for this life, I will fight tooth and nail, I will fight to prop that portal open, this is a sacred place and we have no story, no manual, no guidance, no idea what is going on here and we have only begun to try to figure out how to scratch the surface of what we can see here in this ONE little PIN HEAD of light that we've been thrust into and are in here so far. There are only clues in this game. This is the game of all games and we shall play it valiantly standing tall, all the way through, eyes wide open, paying attention, for all its worth, Figuring it all out is our opportunity for the taking.

Edited by brokenportal, 20 October 2011 - 03:37 AM.


#2 Brafarality

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Posted 23 January 2009 - 01:33 AM

The Broken Portal

Captain and crew float through an abyss of pitch black[stale], you can hear talking in the void[nice].

"This blackness is to much for me to take, it's a dark evil, will it ever end?" [good opening quote. the rank and file thrust into the unknown are not typically violent and mutinous, but are more often despaired, especially when hope seems lost]

"I don't know private." Sobs a little.

Somebody is heard saying, "Blackness, days? or eons of silence and blackness?"

"No time here."

"How long have we been here Lieutenant?"

"Eons Damn it." You hear dry heaving in the background.

"This forsaken place," is muttered by another random person on the ship.

Blackness…

…blacknesS

"I cant take it!" Screams through the void.

"Eons, fucking eooooooooooooons……………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"




black, black, black, black…....................................











.....................the never ending abyss hangs heavy.

and then,

"Captain, captain we've found it, we've found a portal into existence!"

The captain turns back from the helm, eyes wide. It's the first time his eyes have ever been seen since it's the first time light has ever struck them. If any body were looking at them that is, because they were all fixed on the portal like frozen statues, light flooding through. To them the light was equivalent to an explosive fire ball pouring down through their ranks[nice!]. This fire ball, though welcomed by all with every eager ecstatic electrified hyper stimulated particle of their beings[this run works here but not as much in the later example]. .. Jaws dropped hearts pounding. Time starts and then stops again, standing still, but only in their minds this time.

A speaker erupts through the newly found air and the permeating silence[stale], thrusting time into full speed again. They start to slowly move and make exclamations.

"We have found a portal." It says, in electrifying exasperation[of course this is nice! expressionistic sci-fi in 2 words].

From afar can be revealed an ever widening sea of people frozen in the on rush of the explosion of light, into this dark, dark eternity of dark void. [not sure if overuse of 'dark' is making me see and feel the darkness. it is letting semantic awareness interfere with the alchemical conjuring of mood and image]

Somebody yells "Yes!" or "Shit!" or "holy damn!" or some exclamation in all the different regions of the crowd, the sea of crowds[this double impact works much better than the 'dark' repetitions. it feels like waves crashing, partially suggested by the word sea, the repetition and the effective use of 's' sound. waves, of course, suggest time and periodicity], as time picks up. In the distance you can see an orb of light broadcasting in through a distant portal, but that portal, is broken.

"Its broken. The portal is broken." Some one says.

"The fucking portal is broken!" Someone else nearest it screams.

"But its broken." Screams another

"Its broken! God damn it!!! The muther fucking portal is brokeeeennnn!!!"
[again- the broken-mirror randomness of 'portal' and 'broken' in the preceding 4 lines of dialog does not seem forced as compared to 'dark']

Some sighs and sobs can be heard around, but mostly in the form of slight gasps.

"Hold it open, hold it open god damn it." Screams the captain. "We've been searching for this for eons, we'll find a way, bring in the army. We are fixing this portal if it's the last thing we do."

The astonishment of what they are witnessing through the portal is almost suffocating to them. Their joy is explosive. It's a miracle. Not only is the a portal into SOME thing, ANY thing, AND they've found it, but its filled with things that exceed their wildest dreams all combined by, by an infinity. They've found an infinity of substance and they are about to pour through that portal into it like jar of sea monkeys into an ocean that never ends and a bottomless box of tools at their side.
[good overflowing run of words]

"What are we going to do captain?"

"I said bring in the fucking army. Im not going back to that forsaken fucking void. Im not. I AM NOT! Do you hear me? We are going to do whatever it takes. You see that twinkling of glimmering gold Lieutenant? That light that you've never seen before? What is that huh? Where did it come from? We'll call them stars. However this all got here, it must be one hell of a story. If we ca.. if we, better.. if we can stay here.. keep this glorious,"
[they should relish more in the portal's glow while keeping it pried open before being called to action...kind of basking, kind of so everyone can get to see, though they cannot pass through. negative capability]

Long pause.

"forsaken portal from crumbling down around us." The captain almost trembles with grief.

In a low frustrated exasperated happy sad mileau of a tone[not sure if this descriptive structure melds with the rest of the story. pick one or two of these adjectives and drop the rest. or, find one that sums them up] he goes on. "It's a conundrum, we've found it, but its broken. We got it open, but its broken, we're here, but its leaving. We finally made it, but its departing. … I cant turn from it, the twinkling of these stars[ah, the shiny twinkly things still suggest wonder, hope, beauty and ecstacy after all these millenia], look over there Lieutenant,"

He points to some planets. "Those places, each vast and abounding with centuries of mystery and intrigue and discovery and joy and adventure. The journey of it all…."[cool.]

He pauses in its incredulousness to take it all in.

"and that's just 3 of them. Look over there."

He points into the mystery.

"That's infinity, that goes on, forevvverrr. There's an endless well fountain of lands, endless I tell you. Damn it…"

The captain puts his head to his hand in utter amazement.

"The history, the future of each, what we can create and bring to life and do and discover, not to mention as I said earlier… We haven't a clue as to what it is, how it got here, what is going … my god…

This portal is staying propped open, I will dig into it to hold it open until my fingers are raw to the bone. I will die to keep this open. There's no going back from here. There's no going back from this glory to the abyss.[nice! powerful. 'glory', when used well, has a very visual quality to it. not sure why.] "

The captain gives off a very noticeable shudder. He almost collapses. The lieutenant grabs his arm and stands him back up.

"Lets get to work!" The captain bellows out as the ship bumps the dock of the portal.[cool. momentarily returns reader to the outside space void scene with more of a nudge than a bang. anchors.]

"Go, go, go!!!! get the army in here, get the supplies, call in new orders, unlimited supplies full steam ahead. Full steam. We have got this, and we will win this, we are NOT, letting go." [marshalling forces for a hopeful and genuine purpose is always invigorating]





Dark eons, followed by a broken portal into an existence of infinite mystery require that we fix the portal.[cool angular reasoning] If we are to be then this is what we must do. This grand symphony of splendor is ours for the taking.

This existence and universe are the essence of infinite potential, they are everything, and just because someone, maybe you, cant see the scope of that magnitude and appreciate it for what its worth doesn't mean other people cant, or that you shouldn't stay to see it anyways. You are robbing and raping and murdering your soul if you are content to die and I will fight to shake that horrible tragic content indifference out of your mind. I will figure this place out and explore it if I have it my way, and I will work to give you that opportunity to do it as well. I will not lay down like a scared dog while the grim reaper stalks me, I will fight. I will fight for this life, I will fight tooth and nail, I will fight to prop that portal open, this is a sacred place and we have no story, no manual, no guidance, no notion, none at all, we have no idea what is going on here and we have only begun to try to figure out how to scratch the surface of what we can see here in this ONE little PIN HEAD of light that we've been thrust into here, are in, so far. There are only clues in this game, in this embarkment, in this voyage, in this sojourn, in this contemplation, this thought explosion, this sensory playground, magic wonder land, incredible glory, space, infinity, technology, thought, ideas, dream, dream of dreams, vision, ingenuity, creativity, production, industriousness, this everything, this unimaginable unexplainable amazing universe and existence. Figuring allllll this out, finding it, knowing it, seeing feeling breathing touching tasting smelling pioneering building discovering unlocking of it, this unlocking of all of its boxes and hidden corridors and creating and bringing about all its magic and splendor and elixers and potentials and offering explosions of amazement and everything here we are in and a part of now, here, in now, is our destiny. [instructive and didactic, but I believe that was the intention.]

We have arrived, we have arrived. THIS,..........is the game of all games, and I shall play it, we will not lay down like slaves taking orders to dig their own graves and get in them, we wont go gently into that good night,[dylan thomas, baby!]I will finish the game, "by god doc I will finish this game."

[its a slightly staggered but pretty cool tale. the characters are Everymen, but they are obviously meant to be vessels of the author's cosmology, which I do not fully grasp, but pretty much got the gist of from this story
Pretty cool.
Good luck, Brokenportal!
]

Edited by paulthekind, 23 January 2009 - 01:37 AM.


#3 AgeDefier

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Posted 23 January 2009 - 05:26 AM

I think it's a great story Brokenportal. Good ideas. Captivating.

The writing style was fine... but a bit cumbersome, like an early draft usually reads.

My advice is to delete as many words as possible. The important lines/ideas will have greater impact, and the reader won't be weighed down and discouraged by slow reading.

---------------
example 1
---------------

Captain and crew float through the Void.
[void=abyss of pitch black]

There are voices.
[voices=talking, "voices-void" smoother word combo]

"This blackness is a dark evil. When will it end?"
"I don't know, private."
[more succinct, conveys same as original]

"Blackness, days? or eons of silence and blackness?"
"No time here."

"How long have we been here Lieutenant?"
"Eons Damn it."

Behind their words is the din of dry heaving.
["din of dry heaving" smoother + "behind their words" better ties the heaving to what they are talking about]

[removed the line about the forsaken place because it doesn't add anything new]

---------------
example 2
---------------

Some time later, a commotion awakens the crew.
[added as a transition, "some time later" intentionally vague refer to the conversation about how long they have been there]

"Captain, captain we've found it, we've found a portal into existence!"

The captain turns from the helm, eyes wide.

It's the first time his eyes have ever been seen.
It's the first time light has struck them.
Light floods through them.
Jaws drop.
Hearts pound.
Time wavers and stops....

But time stops only in their minds this time.

[removed a lot of the words from that paragraph because they were getting in the way of the flow, this flows faster]

Edited by AgeDefier, 23 January 2009 - 05:28 AM.


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#4 Brafarality

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Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:12 AM

"This forsaken place," is muttered by another random person on the ship.

Blackness…

…blacknesS

"I cant take it!" Screams through the void.

"Eons, fucking eooooooooooooons……………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"




black, black, black, black…....................................











.....................the never ending abyss hangs heavy.

and then,

"Captain, captain we've found it, we've found a portal into existence!"

Forgot to mention:
Pretty good use of negative space to convey that great abyss.
I didnt think to mention it because it registered unconsciously and was easily absorbed, bypassing the active mind.
Not sure if it will make the final draft, but, who says this isnt the final draft?

OK. That's enough from me for now.
Good luck again. :)

#5 Shannon Vyff

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Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:37 AM

Reminded me of this: http://gregegan.cust.../Crocodile.html and I enjoyed a re-read.

#6 mentatpsi

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Posted 23 January 2009 - 09:09 AM

If you haven't done so already read Atlas Shrugged. I feel i have uttered this statement, or request, or whatever it is to too many people, but it's almost as if it's a requirement... as if it's a standard of books, that the alteration resulting from that book is too necessary to pursue life as truly we should. And the beauty is that it's open ended, that the pursuit is a matter of personal preference, but a life so much more meaningful, even though it is existential in the end (maybe lol). I felt i should add that comment before continuing.

Anyways, I didn't think i would like it at first, because i knew that it would be a story of hope, and i'm one for the extreme struggle, the development of a character who has the ideals of mankind yet facing extreme adversities for his place as an outcast. However, in the end having some great impact, meeting some goal, or just discovering something majestic. Even though sometimes the character can just slip into oblivion but develop his own progress.

But your piece, it wasn't exactly about the struggle of individuals directly through the act and determination of reaching some end by some illogical need, but really the requirement of seeing such great infinite wonders to need the struggle and the end to "survive"... as if without it... there's nothing at all. I liked it :).

#7 brokenportal

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Posted 09 June 2009 - 06:02 AM

If you haven't done so already read Atlas Shrugged. I feel i have uttered this statement, or request, or whatever it is to too many people, but it's almost as if it's a requirement... as if it's a standard of books, that the alteration resulting from that book is too necessary to pursue life as truly we should. And the beauty is that it's open ended, that the pursuit is a matter of personal preference, but a life so much more meaningful, even though it is existential in the end (maybe lol). I felt i should add that comment before continuing.

Anyways, I didn't think i would like it at first, because i knew that it would be a story of hope, and i'm one for the extreme struggle, the development of a character who has the ideals of mankind yet facing extreme adversities for his place as an outcast. However, in the end having some great impact, meeting some goal, or just discovering something majestic. Even though sometimes the character can just slip into oblivion but develop his own progress.

But your piece, it wasn't exactly about the struggle of individuals directly through the act and determination of reaching some end by some illogical need, but really the requirement of seeing such great infinite wonders to need the struggle and the end to "survive"... as if without it... there's nothing at all. I liked it :).



Exactly, through perspective, people take everything for granted. Some people take everything for granted, and all people take at least some things for granted. Existence is so freaking miraculous that its unbeleivable, and to treat it as anything less is ludicrous. Thats part of what the story is trying to say. Its trying to help jar us out of the perspective of taking this mind blowing happenstance for granted. This reminds me of this blog, "Your Alive!" and this blog, "I wish our chemical physiology would match the intensity of reality", amongst others.

#8 brokenportal

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Posted 20 October 2011 - 03:35 AM

Im replacing the copy in the topic here and putting the old version in a quote here.


I wrote a short story with one perspective to what is meant by "broken portal".

Im looking for some feedback. If you think its good or bad then it will inspire me to either move forward with it or not. I could use some help editing it and cleaning it up a bit if anybody is interested.

The Broken Portal


Captain and crew float through an abyss of pitch black, you can hear talking in the void.

"This blackness is to much for me to take, it's a dark evil, will it ever end?"

"I don't know private." Sobs a little.

Somebody is heard saying, "Blackness, days? or eons of silence and blackness?"

"No time here."

"How long have we been here Lieutenant?"

"Eons Damn it." You hear dry heaving in the background.

"This forsaken place," is muttered by another random person on the ship.

Blackness…

…blacknesS

"I cant take it!" Screams through the void.

"Eons, fucking eooooooooooooons……………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"




black, black, black, black…....................................











.....................the never ending abyss hangs heavy.

and then,

"Captain, captain we've found it, we've found a portal into existence!"

The captain turns back from the helm, eyes wide. It's the first time his eyes have ever been seen since it's the first time light has ever struck them. If any body were looking at them that is, because they were all fixed on the portal like frozen statues, light flooding through. To them the light was equivalent to an explosive fire ball pouring down through their ranks. This fire ball though, welcomed by all with every eager ecstatic electrified hyper stimulated particle of their beings. .. Jaws dropped hearts pounding. Time starts and then stops again, standing still, but only in their minds this time.

A speaker erupts through the newly found air and the permeating silence, thrusting time into full speed again. They start to slowly move and make exclamations.

"We have found a portal." It says, in electrifying exasperation.

From afar can be revealed an ever widening sea of people frozen in the on rush of the explosion of light, into this dark, dark eternity of dark void.

Somebody yells "Yes!" or "Shit!" or "holy damn!" or some exclamation in all the different regions of the crowd, the sea of crowds, as time picks up. In the distance you can see an orb of light broadcasting in through a distant portal, but that portal, is broken.

"Its broken. The portal is broken." Some one says.

"The fucking portal is broken!" Someone else nearest it screams.

"But its broken." Screams another

"Its broken! God damn it!!! The muther fucking portal is brokeeeennnn!!!"

Some sighs and sobs can be heard around, but mostly in the form of slight gasps.

"Hold it open, hold it open god damn it." Screams the captain. "We've been searching for this for eons, we'll find a way, bring in the army. We are fixing this portal if it's the last thing we do."

The astonishment of what they are witnessing through the portal is almost suffocating to them. Their joy is explosive. It's a miracle. Not only is the a portal into SOME thing, ANY thing, AND they've found it, but its filled with things that exceed their wildest dreams all combined by, by an infinity. They've found an infinity of substance and they are about to pour through that portal into it like jar of sea monkeys into an ocean that never ends and a bottomless box of tools at their side.

"What are we going to do captain?"

"I said bring in the fucking army. Im not going back to that forsaken fucking void. Im not. I AM NOT! Do you hear me? We are going to do whatever it takes. You see that twinkling of glimmering gold Lieutenant? That light that you've never seen before? What is that huh? Where did it come from? We'll call them stars. However this all got here, it must be one hell of a story. If we ca.. if we, better.. if we can stay here.. keep this glorious,"

Long pause.

"forsaken portal from crumbling down around us." The captain almost trembles with greif.

In a low frustrated exasperated happy sad mileau of a tone he goes on. "It's a conundrum, we've found it, but its broken. We got it open, but its broken, we're here, but its leaving. We finally made it, but its departing. … I cant turn from it, the twinkling of these stars, look over there Lieutenant,"

He points to some planets. "Those places, each vast and abounding with centuries of mystery and intrigue and discovery and joy and adventure. The journey of it all…."

He pauses in its incredulousness to take it all in.

"and that's just 3 of them. Look over there."

He points into the mystery.

"That's infinity, that goes on, forevvverrr. There's an endless well fountain of lands, endless I tell you. Damn it…"

The captain puts his head to his hand in utter amazement.

"The history, the future of each, what we can create and bring to life and do and discover, not to mention as I said earlier… We haven't a clue as to what it is, how it got here, what is going … my god…

This portal is staying propped open, I will dig into it to hold it open until my fingers are raw to the bone. I will die to keep this open. There's no going back from here. There's no going back from this glory to the abyss. "

The captain gives off a very noticeable shudder. He almost collapses. The lieutenant grabs his arm and stands him back up.

"Lets get to work!" The captain bellows out as the ship bumps the dock of the portal.

"Go, go, go!!!! get the army in here, get the supplies, call in new orders, unlimited supplies full steam ahead. Full steam. We have got this, and we will win this, we are NOT, letting go."





Dark eons, followed by a broken portal into an existence of infinite mystery require that we fix the portal. If we are to be then this is what we must do. This grand symphony of splendor is ours for the taking.

This existence and universe are the essence of infinite potential, they are everything, and just because someone, maybe you, cant see the scope of that magnitude and appreciate it for what its worth doesn't mean other people cant, or that you shouldn't stay to see it anyways. You are robbing and raping and murdering your soul if you are content to die and I will fight to shake that horrible tragic content indifference out of your mind. I will figure this place out and explore it if I have it my way, and I will work to give you that opportunity to do it as well. I will not lay down like a scared dog while the grim reaper stalks me, I will fight. I will fight for this life, I will fight tooth and nail, I will fight to prop that portal open, this is a sacred place and we have no story, no manual, no guidance, no notion, none at all, we have no idea what is going on here and we have only begun to try to figure out how to scratch the surface of what we can see here in this ONE little PIN HEAD of light that we've been thrust into here, are in, so far. There are only clues in this game, in this embarkment, in this voyage, in this sojourn, in this contemplation, this thought explosion, this sensory playground, magic wonder land, incredible glory, space, infinity, technology, thought, ideas, dream, dream of dreams, vision, ingenuity, creativity, production, industriousness, this everything, this unimaginable unexplainable amazing universe and existence. Figuring allllll this out, finding it, knowing it, seeing feeling breathing touching tasting smelling pioneering building discovering unlocking of it, this unlocking of all of its boxes and hidden corridors and creating and bringing about all its magic and splendor and elixers and potentials and offering explosions of amazement and everything here we are in and a part of now, here, in now, is our destiny.

We have arrived, we have arrived. THIS,..........is the game of all games, and I shall play it, we will not lay down like slaves taking orders to dig their own graves and get in them, we wont go gently into that good night, I will finish the game, "by god doc I will finish this game."



#9 The Immortalist

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Posted 18 December 2011 - 03:12 AM


This is a good idea for a story. I feel you still need to add a lot more background information as to why this crew is travelling in this dark void in the first place.

#10 CatChelator

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Posted 07 February 2012 - 12:38 AM

I was struggling with clumsy writing at the beginning, but by the end was hooked into your idea and enjoying it.




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