Hello everyone!
I registered to the forums a few months ago and mostly was just reading, and writing a reply here and there but did not do much else on these forums.
But now I would like to ask your help if possible.
A little bit of backstory: I have depression for a long time now (about 8 years), at the beginning it was just a mild thing, I started gradually eating slower and slower. Then once I needed to go out to the toilet and spit out everything in my mouth because I could not swallow anything.
When I told my parents about this it just got worse because they said I was a bad kid for not appreciating their cooking (I was around 12). It got worse and worse as we moved around, when I started high school my depression got even worse (I was never bullied or anything). I started eating even slower, and sometimes I had a panic attack like thing when I was eating and food stuck in my throat and couldn't swallow it nor throw it up.
This happened a lot of times after this, but there were periods when everything was fine. I had bad moodswings and could not really focus during classes, although I passed all of my exams with good grades (96% on English, 89% on Computer Science etc).
Last year I got accepted into college, the classes were boring as hell, I started skipping classes, was unable to focus or retain information that I heard / saw at lectures. Home study was a pain, I wrote papers and they were all accepted, but I only passed 3 out of 10 classes (6 / 28 credits). I left the college after one semester because I could not bear the thought of staying longer, it was a paid college and I hoped to get accepted to one with financial aid the next year.
So this year I got accepted to another one, I felt bored from the beginning, but at the start I could focus in classes and everything seemed okay. After a month or two my "panic attacks" came back, I did not have them for 3 months or so before this. It is worse than ever. I had a 3 day period when I did not eat anything because of this. I skipped classes. Skipped lectures, skipped exams, etc. and it looks like I will fail 5 out of 6 classes this semester.
I visited 3 different psychologist, I was on therapy for more than a year. I got my esophagus, throat, stomach, etc. checked, everything seems okay. My parents / family keeps telling me that I should study and I am to blame for failing and I am using this as an excuse. Which I think is not true at all.
I exercise 2 times a week for about 1.5 hours (Kettlebell).
Exercise improved my mood and I do feel more hungry, but often times it feels like there is an obstruction in my throat while eating.
I started taking Noopept and Multivitamins and it does improve my mood / eating thingie it is still apparent.
Any help is appreciated!
Edited by Keshan, 11 December 2012 - 05:25 PM.
