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[nowayout]

I recently started going out again to try to meet people. I had been in a relationship for 10 years and didn't date for the two years after that, so I haven't been in the singles scene for 12 years. I have good friends but am very lonely in a romantic sense, and really feel the need to start dating.

However, I find it extremely difficult to meet people in, say, a bar or a club. It seems as if everyone just talks with their friends and never separate from their little group. I don't know if this is a New England or anglo thing; the only place where I have been able to meet anybody when going out on my own in the past six months has been in Mexico.

Here when I go out on my own, I have a drink or two all alone in the crowd, and come home feeling so profoundly lonely that I end up abusing prescription drugs just to make the pain stop. What is the trick to get people to talk to you in anglo culture? I am not bad-looking - in fact I am probably somewhat above average - so I don't think it can be that I repulse people, although these kinds of experiences are really starting to sap my feeling of self-worth. I am certainly shy, but I can have a good conversation once it gets started. I am not sure the problem is my shyness, but someone suggested beta blockers might help me be less inhibited. However, I don't respond well to alcohol (it makes me more quiet), which makes me doubt that beta blockers would help.

[nupi]

I know where you are coming from, trust me I do (although I am not too familiar with anglo saxon bar/club scene but I doubt it is all that different from continental Europe)... Maybe one suggestion would be to go out with friends (makes you appear more social from the beginning if you are talking to other people which certainly cannot help)? Then again that always bears the risk that you just get smashed with your friends, not making any progress towards the goal of getting to know people. OTOH, I never considered clubs/bars good places to get to know people - especially if you are more on the shy/introvert side (dont ask me what other options there are though . And then obviously there is the whole PUA/game stuff (if you do not already, read heartiste's blog but skip the political discussions) but I think you need to have basic personality traits to be able to truly use it...

On the supplement/pharmaceutical side it's hard to say if beta blockers would help on the psychological side but considering their potential sexual side effects I'd wager to say they may not be the ideal thing to help with dating. Personally alcohol does little in disinhibiting me (yeah I get drunk, GABA agonism makes anxiety go down but disinhibition happens only to a rather limited degree). I wonder if DA agents (especially because I definitely lack motivation) or entacthogens (because I rarely ever feel like I connect with anyone) could be an option but both types are not without their own, significant risks.