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Suicidaly depressed lately- Should I spend $12,000 for TMS or try something else?

tms rtms depression suicide suicidal

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#31 jaybird10 2

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Posted 15 June 2017 - 01:29 AM

Good luck Fletch! Its going to work ! Your fighting the good fight brother! Keep it up keep going! If you get a chance look up Douglas Bloch on youtube. Hes a major depressive survivor and has tons of videos. Hes easily accessible and can be reached if needed. I saw a joe rogan podcast with a guy who tried everything and finally found relief with TMS. It works amazingly well for some people. I m praying it does for you!

#32 Fletch

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Posted 15 June 2017 - 06:32 AM

Thanks my friend, I really appreciate that! I like Joe Rogan and will check it out.


I'm far from feelIng great by any means. Even if I manage to get the physical part of depression "fixed," my lack of a life is pretty depressing itself. Yet I know it's not impossible to manage both.

What's really worth noting in my opinion is that the introduction of ashwagandha before TMS started provided undeniable immediate relief, and were I to wager a guess, I'd say that it's what's doing most of the 'work' so far. I also reinstated lithium orotate at the exact same time 20mg elemental Li a day, but I've taken that much in the recent past and was still a crying mess.

Of course I had just ceased a few week run of Paxil, which was preceded by maybe 1-2 weeks no AD, and 12 years Nardil.

It seems ironic that in some ways I feel better now than I did on high dose MAOI. The only explanation I can come up with is that my depression is not monoamine related, but stress related- inflammation, excitation of NMDA receptors (neurotoxicity), HPA axis/cortisol, etc.

It is possible that the added GABA agonism from the ashwagandha is the reason, yet I can't fully buy that and I need to research all the pathways the herb works on.

I know Scienceguy warns against anything GABA acting in his safe anxiety thread, but ashwagandha does more than that. The real challenge will be in the future tapering off the benzos I've been on daily for over a decade. I already feel like my nerves are raw and have to take what I need to stay alive and get out of bed at this point.

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#33 Jiminy Glick

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 01:32 AM

Good luck Fletch and stay positive. Also maybe try getting a dog or a cat. It is a type of therapy for a lot of people.

 

Also yeah Joe Rogan is awesome and so is Ashwagandha. Also I would definitely get on Magnesium Glycinate powder as Magnesium is such a vital mineral and aid in fighting depression (you would really have to figure out the dosage as will try when I buy it, bioavailbity I think is like 80% so it should be easy, having too much is obviously better then having not enough).  

 

Buy the powders in general for everything for you save money, buy from the company Bulk Supplements. Also maybe try increasing your Ashwagandha intake if it makes you feel so good. I take a teaspoon now, maybe you could try like 2 teaspoons per day since it helps you so much. It is an amazing supplement.



#34 adamh

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 01:52 AM

Try tDCS which is direct current stimulation of the brain. I bought a unit which runs off a battery. It definitely has an effect.



#35 Fletch

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 05:28 AM

Good luck Fletch and stay positive. Also maybe try getting a dog or a cat. It is a type of therapy for a lot of people.

Also yeah Joe Rogan is awesome and so is Ashwagandha. Also I would definitely get on Magnesium Glycinate powder as Magnesium is such a vital mineral and aid in fighting depression (you would really have to figure out the dosage as will try when I buy it, bioavailbity I think is like 80% so it should be easy, having too much is obviously better then having not enough).

Buy the powders in general for everything for you save money, buy from the company Bulk Supplements. Also maybe try increasing your Ashwagandha intake if it makes you feel so good. I take a teaspoon now, maybe you could try like 2 teaspoons per day since it helps you so much. It is an amazing supplement.


Thanks man. I have a cat and it helps. Staying with the folks for a little bit and we have the family dog, so yeah pet's are definitely therapeutic.

I'm with you on everything...

I do buy some things from Bulk Nutrition but mostly get Now Brand stuff. That's the ashwagandha I have now. I might have to see how it compares to BN.

I've been taking Mg glycinate for months now after switching over from citrate and you're right it's good stuff.

Honestly besides the physical part, my life- lack of one- is really what bothers me. Not knowing what to do for work at 37 with one class left for an associate degree, and years waiting tables. No friends from being out of work, avioding alcohol, being depressed and withdrawn, having no license for years at a time from DUI's, and no girlfriend. Life from scratch is what I'm facing and it's overwhelming.

#36 Fletch

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 05:34 AM

Try tDCS which is direct current stimulation of the brain. I bought a unit which runs off a battery. It definitely has an effect.


Are you talking about that Fisher Wallace device?

#37 Jiminy Glick

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 04:53 PM

 

Good luck Fletch and stay positive. Also maybe try getting a dog or a cat. It is a type of therapy for a lot of people.

Also yeah Joe Rogan is awesome and so is Ashwagandha. Also I would definitely get on Magnesium Glycinate powder as Magnesium is such a vital mineral and aid in fighting depression (you would really have to figure out the dosage as will try when I buy it, bioavailbity I think is like 80% so it should be easy, having too much is obviously better then having not enough).

Buy the powders in general for everything for you save money, buy from the company Bulk Supplements. Also maybe try increasing your Ashwagandha intake if it makes you feel so good. I take a teaspoon now, maybe you could try like 2 teaspoons per day since it helps you so much. It is an amazing supplement.


Thanks man. I have a cat and it helps. Staying with the folks for a little bit and we have the family dog, so yeah pet's are definitely therapeutic.

I'm with you on everything...

I do buy some things from Bulk Nutrition but mostly get Now Brand stuff. That's the ashwagandha I have now. I might have to see how it compares to BN.

I've been taking Mg glycinate for months now after switching over from citrate and you're right it's good stuff.

Honestly besides the physical part, my life- lack of one- is really what bothers me. Not knowing what to do for work at 37 with one class left for an associate degree, and years waiting tables. No friends from being out of work, avioding alcohol, being depressed and withdrawn, having no license for years at a time from DUI's, and no girlfriend. Life from scratch is what I'm facing and it's overwhelming.

 

 

Yeah pets do help a lot. This is what I would do, get the associates degree and then get your Bachelor's Degree online like what I am doing. SNHU has a great program. Then with the DUI's move to a city so you can just take a train depending on how long you don't have a license. 



#38 adamh

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Posted 17 June 2017 - 01:24 AM

 

Try tDCS which is direct current stimulation of the brain. I bought a unit which runs off a battery. It definitely has an effect.


Are you talking about that Fisher Wallace device?

 

The one I bought is called the brain driver. I've only tested it a few times, not sure of the results. There are many brands and models out there. I tried it for improved memory and certainly felt different afterward. Not sure if memory is any better, probably should use it every day to get benefit.



#39 Fletch

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Posted 17 June 2017 - 06:18 AM

 

 

Good luck Fletch and stay positive. Also maybe try getting a dog or a cat. It is a type of therapy for a lot of people.

Also yeah Joe Rogan is awesome and so is Ashwagandha. Also I would definitely get on Magnesium Glycinate powder as Magnesium is such a vital mineral and aid in fighting depression (you would really have to figure out the dosage as will try when I buy it, bioavailbity I think is like 80% so it should be easy, having too much is obviously better then having not enough).

Buy the powders in general for everything for you save money, buy from the company Bulk Supplements. Also maybe try increasing your Ashwagandha intake if it makes you feel so good. I take a teaspoon now, maybe you could try like 2 teaspoons per day since it helps you so much. It is an amazing supplement.


Thanks man. I have a cat and it helps. Staying with the folks for a little bit and we have the family dog, so yeah pet's are definitely therapeutic.

I'm with you on everything...

I do buy some things from Bulk Nutrition but mostly get Now Brand stuff. That's the ashwagandha I have now. I might have to see how it compares to BN.

I've been taking Mg glycinate for months now after switching over from citrate and you're right it's good stuff.

Honestly besides the physical part, my life- lack of one- is really what bothers me. Not knowing what to do for work at 37 with one class left for an associate degree, and years waiting tables. No friends from being out of work, avioding alcohol, being depressed and withdrawn, having no license for years at a time from DUI's, and no girlfriend. Life from scratch is what I'm facing and it's overwhelming.

 

 

Yeah pets do help a lot. This is what I would do, get the associates degree and then get your Bachelor's Degree online like what I am doing. SNHU has a great program. Then with the DUI's move to a city so you can just take a train depending on how long you don't have a license. 

 

 

Thanks for the advice. I have a license now, just have to have 0.0% B.A.C. while driving for 10 years prior- which for me will end in 2019. What are you majoring in? So many BA/BS degrees are useless today. I think genetic counseling sounds cool and requires a masters degree. There should be a lot more jobs in that field in the future.

 

Right now I'm at the impasse where I'm forced to either take Stats for my college level transfer math and get a "fluff" degree in psychology, basket-weaving etc., or bite the bullet and take on Trig and Calc in order to have a degree that actually pays off (business/math/science/economics/etc) Man, how I hate math and would love to avoid it if possible, but I can do it if I really want it and put my mind to it.

 

37, single, 25K in college debt with one math class away from an associate degree, and the prospect of taking more years and more debt is not really enticing, yet I refuse to work in retail, food and beverage, or some other "job," I need a career!

 

 



#40 Fletch

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Posted 17 June 2017 - 06:22 AM

 

 

Try tDCS which is direct current stimulation of the brain. I bought a unit which runs off a battery. It definitely has an effect.


Are you talking about that Fisher Wallace device?

 

The one I bought is called the brain driver. I've only tested it a few times, not sure of the results. There are many brands and models out there. I tried it for improved memory and certainly felt different afterward. Not sure if memory is any better, probably should use it every day to get benefit.

 

 

Right on, thanks- and keep me posted on how it works for you. I'll look into it, but not until this TMS is over because I don't want to mess with my brain too much. Although I think I passed that marker years ago, haha.



#41 Jiminy Glick

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Posted 17 June 2017 - 04:01 PM

 

 

 

Good luck Fletch and stay positive. Also maybe try getting a dog or a cat. It is a type of therapy for a lot of people.

Also yeah Joe Rogan is awesome and so is Ashwagandha. Also I would definitely get on Magnesium Glycinate powder as Magnesium is such a vital mineral and aid in fighting depression (you would really have to figure out the dosage as will try when I buy it, bioavailbity I think is like 80% so it should be easy, having too much is obviously better then having not enough).

Buy the powders in general for everything for you save money, buy from the company Bulk Supplements. Also maybe try increasing your Ashwagandha intake if it makes you feel so good. I take a teaspoon now, maybe you could try like 2 teaspoons per day since it helps you so much. It is an amazing supplement.


Thanks man. I have a cat and it helps. Staying with the folks for a little bit and we have the family dog, so yeah pet's are definitely therapeutic.

I'm with you on everything...

I do buy some things from Bulk Nutrition but mostly get Now Brand stuff. That's the ashwagandha I have now. I might have to see how it compares to BN.

I've been taking Mg glycinate for months now after switching over from citrate and you're right it's good stuff.

Honestly besides the physical part, my life- lack of one- is really what bothers me. Not knowing what to do for work at 37 with one class left for an associate degree, and years waiting tables. No friends from being out of work, avioding alcohol, being depressed and withdrawn, having no license for years at a time from DUI's, and no girlfriend. Life from scratch is what I'm facing and it's overwhelming.

 

 

Yeah pets do help a lot. This is what I would do, get the associates degree and then get your Bachelor's Degree online like what I am doing. SNHU has a great program. Then with the DUI's move to a city so you can just take a train depending on how long you don't have a license. 

 

 

Thanks for the advice. I have a license now, just have to have 0.0% B.A.C. while driving for 10 years prior- which for me will end in 2019. What are you majoring in? So many BA/BS degrees are useless today. I think genetic counseling sounds cool and requires a masters degree. There should be a lot more jobs in that field in the future.

 

Right now I'm at the impasse where I'm forced to either take Stats for my college level transfer math and get a "fluff" degree in psychology, basket-weaving etc., or bite the bullet and take on Trig and Calc in order to have a degree that actually pays off (business/math/science/economics/etc) Man, how I hate math and would love to avoid it if possible, but I can do it if I really want it and put my mind to it.

 

37, single, 25K in college debt with one math class away from an associate degree, and the prospect of taking more years and more debt is not really enticing, yet I refuse to work in retail, food and beverage, or some other "job," I need a career!

 

 

I am doing math. Genetic counseling does sound cool. Yeah debt is tough but it is worth it. Yeah all of those are good degrees that you mentioned. Psychology is a good degree, you mentioned your sister does it, you just need to go past a bachelors with it. 



#42 BADLUCK

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Posted 21 June 2017 - 05:54 PM

lay off the valium, and potentially the kratom as well.  it's an antianhedonic nicotinic and gabaergic anatagonist with an addictive caveat putting it in the same class as stuff you ought to avoid.. phenibut and marijuana.  consider rhodiola, as it most closely resembles nardil.  lithium orotate may give the needed boost in mood.  stick to your exercise and good diet to keep out of the ward.  and as long as we're posting random stuff..

 

1473619-image021.jpg

 

I have some KAL Lithium Orotate 5 mg capsules laying around, can i also use them sublingually and dissolve under my tongue instead of using them orally? thnkyou  



#43 Hana

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Posted 21 June 2017 - 09:03 PM

I wonder if TMS works for anhedonia (lack of interest, pleasure). I don't have suicidal tendencies although I sometimes fantasize about killing myself cuz of anhedonia (which I only started suffering from last year after coming off Paxil and then Prozac). I'm not sure what treatment resistant depression means and if I have it. SSRIs work on my mood (I mean they give me apathy so) but worsen my anhedonia. Genital numbness from even the lowest dose possible is the worst thing they cause me. Without any AD, i feel more irritable than sad/depressed. My doctor thinks good mood = increased interest in life, and this is why he simply classifies me as treatment resistant. He keeps insisting on me trying TMS. How the fuck would it alleviate anhedonia? does it increase dopamine? and how would it help with other depression symptoms like brain fog? He thinks that ADs don't cause apathy.  It angers me how stupid doctors can be. 

 

P.S What if tms works but then after some years you fall into relapse? waste money on it again? the fuck is this? 


Edited by Hana, 21 June 2017 - 09:17 PM.


#44 Hana

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Posted 21 June 2017 - 09:21 PM

wanted to add that Lamotrigine, strangely enough, doesn't cause me loss of emotions even though it's a mood stabilizer drug. I don't turn into a zombie on it. Unfortunately, its not enough on its own.  



#45 Mind_Paralysis

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Posted 21 June 2017 - 10:01 PM

I wonder if TMS works for anhedonia (lack of interest, pleasure). I don't have suicidal tendencies although I sometimes fantasize about killing myself cuz of anhedonia (which I only started suffering from last year after coming off Paxil and then Prozac). I'm not sure what treatment resistant depression means and if I have it. SSRIs work on my mood (I mean they give me apathy so) but worsen my anhedonia. Genital numbness from even the lowest dose possible is the worst thing they cause me. Without any AD, i feel more irritable than sad/depressed. My doctor thinks good mood = increased interest in life, and this is why he simply classifies me as treatment resistant. He keeps insisting on me trying TMS. How the fuck would it alleviate anhedonia? does it increase dopamine? and how would it help with other depression symptoms like brain fog? He thinks that ADs don't cause apathy.  It angers me how stupid doctors can be. 

 

P.S What if tms works but then after some years you fall into relapse? waste money on it again? the fuck is this? 

 

No. You use the cheaper, more well-studied method of *ECT*.

 

But before you do that, try and get an fMRI-scan of your brain - see what kind of abnormalities in structure you have, and if there's some clue to treatment to be gained, from having some actual real data.

 

Also, anhedonia isn't just dopamine - because rewards IS NOT just about dopamine! When it comes to addiction, there's been a lot more research on this, and the dopamine-hypothesis of addiction is coming to an end, a very harsh and powerful end - a bit like how serotonin is NOT the be-all end-all of depression - quite the contrary.

The same is happening with addiction - and since addiction is about abnormal responses from the brains different reward-mechanisms, then there can probably be quite a lot gained from the study of that disorder, when it comes to understanding anhedonia.

 

Addiction is about the OPIATE networks - and I'd vaguer a big f***ing bet on Anhedonia being about the opiate networks as well.

 

Btw, I'm not the only one with this idea, and as such, there is currently a research-trial of the experimental antidepressant Cerc-501, an opiate KAPPA receptor ANTagonist. It's also believed to be useful for the treatment of addiction, and is about to start another trial for the treatment of such, as well. (how about that...! hmm...! ; ) ...)

 

 

Anyways, CERC-501 was recently synthesized in a group buy here, so have a look at the forums CERC-501 threads and see what happens to us guinea pigs whom are taking the drug - if it proves effective, then perhaps it could be something you can try as well.

 

 

Interesting side-note, but some of the symptoms you describe sounds like mine: my current burnout-depression has a huge part of anhedonia in it - but I'm a NATURALLY pseudo-anhedonic person, because of my neuro-developmental disease called SCT - Sluggish Cognitive Tempo - when one has this disease, one cannot DO some things, which are not obviously apparently to the sufferer or the environment around the sufferer, and eventually one becomes beset by punishment-sensitivity which leads to learned helplessness and ultimately anhedonia.

 

SCT is a disease similar to both ADHD and Dysthymia - connected to Norepinephrine, it would seem.

For those not in the know, NE is ALSO involved in drive, as well as reward. (there are actually rare NE-selective substances which strangely enough seems to produce a "high" - but many of them also seems to create an "anti-high", an unpleasant state which makes many shy away from NE-selective substances)

 

You might want to give the idea of an underlying mental deficit causing anxiety, depressive thoughts and anhedonia in the end, as the TRUE culprit needing treatment as a resolution to your woes, some merit.

 

Advanced neuroimaging with fMRI and PET could help you find clues to such a disorder...

 

 

It should be noted that there are people with ADHD and Autism, two other diseases with dream-crushing cognition-limiting, incurable genetic and physical abnormalities defining them  - whom develop depression as a DIRECT result of the intense symptoms they get from their neurodevelopmental disorders - these depressive symptoms cannot even be TOUCHED by traditional antidepressants - it is beyond them, for in SECONDARY depression, the depression is not the primary disease, nor is it acquired through a trauma which can be resolved by life-style changes, diet or CBT -  because it is NOT defined by ILLOGICAL depressive rumination - no, rumination comes from thinking about the very REAL low-level trauma those of us with neuro-developmental diseases are hit with, from birth. We are simply born wrong, and we know it, and we can never build a functional life because it - hence, depression.

 

It should be noted, that when ADHD-ers at least, get treatments which NULLIFY their ADHD-symptoms, the previously incurable depressive symptoms finally lift, and the patient is "suddenly", "miraculously" cured...

 

 

Secondary depression. Give that concept some thought.


Edited by Stinkorninjor, 21 June 2017 - 10:05 PM.


#46 jack black

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Posted 22 June 2017 - 12:52 PM

Agree with Stinkorninjor. There are million causes of depression. This is why there is no effective one size fits all treatment.

#47 gamesguru

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Posted 24 June 2017 - 09:02 AM

the thing is though if you just try different remedies one by one and slowly build up the knowledge of a doctor you'll eventually figure out what works for you even if it takes 5 years
 
there's no need for fMRIs at this stage (good luck getting insurance to cover it anyways).  one of the smartest guys here (flex) is suffering from the effects of ongoing gadolinium poisoning -- which is used as a staining agent in MRIs

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#48 jack black

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Posted 24 June 2017 - 03:08 PM

I read some more about FMRI, and it's not ready for clinical use. However, it's the future.

#49 Hana

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Posted 24 June 2017 - 07:46 PM

Stinkorninjor-  ECT scares me. I don't think my doctor will even agree to do it. 

 

I'm just speculating about dopamine because of what ssris are doing tho I do agree it's not just about dopamine. There are a lot of things involved. The mind is very complex. 

 

There are some points you mentioned in your post that I couldn't comprehend due to my mental fog, so excuse me for this. I do think that my anhedonia and sudden development of "depression" is caused by coming off antidepressants (this is actually very common) and worsened further by me misusing them. 


Edited by Hana, 24 June 2017 - 07:53 PM.


#50 focus83

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Posted 25 June 2017 - 10:20 PM

Fletch, have you considered taking NSI-189? I think user Strangelove still sells some or will soon start selling his last batch. You might want to get in touch with him.



#51 Fletch

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Posted 25 June 2017 - 10:37 PM

 

lay off the valium, and potentially the kratom as well.  it's an antianhedonic nicotinic and gabaergic anatagonist

 

gamesguru, do you have any references for this?

 

I did a quick search but found nothing on kratom and nicotinic/gaba receptors. Did you mean agonist or antagonist BTW, just for clarification?


Fletch, have you considered taking NSI-189? I think user Strangelove still sells some or will soon start selling his last batch. You might want to get in touch with him.

 

Yes, I actually have some from him. It doesn't seem to agree with me. Makes me really anxious/irritable, and fatigued. Thanks for the suggestion though.



#52 focus83

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Posted 25 June 2017 - 10:46 PM

I had that reaction, too. Combining it with Pregabalin took the edge off and the antidepressant effects shone through.

 

If anxiety is also a large contributor to your depression, you might also want to give Pregabalin a trial as monotherapy. It's been frequently cited as being as effective as benzos for treating anxiety. From my own experience I can confirm that it's very powerful stuff.iI could be a good replacement for your Valium.



#53 focus83

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Posted 25 June 2017 - 11:13 PM

Pregabalin is also going to give you very refreshing sleep.


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#54 Destiny's Equation

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Posted 23 July 2017 - 08:03 PM

One time when I was suicidally depressed I took the following combination:

LEF's Life Extension Mix
LEF's B complex
LEF's fish oil
Superior Nutraceuticals' TMG

I recovered quickly.

Another time when I was suicidally depressed I took a recreational dose of DXM (I couldn't afford supplements anymore so I had few options). Again I recovered quickly, but I also turned into an addict. On the bright side, I'd rather be an addict than be dead.

I am very glad that I did not choose to have ECT. According to the LEF "ECT may negatively influence other realms of cognition unrelated to memory". http://www.lifeexten...ression/Page-01 I know someone who had ECT who turned into a vegetable.
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#55 Fletch

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Posted 23 July 2017 - 10:36 PM

I thought I'd give an update FWIW...

 

Finished 6 weeks TMS. I believe it helped but not a magic bullet by any means. Still have suicidal thoughts unfortunately..

 

Started Kratom about 3 weeks ago and admit I don't intend on stopping anytime soon.  It has been the biggest relief I've experienced.  I'm using agmantine with it to avoid tolerance and hopefully limit whatever w/d symptoms I will have during breaks or stopping it. Currently using 4-6g/day.

 

Slowly coming off diazepam (Valium) using water titration. Almost down to 9mg from 10mg after a couple weeks.

 

Just received my 23andMe results this morning and have been using Promethease all day! Some really interesting SNP's!  I sorted by "depression" and these are some:

 

 

7x less likely to respond to certain antidepressants. This version of a blood brain barrier protein blocks many common antidepressants from entering the brain, including: amitriptyline (Elavil), citalopram (Celexa), paroxetine (Paxil), and venlafaxine (Effexor). That makes those antidepressants 7 times less effective.

 

 

homozygous for C677T of MTHFR = 10-20% efficiency in processing folic acid = high homocysteine, low B12 and folate levels

**Immediately popped a sublingual methyl-b12 lozenge, and need to order some methylfolate and avoid foods high in folic acid. So glad to finally have insight to this. I knew that something was up with my B vitamin status and feeling worse after taking a B-complex, but not knowing why. Going to do more research on how best to treat this.**

 

higher risk for RA; better response to paroxetine as treatment for depression rheumatoid arthritis risk 

**This is interesting because I was on paroxitine for several years, yet it conflicts with the first SNP I pasted.**

 

 

Increased risk of mental disorders

rs16944 is a SNP in the interleukin 1, beta gene, a member of the cytokine family involved in the inflammatory response. The rs16944 G;G genotype is associated with risk for multiple mental illnesses. An increased risk for schizophrenia was found in a genetic association study of 2111 Caucasian individuals with an odds ratio of 1.24 (95% CI 1.09, 1.41). Studies examining the brains of schizophrenic and bipolar individuals found reduced gray matter and hypoactivity associated with the G;G genotype. Additionally, this genotype is associated with impaired ability to achieve remission in a study of 256 Caucasian individuals with depression (odds ratio = 1.74; 95% confidence interval 1.2-4.3). The rs16944 A allele increases susceptibility to Osteoarthritis, with 1.80 times for heterozygotes (AG) and 2.90 times for homozygotes (AA)...

 

Normal (higher) risk of ADHD symptoms. This is the most common form of the CLOCK gene. In addition to possibly affecting evening preference, it has been linked to increased ADHD symptoms.

 

Association between glutamic acid decarboxylase genes and anxiety disorders, major depression, and neuroticism.

**Confirms my experience with lithium orotate being helpful, and tendency for foods or drinks high in glutamic acid to make my depression worse. Will avoid protein shakes now. Interesting note that I stared drinking Muscle Milks instead of eating breakfast and my depression got worse.**

 

I had that reaction, too. Combining it with Pregabalin took the edge off and the antidepressant effects shone through.

 

If anxiety is also a large contributor to your depression, you might also want to give Pregabalin a trial as monotherapy. It's been frequently cited as being as effective as benzos for treating anxiety. From my own experience I can confirm that it's very powerful stuff.iI could be a good replacement for your Valium.

 

Thanks for the tip but I'm tapering off Valium and even if I could just swap it for Lyrica (pregabalin), that would just be another GABA agonist and I'd be in the same boat.  It's best to just keep tapering down on a benzo from the research I've done and my experience than try to replace it.

 


 

One time when I was suicidally depressed I took the following combination:

LEF's Life Extension Mix
LEF's B complex
LEF's fish oil
Superior Nutraceuticals' TMG

I recovered quickly.

Another time when I was suicidally depressed I took a recreational dose of DXM (I couldn't afford supplements anymore so I had few options). Again I recovered quickly, but I also turned into an addict. On the bright side, I'd rather be an addict than be dead.

I am very glad that I did not choose to have ECT. According to the LEF "ECT may negatively influence other realms of cognition unrelated to memory". http://www.lifeexten...ression/Page-01 I know someone who had ECT who turned into a vegetable.

How did you become an addict from DXM?  Are you saying you became addicted to DXM? How is that possible when the trip only last a short time?

 

I agree that ECT should be avoided at all costs unless you're already in the hospital and are in such despair that you cant wait another day. Of course I don't see them doing ECT the next day. I imagine they make you wait. I'd insist on ketamine first!  Then I would try lithium. I just can't see the sense in getting ECT done and damaging your brain based on the evidence for it.



#56 Jiminy Glick

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 01:31 AM

What Kratom brand are you using? Also what type (slow, moderate, or fast)? You shouldn't have any problems tapering if you have to. You could just increase your other medicines like Ashwagandha or Magnesium if you need it while your tapering. I am still trying to figure out my food schedule with Kratom. It works better on an empty stomach though it is also still effective if you have had food. 

 

See, I was telling you to take it, but others were saying no. I was saying to use it for psychological reasons in terms of showing you how your mind is capable of experiencing bliss so you can have those thoughts to think about when you are depressed so you will persevere and try to find bliss. 


Edited by Jiminy Glick, 24 July 2017 - 01:35 AM.


#57 jaybird10 2

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 01:34 PM

   Nice to hear from you Fletch.

 

Too bad about the rTMS not being the majic bullet but atleast you can cross it off the list of therapies.  Your 23andme  results are really interesting I hope it helps you out. I think Im going to get mine done as well. Glad that your making headway off the diazepam taper. I came off daily ativan by switching over to diazepam and tapering off it wasnt too bad. I think it took me 5 months  to get off 10mg of diazepam. My Bro loves kratom and uses it 4-5 mornings a week. He hasnt built a tolerance or felt the need to abuse it. I tried it but found it wasnt the best for my sleep and the taste wahhhh! Take care Bud!



#58 Fletch

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 06:17 PM

What Kratom brand are you using? Also what type (slow, moderate, or fast)? You shouldn't have any problems tapering if you have to. You could just increase your other medicines like Ashwagandha or Magnesium if you need it while your tapering. I am still trying to figure out my food schedule with Kratom. It works better on an empty stomach though it is also still effective if you have had food. 

 

See, I was telling you to take it, but others were saying no. I was saying to use it for psychological reasons in terms of showing you how your mind is capable of experiencing bliss so you can have those thoughts to think about when you are depressed so you will persevere and try to find bliss. 

 

I'm using gaiaethnobotanical and I'm not sure what you mean as far as speed?  I know there are extracts but haven't read anything about speed? I got a kilo, 4 strains: Bali Gold, Green Kapuas Hulu,Red Bali, and Red Borneo. I appreciate your angle on seeing what it's like to not feel depressed so I can hang on to those thoughts when I am depressed, but honestly I'm always depressed at some level. The kratom doesn't take it away but it takes the pain away and makes it so it's not unbearable. When I'm off the kratom no amount of remembering or cognitive exercise can compensate for the pain I feel.

 

 

   Nice to hear from you Fletch.

 

Too bad about the rTMS not being the majic bullet but atleast you can cross it off the list of therapies.  Your 23andme  results are really interesting I hope it helps you out. I think Im going to get mine done as well. Glad that your making headway off the diazepam taper. I came off daily ativan by switching over to diazepam and tapering off it wasnt too bad. I think it took me 5 months  to get off 10mg of diazepam. My Bro loves kratom and uses it 4-5 mornings a week. He hasnt built a tolerance or felt the need to abuse it. I tried it but found it wasnt the best for my sleep and the taste wahhhh! Take care Bud!

 

Thanks Jaybird102!  I didn't expect TMS to be a miracle. The suicidal thoughts lifted for a few weeks before the kratom. I was still depressed but no suicidal thoughts. When I started TMS I also started lithium orotate (4 pills a day) and the ashwagandha. I really think those two played a huge part. I started getting realy bad joint aching and had a hunch it was the lithium causing it so I dropped down to 2 a day. I also reinstated Finasteride at that time because watching my hair thin and recede (watching myself get ugly) is depressing! Finasteride causes or adds to depression itself. I really hate that shit but it's a catch-22 situation. Seems most of life is a catch-22 actually, or maybe that's just my depression talking.

 

You're right about the taste. Fortunately I can tolerate most nasty tasting things if I wash them down quickly. I use a shaker cup and Almond Milk or water if i have to. Orange juice would mask it well too but I avoid sugar if possible. How did you do your Valium taper? How long were you on it? Sorry if we've already talked about this; again, I have really bad memory these last couple years,

 

Now that TMS is over I have no obligations or place I have to be. That is a huge issue because I don't "want" to go anywhere or do anything. I need a job! I need a social life! Hell, I just need a life, period. 37 years old and nothing to show for it. Thinking about forcing myself into a staffing agency. It's so frustrating to have so much potential (being told that) and not being able to act on it due to indecision, lack of motivation, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, etc. I dread thinking about typing up a resume and trying to come up with some plausible excuse why I have so little accomplished and so many years unemployed. These thoughts consume me if I let them. I have to take hour by hour. Hope you're doing well man.



#59 Jiminy Glick

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 08:42 PM

 

What Kratom brand are you using? Also what type (slow, moderate, or fast)? You shouldn't have any problems tapering if you have to. You could just increase your other medicines like Ashwagandha or Magnesium if you need it while your tapering. I am still trying to figure out my food schedule with Kratom. It works better on an empty stomach though it is also still effective if you have had food. 

 

See, I was telling you to take it, but others were saying no. I was saying to use it for psychological reasons in terms of showing you how your mind is capable of experiencing bliss so you can have those thoughts to think about when you are depressed so you will persevere and try to find bliss. 

 

I'm using gaiaethnobotanical and I'm not sure what you mean as far as speed?  I know there are extracts but haven't read anything about speed? I got a kilo, 4 strains: Bali Gold, Green Kapuas Hulu,Red Bali, and Red Borneo. I appreciate your angle on seeing what it's like to not feel depressed so I can hang on to those thoughts when I am depressed, but honestly I'm always depressed at some level. The kratom doesn't take it away but it takes the pain away and makes it so it's not unbearable. When I'm off the kratom no amount of remembering or cognitive exercise can compensate for the pain I feel.

 

 

   Nice to hear from you Fletch.

 

Too bad about the rTMS not being the majic bullet but atleast you can cross it off the list of therapies.  Your 23andme  results are really interesting I hope it helps you out. I think Im going to get mine done as well. Glad that your making headway off the diazepam taper. I came off daily ativan by switching over to diazepam and tapering off it wasnt too bad. I think it took me 5 months  to get off 10mg of diazepam. My Bro loves kratom and uses it 4-5 mornings a week. He hasnt built a tolerance or felt the need to abuse it. I tried it but found it wasnt the best for my sleep and the taste wahhhh! Take care Bud!

 

Thanks Jaybird102!  I didn't expect TMS to be a miracle. The suicidal thoughts lifted for a few weeks before the kratom. I was still depressed but no suicidal thoughts. When I started TMS I also started lithium orotate (4 pills a day) and the ashwagandha. I really think those two played a huge part. I started getting realy bad joint aching and had a hunch it was the lithium causing it so I dropped down to 2 a day. I also reinstated Finasteride at that time because watching my hair thin and recede (watching myself get ugly) is depressing! Finasteride causes or adds to depression itself. I really hate that shit but it's a catch-22 situation. Seems most of life is a catch-22 actually, or maybe that's just my depression talking.

 

You're right about the taste. Fortunately I can tolerate most nasty tasting things if I wash them down quickly. I use a shaker cup and Almond Milk or water if i have to. Orange juice would mask it well too but I avoid sugar if possible. How did you do your Valium taper? How long were you on it? Sorry if we've already talked about this; again, I have really bad memory these last couple years,

 

Now that TMS is over I have no obligations or place I have to be. That is a huge issue because I don't "want" to go anywhere or do anything. I need a job! I need a social life! Hell, I just need a life, period. 37 years old and nothing to show for it. Thinking about forcing myself into a staffing agency. It's so frustrating to have so much potential (being told that) and not being able to act on it due to indecision, lack of motivation, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, etc. I dread thinking about typing up a resume and trying to come up with some plausible excuse why I have so little accomplished and so many years unemployed. These thoughts consume me if I let them. I have to take hour by hour. Hope you're doing well man.

 

 

Oh okay. Yeah see red strains are slow, make you sleepy, less anxious, more painkilling relief, euphoric. Greens are fast and are more energetic but still euphoric and help with concentration and won't make you sleepy. Whites are in the middle (moderate) of red and green and fast off fast but then end slow. That company looks like it has good prices, I have been using Life Force Kratom. 


Edited by Jiminy Glick, 24 July 2017 - 08:43 PM.


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#60 jaybird10 2

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 11:19 PM

Hi fletch

Shave your head and ditch the finasterade! I hear that stuff can be nasty for some people. I was on daily ativan for about a year and switched to 10mg of diazepam. I had withdrawal symptoms with the switch because I think I was taking a higher dose of ativan and maybe should have switched to 15 of Diazepam. Anyhow after I stabilized (took about a month) I stayed on the 10mg for another month so two months total.. Then I decreased to 5 mg. I stayed their for a couple months. Then I decreased 1 mg per month or so until I was completely off. I used Remeron to help with sleep. Hope this helps a bit buddy
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