(Brace yourself for a long post)
I've always been an anxious person since I was young. I'm currently 23 years old. When I was younger, maybe in the 4-5th grad I had some OCD like symptoms, such as doing things a certain number of times. The doctor diagnosed it as anxiety with some OCD characteristics if I remember correctly. These never completely went away as I still find myself doing some of these things without realizing it occasionally but for the most part they're gone. Fast forward to college and I'm beginning to experience anxiousness at random time of the day but mostly a night. I'm going to include my drug use (which I'm not particularly proud of) but could possibly help understand some of what's off with my brain chemistry.
After freshman year I stopped drinking excessively, alcohol always seems to ruin my quality of sleep. However, one particular night when droke, I smoked nearly half a pack of cigarettes and inhaled most of a cigar, which is idiotic I know. Well needless to say I became incredibly ill. For the next week or so I experienced dizziness, waking up in cold sweats with my heart racing, and general anxiety. I called my doctor over the phone and since he could not prescribe anything without seeing me, recommended I take Zyrtec (anti-histamine) to help with sleep. Looking back now I had probably given myself nicotine poisoning to some extent. I smoke the refer a few times senior year but was never really a fan. The single time I ever had an extreme panic attack, to the point where I felt I needed to go to the hospital, was from consuming a brownie which contained marajuana. I was never so sure I was dieing until I remembered that no one has ever died from it. Luckily by this point I had been given .5mg of clonazepam in case of such an emergency and it helped greatly. Rounding out my hijinks during my senior year's festivities I tried MDMA for the first (and last) time. It felt as if everything was right in the world for the first 8 hours or so. The next week was like a rollercoaster ride, I would go from feeling excellent, as if the sun itself was embracing me, to breaking down into a jittery mess. To this day this confuses me since if I depleted my seratonin, then why did I sometimes feel so good in between.
So now more than a year later I still have anxiety almost on a daily basis and have tried a number of things to help. Most recently (the past two weeks) I have been experiencing panic attacks at around the same time 6:30 to 8:30 PM. The only thing I have that will help is .5 mg of Clonazepam and I still feel some of the jitteriness in the background. my quality of sleep is also poor. The following is a list of things I've tried to help alleviate my anxiety and their effectiveness:
1st MDAI (the worst idea I've ever had) - for those of you who dont know, this is a research chemical considered a seratonin releasing chemical. This I tried last month what I was becoming desperate and was very stupid on my part. I took a small dose to test for allergies (12mg). I felt relaxed for about 5 hours and then was struck with horrible anxiety and agitation.
Clonazepam - provides releif for roughly 8 hours but I still feel some background anxiousness
Phenibut - potentiates the anxiolytic effect of the klonopin, helps me relax
Kava Kava - odd combination of stimulating and relaxing, have not done very much
L-Theanine - the effects seemed to be mostly placebo except that it seemed to keep me up later at night
Lemon Balm - Nothing
Magnesium - Other than keeping me "regular" I saw no benefits
Oxiracetam - actually seems to lift some brain fog that I experience with anxiety and "cleans" my head if that makes sense, unfortunately it is also somewhat stimulating
Lexapro/Escitalopram 5mg - worked the first day (no panic attack) I felt happy and "loved up" if you will, however there was a constant background stimulation. It was like a need to constantly move. The second day I became more and more agitated and by the third day I was having anxiety and the nightly panic attacks returned.
Prozac Fluoxetine - 20mg - see above, nearly exactly the same, I was willing to give this one a chance because of the antogonism of 5ht-2c, but that clearly didn't work
Cymbalta - 30mg - see above
My guess would be SSRIs are not the solution. They literally become unbarable by the third day, making it nearly impossible to do my job. Maybe my issue is too much seratonin in the wrong places?
I always believed that a lack of seratonin was my problem but am no longer sure. Maybe the solution isn't to inhibit SERT but to use a Selective Seratonin Reuptake Enhancer? I do not want to become addicted to benzodiazepenes but I am become desperate at this point. Could dopamine be the issue? I'm literally considering trying something along the lines of 4-HO-MIPT since I have read psilocin can cure depression and anxiety.
Realistically I'd like to give more legitimate options a try first. Any suggestions?
I have been looking at Buspar/Buspirone as one possibility.
Edited by LazarusMan, 01 June 2012 - 02:31 PM.