52 replies to this topic

[affinity]

I've felt this a few times. Though I'm not so much afraid of death as I'm afraid of dying ignorant.

[Nuttygirl]

This is how I can describe myself: "paralyzed by fear of death..."
Born and raised in Ukraine, I have cried about the thought of death when I was 7 for the first time in my life...
My grandmother told me that I am "too young to be thinking of it..."

The time past by and now, as an adult, I get closer to the reality of "dying"...

When do my fear become a reality fear ? - Mostly, when everyone in my family is resting in bed, and I am ready to sleep... I put my head on the pillow and think of "death..."
Depression? Sadness? Generalized anxiety? Obessive compulsive thought behavior?

Could be .. Or could be that as we getting older, we need to accept the fact that we all going to die soon or later... And, speaking of later, it is better later than soon..

My life is very fast, working in the fast place with people , I am never home on the w/end. Always spanding money on someone other me has become a norm of my life..
I still have some time to grow flowers, smile, and to pet my cats, and seems to me nothing bothers me so much like the thought of dying and death..

I am trying to suppress the idea of dying, but it always come to my mind that , eventually, it will happen.. And this is going to be the end: I am an atheist and I do not believe in reincornation or other myths...

I get sick when people at work are talking about going to Church and "buying" their tickets to heaven... Also, they judge everyone who DOES NOT believe in God nor going to Church..
Lots of people believe that you are a nice person if you are going to Church...........................................I am not commenting on this one, please, read between the lines..

So why among all the fears the "fear of dying" is so strong that it does not let me think and live freely, like many other people do... Sometimes, I am telling myself," look around, life is beautiful, just enjoy and quit killing yourself over the stupid ideas of death..."

I wish it could be that simple, ........ not for me, anyway...

[VictorBjoerk]

And why are so many people turned off by the thoughts of immortality when they are still afraid of death?

[Heliotrope]

I'm not so much afraid of the process of death as dying ignorant like a post said above.

I'm more afraid of missing out , afraid of none- existence, scared of what will not be, the lost of opportunity, the missing of everything.


Oblivion itself , after all , can't be felt. that part is not so scary, the scary thing is yeah, afraid of missing out , afraid of none- existence, scared of what will not be, the lost of opportunity, the missing of everything family, friends, Earth, world, universe, myself!

[mike250]

I ain't never scared

[Ben]

The thought of death doesn't paralysed. It in fact has the complete opposite affect on me. It energises and motivates me.

Thinking that one day I will day has sometimes a healing affect on my mind.

[niner]

I can't believe how many people are actually claiming to be "paralyzed by fear of death". Do you honestly mean you are dysfunctional over it? If so, you don't need ImmInst, you need psychotherapy.

[biknut]

There were a few times in my life when I was afraid I might get killed. It wasn't fear of death that I was scared of though, it was the pain I was about feel that was scaring me.

[mentatpsi]

Here's an interesting question, is it maladaptive to be consumed by the pursuit of immortality to the point of focusing only on attaining it? It runs similiar lines, but i just find it unfortunate that more people are afraid of oblivion rather than not being able to get enough of life. It would be overly simplistic to say it's just psychological in nature, it could easily be economical situations and various other issues.

I believe that our desire for immortality should arise out of a desire to get as much possible out of life rather than simply being afraid of death.

[niner]

I heard about a book by psychotherapist Irvin Yalom called "Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death"
http://www.amazon.co...h/dp/0787996688 Might be useful. I heard him on the radio and didn't get that annoying Deathist vibe from him.

From Publishers Weekly
The philosopher Martin Heidegger once remarked that we can live intensely only if we stare death in the face every moment of our lives. Bestselling psychiatrist Yalom (Love's Executioner) attempts to put this principle into practice in a sometimes thoughtful, often repetitious book. Drawing on literature and film, as well as conversations with his patients, Yalom demonstrates how the fear of retirement, concerns about changing jobs or moving to another city, or changes in family status (such as the empty nest) are rooted in our deepest, most inescapable fear: of death. Yet, he says, this anxiety can prompt an awakening to life and help us realize our connections to others and our influence on those around us. Through such experiences we can transcend our sense of finiteness and transiency and live in the here and now. In a final chapter, Yalom offers instructions for therapists seeking to help their patients overcome death anxiety. Although in the 1980s Yalom, now 76, provided new insights into the human psyche with his innovative method of existential psychotherapy, this book recycles well-known philosophical insights, but Yalom's humane, calm voice may bring them to a new audience. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

The philosopher Martin Heidegger once remarked that we can live intensely only if we stare death in the face every moment of our lives. Bestselling psychiatrist Yalom (Love's Executioner) attempts to put this principle into practice in a sometimes thoughtful, often repetitious book. Drawing on literature and film, as well as conversations with his patients, Yalom demonstrates how the fear of retirement, concerns about changing jobs or moving to another city, or changes in family status (such as the empty nest) are rooted in our deepest, most inescapable fear: of death. Yet, he says, this anxiety can prompt an awakening to life and help us realize our connections to others and our influence on those around us. Through such experiences we can transcend our sense of “finiteness and transiency” and live in the here and now. In a final chapter, Yalom offers instructions for therapists seeking to help their patients overcome death anxiety. Although in the 1980s Yalom, now 76, provided new insights into the human psyche with his innovative method of “existential psychotherapy,” this book recycles well-known philosophical insights, but Yalom's humane, calm voice may bring them to a new audience. (Feb.) (Publishers Weekly, November 5, 2007)

"Staring at the Sun is neither textbook nor mere self-help. Philosophical it is, but never arid with theory. Its lively chapters are populated with patients whose raw angst Yalom refines into vignettes that are always enlightening and often quite moving." -- Washington Post

"So what to do about the dread of death? ... [Yalom's] key prescriptions are true connections with others, a feeling one has lived well and "rippling" - having positive impacts and memories live on in others after you die. These deceptively obvious goals are, obviously, not easily attained: What thinking and feeling person truly lives a life with no regrets? But they are inarguably worthwhile ones." -- San Francisco Chronicle

[mentatpsi]

I heard about a book by psychotherapist Irvin Yalom called "Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death"
http://www.amazon.co...h/dp/0787996688 Might be useful. I heard him on the radio and didn't get that annoying Deathist vibe from him.

From Publishers Weekly
The philosopher Martin Heidegger once remarked that we can live intensely only if we stare death in the face every moment of our lives. Bestselling psychiatrist Yalom (Love's Executioner) attempts to put this principle into practice in a sometimes thoughtful, often repetitious book. Drawing on literature and film, as well as conversations with his patients, Yalom demonstrates how the fear of retirement, concerns about changing jobs or moving to another city, or changes in family status (such as the empty nest) are rooted in our deepest, most inescapable fear: of death. Yet, he says, this anxiety can prompt an awakening to life and help us realize our connections to others and our influence on those around us. Through such experiences we can transcend our sense of finiteness and transiency and live in the here and now. In a final chapter, Yalom offers instructions for therapists seeking to help their patients overcome death anxiety. Although in the 1980s Yalom, now 76, provided new insights into the human psyche with his innovative method of existential psychotherapy, this book recycles well-known philosophical insights, but Yalom's humane, calm voice may bring them to a new audience. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

The philosopher Martin Heidegger once remarked that we can live intensely only if we stare death in the face every moment of our lives. Bestselling psychiatrist Yalom (Love's Executioner) attempts to put this principle into practice in a sometimes thoughtful, often repetitious book. Drawing on literature and film, as well as conversations with his patients, Yalom demonstrates how the fear of retirement, concerns about changing jobs or moving to another city, or changes in family status (such as the empty nest) are rooted in our deepest, most inescapable fear: of death. Yet, he says, this anxiety can prompt an awakening to life and help us realize our connections to others and our influence on those around us. Through such experiences we can transcend our sense of “finiteness and transiency” and live in the here and now. In a final chapter, Yalom offers instructions for therapists seeking to help their patients overcome death anxiety. Although in the 1980s Yalom, now 76, provided new insights into the human psyche with his innovative method of “existential psychotherapy,” this book recycles well-known philosophical insights, but Yalom's humane, calm voice may bring them to a new audience. (Feb.) (Publishers Weekly, November 5, 2007)

"Staring at the Sun is neither textbook nor mere self-help. Philosophical it is, but never arid with theory. Its lively chapters are populated with patients whose raw angst Yalom refines into vignettes that are always enlightening and often quite moving." -- Washington Post

"So what to do about the dread of death? ... [Yalom's] key prescriptions are true connections with others, a feeling one has lived well and "rippling" - having positive impacts and memories live on in others after you die. These deceptively obvious goals are, obviously, not easily attained: What thinking and feeling person truly lives a life with no regrets? But they are inarguably worthwhile ones." -- San Francisco Chronicle

haha that guy sounds like me. Man... good to know people share my views. Thank you very much niner for this article.

Edited by mysticpsi, 22 July 2008 - 04:20 AM.

[AdamSummerfield]

I think I know what you mean. I feel "paralyzed" pretty much everyday by the possibility of death. If you die, then it is as if you never existed in the first place and everything you ever had is gone. I feel it usually when I go to bed and lie in complete darkness, sometimes I just feel "Oh it's impossible for me to live forever, at some point, whether 100 years, 100,000 years or a trillion years - I will die, and then, all will be gone." And I just feel terrible, scared of driving, scared of going places, just terrible.

Adam

[VictorBjoerk]

Die in a trillion years,is hat really something to be afraid of? A trillion years is completely beyond our wildest imaginations or ability to think of.
And why do people say that aging is a good thing when they don't like death.

[cyborgdreamer]

Sometimes, but not often enough to be dysfunctional. From my point of view, the problem is death itself, not my feelings about it. When something that horrible is going to happen to me, I just have to cry and rant about it occasionally. If I didn't, I would be repressing my feelings and denying who I am.

Edited by cyborgdreamer, 23 July 2008 - 05:46 AM.

[Cyberbrain]

Part of the fear of death is like that feeling you got when you were little:

-when you finish watching a movie or TV show (or when you finish reading a book) and you want the story to continue

-when the summer or a vacation is over and you just want the fun to continue

-when you have to move away to a different city or country, but you want to stay home

-when a friend moves away or when a relative passes away

Death is an end. An end to life; to existence. At death everything disappears. Death is like an end to a story. But you want the plot to continue. You want to be part of The Never Ending Story.

That is one reason why the fear of death makes me very depressed sometimes. I don't want the story to end; I want it to continue forever.

Edited by Kostas, 23 July 2008 - 07:24 PM.

[Anon Zytose]

Lately, I've come to realize something about eternity: that it's long enough for just about anything and everything to happen. Repeatedly. Infinitely many times. Part of that would involve me changing my mind on whether or not I'd want to keep living, or that Universal heat death or some "bigger fish" would come and kill me off. Because something like that probably has a 100% chance of happening eventually, that means I probably can't live forever. And neither can anyone or anything else. And that even if by some miracle of the universe I would live forever, I wouldn't recognize my infinite future self and my infinite future self wouldn't remember me.

Coming to grips of the thought of an inescapeable mortality has had me really depressed this last week or so. Part of me wants this tragedy done and over with. Another part of me knows it'd cause too much sadness to others and too much pain to me if I went now. And part of me wants to live long enough to be sure if living forever has greater odds than 0%. And of course, most of me does not want me to die. Ever since

As of right now, I feel as if I must come to terms with eventually dying. I also feel as though I should take the advice of the people around me (outside this forum) and live for the moment. However, I have come to realize that I don't know how to live for the moment. I can recognize that I have done so before, but I seem unable to right now. I suppose the main problem is that the thought of some day dying has dominated my mind too much lately. And I don't exactly feel as though I can leave my mark. I imagine that I, the things I do, and the things and people with whom I interact will eventually fade away like stains on a wall (that will itself decay into nothingness).

I suppose I may be asking the wrong people, but I need to find a way to be used to this helplessness that I'm virtually certain will never go away. To reach moments of fun and think that I'm having a fun time instead of think that the fun will end (perhaps for good). To be able to stare death and eternity in the face, ignore them because I'm still alive, and continue about my business (as feeble and temporary as it may be). To perhaps hope that something I do might have a sort of effect on the universe (or at least a part of the universe about as large as me).

[Anon Zytose]

Hey past self (by what, eight hours?) I wish you could hear me, but I guess you'll just have to wait those hours. There's still hope left. With the case of purpose and immortality, we still don't know whether statistics will kill us off or if we'll gear it into some sort of series that converges somewhere other than the 100% hope-is-lost mark. (If only it was already at the 0% mark, but we can hope for a chance, anyway.) Maybe through some speculative super future-tech, we can keep the future universe computer or whatever at either a pleasant infinite loop or with endless potential or something.

I know a lot of what I just said might not make sense with too many here, but oh, well. I find it therapeutic.

[vyntager]

Lately, I've come to realize something about eternity: that it's long enough for just about anything and everything to happen. Repeatedly. Infinitely many times. Part of that would involve me changing my mind on whether or not I'd want to keep living, or that Universal heat death or some "bigger fish" would come and kill me off. Because something like that probably has a 100% chance of happening eventually, that means I probably can't live forever. And neither can anyone or anything else.

I see you solved it; well I personally think that you can't just assume that an infinite span of life means a chance of death converging to 100%.

There are actions you can take, as long as you're alive, that will lower your probability of dying. The question is thus to know, how fast the decrease in death odds, due to those actions, is, compared to how fast the increase is, due to living forever.

If what you can do can lower the risks faster than they can accumulate, then you can reach an escape velocity of sorts, and your odds of dying are not infinite anymore, they become finite; your future odds of dying could even stop growing, and regress to zero the further in the future.

(an (maybe extreme) example would be, if you decided to von neumann yourself and expand at near the speed of light in all directions while keeping researching new science and technology as fast as possible, thus having more and more -and always safer, using more advanced technologies- copies of yourself, lowering your chances of having all of them failing)

And that even if by some miracle of the universe I would live forever, I wouldn't recognize my infinite future self and my infinite future self wouldn't remember me.

"I don't want to become as God, I'd rather want God to become as me."

If I make it I'm sure my future self would be as obligeant as to accommodate any resimulation of his dumb antecessor. I hope I can expect that future self to have that wisdom, and to know how to use it, by then.

Note that in -some- ways I wouldn't even recognize my 10 year younger self, and neither would he me. There are things I think I just couldn't explain to him. Part of it is because I'm not yet good enough at understanding those either myself though.

Coming to grips of the thought of an inescapeable mortality has had me really depressed this last week or so. Part of me wants this tragedy done and over with. Another part of me knows it'd cause too much sadness to others and too much pain to me if I went now. And part of me wants to live long enough to be sure if living forever has greater odds than 0%. And of course, most of me does not want me to die. Ever since

As of right now, I feel as if I must come to terms with eventually dying. I also feel as though I should take the advice of the people around me (outside this forum) and live for the moment. However, I have come to realize that I don't know how to live for the moment. I can recognize that I have done so before, but I seem unable to right now. I suppose the main problem is that the thought of some day dying has dominated my mind too much lately. And I don't exactly feel as though I can leave my mark. I imagine that I, the things I do, and the things and people with whom I interact will eventually fade away like stains on a wall (that will itself decay into nothingness).

I suppose I may be asking the wrong people, but I need to find a way to be used to this helplessness that I'm virtually certain will never go away. To reach moments of fun and think that I'm having a fun time instead of think that the fun will end (perhaps for good). To be able to stare death and eternity in the face, ignore them because I'm still alive, and continue about my business (as feeble and temporary as it may be). To perhaps hope that something I do might have a sort of effect on the universe (or at least a part of the universe about as large as me).

I feel the same sometimes, and I'm pretty sure most people here do too. After all if you're serious about not wanting to die, you can't be blindly optimistic about it. It looks so much easier, so much more pleasant to just be as most other people are, either believing in a comforting lie about our own immortality, or just denying that truth of our mortality, and trying to forget about it all.

For the moment I don't even know what I should do of my life, what would be the best course of action, if I wanted to make a difference, about death and immortality. Most of the time, I think I just can't do that much of a difference, whatever I'd do.

Having to stare death in the eyes in a state of hopelesness is the worst case. Anyone either has hope (religious people have hope, we have hope, for different reasons), or just avoid thinking about their own mortality, and tries to fill the gap, to drown the concern, under as much life, fun, occupations as they can.

I think, but that's me, that it's still better to care, than to forget. It's more honest, but, more importantly, it's the best thing to do, and to act upon, if you love life and want to go on for as long as you wish.

It's not easy to find comfort, be it in beliefs, or in people. It often feels like I know no one with whom I could really talk to, about anything and everything, in particular these concerns about death, but also many other things. I haven't been able to share my own burden, either that my friends, people I feel at ease with, wouldn't care about those same things I do, either that people who would be able to understand aren't close to me, etc. In the end, it seems that we don't completely understand each other, no matter how close we are anyway.

I know a lot of what I just said might not make sense with too many here

Well, even if you're not understood, I'm sure there are people here, and around you, who care, and some who feel the same. I don't know how much of a difference it makes on a practical level, but maybe it can help on a personal level.

[Anon Zytose]

Well, either way, I've decided yesterday that I will do whatever it takes to not only live forever but also use whatever future technology I need to look into the past at everything I ever was and every experience I've ever had and everyone I've ever met and everything I've ever liked. I will take these memories and events so as to remember and cherish them forever. It'll most likely include endless simulations of them, as well. Even if I forget these goals and die, I must come back in some form or another if it means waiting a googolplex years until one of my forms regains this desire, tries again, and succeeds. In any case, if I get that project off the ground sooner (as in this lifetime), it might be slightly easier for me to record everything because there would be slightly less for me to record.

[AdamSummerfield]

Well as far as I can see I will always try to escape death and in trying to accept it, only become more fearful of it. I think I may speak for the majority here at ImmInst that we will fight as hard as possible, never accepting death, until those final few moments in which we feel nothing but despair, intermingled with some gratitude.

Edited by AdamSummerfield, 06 August 2008 - 01:33 AM.

[Cody]

I voted yes. I have experienced a fear of death. Surprisingly enough though, I don't really have it much as I should. I do my fair share of stupid things, too. I've accidentally detonated bombs in my house, provoked crazy rednecks and made them want to kill me (They chased me on atvs), almost got in really bad wrecks on atvs a few times, and I've fallen from some pretty high places. The only time I really feel it is when I do something incredibly stupid. So yes, I do get that feeling. Life is a great thing, man.

It's horrible when people lose their lives way before they had to. Some people just have a big curiosity and that can sometimes lead to bad things, I guess.

[Cody]

Curiosity killed the cat.

[Nova]

The healthy person does not think of fear before death. Conduct a healthy way of life.

The fear - is a hormone adrenaline appearing because of shortage of oxygen.