I originally started recording my experiences with the -racetams about a month ago to objectively determine their effectiveness for me. It seems very little is known of the differences between responders and non-responders, and that fact is only worsened by alleged non-responders stopping abruptly after not noticing any immediate change. Therefore I assumed the worst - that I would also not notice a self-perceivable change - and added nightly Lumosity testing to the data. Unfortunately not noticing a change was the least of my worries.
The plan was as follows:
- 1 Week Lumosity prior to any new 'drugs' to establish baseline
- 1 Week Piracetam
- 1 Week +Aniracetam
- 1 Week ++Oxiracetam
- Removal of each drug (weekly again) until I was once again taking no supplements - to establish whether or not these drugs have had an impact on my Lumosity ability rather than simply practice, to find any withdrawl symptoms some have said they experienced, and to help determine if verbal fluidity/etc in real life situations suffers -in comparison- as others have noted.
That may have been the plan, but how it actually played out was unexpected. The first week of no-drug testing didn't happen. As usual, I had absolutely no motivation to do anything, so that is no surprise. I spent my time looking for reasons why I didn't have to do the first week and settled on the final week would show if the drugs had any improvement. Furthermore I could determine the drugs' specific effect excluding practice when I restarted them later. Yes, later is better, because I don't have to do it right now. (Oh, what price would I put on synthetic motivation.) But what was unexpected? Before the end of Week 3 (Oxi-) I had to stop everything because I could not function AT ALL.
-- Everyone has different preferences, personally I prefer detail almost excessively and tend to go on and on. Sorry to those of you who don't, but I made you a nice condensed version of everything below here at the end of the post.
Everything these drugs were reported to increase (or not affect for some) had done the complete opposite. Memory was worse than when I started - at the time I stopped, I couldn't even remember what I was doing while I was doing it. That was at first annoying, then scary. Instinct was generally unaffected, if I did something like walking to my house I would arrive there, albeit not knowing why I went home without first going through all the reasons I would have gone home. Prior to this state, questioning me as to why I was going to the store for instance would elicit the response "to buy <insert>". But at this point in time, one would be more likely to hear "...Shit." If I questioned why I was 'just doing' something at any given time, then problems would arise because I didn't know. I was even less motivated than usual which caused me to be late for work for a good week straight - didn't matter how early I forced myself out of bed. Apathy has been an issue for me for the past few years but during this time I really couldn't care less about anything. Failing in one way or another was funny in an unfeeling way (if you understand what I mean by that) - very destructive. Energy was non-existant and I became extremely tired after very little mental exertion. I wasn't even able to complete the Lumosity games because I would get stuck in some horrible axiety loop. Consider one game, Raindrops, in which you must solve arithmetic equations (inside raindrops) within a time limit (before they hit they ground). I could do a few equations (maybe 20-30?) before I would start a sharp decline in processing, where I would take a long time to solve one equation which led to anxiety about failing which led to worse processing which led to worse anxiety which cycled until I reached a point where I didn't give a shit about failing and just watched the raindrops hit the ground. Watched my score be terrible. And didn't care in the slightest. Then I would go to sleep. Repeat.
These experiences were not entirely negative to begin with. In the first few days (pi-), I seemed to feel better. I was more motivated and at one point I actually got a very large amount of work done that normally would've taken me days in the period of a couple hours. Before the second week (ani-) those stimulant effects faded, and adding ani- to the mix provided different feelings, the most noticable of which were greatly reduced anxiety, a feeling of the world slowing down, and a change in distance perception. Everything seemed farther away, not in a bad way like people use to describe the feeling of a place being unreachably far, but more along the lines of there being more room to perceive the world. In comparison, it felt like I was walking for multiple hours between my business and my home, but in fact it was 15 minutes just like always. My body seemed physically slow, as did other people / animals / vehicles. That faded very quickly, by Week2 Day2 I'd say. Week 3, I added oxi- to the mix and experienced nothing. That was the beginning of the end to my enjoyment of these substances.
For better or for worse, the action of these drugs is related to the problems I have and the solutions I'm searching for. I've had many issues for a long time, and the -racetams originally alleviated them slightly (but I cannot rule out placebo) before making everything much, much worse. I am not looking to these drugs as the savior of my life, where a -racetam a day keeps my mind at bay. I look to them for assistance in discovering what the underlying cause is. If they help me like they help some of you then by all means I accept. But all I really want is to be normal again.
Now, here is where we can all benefit. By compiling knowledge about how the -racetams (among other things?) work, we can hopefully determine why some of us respond positively, while some don't respond at all, and others like myself have severely negative effects. Sure our brains are different (and with that the problems we face), but the drug is not. There are posts everywhere of people claiming these are miracle drugs, and others denouncing them as trolls and vice-versa. Rarely do I see an actually informative post, one that goes beyond "INCREDIBLE" and actually contains information related to the person taking the drug. Personally I don't care if someone 2000 miles away knows AngstMuffin's chemical secrets. So let's try to make a thread without all that bullshit. None of that "maybe it just doesn't work for you leave it alone" - why doesn't it work? Do you know anything beyond "just not for you"? By all means I'm comfortable knowing some things aren't meant to be part of me, just as much as taking medication to lower my BP would be a bad idea and having breasts would result in awkward social situations. But I'm not comfortable not knowing why. I'm not a subscriber to the "there is no reason it's God's will the pills don't work" philosophy. With all that said, I'd love some help diagnosing my reaction.
Unfortunately, my doctor has fallen into the typical trap of North American behavior. Pills to treat symptoms, nothing to treat the cause. I booked an appointment with him so I could ask for one simple thing: I want some tests done. To test everything they can, within reason as I know healthcare is strained here. Specifically I wanted adrenal hormones, cholesterol, minerals, and heavy metals tested. I didn't want to just jump to self-medication for something I may or may not have, as self-diagnosis is generally frowned upon and I knew for a fact he would simply refuse to test me for something I thought I had. Instead, he refused to test me for anything. I was rather surprised. He said take vitamins and have less stress. Well sure, I had planned on taking vitamins due to terrible diet, AFTER the blood test. Have less stress. Hahaha. I thought he was being funny, but he didn't laugh. I explained to him how I couldn't just make that happen. If I could, don't you think I would do that on my own? So he suggested antidepressants to improve quality of life short-term. I was unwilling to take such medications as they do have long-term effects, not to mention side-effects like everything. If I wanted to feel great short-term I'd just buy some MDMA. It's cheaper and much more fun. Who cares about side-effects right? Prescribe me some MDMA so healthcare will cover it. He didn't see the irony, he didn't laugh, he just said that's not a good idea. How boring. If you're going to be terrible at your job, at least have some fun with it. So I eventually walked away after convincing him to test for B12. That's all. Waste of time, waste of blood, but whatever it's something. I'm very sceptical of those expensive mail order tests, so let's just say my ability to test my actual blood is lacking. That leaves self/peer diagnosis and "safe" testing to prove or disprove strong theories. My finances are mostly lacking so I can't spend hundreds of dollars trying everything. The following is a summary of my symptoms, lifestyle and physical attributes, and medical history.
--Regular Symptoms:
-Always tired / No energy. If I could stay in bed all day, I surely would. Assuming I'm not extremely sleep deprived, though, I tend to be more active at night (10pm+), which leads to less sleep, so that's rare these days.
-Usually difficult to go to sleep at night, horribly tired in the morning. I do not feel "rested". I am more productive the next day if I don't even go to sleep (unless I did that the previous night and am now 40+ hours sleep deprived of course). Going to sleep is not a problem if I am very sleep deprived. I do not (remember) waking up throughout the night, or when I do I immediately go back to sleep (rollover, asleep again).
-Severe lack of motivation. I can force myself to complete projects upon starting them, but starting them is a problem. Always has been, but this is increasing over the years.
-I do not feel hungry or get cravings. I do have other 'cravings', like I'd love to load up an FPS game such as MW2 and listen to 12 yr olds whine about how I just killed them and how it wasn't fair and how they should've won and how they didn't actually lose it was lag and and and. But I really couldn't care less about eating. The longest I've gone without food is 78 hours, just short of the longest time I've gone without sleep (80 hours). I wanted to see how long it'd take before I felt hungry and how long I could actually stay awake (back in grade 12 or so). I never did feel hungry, but I was worried I might sleep for an entire day to catch up. I certainly wouldn't be eating during that time, leading to potentially serious health risks. I used to eat because I was forced to (parents), now I eat for my health or out of habit, same reason as I was taking the -racetams. This isn't anything I have a desire to "fix", I prefer it this way after watching so many people unable to control their urge to eat. But It may relate to other issues I have, so here it is as a symptom.
-Related to above, I do not gain weight or lose weight beyond 5lbs or so. I passed it off as a fast metabolism, but again, here it is as a symptom. In grade 7 I was 100 lbs, grade 8 105 lbs, grade 9 110lbs, grade 10 115 lbs, grade 11 120lbs, grade 12 125lbs. Haven't changed much since then, still ~125. I always thought it was funny how I increased by pretty much 5 lbs exactly every year. It doesn't matter what I eat, or how much or how little. I used to play around with my weight a lot in junior high school (grades 7-9), I'd stop eating for 3 days (the dog enjoyed that) and lose 5 lbs, eat everything and gain 5 lbs. That entertained me and I think I tried to keep my weight within the +5lbs per year mark for a while.
-I don't really experience emotion or care much about most things emotionally. I care about things in a logical manner if at all. For example, a year or so back my dad called me at work and said the house is on fire. I asked him the specifics and if it looked like the house was done for, if everyone got out including pets and if he got valuables out and whatnot. He sounded like he was crying on the phone, so I figured the house would be gone by the time I got home. He said he was sorry he couldn't get my computer out in time, I told him that was fine and he shouldn't expose himself to physical harm. I was disappointed at the turn of events because I had spent basically my life's savings on a 1600p monitor just before the fire. Too bad. My boss told me to go home right away after I let him know, but I declined because there was no point as the fire department would not let me go inside obviously. He gave me some weird look like I was insane or something, and I just carried on working. Didn't really care about it to be honest, just planned out the next day's events in my head as per usual. Now, in one way this is good, I can handle 'stressful' situations with ease. But I'd love to be able to experience happiness like I could before. I'd like a reason to live, because logic doesn't provide that for me in an overpopulated world that I can do little to change.
--Physical Attributes
Male
21 years
5'8"
125lbs
Average Fitness? Exercise rarely, more suited to endurance running than sprinting, walk outside 30+ minutes to/from job every working day (every day), average 25 pushups / 100 situps before fatigue temporarily prevents further use (when not exercising for 1month+).
--Medical History:
Multiple ear infections throughout life
Scarlet Fever at ~5 yrs
Strep Throat easily twice per year every year
Sick during summer -> Strep -> Didn't care so I kept playing N64 games for a week -> severe strep and impaired thought processes -> Skin peeling and other wonderful things -> Kawasaki Disease diagnosed at age 12. Received IVIG as treatment. It took them 9 tries to find a vein, everything had collapsed and as soon as they'd get one that wasn't it too would collapse and "move" in the words of the nurse. I remember the pain of that very well, I must've been hypersensitive to touch or something as I was sure I'd rather die than have them stick me with another needle. Worst pain of my life by far. I was treated overnight and the next day I was fine. Have not had any illnesses apart from a regular flu every 2-3 years since. They are quick to resolve themselves so I'm rarely sick, so far. It's been 5 years since I've seen a doctor, apart from yesterday to try to get a blood test.
--Lifestyle:
-Work 16 hrs 7 days/week.
-Terrible diet - KFC and Coke. Cannot change due to financial restrictions (I get those for free =D). Now supplementing with vitamins.
-No desire for social interaction yet no adversion to it either. That usually results in me being sedentary during the winter and active during the summer. No observed changes mentally between the seasons.
--Environment:
-High quality air and water, next to zero pollution (comparatively). City water supply is chlorinated and fluorinated.
--- Condensed Version:
--Symptoms:
-Always tired, no energy.
-Exteremely tired in the morning.
-Severe lack of motivation.
-Lack of emotion.
-Do not experience hunger. (Not a problem)
-Mostly do not gain or lose weight. (Not a problem)
--Racetams w/ and w/o choline made me slightly better followed by much worse in memory/cognitive function/brain fog/motivation/happiness.
--Physical Attributes:
Male / 21 years
5'8"
125lbs
Average Fitness
--Lifestyle:
-Work 16 hrs 7 days/week. (Cannot change)
-Terrible diet - KFC and Coke. Now supplementing with vitamins. (Cannot change diet, can change vitamins)
-Sedentary winter / active summer.
--Environment:
-High quality air and water, next to zero pollution (comparatively). City water supply is chlorinated and fluorinated.
-Location: BC, Canada.
--Medical History:
-Multiple ear infections throughout life
-Scarlet Fever at ~5 yrs
-Strep Throat easily twice per year every year
-Kawasaki Disease diagnosed at age 12. Received IVIG as treatment.
-Have not had any illnesses apart from a regular flu every 2-3 years since.
Fix me.
-- For those interested in my Lumosity scores, I began with 712 Overall, sharp increase to ~1000 in 2 days, 1124 before starting ani-. 1346 on day 2 of pi- + ani-. Peak of 1442 on day 4 of pi- + ani-. Then a sharp decline to ~600. Haven't retested since I've become more lucid, I'll do that in a few days.
