Hi guys,
I've been depersonalized for a little over 6 years now. It was triggered by prozac, and I was going through a really stressful time when it happened. I became deeeeply dissociated, like I couldn't even compose a facebook status for a while. I was on the prozac for just a couple of weeks before it happened. At first I started to feel good on the prozac, then it was like the stuff just kept building up in my system and I started feeling weird, kinda floaty and high or something, and one day I just dissociated - I remember this big grin spread across my face, and then I was gone.
I got a little better a few years later when I took ecstasy once - it was like it brought me back in touch with a part of myself that I had lost, and it PERMANENTLY lifted part of the DP veil. After that I felt a lot more present, though still DP'd, which makes me think my DP could just be stress-related/psychological. However, the weird thing is I sometimes feel less DP'd when I'm on my period. Only on the first day. I'll feel much clearer, less anxious, more present, have more energy, just more "in my body"/like my energy is flowing more normally - though the DP doesn't totally lift or anything. The ONLY times I have ever fully come out of this were during a very long withdrawal from klonopin that I went through last year. I came out of this 3 different times, ONLY on the first day of my period. Each time, I got my period at night, and when I woke up the next morning, I was back: colors were bright, world was 3D, I could recognize my reflection, my internal monologue had been switched back on, I had FEELINGS, etc. etc. But then I went to sleep, woke up the next day, and was gone again - or would be on my way back to being fully DP'd. Also, I didn't JUST repersonalize on those days - it was like my entire body started working better. My metabolism seemed to speed up, I didn't have cravings for caffeine (which I was drinking at the time), my palms were sweaty (made me realize my skin is always super dry), and yeah...I think there were other things, but can't remember it all - basically, it was like my body and brain just came back to life. I also remember feeling, the third time I repersonalized, like something had been "blocking" my energy flow and it had been released on my period - that was just the feeling that I had.
So this does make me wonder if there's something else going on. Why do I get better when I'm bleeding heavily? Am I detoxing something out of my system? Do I have too much serotonin, or too much estrogen (which could be blocking my thyroid and causing DP-ish symptoms as well as physical problems), or what? It could even be heavy metal toxicity or something.
Anyway, the last time I repersonalized was the beginning of this year, and I haven't really gotten anywhere since then. I've been seeing an energy healer, which has been interesting, and sometimes I feel a lot calmer and more "in my body" after the sessions, but I haven't repersonalized from them. Was just wondering if anyone here has any thoughts on this. My diet is clean, I'm not on any meds since I react horribly to everything, no caffeine, no alcohol.
I posted about this in the Genetics section too in case someone thought this could have something to do with mutations (I just had 23andme done and have a bunch of homozygous mutations that interfere with things like estrogen and neurotransmitter detox, so...), but yeah, thought I should post here as well...
I'm going to see a medical intuitive to see if she has any ideas. Might sound silly, but I'm mostly curious to see if an intuitive would think that that this is a physical problem or just psychological. I get confused about how to approach all of this.
Edited by anhedonic56, 06 December 2017 - 03:16 AM.