53 replies to this topic

[Heinsbeans]

So I didn’t realise how stupid I was until my younger brother started doing things that I couldn't do at my age as he became older. I’m almost 25 but I still live with my mom, I haven’t got my license yet because I never feel like I’m ready to learn driving and I couldn’t handle community college/university because I lacked the motivation, drive and mental energy to study. With the way I’m living right now, there’s a good chance that I’m going to stay dependent on my mother until I'm 40 or older. 

 

On the other hand, my 4 years younger brother already lives on his own, he’s almost about to graduate from university and he already has a license to drive anywhere he wants. So as you could guess, I constantly get compared to him by everyone and I’m looked as the “odd” sibling as if there's something is wrong with me. I know that it’s quite common for siblings to differ in intelligence. But in our case, it’s not just a slight difference, but it’s a huge difference and because there’s so much difference, I get treated like a dirt because of it. I don’t blame them though, because I can’t believe how stupid I am myself. I still remember what my father told my younger brother several years ago when he thought I was sleeping, he said “don’t become like your brother, okay son?” which upset me inside as if I chose to turn out this way.

 

I don’t know why I’ve turned out this stupid, it’s probably just genetic but it could be the environmental toxins that I was exposed to growing up or in the womb. Whatever the reason, since I’m in this situation, I have to learn to deal with it. Otherwise, I’m going to become a 40 year old man who still lives with his mother(my parents are divorced). At the very least, I need to be able to live on my own and find my own job because my mom is fed up with taking care of me and wants me out of the house as soon as possible.

 

What probably has worsened my cognition further is that I’ve developed Rectal prolapse, IBS-C, Elongated/Redundant, floppy, thin colon, Slow-colonic transit, Fecal impaction, Gastritis and Acid reflux/GERD when I turned 21. I believe I’ve developed these conditions because I was unable to cope with the stress in my life which ironically was caused by my lack of intelligence to overcome the stressor. I go into detail about how I've developed these gastric conditions here: http://forum.bulletp...ne/#entry111384. Long story short, my rectal prolapse have been repaired through surgery and my IBS-C had got better over the years. But unfortunately, most of my other gut issues like Slow-colonic transit and Acid reflux are chronic conditions which cannot be fixed and my overall gut health has never been the same since and it will probably be never the same. 

 

Besides the health issues that I’ve mentioned, I’ve wondered if I have other undiagnosed health problems that could be affecting my cognition. So I’ve looked in to common diseases that affects people's cognition. I went and got tested for thyroid disorder and my Free T4 and TSH levels were within range. I’ve heard that you can still have a thyroid disorder even if it’s in the range because your thyroid may not be in the optimal range for your own physiology, but how am I supposed to prove that to my doctor? The reason why I suspected that I had thyroid disease was because my right hand has been dry since my 20’s, but this could just be due to eczema though. This is what my right hand looks like: http://imgur.com/a/oGsVd#15 I’ve also been tested Celiac disease and it came back negative. Embarrassingly, I’ve been to the doctor for my emotional troubles countless times but because there’s nothing wrong with my physical health, they could care less about my emotional troubles and I always get sent home which is understandable. Here's my complete blood test results: http://imgur.com/a/1igWg#0

 

What I’m certain that I have is DSPS which I've developed in my 20’s so now I can’t fall asleep until 3 - 5 am and wake up between 11am - 1pm. I’ve managed to fix my sleep pattern a few times but it always goes back to the same, delayed sleep pattern over time so I’ve given up on trying to fix my sleep and I work my life around it.

 

As I got older, I became heavily dependent on caffeine to help me get through the day. Drinking coffee seems to help me deal with the stress, anxiety, lack of energy and depression. I’ve tried quitting coffee so many times, but I always find myself becoming depressed, fatigued and slow-minded even after I overcome the 3 weeks of withdraw period. So I could have some kind of dopamine/serotonin deficiency/abnormality in the brain which is making me crave coffee. This is also the reason why I avoid alcohol since alcohol makes me feel depressed the next day even if I drink in moderate amounts.

 

I’ve wondered if antidepressants could help fix my mental issues like depression, anxiety, lack of energy, lack of motivation/drive and DSPS. But I’m too scared to try SSRIs because I’ve heard that SSRIs can mess up your neurotransmitters. 

 

To be honest, I’m uncertain if my cognition will dramatically improve even if I manage it fix my physical and mental health problems because I think that the main problem is my below average intelligence. So I think my only option is to supplement with nootropics. If nootropics can help me become an independent adult who can find his own job, drive his own car and live on his own, I think that's worth trading for the side effects of promoting diseases or shortening my lifespan. To me, I see nootropic as a medication for my brain to help me live a normal life. 

 

I’ve already optimised my lifestyle and diet by eating healthy, juicing vegetables, taking Krill oil and going to the gym as often as I can. But even that doesn’t seem to be enough for me to become a independent, functional adult. 

 

So I’m considering trying the nootropics below to see if they can help me become a functional adult. Here’s the list of nootropics that I’m considering trying:

- L-theanine + Caffeine - ordered Smart Caffeine, waiting for the parcel to arrive.

- MCT oil/Brain Octane -tried it and it only helped a tiny bit.

- tDCS

- Unfair Advantage

- CILTEP - ordered, waiting for the parcel to arrive.

- Alpha Brain

- DMAE

- GABA

- Huperzine A

- Sulbutamine

- Piracetam/Aniracetam/Oxiracetam/Noopept/Pramiracetam/Phenylpiracetam/Coluracetam/Nefiracetam/Fasoracetam/Sunifiram

- Modafinil

- Cigarettes - Too much risk with very little gain

- Adderall/Ritalin - Too much risk with very little gain

 

Have I missed any nootropics? Can anyone tell me which nootropics I should take in order to become a independent, functional adult who can learn to drive a car, find his own job and live on his own? 

[Astroid]

Have you been tested for lead poison?

 

I'd suggest working on your digestion first.. Betaine HCL daily with food, or stronger D-Limonene with food, as well as 1 teaspoon of Brewers yeast with water.

 

For your brain Choline 750 mg 1-2 x day..  Methyl-B12 (5,000),  Iodine, B6, liquid mult-minerals & Folate.  Worry about the other stuff later.  

[Meggo]

Could it be that your parents went through the divorce between your first four years of age?

[Heinsbeans]

Have you been tested for lead poison?

 

I'd suggest working on your digestion first.. Betaine HCL daily with food, or stronger D-Limonene with food, as well as 1 teaspoon of Brewers yeast with water.

 

For your brain Choline 750 mg 1-2 x day..  Methyl-B12 (5,000),  Iodine, B6, liquid mult-minerals & Folate.  Worry about the other stuff later.  

 

Why do you recommend getting tested for Lead poison? Is it because I've ingested metal shavings from my Blender?

 

Supplementing with high Choline(Alpha GPC/CDP choline) and Iodine(Iodoral) sounds like it could help. I'll try to get the rest of the nutrients from juicing vegetables and eating meat and eggs.

 

Supplements I'm planning on trying to see if I can get back my physical and mental energy:

• ALCAR 
• Coenzyme q-10
• Alpha GPC/CDP choline
• High iodine to support my thyroid hormone creation + avoid/reduce juicing/eating goitrogenic vegetables

Edited by Heinsbeans, 26 March 2015 - 12:27 PM.

[tunt01]

Don't get a job that is based solely on cognition.  You aren't going to be a nuclear physicist or a cardiovascular surgeon.  Go to a trade school and learn a trade.  Welding, Dental Hygenist, etc.  Look up jobs that don't require college, put yourself in a position where you can be around people, be happy, be productive, and not beyond your capabilities.

 

search for lists like this  or this

[drg]

You don't seem unintelligent so i doubt that is the issue. Try an online iWork test if you want to be more certain.

[vendelin]

I have most of the same issues as you, minus the colorectal/digestion problems. Personally I "solved" this by sticking with a low-level routine job, and honestly it's the only kind I can even imagine enjoying or succeeding at, as my mental faculties simply don't function under pressure. I felt embarrassed over my lack of education and choice of work for a long time, but you get over it. Your well-being is more important than whether other people think you're living your life appropriately, but in most cases it is benificial to have some kind of job, even part-time. If you find a job that keeps you on your feet without causing you stress, that's a big bonus health-wise as it's really not healthy to spend too much time using neither your brain or your body in a significant way, it will only cause both to deteriorate further.

 

Anti-inflammatory supplements may help you, as IBS is an inflammatory condition, and if there is inflammation in one part of the body it can set of a cascade of effects due to the body's response to the inflammation. You mentioned your thinking got worse as your digestive problems increased, so I would look into this. Curcumin and NAC are the only ones I can think of at the top of my head, but there are many anti-inflammatory suppelments out there. Juicing should also be beneficial.

 

Rhodiola Rosea, ashwagandha and bacopa are herbs worth looking into, they have found to be helpful for energy, stress, sleep and brain function. Keep in mind they can take some time to work, and ashwahandha and bacopa may be better taken at night.

Edited by vendelin, 27 March 2015 - 08:40 AM.

[Heinsbeans]

I'm going to continue updating with my nootropic experience and let you know how I go with my life.

 

If nootropics starts helping me, my short-term plan is to learn to drive a car so that I won't have to depend on my mom to take me everywhere, such as work. And after that, I'm going to try and get a low level job on my own because right now, I'm still working at a place that I got hired thanks been hooked up by my mom since I couldn't get hired on my own(not even at Subway). Since she works at the same place, she takes care of all my work stuff because I'm too stupid to do them on my own, which is why I need to get a job on my own. And then after that, I'm going to find a small apartment to live in so that I won't have to live with my mom which she clearly hates.  

 

As for relationships, forget them. I'm not interested in relationships right now mainly because I'm not comfortable with my own skin, I don't enjoy socialising and I don't think my DNA is worthy of been replicated since I have so much mental and physical health problems. Also, I have my younger brother who will reproduce for me anyway. I'm still trying to get rid of my sexual urge without having to masturbate but I haven't figured out how yet. But having said all of this, in reality, I'm pretty sure that I'm still going to end up making a family one day due to been human.

 

I'm not going to bother going to the doctor again for my cognitive defict issues since they aren't helpful since they think there's nothing wrong with me and always just sends me home. And I doubt going to the therapist would help either becasue my issue isn't emotional, it's a cognitive deficit issue. My emotion is already under control because I regularly drink coffee. Which is why I've come to the conclusion that my only option is to self-medicate with nootropics and hope that I get enough cogntive function to the point that I can become an independent, functional adult.

 

It's possible that my health issues are affecting my cognition to some extent but I still believe that my main problem is my cognitive deficit since I was already struggling and stupid to begin with before I've developed health problems. So I'll get around to fixing my health issues later after nootropics helps me become an independent, funcitonal adult since it's too complicated to fix all of my health problems. 

 

EDIT: It's unfortunate that you can't edit posts here because I often want to fix my grammar mistakes that I've made.

Edited by Heinsbeans, 28 March 2015 - 08:08 AM.

[drg]

You don't seem unintelligent so i doubt that is the issue. Try an online iWork test if you want to be more certain.

iq test, cell phone :/

[Junk Master]

I'd bet your are on the Autistic Spectrum and are un diagnosed.  You are clearly not "dumb."  Certainly, you have the intelligence to hold down a menial customer service job, but my guess is you don't "present" well, and don't relate to people well.  You clearly have a high degree of anxiety, commonly co-morbid with Autism, which makes it difficult to think on your feet in social situations; and, also difficult to hold a job with public interaction.

 

Please don't beat your self up!

 

 

[Ark]

Have you been screened for bipolar disorder? As stomach disorders are common in bipolar disorder, due to high histamine levels caused by compounded stress from rapid or slow cycling. Try Lithium, or NAC, low dose as both can be therapeutic for a wide range of disorders.

Edited by Ark, 23 April 2015 - 01:11 PM.

[boff]

Keep working on your gut. I have been in remission from ulcerative colitis for more than a year after having a fecal transplant and then having a few spoons of resistant potato starch in a shake every couple of days. The starch is a game changer. Recommend you research it.

[Saintless]

My life has been very similar to yours extended out to age 33. Could not handle the stress of a low stress life, and I used massive amounts of caffeine(tea) to stimulate  and keep myself somewhat interested and motivated in anything.  For me (and i sound very similar to you, I believe its a dopamine and seratonin issue.) Unfortunately everything I try stops working overtime or I get a rebound effect  and go from having everyday be blah to one awesome day then one terrible day.

 

I think these substances might be worth experimenting for you: 

 

SAM-E

l-tyrosine (a precursor for dopamine)

Sulbutamine (very fast tolerance so cycle it.)

 

and perhaps St Johns Wort  (Don't combine with SAM-E, potential serotonin syndrome risk)

 

I was able to cut out the caffeine completely and replace it with L-Tyrosine. If I take nothing I basically can't get out of bed because I have no motivation and can't decide what to do.  Caffeine gives me anxiety so that's my reason.

 

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, so you're a late bloomer make the best of who you are.

Edited by Saintless, 02 May 2015 - 09:46 PM.

[Heinsbeans]

I've updated my post but I can't edit my former post any longer. And I don't want to create an entirely new thread since I've already created this one. So I'm going to leave my updated posts below:

 

I never realised how stupid I was until my younger brother started accomplishing things that I wasn't able to at my age as he got older. I’m almost 25 and yet I still live with my mom, I haven’t got my license yet because I never feel like I’m mentally ready to start learning driving and I couldn’t handle community college or university because I lacked the motivation, persistence and mental energy to study. With the way I’m living right now, there’s a good chance that I’m going to stay dependent on my mother until I'm 40 or older. 

 

On the other hand, my younger brother is four years younger than me and his almost about to graduate from university and already has a license to drive anywhere he wants. So as you would've guessed, I constantly get compared to my younger brother by my parents and my co-workers and I get weird looks and seen as the “odd” sibling as if there's something is wrong with me. I'm aware that it’s quite common for siblings to differ in intelligence. But in our case, it’s not just a slight difference, but it’s a huge difference. And not only is there a huge difference, but I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum since I'm unable to take care of myself, thus I get treated like crap because of it. I don’t blame them though, because I can’t believe how stupid and dependent I am myself. I still remember what my dad told my younger brother several years ago when he thought I was sleeping, he said “don’t become like your brother, okay son?” which upset me inside as if I chose to turn out this way.

 

I don’t know why I’ve turned out this stupid with so many physical and mental health problems, it’s probably just a unlucky genetic make up but it could be...

• toxic chemicals I was exposed to growing up or in the womb
• being deficient in iodine and omega-3 while in the womb which is said to dramatically reduce IQ in children when they're born
• my mom had told me that she stayed in Japan at her parents house surrounded by her friends and relatives and didn't have to work and ate lots of fish and vegetables cooked by her parents every day while she was pregnant with my younger brother. With me, she said she stayed in Sydney in a crappy small apartment away from social support in Japan and she said she was constantly stressed out due to being tight with money because of my dad's crappy job. So her main staple in her diet was meat and carbs and barely any seafoods or veggies. She was also apparantly smoking until she realised that she was pregnant with me. But she had already quit smoking for good by the time she was preggo with my younger brother
• bunch of medications I was given when I was hospitalized twice for my asthma attack when I was 10 years old
• hitting my head on the ground and fracturing my collarbone during soccer when I was 15 years old
• being prescribed 200mg minocycline for 6 months for my acne when I was 19 (before I've developed gut issues)
• abusing caffeine when it stopped working when I was starting falling behind in community college (caffeine is said to inhibit hippocampal dependent learning)
• gut issues I've developed when I turned 21 (ironically 2 years after minocycline)
• having been under general anaesthesia twice when I was 21 for rectal surgery and colonoscopy
• severe side effects from five days on roaccutane and some mental side effects still persisting even after 6 months
• possible hypothyroid
• mitochondrial dysfunction
• neurological problems(dopamine/serotonin deficiency/ADD) 
• other reasons that I'm not aware of

Whatever the reason, since I’m in this situation, I need to figure out how to get out of it. Otherwise, I’m going to become a 40 year old man who still lives with his single mom(my parents got divorced after my dad came out of the closet when I was 15). At the very least, I need to be able to live on my own and find my own job because my mom is fed up with taking care of me and she constantly threatens to kick me out of her house because I'm not contributing to anything. 

 

What probably has worsened my cognition further is that I’ve developed Rectal prolapse, IBS-C, Elongated/Redundant, floppy, thin colon, Slow-colonic transit, Fecal impaction, Gastritis and Acid reflux/GERD when I turned 21 in 2012. I believe I’ve developed these conditions because I was unable to cope with the stress in my life which ironically was caused by my lack of intelligence to overcome the stressor. Long story short, my rectal prolapse have been repaired through surgery and my IBS-C had got better over the years. But unfortunately, most of my other gut issues like Slow-colonic transit, Elongated/Redundant, floppy, thin colon and Acid reflux/GERD are chronic conditions which cannot be fixed and my overall gut health has never been the same since and it will probably be never the same. 

 

Besides the health issues that I’ve mentioned, I’ve wondered if I have other undiagnosed health problems that could be affecting my cognition. So I’ve started researching common diseases that affects people's cognition. These are the tests I've had done so far:

Full blood count test - 2014

S-Thyroid function test (Free T4 & TSH) - 2014

Culmulative S-Thyroid function test (only TSH) - 2012

Iron studies - 2014

S-Magnesium, S-E/LFT - 2014

Celiac disease test - 2013

Colonocopy & CT scan report - 2013

 

Alhoutgh my Free T4 and TSH levels were within range, I’ve heard that you can still have thyroid issues even if it’s in the 'range' because the 'range' is mostly used by people who are already hypo/hyperthyroid, so my thyroid levels may not be in the optimal range for my own body. But how am I supposed to prove to my doctor that I have thyroid issues if my thyroids are in range? The reason why I suspected that I had thyroid issue was because my right hand has become chronically dry since my 20’s, but this could just be from eczema though. 

 

I've also developed Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome in my 20’s so now I can’t fall asleep until 3 - 5 am and can't wake up naturally until 11am - 1pm. I’ve managed to fix my sleep pattern a few times but it always goes back to the same, delayed sleep pattern over time so I’ve given up on trying to fix my sleep and I work my life around it.

 

I hate to say it but I'm heavily dependent on caffeine to function daily. Drinking coffee seems to help me deal with the stress, anxiety, depression and lack of mental energy. I’ve tried quitting coffee so many times, but I always find myself becoming depressed, fatigued and slow-minded even after I overcome the 4 weeks of withdraw phase. So I eventually had to go back to drinking coffee daily to be able to function.

 

I’ve already optimised my lifestyle and diet by eating whole veggies and drinking juiced vegetables, taking fish oil, Vitamin D3 and going to the gym as often as I can. But even that doesn’t seem to be enough for me to start becoming an independent, functional adult. 

 

I've lost hope on getting help from the doctors after my horrible experience on roaccutane (which they recommended) and since whenever I desperately go seek help for my mental issues, they always say there's nothing wrong with me and just sends me home. So I feel like my only other option is to keep taking bunch of nootropics/supplements until I find what works for me. Can anyone tell me which supplements/nootropics I should take in order to become an independent, functional adult who can learn to drive a car, find his own job and live on his own? 

 

Edited by Heinsbeans, 05 May 2015 - 12:30 PM.

[Heinsbeans]

Side effects I've experienced from Accutane:

 

Prefix: I actually had my cystic acne under control in our old flat. But after our landlord went bankrupt, the bank took over our house and we were forced to move out in 3 weeks on October 2014. While moving out, my acne started to get out of control and it became so severe that I decided to see a dermatologist because I was fed up with getting bullied at work because of my severe acne. And I had to keep working no matter what because I was getting income support by Centrelink. When the dermatologist saw my face, he said "I'll fix you up" and immediately decided to put me on Accutane for 12 months. 

 

I blindly trusted my dermatologist and began my Accutane course on November 2014, I was only on 20mg for five days but unfortunately, it was enough to mess up my brain. These are the side effects I've experienced:

 

Day 1

- extreme irritability and anger. I snapped and yelled at my mom for no reason and I couldn’t control my anger.

- migraine and nausea after drinking coffee few hours after taking Accutane.

 

Day 2

- significantly worsened memory, I couldn’t even remember the 4 digit number that I always use at work.

- severe depression. I started crying in middle of the day for no reason.

- extreme fatigue.

- feeling of unwellness like I was going to die.

 

Day 3, 4 and 5

- same as day 2

 

I eventually quit on Day 5 due to not been able to deal with the above side effects.

 

It's been over 5 months since I've stopped taking Accutane and I've noticed a several side effects still persisting:

- I used to get endorphin highs from exercising but I don’t experience that anymore.

- I used to love exercising, but I don’t feel the urge to exercise as often anymore probably due to not getting as much endorphin rush and energy out of it.

- Coffee doesn’t work as well it used to. Coffee doesn’t provide same motivation, concentration and energy boost that it used to give me.

- I’ve become a lot more impersonal, apathetic and prone to depression and anxiety.

- I don't get the enjoyment out of music like I used to. Music doesn't seem to sound as vibrant and it doesn't bring my out my emotion like it used to. 

- Both my toenail has permanently stained in yellow

- Accutane has become my gateway drug. I don’t view drugs the same way anymore and I've become a lot more self-destructive, experimental and impulsive. Before being on Accutane, I was a lot more health conscious and wary of taking any drugs but ever since I’ve been on Accutane, it seems like my health conscious mind has been switched off. 

 

After stopping Accutane, I eventually realised that I could put my severe acne in permanent remission by drinking juiced vegetables and taking zinc supplements. After juicing and taking zinc supplements, I now no longer get any breakouts and I don't even have to use benzoyl peroxide anymore. I can even touch my face with my dirty hands as much as I like and I still don't get breakouts! I wish my dermatologist had mentioned these alternative options to me before jumping to Accutane. But I understand that their priory is to push Antibiotics or Accutane into hopeless/unknowledgable acne sufferer's throats so that they can get money in their pockets. He said to me so confidently that nothing is going to cure my acne other than long-term antibiotics or Accutane but he couldn't be more wrong.

 

Root cause of my anxiety, unhealthy coping mechanism and self-destructive behavior:

 

I apologise if I come across as if I’m ignoring everyone’s advise. I AM reading everyone’s advise, but I’m only applying the ones that I think is going to help me. The general advice here is that I need to change my mindset but it’s not that easy and it's easier said than done. Especially since I’m living in a toxic household which reinforces my negativity and low self-esteem. But I trust your guys advise and I’ve decided to get a psychotherapy/CBT to help change my mindset. 

 

Having said that though, I’m still planning on trying the basic nootropics like Piracetam, Aniracetam, Oxiracetam and Noopept at least once to see how it affects me so that I can learn more about what’s causing my cognitive deficit. Another reason why I’m planning on using nootropics at least in the short term is because I need something to help organise my thoughts so that I can start getting help because right now, my thoughts are all over the place and I don’t know how to get help. I have no relatives, cousins or friends to turn to and my mom doesn’t know how to help me so only I can figure out how to get help. 

 

The second general advise here is that I need to fix my gut health. It's possible that my sub-optimal gut is affecting my overall health and cognition. But unfornutately, the damage has already been done. It's been well over 3 years since I've developed gut problems so I think my gut has already done all the healing it could by now and the rest is permanent damage. I could try taking L-glutamine, colostrum and bone broth to see if my gut lining, flora and permeability heals but I highly doubt it. I’ve read that 90% of the serotonin is produced from the gut so it’s possible that’s the reason why my anxiety and depression skyrocketed. But even if I’m suffering from a low-serotonin levels due to my damaged enteric nervous system, I’d need some kind of medical breakthrough drug to cure it. To optimise my gut health, I’m currently taking VSL#3 daily which is about all I can do.

 

Ideally, I wish I could take my time to find out what neurological problem is causing me to have a lack of motivation and anxiety about learning to drive and finding a job. But the reality is, I’m getting payments from Centrelink to get support for my low income. And last year, I was working casually and studying part-time at university which was enough to meet the minimum requirement by Centrelink. However, in the past month, I stopped getting any shifts from my casual job.

 

So even though I’m studying part-time at university, since I’m not working enough hours, I began getting pressured from Centrelink to find a second job asap and work a minimum of 50 hours a fortnight and if I don’t, my payments would get cancelled.  And my mom won’t allow me to stay at her house if I stop getting payments. But as I’ve mentioned earlier, I have an lack of motivation and anxiety about finding my own job. So the pressure I’m getting from Centrelink to find a job is what has triggered my self-destructive behaviour. Basically, my mental illness(low motivation, depression, anxiety) + pressure from home and Centrelink to find a second job = self-destructive behaviour i.e. substance use.

 

Ironically, I think this same pressure to find a job from Centrelink is also the reason why I’ve developed my gut problems 3 years ago. So I’m not going to let the stress and anxiety overwhelm me this time and I’m planning on getting a doctor’s certificate to prove to Centrelink that I’m actually suffering from a mental illness so that I won’t need to look for a full-time job until I fix my mental health with therapy.

 

Since I keep getting pressured into finding a second job asap by Centrelink, I’m in a hurry to try almost any drug to see if it helps me. Two days ago, my self-destructive behaviour got the best of me. I thought it was a good idea to take 4mg Nicotine gum because I’ve read on Examine.com’s Stack Guides that 2 - 4mg of nicotine is an 'proven' nootropic. But I didn’t do enough further research to find out that the lethal dose of nicotine is extremely low at 30mg. Within half an hour, I started feeling extremely sick and I became very close to dialling 000 because I seriously thought I was going to die from nicotine overdose. I guess my lethal dose/nicotine toxicity must have been lower for me since I’m a non-smoker and I’ve never had nicotine before.  

 

I knew that I was eventually bound to hurt myself from doing stupid things from my unhealthy coping mechanism to stress and anxiety triggered by Centrelink. I'm fully aware of my unhealthy coping mechanism, but since it's caused by my mental illness and cognitive deficit I cannot control them. This is why I wanted my nootropics that I ordered from America to arrive as quickly as possible. But unfortunately, due to the strict Australian customs slowing down my order, it was too late.

 

Edited by Heinsbeans, 05 May 2015 - 12:11 PM.

[Heinsbeans]

(Updated 4th May) I'm going to leave my Supplement/Nootropic experience here: 

✔ Ticked ones are what I'm currently taking frequently 

 

Nootropics:

 

Piracetam

- took 800mg Piracetam from Nootropics Depot. And within half an hour, I started feeling a pleasant buzz in my forehead. I wasn't expecting much after my negative Aniracetam experience but I'm surprised I felt something from Piracetam.

- took 1600mg the second day and I didn't get as much buzz in my forehead this time. I can tell that it's affecting me but it's very subtle.

- Piracetam stopped working so I took 1600mg in the morning and 1600mg again in the afternoon. I became in a slightly depressed/zombie like state for half an hour probably from Piracetam using up my choline. After taking Alpha GPC, the zombie state was alleviated. I've learn to never do this.

 

Aniracetam

- took 800mg Aniracetam from Bulk Nutrients and barely felt anything from it. Few hours later, I started feeling a little spaced out(lost my attention every few seconds) which was a little scary but it went away within a few hours.

- took 750mg Aniracetam from Nootropics Depot on 9th April and I didn't feel spaced out and lost attention every few seconds like from Bulk Nutrients Aniracetam. But I also didn't feel anything.

 

Noopept ✔

- took 15 - 25mg Noopept from Liftmode measured using a AWS gemini-20. I felt a slight increase in attentiveness but it was quite subtle and I was expecting more out of it.

- took 1 tablet of russian Noopept and although I didn't give me any stimulary effects, I felt more in control throughout the day and I had more mental energy. I feel like I'm less self-destructive been on Noopept and I wish I had started it sooner. It's a shame that no doctor would prescribe me these medications since mental health is not something doctors take seriously. I'm only going to take it as needed since I don't know the long-term effects of it.

 

Nicotine gum

- I originally wasn't planning on trying nicotine, but after reading on Examine.com's Stack Guides about 2 - 4mg of nicotine being an 'proven' nootropic, I've decided to give it a go. But I didn’t do enough further research to find out that the lethal dose of nicotine is extremely low at 30mg. Upon chewing the 4mg nicotine gum, within half an hour, I started feeling extremely sick and I became very close to dialling 000 because I seriously thought I was going to die from nicotine overdose. I guess my lethal dose must have been lower for me since I’m a non-smoker and I’ve never had nicotine before. However, today I only took 1mg of nicotine gum and although it boosted my motivation, it only lasted a few minutes. And as soon as up the dose to 2mg, I started feeling slightly sick again. So I’ve learnt that nicotine isn’t worth it for me since it doesn’t last very long, it always causes crash and it can easily make me sick.

 

Adaptogens/Herbs: 

 

CILTEP

- It doesn't do much on its own but it magnifies the effects of caffeine. When taken with caffeine, I get excessive adrenaline rush and a heart palpitation which I don't really like the feeling of and it doesn't make me think better than when I'm just on caffeine. It also gave me a painful acid reflux due to the rise in stomach pH and I had to run to the fridge to drink milk and eat yogurt because it burned my esophogus. I won't be taking this anymore because it doesn't help with my cognition.

 

Swanson BaCognize/NutriGold Bacopa GOLD ✔

- If I take 2 pills of Swanson BaCognize at night, it disrupts my sleep. Bacopa is also said to make stimulants work less effecivetly which is a huge downside for me since I'm so dependent on caffeine. So although it's been shown to have benefits to attention and memory over a long-term, I don't have a good time to take it.

- after taking NutriGold Bacopa, although it made me slightly sedated, I've also felt more cognitive benefits from it than Swanson BaCognize e.g. improved mood, memory and anxiolytic. I liked the cognitive effects so much that I'm willing to pay for the slight sedation for the benefit to attention, memory and learning over long-term. And it didn't disrupt my sleep.

 

Jarrow Formulas Rhodiola Rosea 

- gave me an increase in werid feeling of energy that I didn't like. I prefer the energy feeling I get from ALCAR.

 

Blackmores Brain Active (Longvida Curcumin) ✔

- I wasn't expecting much out of curcumin but to my surprise, it started helping my thought process. I'm going to continue taking it to see how I go.

 

Blackmores Ginkgoforte

- not much effect

 

PseudoVitamins/Amino Acids:

 

Jarrow Formulas L-theanine

- I used to take 150mg in the late afternoon to help reduce the brain fog caused by drinking too much coffee during the day(I don't take it with coffee since it reduces the effects of caffeine). But now, I take Alpha GPC/CDP choline in the late afternoon which helps relieve the brain fog caused by choline depletion in the brain much more effectively than L-theanine.  

 

Jarrow Formulas ALCAR ✔

- took a teaspoon full and it gave me some noticeable energy for 1 - 2 hours and then it returned to normal. I felt like it caused me to crash a little afterwards. I probably took too much.

- took 750mg and it gave me a mental energy for few hours without a crash afterwards. The mental energy was very pleasant and smooth. I'm going to continue taking 750mg ALCAR every morning.

 

Jarrow Formulas Alpha GPC/CDP choline ✔

- I take it after my cup of coffee which seems to offset the brain fog caused by choline depletion in the brain from drinking coffee during the day. 

 

Now Sports Creatine Monohydrate ✔

- when I first took it, I felt my thought process improve slightly shortly after taking it. It also helps offset the brain fog caused by choline depletion from drinking coffee during the day. I'm going to continue taking 5g a day. 

 

Now Sports Whey Protein Isolate ✔

- helps my cognition for some reason. Probably because it contains Essential Amino Acids and BCAA.

 

NutriGold CoQ10 GOLD ✔

- 100mg gives me slightly noticeable energy boost for half an hour. I'm going to continue taking 100mg daily.

 

Jarrow Formulas Ubiquinol

- I feel slightly fatigued everytime I take between 50 - 100mg and the same complaint has been reported on Amazon and iHerb reviews.

 

Vitamins & Minerals:

 

Jarrow Formulas B-Right ✔

 

Jarrow Formulas Zinc Balance ✔

 

NutriGold Vitamin D3 GOLD 2000IU ✔

 

NutriGold Vitamin K2 as MK-7 GOLD ✔

 

Now Foods Seleium 100mcg ✔

 

Dr. Tobias Optimum Omega-3 ✔

 

Pure Encapsulations Magnesium Glycinate 120mg x3 at night ✔

- I still suffer from Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome and I can't fall asleep until 4:00 am but magnesium has helped me get to sleep 1 hour earlier than usual. So now I can usually go to bed by 3:00 am.

 

Jarrow Formulas MagMind (Magnesium L-Threonate) 144mg x2 at night ✔

- can't tell if it's improving my cognitive function but I'll alternate it between magnesium glycinate and see how I go.

 

Now Foods Kelp 150mcg x1 + Pure Encapsulations Potassium Iodide 225mcg x1 for a total of 375mcg Iodine per day ✔

- not an nootropic, but as soon as I took 1000mg Kelp(240mcg equiv. iodine), I started feeling a warmth in my thyroid gland followed by a surge in energy, pleasant buzz in my forehead and general feeling of wellbeing for 10 minutes which was unexpected. From third day onwards, I stopped having these effects so I must have been deficient in iodine. I've tried taking 480mcg Iodine but I didn't feel much difference compared to 240mcg so I'm going to stay below 500mcg a day just to be on the safe side.

 

For my gut:

 

Protein Supplies Australia Colostrum ✔

 

VSL#3 ✔

 

Jarrow Formulas L-Glutamine

- 1g made me feel dizzy headed possibly from my body converting it to glutamate so it wasn't worth for me to continue taking it.

 

Supplements I'm planning on trying next:

• Mr Happy's Stack (Uridine + DHA + B-Complex) to fix my brain from roaccutane
• Swanson/NutriGold KSM-66 Ashwagandha for anxiety
• Nature's Way Lavender for anxiety
• Jarrow Formulas N-A-C for my gut lining, flora and permeability. But I highly doubt it's going to help.
• Life Extention PQQ caps with bioPQQ 10mg

 

Supplements I've noticed the most benefits from so far:

• BulletProof Coffee(Black Coffee + XCT oil + Butter) - the caffeine works significantly better with this combo than just black coffee and it has been helping me a lot with energy.
• Noopept - definitely works by improving my mood and giving me more self-control. But I'm only going to take it as needed since I don't know the long-term effects. I wish I had started it sooner before OD'ing on nicotine and other supplements due to my self-destructive behaviour.
• Sencha Green Tea from o-cha.com - best green tea I've ever drank and it helps me become productive at night without affecting my sleep.
• Fish oil - I can notice my brain not working as efficiently if I don't take it for days.
• Magnesium Glycinate - helps me go to sleep earlier.
• Iodine - I only felt the pleasant effects from it during the first 2 days. But I know that I need to take it daily since I felt so much better when I first took it.
• Alpha GPC/CDP choline - helps alleviate the brain fog that I typically get in the late afternoon from drinking coffee in the morning for some reason. 
• ALCAR - gives smooth mental energy even better than Piracetam/Aniracetam.
• Whey Protein Isolate - helps my cognition for some reason. Probably because it contains Essential Amino Acids and BCAA.

 

I've found this site which covers pretty much all of the nootropics in existence: http://examine.com/s...ents/Nootropic/

https://examine.com/supplements lists almost all the supplements in existence for every conditions. It's missing few drugs like NSI-189 but it's not a big deal since they're experimental and unavailable anyway.

 

Edited by Heinsbeans, 05 May 2015 - 12:17 PM.

[Junk Master]

Honestly, from the way you write you are not unintelligent.  I'd say you are absolutely smart enough to become an independent, functioning adult!

 

Instead of looking for the magic supplement/nootropic, I'd advise you to look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  I believe a good therapist could help you with self-esteem issues, depression, and anxiety.  All of those quickly destroy motivation, and lack of sleep quickly destroys working memory/intelligence.  

 

Plus, each issue magnifies the other.  It's hard to sleep with anxiety.  It's hard not to be depressed if you think so poorly of yourself.  It's hard to think when you are anxious, depressed, and running  a sleep deficit.

 

In your case, I can guarantee  you there is no magic Nootropic fix (with the exception of NSI-189, but I believe even that is far more effective in conjunction with therapy.

 

Good luck!  I wish you the best.

[Heinsbeans]

I've asked on multiple forums about my cognitive issue, it's ridiculous how many times people say "you sound intelligent to me, there's nothing wrong with you". If I didn't have a problem to begin with, I wouldn't be asking for help in the first place...I don't have any friends or a desire to make any and I'm having trouble learning to drive, finding a low-end job and moving out at the age of 25, how does that not sound like I have a serious cognitive deficit issue?

 

Why am I not going to the doctor for this? Well what doctor is going to take my cognitive deficit seriously? And even if they listen, they're probably just going to prescribe SSRI/SNRI or tell me to get a therapy. 

 

Yesterday, I took 750mg of Aniracetam from New Star Nootropics an hour after a cup of Bulletproof Coffee and I felt anxiolytic, very focused and my overall cognition worked significantly better. For the first time in many years, I finally felt like I was ready to start learning to drive and get a job. Because as of right now, without any nootropics, I can't even imagine myself working at a low-end job like Subway, 7-Eleven or McDonalds, I just don't have enough cognitive capacity to handle low-end jobs. But with daily Aniracetam, I can definately imagine myself doing that.

 

Although I liked the effects of Aniracetam, I'm more interested in substances that helps heal my brain from roaccutane damage and upregulate/normalize my D2 receptors. So I'm going to try Jarrow 250mg Uridine + Nordic Naturals Xtra 1000mg DHA + Swanson Activated B-Complex + Jarrow Vitamin E + Jarrow Alpha GPC 300mg to see how it goes.

 

It's a shame that the medical industry won't use nootropics to treat cognitive issues in patients, so I have no choice but to experiment on myself without any medical supervision. And on top of that, I'm contantly getting pressured to find a second full-time job by Centrelink which isn't helping my anxiety due to the fact that I'm basically unemployed right now (only getting asked to work once every 2 weeks) and I'm getting income support from them Aka. I'm leeching off tax payers money.

Edited by Heinsbeans, 10 May 2015 - 01:16 PM.

[pheanix997]

Have you thought about a stimulant trial? Concerta has done wonders for me, and I'm ADHD PI, recently diagnosed. Untreated, I've also felt similarly cognitively impaired in all aspects of my life. But for the first time ever, my brain feels awake. It's tremendous what that can do to your overall cognition and well-being.

[pheanix997]

Also, you sound like you might be a dependent personality. It's very possible that because of your early deficits, your parents felt the need to do everything for you as opposed to letting you learn to do things for yourself. Because from what I gather from your writing, you are definitely not unintelligent. People with average IQ's can be very successful - even people with avg. IQ's PLUS further deficits like dyslexia, ADHD, aspergers, etc. 

 

I'm not saying you're not dealing with a cognitive deficit, I'm just saying that you might be a dependent personality as well. The only way out of that, is to literally teach yourself basic, practical life-skills from scratch so that you can be an independent, functioning adult. Life is all about mastery of skills, learning how to survive first, then thrive later. You build yourself from the ground up. Unfortunately, most people start doing this at an early age as they explore the world and develop skills and their own individuality that gives them self-confidence to cope with reality. You might just be a late bloomer . As was I in many ways, so don't feel alone. 

 

But anyway, I would say look into SCT, ADHD PI, don't scoff at stimulants so quickly as only a short-term solution, save up money to get a legitimate intelligence test so you can see that you're not low IQ, and then start working on your psychological (personality) issues, if you have any. All the other supplements and nootropics are icing on the cake but I completely doubt they will overhaul your life. 

Edited by pheanix997, 12 May 2015 - 12:52 PM.

[Heinsbeans]

After seeing a doctor, I was basically told that:

1. Even if I I'm not feeling depressed right now since I'm masking my proness to depressive mood with caffeine, I could still be depressed and that could be the cause of my cognitive issues that I describe. He believes my issues like not being able to learn to drive, get a low-end job and move out are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and the recommendation is to treat it with SSRI and therapy.
2. Conclusion from a medical perspective -- take SSRI(Escitalopram 10mg), therapy and do mindfulness -- I asked if SNRI is better but he said that it's usually prescribed if you have negative reaction to SSRI.

I've heard that SSRI is actually pretty safe even though it gets a bad rap so I'm going to give SSRI a go within a next few days and see how if affects my cognition before I experiment with Uridine + DHA/EPA + B-Complex + Vitamin E + Alpha GPC. Obviously, I'm not going to take any nootropics while I'm on the SSRI. The only problem I see with SSRI is that it's just bandaging the symptom and not solving the root cause. I've read on Mr Happy's thread that the next-generation of SSRI is focusing on fixing the underlining cause rather than bandaging the symptom.

 

> The clinical trials and studies all point to the next generation of antidepressants revolving around increasing phospholipid / membrane health / density, rather than artificially trying to balance the existing 5HT receptors with SSRIs and MAOIs.

 

I'm going to start therapy as well soon. It's possible that mindfulness and therapy could work. But I feel like even if they do, it would take at least 6 - 12 months to see the full effect and I need something with immediate effect since I'm getting pressured to find a second full-time job asap by Centrelink. I've got the doctor's certificate and I'm going to apply to Centrelink for my mental health issues so hopefully I won't have to look for a second job until my mind is in the right place.

 

I was curious about my IQ score after experiencing the severe side effect from roaccutane. But I could never get myself to take the IQ test because I lost motivation to do anything, even DNB after going on roaccutane. It's been 6 months so I believe I've given enough time for my brain to heal. I had a good sleep last night and I felt like my brain was at its sharpest today so I took the IQ test again after a strong cup of coffee kicked in. And to my surprise, my IQ score has gotten lower. I used to score at least 108 even on bad days and 110 on good days. But today, I only scored 105 which is the lowest I've ever scored. Before roaccutane, I feel like my thinking speed was faster. But now, it took me a much longer time to solve each questions on IQtest.dk. I'm glad I didn't take roaccutane for more than 5 days, otherwise my IQ score could have gotten even lower.

 

@pheanix997 Actually, I'm the oldest sibling, so I had to learn how to do everything first. For example, I got a job at McDonalds while still in high school. But my younger brother didn't get a job until after High School and he got hooked up with a job at where my mom works. Also, I grew up with my mother only. So no, my parents didn't do everything for me. But I agree about having a dependent personality, but I think that is due to my cognitive deficiency issues which is preventing me from becoming independent.

 

This thread has already gotten way too long because I can't edit my post after few hours...why doesn't longecity allow you to keep editing posts?

Edited by Heinsbeans, 15 May 2015 - 04:49 AM.

[Heinsbeans]

Here's the shortened version of the mental issues I'm having.

 

Summary: 

My cognitive deficiency/weakness is affecting my life. I feel like I’m mentally incapable of working at a low-end a job, learning to drive and moving out.

 

My cognitive issues:

• low motivation

• terrible short and long-term memory (E.g. I often forget if I washed my body with soap few seconds ago during shower since I wasn't paying attention.)

• low mental energy

• terrible problem solving

• slow mental processing speed 

• proneness to anxiety and depression

• unhealthy coping mechanism/self-destructive behaviour/self-medication/substance use

• I have no friends and have no desire to make any or socialise. I withdrawal from social interaction since I don’t enjoy socialising

• I become slow minded and depressed as soon as I stop drinking coffee. I’ve tried quitting coffee for 4 weeks but I still noticed my brain working very slowly and I felt depressed and low in mental energy all day without the aid of coffee. So I had to go back to drinking coffee daily.

• I have difficulty falling asleep sleep until 3:00 am and can’t wake up until 11:00 am due to my Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder.

 

What my cognitive issues are causing in real life:

• I’m having trouble learning to drive, getting a low-end job and moving out due to my above mental problems. I know I’m incapable of accomplishing these goals as of right now due to my cognitive deficiency. 

 

Root Source of my Anxiety and Depression:

• My current job stopped giving me shifts. So I now constantly get pressured to find a full-time second job by Centrelink.  But I feel like I’m mentally incapable of handling low-end job like McDoanlds or SubWay. I have high anxiety about looking for a second job because know I’m mentally incapable of working at most places due to my cognitive deficiency mentioned above and it’s worsening my anxiety and my unhealthy coping behaviour.

• Being compared to my more successful younger brother by my parents and my co-workers.

 

Example of my unhealthy coping mechanism:

For the past month, I’ve been trying to fix my cognitive deficits and my overall health by self-medicating with supplements. I’ve been self-medicating in a limited time constraint while being pressured to get  second-job as soon as possible by Centrelink. And as I result, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and overdosed on several supplements:

• After chewing 4mg nicotine gum, I became very close to dialing 000 from feeling extremely sick and having a pressure in my spinal cord but I didn’t call the number due to embarrassment. 

• Overdosing on coffee (drank 700 – 1000mg worth of Coffee in under a minute) last year when caffeine stopped working and I was in a pressure to finish my assignment. I felt very nauseous and had prickling sensation in my nerves throughout my body.

• Overdosing on 200mcg Selenium tablets trying to fix my possibly sluggish thyroid and felt very sick from it.

 

How I feel about myself:

I feel mentally incapable/stupid and ashamed myself because I’m almost 25 years old and I can’t drive, find a job or handle University. Also, because my younger brother is significantly more successful than I am, I constantly get compared to him by my parents and by my co-workers which further makes me feel ashamed of myself.

 

Possible Cause of my Cognitive deficiency/weakness:

1. unlucky genetic make up causing me to have low IQ/unstable mental health

2. Severe side effect from roaccutane changing my brain 

3. Other past injuries or undiagnosed health issues that I’m not aware of. 

 

Root Cause of my self-destructive behaviour:

1. Landlord filing for bankruptcy, bank taking over our house and having to move out to a worse, and more expensive house that's right next to the noisy road.

2. My younger brother starting to accomplish more things immediately after moving to a new house such as getting a drivers license and regularly driving to work and starting a second year in college. I'm happy for his success but his success has caused me to constantly get compared and looked down upon by my mom and my co-workers which is making me feel ashamed of myself.

3. Constantly being pressured to find a second full-time job by Centrelink when I know I’m mentally incapable to work anywhere with my current mental status. 

4. Severe side effect from roaccutane and several mental side effects still persisting even after 5 months. For example, I’ve lost motivation to study this year and dropped out even though the workload is the same as last year.

 

Things I’m considering doing: 

• Testosterone test? I’ve heard that low T could affect cognition.

• Endocrine test?

• MRI scan of brain to see where my cognitive issues are?

• Cognitive assessment test to find out where my cognitive issues are?

• Uridine + Fish Oil + B-Complex + Vitamin E + Alpha GPC?

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to fix my mental health. But I’m personally skeptical of therapy and I believe that my cognitive issues are a biological problem.

 

Edited by Heinsbeans, 17 May 2015 - 10:52 AM.

[chemicalambrosia]

 

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to fix my mental health. But I’m personally skeptical of therapy and I believe that my cognitive issues are a biological problem.

 

 

Biological and psychological are totally linked together, inseparable. Something that affects one will affect the other. The root cause of your problems, or whatever made you susceptible to your current state might be biological, but that doesn't mean that therapy and related things won't help. A more holistic view of your mental and physical health will probably help you greatly in the long term. Even if you were to treat the root causes, you still have to dig out of a hole from being in this state for quite a while. CBT, meditation, aerobic or HIIT exercise, and weight training could all help you. There are studies showing that they help for anxiety, depression, concentration problems, etc. Pursue multiple avenues to heal yourself.

 

Also, having to heal yourself of your diseases is the mindset you should have. As others have said, you aren't stupid. You are quite intelligent, and it is being masked by your health problems. Underneath the health problems is someone that is intelligent and can be relatively successful. It will take time and work and trying multiple things, but don't think of yourself as stupid. It isn't productive or healthy. Consider yourself as someone with a disease that needs to be treated, because at the minimum you are inflicted with depression, which is a disease. Can you get a hold of tianeptine in Australia? I think that would be a reasonable thing to try since you said you don't want to try SSRIs. There are other options for antidepressants: Moclobemide, tricylics, etc.

 

Try not to compare yourself to your brother or peers. No matter who you are you have people that have a better lot and a worse lot in life. You are no Elon Musk, but nor are you a criminal or a homeless person. You could be better off or worse off, but that is irrelevant. You are where you are, and you should accept that and just move forward in life trying to better yourself, but beating yourself up doesn't help. That(low self esteem) is a sign of depression, though.

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt

"Every day is a new life to a wise man." - Dale Carnegie

 

Please try pursuing treatment for depression, whether you self treat or see a professional. A few books you might want to check out that could help some:

http://www.amazon.co...wire your brain

http://www.amazon.co...ramind solution

http://www.amazon.co...ood david burns

 

As boff said, gut health is also huge. Things as simple as adding leeks and asparagus to your diet regularly, and cutting out anything that is negative for gut health can have a big effect over time. Pay close attention to what various foods do to your bowel movements, which can help eliminate foods from your diet that you have intolerance to.    Things along these lines(along with going to the gym, which you said you already do) probably won't snap you out of depression without drugs or therapy, but they will possibly help you get healthier over time and have a more robust recovery.

[pheanix997]

 

Here's the shortened version of the mental issues I'm having.

 

Summary: 

My cognitive deficiency/weakness is affecting my life. I feel like I’m mentally incapable of working at a low-end a job, learning to drive and moving out.

 

My cognitive issues:

• low motivation

• terrible short and long-term memory (E.g. I often forget if I washed my body with soap few seconds ago during shower since I wasn't paying attention.)

• low mental energy

• terrible problem solving

• slow mental processing speed 

• proneness to anxiety and depression

• unhealthy coping mechanism/self-destructive behaviour/self-medication/substance use

• I have no friends and have no desire to make any or socialise. I withdrawal from social interaction since I don’t enjoy socialising

• I become slow minded and depressed as soon as I stop drinking coffee. I’ve tried quitting coffee for 4 weeks but I still noticed my brain working very slowly and I felt depressed and low in mental energy all day without the aid of coffee. So I had to go back to drinking coffee daily.

• I have difficulty falling asleep sleep until 3:00 am and can’t wake up until 11:00 am due to my Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder.

 

What my cognitive issues are causing in real life:

• I’m having trouble learning to drive, getting a low-end job and moving out due to my above mental problems. I know I’m incapable of accomplishing these goals as of right now due to my cognitive deficiency. 

 

Root Source of my Anxiety and Depression:

• My current job stopped giving me shifts. So I now constantly get pressured to find a full-time second job by Centrelink.  But I feel like I’m mentally incapable of handling low-end job like McDoanlds or SubWay. I have high anxiety about looking for a second job because know I’m mentally incapable of working at most places due to my cognitive deficiency mentioned above and it’s worsening my anxiety and my unhealthy coping behaviour.

• Being compared to my more successful younger brother by my parents and my co-workers.

 

Example of my unhealthy coping mechanism:

For the past month, I’ve been trying to fix my cognitive deficits and my overall health by self-medicating with supplements. I’ve been self-medicating in a limited time constraint while being pressured to get  second-job as soon as possible by Centrelink. And as I result, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and overdosed on several supplements:

• After chewing 4mg nicotine gum, I became very close to dialing 000 from feeling extremely sick and having a pressure in my spinal cord but I didn’t call the number due to embarrassment. 

• Overdosing on coffee (drank 700 – 1000mg worth of Coffee in under a minute) last year when caffeine stopped working and I was in a pressure to finish my assignment. I felt very nauseous and had prickling sensation in my nerves throughout my body.

• Overdosing on 200mcg Selenium tablets trying to fix my possibly sluggish thyroid and felt very sick from it.

 

How I feel about myself:

I feel mentally incapable/stupid and ashamed myself because I’m almost 25 years old and I can’t drive, find a job or handle University. Also, because my younger brother is significantly more successful than I am, I constantly get compared to him by my parents and by my co-workers which further makes me feel ashamed of myself.

 

Possible Cause of my Cognitive deficiency/weakness:

1. unlucky genetic make up causing me to have low IQ/unstable mental health

2. Severe side effect from roaccutane changing my brain 

3. Other past injuries or undiagnosed health issues that I’m not aware of. 

 

Root Cause of my self-destructive behaviour:

1. Landlord filing for bankruptcy, bank taking over our house and having to move out to a worse, and more expensive house that's right next to the noisy road.

2. My younger brother starting to accomplish more things immediately after moving to a new house such as getting a drivers license and regularly driving to work and starting a second year in college. I'm happy for his success but his success has caused me to constantly get compared and looked down upon by my mom and my co-workers which is making me feel ashamed of myself.

3. Constantly being pressured to find a second full-time job by Centrelink when I know I’m mentally incapable to work anywhere with my current mental status. 

4. Severe side effect from roaccutane and several mental side effects still persisting even after 5 months. For example, I’ve lost motivation to study this year and dropped out even though the workload is the same as last year.

 

Things I’m considering doing: 

• Testosterone test? I’ve heard that low T could affect cognition.

• Endocrine test?

• MRI scan of brain to see where my cognitive issues are?

• Cognitive assessment test to find out where my cognitive issues are?

• Uridine + Fish Oil + B-Complex + Vitamin E + Alpha GPC?

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to fix my mental health. But I’m personally skeptical of therapy and I believe that my cognitive issues are a biological problem.

 

IMO since I think dependent personality is partly or mostly genetically determined, it probably has some to do with cognitive impairments, or a passive temperament, which could interfere with developing competence. But it's a chicken and egg issue. Did the cognitive difference imprint the personality? Or did the personality fail to stretch and develop the cognitive capacities? My point is, I bet you could find someone less intelligent than you contributing to society, probably because they have a more active personality. Try to integrate that into yourself. Be positive and develop a thirst for knowledge/ skill-aquisition. You'll grow in confidence and competence as you toil (and fail) along the way. Just take the first step and show up to the job. 

 

On the other hand, if you truly have a biochemical problem, such as having an attention deficit or frontal lobe arousal disorder due to birth complications or other factors or just luck of the draw, then medication might be worth considering. That's the only thing that will make a dramatic difference. In my experience, smart drugs work mostly for people whose cognition is already at pretty healthy level. And from what you said about forgetting if you washed yourself in the shower, that's commonly an ADD thing dude. But it could also be a depression thing. Both require treatment. That will help bring you up to baseline. Then it's up to you to make the rest happen. Fish oil isn't going to get you a job. 

[drg]

IMO since I think dependent personality is partly or mostly genetically determined, it probably has some to do with cognitive impairments, or a passive temperament, which could interfere with developing competence. But it's a chicken and egg issue. Did the cognitive difference imprint the personality? Or did the personality fail to stretch and develop the cognitive capacities? My point is, I bet you could find someone less intelligent than you contributing to society, probably because they have a more active personality. Try to integrate that into yourself. Be positive and develop a thirst for knowledge/ skill-aquisition. You'll grow in confidence and competence as you toil (and fail) along the way. Just take the first step and show up to the job. 

 

 

On the other hand, if you truly have a biochemical problem, such as having an attention deficit or frontal lobe arousal disorder due to birth complications or other factors or just luck of the draw, then medication might be worth considering. That's the only thing that will make a dramatic difference. In my experience, smart drugs work mostly for people whose cognition is already at pretty healthy level. And from what you said about forgetting if you washed yourself in the shower, that's commonly an ADD thing dude. But it could also be a depression thing. Both require treatment. That will help bring you up to baseline. Then it's up to you to make the rest happen. Fish oil isn't going to get you a job. 

 

 

Only thing I really disagree with is " a dependent personality is partly or mostly genetically determined,"   I think being dependent is an actual circumstance in life not genetic. Like someone who is incapacitated in the hospital is defendant on people to feed, and take care of them. Just as someone living with their parents not making enough money to move out is also dependent on their parents. I think the "dependent personality" can easily be fixed by becoming more independent, through taking care of yourself, supporting yourself, solving your own problems by yourself, etc.

[Application]

 

After seeing a doctor, I was basically told that:

1. Even if I I'm not feeling depressed right now since I'm masking my proness to depressive mood with caffeine, I could still be depressed and that could be the cause of my cognitive issues that I describe. He believes my issues like not being able to learn to drive, get a low-end job and move out are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and the recommendation is to treat it with SSRI and therapy.....

....And to my surprise, my IQ score has gotten lower. I used to score at least 108 even on bad days and 110 on good days. But today, I only scored 105 which is the lowest I've ever scored.....

 

 

Echoing others.... Looks like your doctor is on track with his diagnosis, especially since you report IQ test of 105 on a bad day. From what you write, you do not have the deficits you imagine. Instead you have devastated self-esteem and the effects of lack of confidence and depression on your performance. Its great you are seeking therapy. Only settle for a therapist with whom you can imagine eventually speaking freely. This will be essential to work with guilt shame and other difficult emotions underlying the depression. Best of luck!

 

One other thing. Evidence or testing for chemical imbalance underlying depression is still fantasy. In my professional experience therapy can work quickly to provide relief even if resolving the underlying problem is long-term.

[drg]

I've asked on multiple forums about my cognitive issue, it's ridiculous how many times people say "you sound intelligent to me, there's nothing wrong with you". If I didn't have a problem to begin with, I wouldn't be asking for help in the first place...I don't have any friends or a desire to make any and I'm having trouble learning to drive, finding a low-end job and moving out at the age of 25, how does that not sound like I have a serious cognitive deficit issue?


Why am I not going to the doctor for this? Well what doctor is going to take my cognitive deficit seriously? And even if they listen, they're probably just going to prescribe SSRI/SNRI or tell me to get a therapy.
 

No one is saying that you don't have cognitive issues they are saying you are not stupid. There is a big distinction. 

Christ you are huge whiner, anxious, depressed and probably autistic.  Anyone can see that. And for fuck sake you are not even seeing a doctor about your problems! No one online is more likely to be able to help you than your doctor. You try the clinically tested treatments before experimenting with random shit like noopept and asking people on the fucking internet for help. That's what's logical, that's what makes sense.  

[Heinsbeans]

Since I can't keep editing the thread, I'm going to leave my SSRI experience here: https://groups.googl...Dk/Fk8RZNKKmJsJ

[pheanix997]

Give the SSRI time, and remember that if it solves your anxiety and gives you a little more social comfort, but your cognition is still lacking, you can't remember things, you find it hard to speak, you still feel sluggish and sleepy, then consider that dopamine is probably also a problem as well. You can treat depression & anxiety + ADD simultaneously.

 

Keep in mind that if you treat the anxiety + depression alone, or the ADD alone (if you have it, just an example), then the other will get worse over time. So keep an open mind and try to get on a wait list for a psychiatrist to help you with this trial period. Also, stay on the absolute lowest dose that gives you no side effects but you can tell helps you, as this will make it easier to withdraw from the drug when you feel ready, and also prevents tolerance and aggravating other issues (e.g. ADD). 

Edited by pheanix997, 20 May 2015 - 01:26 PM.

[Heinsbeans]

Please forgive my worsened writing, I've come off Coffee so I can't think properly anymore since my mental energy and attentiveness/alertness has gone down drastically.

 

I've updated my SSRI experience (had some side effects)

 

So from what I understand, my only options of treatment through medical approach are:

If I have low Serotonin e.g. Depression, OCD = antidepressants

If I have low Dopamine e.g. ADD, low motivation, low attention = amphetamines

If I have both low Serotonin & low Dopamine = ??

+ in conjunction with cognitive behavioral therapy

 

The problem with both antidepresants and amphetamines is that they artificially raise serotonin and dopamine levels. So they're never going to fix the fundamental problem, not to mention there's withdrawal. I want to be able to fix the root cause of my cognitive issues and from my understanding, the only substances that can do this are:

CDP choline

Uridine

 

Why is nobody suggesting Uridine or Citicholine as a possible treatment? I keep hearing that Uridine can heal the brain receptors, is it just over-hyped? Or is it because it's less effective/less safer than antidepresants/amphetamines?