I have been consuming DMT (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine) with reasonable purity for several days now; some may even say excessive use. Small traces of Naphtha may have been present in the samples I smoked -- and I experienced nothing but positive and life-changing experience with my usage during all previous sessions. I did notice a marked increase in tolerance and the need to smoke more to reach the hallucinogenic state I had experienced with previous consumption.
However, the last 2 inhalations of DMT produced a terrible experience: my surroundings became terrifying and ugly, objects had dark motifs, my keyboard and bed had rotted away in front of me, I imagined my lifeless body in my mind's eye, I felt trapped and alone. It was a horrible psychotic state with delusions and hallucinations in which I thought there was no return; finding myself rolling on the ground crying "I'm dying" whilst calling the names of my closest friends. I found communicating about my experience to a close friend regarding the overall state of my psyche and the experience to be very therapeutic, and will be continuing therapy. My 3rd previous experience was the most profound experience to date, this was with with the presence of my roommate.
After my DMT experiences, I have learned to become more aware of life in general and have never noticed how much of conscience existence is not actively acknowledged. The setting was my room, the walls are a dark and upsetting pink color, my carpet is filthy, and I was alone. I told several individuals that my experiences tend to be more disturbing than pleasant when I am alone. I suffer from OCD, paranoia, thought disorders and complexes, further making this moment in life very hard to overcome and move on with. I am terrified I have caused permanent damage to not only my psyche but the physical state of my brain. I look around and see nothing but dark lighting, cold winter-like days, dirt, grime, anything that I would find imperfect. With my various thought disorders and perfectionism further developing as I age, I find this even more upsetting. I have not been in school for several years, and feel I am a failure, can't learn, and genetically defective. I focus on all the errors that are in my being such as my problem of spelling, writing, and speech problems I face at times. I am further upset that my mother may have cancer; she suffered from depression and anorexia as a child, and as such, she has her own psychological problems that may have manifested themselves in myself from being exposed to her being during my development.
With damage to my left and right thumb, clumsy behaviors and various mistakes throughout life, this places me in an even lower state of self-worth and more frequent self-defeating thoughts. I have been experiencing slight headaches and currently experience the pain in the center-left part of my head, near the ear. With what I have read, excessive DMT use may cause serotonin syndrome, but after a look-up of the symptoms, I did not experience many of them, and what I read wasn't able to answer my concerns completely.
Is there any damage I should be concerned about with my usage and any brain damage from possible serotonin syndrome or impurities? I'm seeking any nootropics that will help me recover from my use.
