34 replies to this topic

[bernard]

Hello guys,
I don't really know where to start. This is one of these stories about good experiences gone bad.

It all started about two or something years ago. I was depressed during my entire high school period. Not the "I wanna kill myself" depressed but rather "Life is boring" depressed. This made me fearless or so I thought. I didn't value life much so I was like "Screw it, I live once I'll do all the shit they tell me not to". I want to say that I am no rich kid and you might think that I am yet another spoiled brat who is not mature enough to value life but the truth is I'm not spoiled - I grew without a father and didn't have a lot of money, wasn't poor either though. Just a regular life. However I always wanted more and more and I couldn't see that blind ambition in my friends or family. They all seemed to want so little from life. So one day my personal trainer just mentions out of the blue that he heard that Nutmeg could be an opiate. He meant in a purely scientific way, like one of those "Did you know that..." quotes in children encyclopedias. So this is when it all started, a couple weeks later I decided I decided to get some nutmeg (not another erowid, please try to bear with me until the end of it)
So I did some nutmeg and 4 hours later I fu**ed up real bad. Let's just say this toxic trip went for the next 4 days. I probably od-ed then but I didn't care. I started doing more and more shit later - DXM. My first DXM trip was awesome. Then a few days I did DXM again at a slightly higher dose (in this entheogen site it said that this was way below the dangerous threshold). However I did feel quite weird and got a panic attack. Went on calling 911 with all that "what have I done, why I am so stupid" thoughts. However then I remembered about my parents and their potential reaction so I was like "Nah, I ain't calling shit". So I just felt so sick and puked it all over the place. I instantly felt relieved. No more fear, no more panic, the trip just went on, so this "You live once" thing got worse. I really decided it doesn't. This short panic attack didn't have any long-term effects on me. In fact I did a few more trouble free DXM trips later but that was all. I stopped doing drugs for a while. Not for a particular reason, plus the taste of DXM is the worst shi* ever. Then I started doing bodybuilding, went into steroids and insane shi* like 2,4-Dinitrophenol and more. I was literally asking for it, playing with fire. I guess that was the last thing to make me feel alive. I had never been afraid. Later I started cannabis and a lot of it. I would wake up in the morning and get a strong hit first thing before breakfast, then keep hitting it until bedtime. It was all so awesome you know. Life was serene, meaningless, but in a good responsibility-free way. So I decided there was still much stuff I haven't tried. I went on with mushrooms. Had a few cannabis + psilocin awesome trips - I thought I was a movie director and kept talking to myself. In one of those trips I took a little bit too much and it all went crazy but I still wasn't afraid. I was like "Damn it I took too much, I'll just have to go to sleep now and wait until the morning to freshen up". And so I did. I did some Salvia Divinorum too - pretty scary shi* but I could appreciate the bad trip, it was an opening experience.

... "Why kid ?"

Well... I moved on to MDMA with cannabis, just once though cause I took three tabs at once and I od-ed again. Still didn't matter. Just went to bed and waited until the morning. No long-term alterations (or who knows ?).

And then one night...

I was really mad and angry at some person. So I decided to take just a little mushrooms. I actually forced myself a little out of habit. I didn't smoke any weed with it for the first time - just 2-3 mushrooms. And then just 10 mins after ingestion I talked with a hypochondriac friend of mine who is like "Hey man I ate some weird tasting peanut, am I gonna die ?" all the time. I used to bully him about it. Well seems fate is not without a sense of irony. So this same day as I was talking with him the horrible panic attack unleashed. Out of nothing I decided I'm done for. Went to bathroom. Couldn't get it out. It went on for maybe 30-40 mins or more I had no idea, but it was so severe that I just took a taxi and went to the ER. Stayed there for a few days, my mom found out about the drugs and shi*. And I'm not sure whether this happened because the panic attack went for too long but since then I haven't been the same person. Truth is the anxiety actually started a few days before the mushrooms but no panic attacks. I was on some ACE inhibitors as I was getting really interested in biochemistry. And I wanted to decrease the amount of my Alpha 2a adreno receptors. I did Captopril + Losartan. And since my blood pressure is already somewhat lower this time it got very low or so I thought. I mean now when I think of it - it was low but I wasn't gonna die. However this was the first time I started feeling long-term fear. As of then I stopped all the shit I was taking but I became concerned with my heart rate, blood pressure - weird I know. So anyway I went to a cardiologist my heart was actually fine. However blood work showed elevated TSH, and endocrinologist said that could be a Hashimoto and they needed to make some additional tests to prove it which I didn't bother to do.

So if you really took your time to read all this, maybe you get the picture - a sad story of a depressed dumbas* with low self-esteem. Nothing special really.

As I said I wasn't the same after that horrible panic attack. After a couple week I got better, then I got better again. No I can sleep. I do listen to my heart rate sometimes but I don't panic so much. Notice that I say so much. I started doing some stuff like L-Theanine, I became obsessed with health. In fact I got a vision while I was in the hospital. I decided I wanted to be a doctor. True story. I started studying like never before in my life - 6-7 hours a day and I hated studying. I am the laziest person you know. And so on and so on. It's already too much. The point is that I'm stuck with some mild to moderate anxiety disorder now. I don't get panic attacks, I can control myself but for example I got up this bruising on my hand and I didn't remember hitting my hand and it's rather big. So I was like damn it could this be some internal hemorrhaging ? Is there something wrong with me ? You know the drill...

I'm stuck with this anxiety and the funny thing is that I'm not really afraid to die, it like it's on purely physical level. I first went to a psychiatrist who immediately prescribed me an SNRI called Laroxin (Effexor). I didn't take it though. I then went to a neurologist who said Effexor is bs for my condition and instead I need to confront my fears. Do something that makes me uncomfortable. So I did roll a joint again and smoked it all. It sucked a lot. I didn't get a panic attack but I was all anxious and waiting for it all to end. I did it a few more times hoping to get over anxiety by being brave. Still no panic attacks but no improvement either. Maybe somewhere throughout all this things I did to myself I messed something on a physical level. Thyroid or some brain stuff. I started doing yoga, meditations, zen all the relaxing things but I'm nowhere near where I was in the beginning - 100% careless. I wanna get there again. Maybe it's the tiny bits of medical knowledge that makes afraid now (you know being able to think of more potential symptoms).

I've received a lot of help here before so I was really hoping I could fix my brain again. I'll appreciate any help you can give me. I refuse to be anxious until the end. Thanks so much in advance.

[golden1]

simple answer: yes probably with just time even



I would recommend cdp-choline and piracetam as the best things overall, possibly aniracetam instead if piracetam makes you more anxious.

Edited by golden1, 04 July 2012 - 06:56 PM.

[bernard]

So you think that I'll just recover after a couple of years ?

[golden1]

I'll just say I went through periods of anxiety and especially relevant is the same exact type of anxiety you got from smoking I used to get. It started happening and stopped for me before twice, I think it relates to tolerance A LOT, but besides that I think that low amounts of dopamine/acetycholine make cannabis into that weird anxiety state..which I seemed to get over. I would recommend smoking very very small amounts, there is no way you will get stuck in an uncomfortable situation if you start low and work your way up(which is obviously super easy to do with weed.) I used to get panic attacks too however that is something I think I just grew out of. CDP-choline helps a lot to calm me and make me feel nice, it is pretty instant too and the effect builds over time. I also think the neurologist is right and that this type of anxiety(and most really) can be better solved by facing fears and just going for things. It also might help when you get anxious to remind yourself that anxiety builds off of itself and you learn to become anxious because you were anxious in that situation previously.

edit: I forgot to mention that I believe I good diet is really important to getting over this faster, especially make sure you get enough magnesium and vitamins(but don't go overboard on b12 as that one causes anxiety in many people, so do some other b vitamins but less commonly)

Edited by golden1, 04 July 2012 - 07:10 PM.

[protoject]

Yeah but you can't just smoke a ton of weed or do a bunch of other drugs trying to be brave. Trust me that will fuck you even more, take it from a man who did a lot of damage, and then tried to repair it by doing more damage. You'll probably be fine just treat yourself well and do healthy things. Don't cause more problems than there already are is all I can say. And I think, having a careless attitude will be detrimental to you. I mean, being confident and easygoing are good things , and I think not having anxiety is awesome. But if there's any one mistake I wish I could take back in my life, it would be "being reckless in order to become a better person"... it's kind of hard to explain what I mean, but hopefully you get it. Anyway all I'm gonna say is, don't create more damage in your life than there already is. Maybe you get depressed and feel like you need to do something extreme to feel different, and I know what that's like, but trust me, it's not worth the damage. Moderation is key, but sometimes it's hard to moderate when the ill effects aren't immediate or if the boredom overtakes you.

I know some people here will say you should take your effexor but I actually believe you made the right choice in not taking it. That's just me though. i can't tell you how many people have caused more damage than good with those sorts of medicines.

[golden1]

True. You can't go back to just smoking a ton of weed and other drugs will just suck you in while you are in this state(especially amphetamines.), so really definitely make sure you don't get sucked into your previous state(I've been there too). However, I think low-moderate amounts of weed especially if you can slowly increase the dose and get rid of the anxiousness will prove positive to your mindset because instead of feeling like you are no longer capable of doing something because of anxiety you instead feel like you've conquered it in an area. Also I think it would also translate over into soberness, if you can keep the paranoia/anxiety low on low doses of weed you can probably do it sober even better.

[bernard]

That's really nice. Thanks a lot. I really don't think I wanna take Effexor because let's face it - Effexor is not a cure but a lifestyle.

Well I really want to be able to smoke a joint a couple of times a year to have fun. At this point in my life at least. I'm also very interested in transpersonal psychology and holotropic breathwork so I hope that at some point in my life I'll be able to have an LSD experience as well. With that levels of anxiety that I have now, that's not possible, but back in the days I wouldn't care at all. Especially when a professor like Stanislav Grof talks about it in so much of his books etc. Plus you know scientists are discovering a lot of positive effects to LSD like 5-HT2 agonistic properties which I talked in another thread of mine, so one should definitely have the balls to experiment in a reasonable fashion.

Edited by Tatsumaru, 04 July 2012 - 07:20 PM.

[thomasthomas]

Thanks for sharing your story, Tatsu.

In some ways, I have a similar history to yours - though not nearly as bad. I was a fuckup as a kid.
I did a lot of bad shit, and I had constant anxiety problems.

The good news is that I concentrated on getting my life under control, and becoming mature and
responsible, and I'm a lot better for it now.

I don't think you need to panic or worry all the time about the damage you have done. Give yourself
a break. You've suffered enough.

What I would recommend is just trying to stay healthy by eating good food and getting exercise.
The anxiety maybe you can help along with St. Johns Wort or some other non-pharmaceutical drug.
In the long term, the drugs isn't what's going to help - they're just a crutch.

You need time to heal and mature, and think about your experiences. The normal ageing process
will probably mellow you out as well.

So just keep at it, man. Stay healthy. Get support from friends and family whenever you can. You'll
get better eventually on your own.

I wish you a big hug and best of luck!

[bernard]

Really nice thanks. However don't you think that in a psychological way trying to cure anxiety with a healthier lifestyle might actually evolve into a state of health anxiety ? I mean we all die at some point. What's more important - living until 100 on calorie restriction and tons of herbs or living an absolutely full and happy life until the age of 60 ?

[golden1]

personally until there is ever a way developed so that I can stay somewhat young and grow old without becoming handicapped in multiple ways over time before dying I would rather live till 60.. pretty positive on that.. but I'm not so old so I don't know how bad it gets @ 60-70-80-90-100yrs old personally hahah. However I'd also like to grow to age 60 healthily and I think as long as you remember a good diet only helps and that there is no reason to stress yourself over more for not having the best diet when that is what you are trying to help, you should be fine anxiety wise.

Also I'd rather not suggest this, as I am dependent on benzodiazepines because of being not careful enough with phenazepam... however, to me LSD is incredibly worth it and could help you with your anxiety imo. There is nothing else that has restored my love for life and myself near as much as a single lsd trip. I am only mentioning this as it was one of your main points. So if you DID want to try to take LSD and meditate on the anxiety preferably out in nature somewhere, a SINGLE dose of a benzodiazepine would stop the anxiety(and maybe have a back up dose incase what you have isn't enough or you have a bad time). Just pleaaaaaaaaase don't aquire any more than 10 doses of any benzos. They will make you feel so cured that with a constant supply addiction seems almost inevitable, but then again doctors go getting people addicted to benzodiazepines all the time without even having a clue about the severity of the withdrawal.

[protoject]

I think living healthy in moderation is good too. Not going overboard, just doing a few simple things that will benefit your life in the overall: eating healthy, some excersise, keep stress low but do try to invigorate and challenge yourself as long as you aren't making yourself worse off for it, maintain some sort of social life even if it's just minimal. .. and IMO sex and affection really enhances life..

In terms of supplements and all of that often it can be a goose chase similar to doing drugs, but if you can strike a balance where you get no side effects and there's scientific proof that it could be good for you, I say go for it. Also I think it's very important to take things very slowly and not expect an immediate effect, but always do those most simple things, and never be super angry at yourself for not being where you want to be. Because you can only do so much and you will always do everything you can. Like personally I still think I haven't recovered from multitudes of stupid shit I did over the years, but I also realized that most of that time I was frantically trying to fix the problem and not really giving myself the chance to recover. So I've been trying to slowly recover then over this past year or so. I don't know if I'll ever be recovered because I always had problems. But it's definitely better not to cause anything worse.

And psychedelics, yeah they're great, but not too often. They are a very tricky thing... either taking you out of sorts or putting you back on track... but do it when it's best for you.

[bernard]

personally until there is ever a way developed so that I can stay somewhat young and grow old without becoming handicapped in multiple ways over time before dying I would rather live till 60.. pretty positive on that.. but I'm not so old so I don't know how bad it gets @ 60-70-80-90-100yrs old personally hahah. However I'd also like to grow to age 60 healthily and I think as long as you remember a good diet only helps and that there is no reason to stress yourself over more for not having the best diet when that is what you are trying to help, you should be fine anxiety wise.

Also I'd rather not suggest this, as I am dependent on benzodiazepines because of being not careful enough with phenazepam... however, to me LSD is incredibly worth it and could help you with your anxiety imo. There is nothing else that has restored my love for life and myself near as much as a single lsd trip. I am only mentioning this as it was one of your main points. So if you DID want to try to take LSD and meditate on the anxiety preferably out in nature somewhere, a SINGLE dose of a benzodiazepine would stop the anxiety(and maybe have a back up dose incase what you have isn't enough or you have a bad time). Just pleaaaaaaaaase don't aquire any more than 10 doses of any benzos. They will make you feel so cured that with a constant supply addiction seems almost inevitable, but then again doctors go getting people addicted to benzodiazepines all the time without even having a clue about the severity of the withdrawal.

Well my neurologist gave me this Grandaxin (Tofisopam). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tofisopam
He said use it only in case you really can't get over your panic attack. I have one, yet I've never tried it because I haven't had any panic attacks since then. I was wondering if it will do the job you are talking about and whether it's safe to combine with LSD.

Thanks.

Protoject you are right I need to go out more.

[golden1]

That looks like an odd benzo, but since it is marketed for anti-anxiety purposes it should help perfect. I can't comment on how the other effects it may have could interact..however it looks like a very neat benzodiazepine:
"Tofisopam is also claimed to be a PDE_10A inhibitor, which may provide an alternative mechanism of action for its various therapeutic effects, and this action has been proposed to make tofisopam potentially useful as a treatment for schizophrenia.^[8]"
" Tofisopam is not reported as causing dependence to the same extent as other benzodiazepines, but is still recommended to be prescribed for a maximum of 12 weeks.<sup>[5]"

I had never heard of it, so that is quite interesting. You should find the equivalent dosage of tofisopam to .5-1mg clonazepam and then it should provide a good enough relief of anxiety. Make sure you have extra though incase the LSD is much more anxiety causing on your mind you can take more or stop it. I also don't know the effect of PDE10a inhibition on LSD effects, I'd assume it would be desired but possibly not if one is anxious, I do not know. Anyway keep in mind the half-life is listed as 6-8 hours so you will probably want to dose twice since lsd lasts a good 8hrs+</sup>


Honestly your neurologist sounds very smart.. but I guess I have to look more into tofisopam before I go thinking of him as an out of the box thinker... or perhaps it is just because you are not in the US where most doctors seem to be afflicted with more mental illnesses than their patients :P


edit: it actually shares some structural similarities with rolipram(a -racetam derivative):
rolipram:tofisopam:

Only mention as they both are apparently PDE inhibitors(4 and 10a respectively)

Edited by golden1, 04 July 2012 - 10:35 PM.

[bernard]

Thank you very much all. Good stuff.

[bernard]

I was thinking - What if I destroyed some of my GABA receptors with that last panic attack or some of the drugs I took. I was very depressed back than and I've read that GABA receptor is much larger in depressed people.
And golden1 here says that benzos make you feel so cured, but benzos work on the GABA system so I was thinking what if I just increase GABA receptor density and then upregulate the receptors. That could actually be quite the anxiety cure right ?

I've heard that Valproic Acid can increase GABA receptor density.

[MrHappy]

Benzos are a nasty way to cope with life and the journey to get off them is harder than heroin. I've seen my mother-in-law withdrawing over 5 months and it wasn't a fun experience for anyone concerned. Wouldn't recommend them to my worst enemy.

Reading your own story, I can relate to certain experiences in my youth. MDMA/ecstacy in particular can take months to get over - you can be left wondering if you'll ever recover. Panic attacks can be quite common at this stage, also. The good news is that you will recover - given enough time. Receptors come and go all the time. The brain will balance itself out.

Try to live healthy for a while - even stay off booze, as it's another GABA agonist and can cause additional harm / slow the recovery.

[nupi]

They will make you feel so cured that with a constant supply addiction seems almost inevitable, but then again doctors go getting people addicted to benzodiazepines all the time without even having a clue about the severity of the withdrawal.

THIS. They are like the most relaxing holiday you ever had times ten. Very nice and extremely nasty at the same time.

Proceed with extreme caution when it comes to Benzos. Having said that, I went through rather 100 than 10 pills of Lorazepam and Diazepam and did not get addicted in any meaningful way other than finding wondering occasionaly that some Diazepam would be nice but quickly shove the thought way

[Raptor87]

Benzo doesn´t work that well on me! I never figured out why. But I am glad they don´t, my friend said that it was worse coming off of them than heroin.

[LazarusMan]

Tianeptine (Stablon) may help with your condition. I have seen a number of reports that said it helped people who had anxiety and depression to the damage caused by MDMA. Benzodiazapenes are really a last resort and should be kept around in case of an emergency like a sever panic attack. I used to take them almost every day bit have been cutting back as of late because I fear I may be becoming dependant on them. I think finding a good therapist is probably the best route to go.

[bernard]

Tianeptine (Stablon) may help with your condition. I have seen a number of reports that said it helped people who had anxiety and depression to the damage caused by MDMA. Benzodiazapenes are really a last resort and should be kept around in case of an emergency like a sever panic attack. I used to take them almost every day bit have been cutting back as of late because I fear I may be becoming dependant on them. I think finding a good therapist is probably the best route to go.

That's an interesting suggestion and I even have the drug in my local pharmacy. However is it ok if I take it for say just one month ? How long does it take to leave permanent positive effects ? I'm talking about "tianeptine's effect of reversing impaired neuroplasticity associated with stress" (quote from wiki). Obviously there are withdrawal symptoms to this drug so I'm not sure.

[LazarusMan]

Tianeptine (Stablon) may help with your condition. I have seen a number of reports that said it helped people who had anxiety and depression to the damage caused by MDMA. Benzodiazapenes are really a last resort and should be kept around in case of an emergency like a sever panic attack. I used to take them almost every day bit have been cutting back as of late because I fear I may be becoming dependant on them. I think finding a good therapist is probably the best route to go.

That's an interesting suggestion and I even have the drug in my local pharmacy. However is it ok if I take it for say just one month ? How long does it take to leave permanent positive effects ? I'm talking about "tianeptine's effect of reversing impaired neuroplasticity associated with stress" (quote from wiki). Obviously there are withdrawal symptoms to this drug so I'm not sure.

I have a read a few users on forums taking it for just a short amount of time. You're lucky to have the real drug available to you. Me being in the U.S., due mostly to the FDA, I have to order it from overseas or in pure powder form. I don't believe physical addiction and withdrawal are very common place with it, certainly not to the extent of benzodiazapenes. I believe our life stories have a few parallels except my worst episodes of anxiety were the months following comesdowns from MDMA and a low dose of MDAI. Psychedelics do not seems to have lingering after effects for me. I am on my second day of tianeptine and I'll report back to you with the results.

EDIT: I should also add that I am on Wellbutrin but only see almost no effects from it.

Edited by LazarusMan, 24 July 2012 - 02:50 PM.

[bernard]

I have a read a few users on forums taking it for just a short amount of time. You're lucky to have the real drug available to you. Me being in the U.S., due mostly to the FDA, I have to order it from overseas or in pure powder form. I don't believe physical addiction and withdrawal are very common place with it, certainly not to the extent of benzodiazapenes. I believe our life stories have a few parallels except my worst episodes of anxiety were the months following comesdowns from MDMA and a low dose of MDAI. Psychedelics do not seems to have lingering after effects for me. I am on my second day of tianeptine and I'll report back to you with the results.

EDIT: I should also add that I am on Wellbutrin but only see almost no effects from it.

That's really nice, please keep in touch with me about Tianeptine. I'm interested in all kinds of effects - side and expected, positive and negative. Thank you so much,

[LazarusMan]

I would recommend giving it a try. I've been on it for about 6 days and find the my anxiety has diminished quite a bit. Side effects appear to be minimal with maybe slight "brain fog" but barely.

[bernard]

I'm pretty sure it works based on reviews, I'm more interested in the withdrawal process.

[bernard]

I'm starting to think that my anxiety might be caused by physiological reasons and not so much emotional. I've made great great progress since that panic attack in December 2011. In fact I haven't had any panic attacks since then.
However...
This is not good enough. Even though I've made great progress through conscious effort I'm still having issues. Like for example I'm watching a movie, I feel great, no stress and suddenly I feel my fight-or-flight response preparing to fire for no reason at all. It's so uncomfortable. Then I need to focus on why this is fake and make effort to return to my normal calm state and it goes away 10-20 mins later and I get back to my movie half-calmer,
Other times I will just talk to a girl friend of mine, great stuff, both enjoying the easy talk and suddenly BAM - F-or-F response knocks on the door and makes me feel like I want to puke my life out.
I'm thinking the panic attack was so strong that it caused permanent damage to something maybe some gland or maybe receptors, maybe cortisol who knows. I 100% acknowledge the fact that I've made great progress since that day, as I remember I wasn't even able to sleep back then. Now I have comfortable 7-9 hour sleep, I eat healthy but I won't panic if I drink a cola or something (and I used to watch over the ingredients fanatically). In fact every know and then whole weeks will pass really nice until that random weird moment when this F-or-F response knocks on the door and ruins it all.
I want to highlight the fact that I had some fears in my childhood like from dark etc but I got over them and during my high school years and later I was 100% carefree until this panic attack. Sure I've been depressed but never anxious. Never afraid to my core of nothing really.
In fact as mentioned in the starting post I've had a DXM-caused panic attack once which was also severe but ended really fast after I vomited (sorry I know it's gross but truth is crucial in this case). It might even have been more severe since I was alone in the house (Getting high alone - pathetic and dangerous I know, but that's what I mean when I say reckless and carefree) but then it just got super cool I felt that warm feeling and my high just went on. I loved it and soon after I did a few more times and later I did other reckless things - steroids, lots of marijuana, mdma etc. etc.Not proud of it but my point is that this panic attack didn't destroy my apparent fearlessness. Maybe because I didn't go to the hospital I don't know (as I said the second time I couldn't win and I went to the hospital and stayed for three days on a simple sodium chloride solution and some active charcoal, not even a stomach cleanse = hospital wants to take some money out of you).
This is a great site and I've received so much help from you guys for which I'm thankful. I didn't do any SSRI's or SNRI's and I've came so far only with the power of my mind. I even improved some other parts of my life, I used to be somewhat socially anxious - now all of this is gone. I've went as far as to pursue spiritual teachings in order to understand fear and depression which has been of enormous help. In fact when this F-or-F response is not bugging me I'm a somewhat calm person now.
However...
I feel like it's time to get to the root of this and get it over with once and for all because this is not something I want to learn to live with. This is a fight I want to and must and will win. Please give me your thoughts on this one. What should I do. Thank you so much in advance.

[AgeVivo]

passing by I see many drug discussions and I have no idea about that, but known effective ways to do well is to see friends, to go to the gym, find some projects/group lessons that drive you. In elderly persons, walking much every day and seeing friends much is by far the best ways we have seen to reduce the risk of Alzheimer's, so it must have strong positive effects on the brain. (at least for Alzheimer's, far more than medicine)

[bernard]

Sounds like what they prescribed to Chopin when he had Tuberculosis. Go to some island get some sun and rest. He did and died very soon after that from tb.
Don't get me wrong I respect your advice a lot I just don't think that thinking about other things or getting my mind off the problem for a while will heal it. I want to be able to think about the scariest shi^ that I ever felt and smile about it with utter calmness and confidence.

[LazarusMan]

Sounds like what they prescribed to Chopin when he had Tuberculosis. Go to some island get some sun and rest. He did and died very soon after that from tb.
Don't get me wrong I respect your advice a lot I just don't think that thinking about other things or getting my mind off the problem for a while will heal it. I want to be able to think about the scariest shi^ that I ever felt and smile about it with utter calmness and confidence.

Your type of anxiety sounds similar to mine. How do you sleep at night. I find that depending on how my previous night of sleep was my anxiety can be better or worse. If I do not take a time released dose of melatonin I will wake up in the middle of the night and it will take me a while to fall back asleep and the entire next day I will by anxious and feel like on the verge of a panic attack and random times. I posted earlier in this thread but don't remember what I told you I had tried. SSRIs and SNRIs did not help me at all and in many cases made symptoms worse. Buproprion had no noticeable benefits. Tianeptine seemed to work but only for short periods of time. Magnesium didn't work, L-Theanine did nothing... The only thing that seemed to help was Clonazepam and even then I felt a lingering feeling that something was off. At this point I believe that somehow my circadian rhythm must be getting thrown off by something and time released melatonin seems to help. I say time released because the regular 3mg knocks me out and then I'm guaranteed to wake up in 2 hours. The other thing I had considered trying is Trazadone. If your serotonin receptors are out of wack due to MDMA, DXM, or some other type of drug this may help. 5-HTP may be of some help as well.

[bernard]

I know right ? I want to excuse myself for the strong language before I say this. Panic attacks fu**ing suck I mean this shi* is useless. Why the fuc* would I want to have a panic attack even in the worst case scenario (e.g. chased by a lion, falling from a building etc.) I'd know I'm in deep shi* I wouldn't need a brain exploding warning and supra levels of adrenalin just so I could jump and run a little faster... Who the hell programmed this right ? Total nonsense.

I tell you what I did. I went to a psychiatrist first and she immediately prescribed me effexor right off our first meeting. That's right she tried to hook me on the pill the moment I walked in, the d***** *** * * * * * she was. (use your imagination for the *s). Truth is though unlike you and unlike the recreational drug user that I was I never went the pill way. I was tempted I admit in fact I bought the effexor - just never used it. I hoped I'd become this super confident and fearless person if I decided to take it but then watched a few movies in youtube about people using all kinds of ssri's, snri's, benzos etc. etc. turned into vegetables and when they tried to withdraw it was so horrible that it turned out the conditioned deepened. Eventually you end up in a asylum with needles stuck in your whole body and electroshock therapies twice a day. "Erm sure, but no thanks..."

Then I went to a really cool neurologist who was recommended to me. He looked me in the eyes and said something like "It sucks but the truth is that no SNRI will save you. You need to face your fears and win this fight" etc. I'm starting to repeat myself as I already explained my story in my first post.

You ask me how I sleep. Well first of all because I decided to face my fears I now have something of a workable technique that gets me through an anxiety crisis and prevents a panic attack. It's not something special just things that I've experienced that I remind myself of, what I've went through.

Now all this sounds desperate especially for people with worse problems than me. I mean there are people having panic attacks twice a day. I feel so much for them. This constant suffering for no reason really. But I'm confident there is a cure (not a lifelong treatment). I'll tell you just two things that I've recently started to explore and that hold immense promise:
1. Transpersonal psychology and Holotropic Breathwork (Google: stanislav grof)
2. Brainwave Therapy (not the crappy youtube videos but real quality stuff - try: http://www.immramainstitute.com/ the Insight program) Make sure you get yourself some quality headphones. This is just so good and there is evidence of very positive long-term effects. I believe fine-tuning your brain to its proper state is a major key to the end of this suffering not some mumbo jumbo pharmaceuticals that make you a slave just so some people can make a major buck out of it.

Now I don't know what started your anxiety and what triggers it but don't be afraid of it. Try to face it. Try to think how to solve it not how to go deeper down the pill hole. Try meditation, yoga, tai chi, qigong or whatever rocks your boat. Balance needs to be restored. I've made great progress without pills and I'm not just saying it. Believe me when I tell you that at first I was listening to every single heart beat of mine and wouldn't go to sleep for nights. Now I just lay in my bed and have a great sleep. I'm almost free, last steps remaining and I'm hoping with the help of this great community I'll make it happen and then I'll try to share my knowledge with other people.

Edited by Tatsumaru, 10 August 2012 - 11:47 PM.

[LazarusMan]

Interesting, I'll have to check out it out. I've found pink noise to be quite relaxing. I'll have to give their sound samples a try. Benzodiazepenes kind of get a bad rap but in a panic-y situation they really are a life saver. I've never really lost any emotion while on them but apparently long term abusers have dulled emotions (similar to alcoholics. If anything it just gives peace of mind knowing you have them on hand in case of dire emergencies.