Currently, I am at the point where I have been pushed as far as I can go without completely losing it. It's a pretty complicated situation that I will simplify as much as possible. It all started when I first started antidepressants, I was on just about every one. Somewhere within the treatment regimine the condition I was experiencing was being convoluted with the drastic side effects of the medication. It took me a while to figure out that it was the medication that was making me slow, anhedonic, emotionless, foggy, etc , etc. I went off them for an extended period only to realize that apparently these effects were permanent, oh and you also have permanent sexual dysfunction to go along with it, all caused by the ssri's. If you want more information about this just check out one of the many message boards dedicated to paxil withdrawal and the permanent hell that goes with it.
So in knowing this I started to experiment with nootropics with tremendous success. My mood still felt like shit, but I was able to go out and appear relatively normal unlike before where I couldn't even string a sentence together because of how the drugs fried my brain.
One particular thing that is important to note is that after ssri's, it seems all my nuerotransmitters were hyper-sensitive to medication. The adderall I took for so long I couldn't stand anymore, caffiene had an odd effect where it would make me foggy. (you'll see why this is relevant later)
So amid having pretty good success combating cognitive problems I wasn't having much success in restoring my sexuality. In trying to do so I started taking fish oil. At this time I was taking a break from all nootropics and was just consuming fish oil and 5htp.
Now, at some point after starting the fish oil, I became extremely anhedonic. My already dulled emotions were even worse, I no longer experienced anxiety, happiness, depression, it was a very uncomfortable state of flatness. It took me a while to figure out it was the fish oil but now I now without a doubt that it was. Also during the course I began experiencing muscle spasms all over my body.
I knew something was really fucked up when I learned that I no longer responded to any medications or drugs. I first noticed this when I came home for spring bring and began drinking with my friends. (after not having had a drink since school started) I felt something was arry when I had finished a pint of jim beam in the span of a few hours and I was only somewhat drunk. There is no way I could have withstood that before. Then I noticed my adderall prescription suddenly stopped working. My effect to caffeine was non-existent. Any effect from any drug would present itself in the following way. I would start to feel it peak in about 15-20 minutes and right when I was somewhat beginning to feel it, the effect would just disapear. Omega 3, while clearly beneficial altered something in my already disrupted mind. I have been off it for about 2 weeks and the crippling anhedonia and lack of med response still exist. I believe that I read that omega 3 can make neurotransmitters more sensitive I'm not sure if it made my already sensitive receptors burn out or what.
Upon doing really thorough research I found that I am not the only one who had this reaction. This person also had the same reaction, he also started out on paxil and he too does not respond to any drugs/medications anymore after starting fish oil. His unique account is posted here. http://essenceofmybrain.blogspot.com.
Right now I feel very numb emotionally and do not feel much joy from anything, I don't even feel anxiety anymore, absolutely nothing. The scariest part is that if my brain continues in it's current state I won't respond to any treatment either. I know something is wrong with the whole network of neurotransmitters in my brain, they just don't respond to anymore with or without medication.. I honestly don't think I would have had this reaction if it weren't for the antiddepressant gauntlent I put my mind through. Well that's about it, any insights would be welcome.
Edited by Lost Soul, 25 March 2009 - 06:10 AM.
