41 replies to this topic

[Logan]

I've been in a similar state for many years, though no OCD or self-esteem issues, quite the opposite. I agree that women & social life in general is a pathetic waste of time. But, something has to take its place. One word: work. Once you get busy with important stuff (& that takes some conditioning), you won't have worry about libido.

I don't think the OP believes women and social life are a complete waste of time. I'm not sure if you read his posts carefully enough.

So you love yourself so much that you don't need a social life or women? Lucky you.

Getting lost in work can be a way of managing deep seated subconscious emotional issues. Denial is a powerful thing.

[nowayout]

I have been diagnosed with OCD very recently. I can't deny having no self-esteem issues, quite the opposite in fact, but I am certain that they are contributing to but not the root of the problem.I can't believe I have to stress this out but I really have no problem with masturbation. I love it and so does my right hand . But I have grown so entirely and positively certain that it will be the closest thing to a sexual (and sensual) experience I will ever come to in my life that thinking about it really depresses me. Which is why I am seeking these anti-libido substances.[/size]

You are very young, and like many very young people you are exaggerating and overdramatizing your issues just a little bit. This is temporary. Things will get better. In the meantime, don't do something you'll later regret. Most drugs that depress libido have the potential of long-term deleterious side effects to your physical and mental health. On the other hand, if you really want to let yourself in for a potentially living nightmare, then yes, start taking libido-suppressing drugs.

As you get a little older, you'll start to see that lots of women go crazy for somewhat bookish guys as you appear to be. So do a lot of guys if you should find out that that is what interests you, and that's fine too.

[sebr.porte]

You have to be the one to show interest in a girl first unfortunately. A girl will never know if you are charming or interesting unless you make the first move.

Are you in college? If so, is it really that hard to meet other girls?

Do you have a network of friends? Men and Women?

I think I'm beginning to understand your problem much better. I'm sorry man, it is not a good place to be in. I can't help but believe that self esteem is at the root of why you have problems with women. Since you do not think self esteem is at the root, what do you think is? Is it something that was lacking in your relationship with your mother and father? This would be a reason for your low self esteem. Do you think you are unattractive? Do you think you have an uninteresting personality?

Therapy is the only thing that can really help you, especially psychodynamic group therapy. Finding a good group of friends would help too, but you may need therapy to help you get to a place where you can better make the right friends. Even if you have been therapy for several years, you may still need more time there. You also may not have been with the right therapist or you may not have been focusing on and working on the right things. Stick with therapy bro. You seem like a very bright guy, you will make therapy work if you put your mind to it.

And therein lies my problem. I can't help but be abhorrent to the idea of (i'm going to use the term; "sucking up") to someone who would otherwise prefer to be ignorant of my existence. I know the evolutionary reasons for this behavioral phenomena, but i'm living in the 21st century.

I have a very limited network of friends, both men and women. I can't handle social situations, try as I might any given social situation feels alien to me, i can't make emotional connections. I should point out that I have also been diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD. paying attention is very hard for me and I can't contemplate without moving around, which is why I bought a whiteboard to do my studies. Sitting down and interacting with people feels very uncomfortable.

I wouldn't say self-esteem is at the root, but it would help me if I had more of it. But when it comes to "starting something" with a girl I feel I have to take the whole load (no pun intended). I've tried to hook up several times and each time was just as awkward as the next. I felt as if I was expected to do all the talking while they sat there texting. It was then I swore i won't reduce myself to such a position for a relationship.

My mother and father separated when I was 8, quite happy about that actually, they were 2 very different people. No I don't think I am unattractive, I'm quite satisfied with me physically actually. Not that I am a very cosmetic person. I do think that I have an uninteresting personality to other people, I'm mostly quiet and my only interests are 1 online game, travelling and everything science. As I said I've tried to be in social situations before and I couldn't care less about the conversation topic, the lingo, the slang, it's all very alien to me. But I like my limited interests.

Thanks for the encouragement bro

Edited by sebr.porte, 24 November 2010 - 08:39 PM.

[sebr.porte]

I've been in a similar state for many years, though no OCD or self-esteem issues, quite the opposite. I agree that women & social life in general is a pathetic waste of time. But, something has to take its place. One word: work. Once you get busy with important stuff (& that takes some conditioning), you won't have worry about libido.

I agree that both sexual attraction and deep social interaction are unproductive but sadly we need them not only to function well in society by also for our mental and physical health. I wish it could be otherwise. I made the mistake a few years ago of moving out of my dad's place as me and him don't click well at all. The result? I had to drop out of high school to work solely to pay the bills and rent. I recently moved back in with my dad and am currently working in his restaurant to save some cash. I plan on returning to school eventually.

[Nootropic Cat]

Not that I can speak for others, but I don't really understand the problem here. I've had a very fulfilling sex life in the past but have been celibate for the last 3 years or so. Basically for me it's full-on relationship or nothing, and I'm not really prepared to make the time commitment to a relationship at this time. Celibacy has never been any kind of a problem. Maybe I ought to have reread the OP, but remind me why being single and having a libido is causing you trouble?

[Logan]

I have been diagnosed with OCD very recently. I can't deny having no self-esteem issues, quite the opposite in fact, but I am certain that they are contributing to but not the root of the problem.I can't believe I have to stress this out but I really have no problem with masturbation. I love it and so does my right hand . But I have grown so entirely and positively certain that it will be the closest thing to a sexual (and sensual) experience I will ever come to in my life that thinking about it really depresses me. Which is why I am seeking these anti-libido substances.[/size]

You are very young, and like many very young people you are exaggerating and overdramatizing your issues just a little bit. This is temporary. Things will get better. In the meantime, don't do something you'll later regret. Most drugs that depress libido have the potential of long-term deleterious side effects to your physical and mental health. On the other hand, if you really want to let yourself in for a potentially living nightmare, then yes, start taking libido-suppressing drugs.

As you get a little older, you'll start to see that lots of women go crazy for somewhat bookish guys as you appear to be. So do a lot of guys if you should find out that that is what interests you, and that's fine too.

This is good insight and advice.

[Logan]

There are girls out there for you, you just have not found them yet. There are plenty of more introverted, highly intelligent, and scientifically minded women out there, believe me. I'm sure you have met some, so, what did you think about them? Have you ever been friends with a girl that is a lot like you?

I have to disagree with you and bkaz thinking sex and a social life is unproductive. Having a balance between hard work and pleasurable social interaction is what keeps many bright innovative people going by breaking up the monotony. I truly believe, if it were not for our social nature, we would not have progressed in many areas the way we have, including science.

I think you two will realize at one point how valuable sex, intimacy, and social interaction are to the richness of life. Maybe part of the problem is that neither of you have ever experienced the pleasure of sex and social interaction and balanced them out with other interests at the same time.

Sebr.porte, do you think it is possible that you really have anxiety and depression and they are at the root of your symptoms of ADHD? Could it be that ADHD is secondary and has become a problem because of underlying anxiety and depression that result from interruptions/inadequacies in your development during childhood? What do you think about continuing on with a good therapist and the potential therapy has to help you? Would you be o.k. with the group setting? If not, do you think challenging yourself to try group therapy would be a good thing? Sometimes, if we don't continue to challenge ourselves, we cannot grow.

One thing I would try to do is to move away from looking at the human race, our evolution, and our current state in such an animalistic manner. I realize it may be too late for that. I also realize you can't help it given your scientific mind. Still, I do not believe thinking this way all the time is going to help you. We are human and we are very different than animals. While I do not believe we have spirits, we sure as hell have come as close to appearing that we are fulled with spirit as we can. I feel like there are beautiful sides of human life that you are having a hard time appreciating. Sorry if I'm wrong.

I know you are glad that your parents divorced as they were not good for each other. I feel the same way about my parents. Still, I realized through therapy that the divorce had a fairly significant negative impact on me and my emotional development. My mother not being able to connect consistently emotionally also had an impact. There are many things that took place in childhood that may have shaped who we have become in ways that are not healthy for us. It would be worthwhile exploring some possibilities including your parents divorce in therapy. Even if a divorce is amicable, it still leaves a negative impact on the children involved. I know going to therapy and dealing with this shit sounds like a huge pain in the ass and it's the last thing you want to do right now in your life, but believe me, if you take the necessary time and do the work, you will be so much better off in the long run. Otherwise, you may find yourself fifteen years from now like me wishing you were not so stubborn and continued on with a good therapist.

Edited by morganator, 24 November 2010 - 10:27 PM.

[sebr.porte]

Dude, there are girls out there for you, you just have not found them yet. There are plenty of more introverted, highly intelligent, and scientifically minded women out there, believe me. I'm sure you have met some, so, what did you think about them? Have you ever been friends with a girl that is a lot like you?

I have to disagree with you guys thinking sex and a social life is unproductive. Having a balance between hard work and pleasurable social interaction is what keeps many bright innovative people going by breaking up the monotony. I truly believe, if it were not for our social nature, we would not have progressed in many areas the way we have, including science.

I think you two will realize at one point how valuable sex, intimacy, and social interaction are to the richness of life. Maybe part of the problem is that neither of you have ever experienced the pleasure of sex and social interaction and balanced them out with other interests at the same time.

Sebr.porte, do you think it is possible that you really have anxiety and depression and they are at the root of your symptoms of ADHD? Could it be that ADHD is secondary and has become a problem because of underlying anxiety and depression that result from interruptions/inadequacies in your development during childhood? What do you think about continuing on with a good therapist and the potential therapy has to help you? Would you be o.k. with the group setting? If not, do you think challenging yourself to try group therapy would be a good thing? Sometimes, if we don't continue to challenge ourselves, we cannot grow.

No I've never met a girl like that. I'm sure there is but I'd still have to lower myself to start something with them. I know they won't talk to me if I don't talk to them first. So why should I be any different?

I think you misunderstood me. I understand the importance of social interaction within humanity. I just can't handle it. It feels strange and uncomfortable. And so far very uninteresting.

I'm not really sure about that last bit. All I know is that i'm extremely alienated when dealing with any form of social interactions. I find myself using expectations rather than real emotion. Fake laughs, fake astonishment, fake eye-brow movements and forced gestures i'm not sure are appropriate at the time.

It's like a human using gestures and howls to interact with chimps. It might get you somewhere, but you're probably being a very awkward chimp.

As for women. I said it already. Generally, women that take a first-glance liking in you, will probably not lift a finger to initiate a conversation, let alone direct you towards going out for a coffee. At best they might present some vaguely suggestive body language-based indication that they might be remotely interested and somehow expect you to act upon it, even given the male's lesser social processing ability. It is still expected that the male does all the work. This is what I have, so far, known, heard and experienced. If it is a different case elsewhere then i don't know.
--------

I can't see where you got the idea that I look at humans animalisticly. I just acknowledge that we are still driven by many animalistic behaviors. Such as the female's need for a dominative male. A male that makes the rules and the conditions strongly and with confidence. I'm a scientist at mind. I make decisions with a logical underpinning and certainly not with an unshakable confidence.

Shyness is not something that should effect a person's ability to "score", "get laid" or get a nice relationship going. Two people going out to a romantic dinner and a penis in a vagina is two people going out to a romantic dinner and a penis in a vagina, no matter if the male side is shy. That would be the case, but it's not. And it stems from evolution. A female back in the day wanted a dominant male. I am not such a male. And I don't want to be.

Edited by sebr.porte, 24 November 2010 - 10:55 PM.

[Logan]

Well there are plenty of woman out there do not need a dominant male in ways that you do not match up to. You're very young, given some time and experience, I'm sure you will see what I'm talking about. You have to try to do what you can to be able to relax and get into more of a comfort zone in certain social situations. I think you can achieve this through therapy and medication.

Why would you have to "lower" yourself even if you met a girl more like you. What exactly do you mean by "lower"? If a woman is a lot like you, you guys will be on the same level, you will have much in common, there should not be any "lowering" taking place. Do you mean being a gentlemen and asking a girl out? Calling a girl first? Opening up a door for a girl? Do you find these things demeaning to yourself? If all this is true, you need to get over it bro. Besides, a girl with your mentality that sees things as you do, may not expect those things from you. Believe me, there are all kinds of women out there, you just need some more time and experience to figure that out.

There is hope. I think you should hang in there and focus on changing some things that may have a healthier impact on your state of being.

[tham]

Try a short course of cyproterone,
say 50 mg alternate days for three weeks.

Otherwise, LHRH or GnRH agonists.

http://www.ncbi.nlm....st_uids=7864578

http://www.ncbi.nlm....st_uids=1423159

[nowayout]

Try a short course of cyproterone,
say 50 mg alternate days for three weeks.

Otherwise, LHRH or GnRH agonists.

http://www.ncbi.nlm....st_uids=7864578

http://www.ncbi.nlm....st_uids=1423159

These are very dangerous. They shut down testosterone (and consequently also estrogen) production. In males lack of testosterone (and estrogen) usually causes severe depression (which would be like throwing gasoline on the fire of his already existing depression), severe tiredness, malaise, lack of concentration, brain fog, and causes loss of bone density, joint pain, and deterioration of blood lipid profile, to mention just a few side effects of what you are proposing. Depending on the patient and the drug, the shutdown may be long-term and difficult to reverse.

I wish people would think before they so irresponsibly start recommending drugs online to vulnerable people.

Edited by viveutvivas, 25 November 2010 - 08:10 PM.

[carlcrott]

to remove or deplete a person's need for sex. Libido, or "hornyness" if you will. And what consequences/side-effects would an effective treatment carry?

Id say that theres ALOT of libido that has to do with what you focus on, as well as what you expose yourself to.

I've noticed a few things w myself:
1. when i see HOT girls im always in a better mood
2. i had a background of this INCREDIBLY gorgeous girl as my phone background ... and w as often as i look @ my phone i was absolutely inundated with it... for a bout a week i was unquenchable
3. FOCUS based ... simply put being cognizant of the "im horny => go to porno page" process will allow you to interrupt it... which after practice will restructure that habit
4. EXCERCISE and DIET ... if you want to be less horny .. eat less... im pretty sure its a well documented thing that when your body goes into survival mode... IE in a CR'ed state... your libido drops
5. i was actually tossing around the idea of experimenting with something like this

setup a cyclical process for controlling hormonal urges / sex drive...

id like to work more often .. and hormones sometimes get in the way ...

but there are also times when i want to have a good time .. talk to girls flirt etc ... and obviously LIBIDO plays a big part in how fun this process is


so the idea was ... what can i do to myself to kind of fluctuate between these " hunker down and work " periods vrs "playtime"

and i dont party as much as kids around here .. but i absolutely like to let loose .. so say once a month prime myself up ... increase caloric intake... aerobic/anerobic excercise / throw some cute girlies up on the wall ... and crack open the porno websites and flood my perceptions with attractive women to get myself in the kind of go out and be flirty mindset

PS! i think its of benefit to include the fact that i fancied myself as a bit of a pickup artist ... so thats a HUGE influence on whats stated above...

lastly:

THIS DUDE:
http://www.fastseduc...5000&tw=u=2782p

ijjjji is one of the better-informed and more gung-ho pickup artists i know ... he writes ALOT about diet excercise and its influence on libido ...

so perhaps take what he says and ...

do the opposite!

hope this helps

Oh and might i ask WHY lower your libido? focus?