I need some input. I don't really know what to do about it.
I notice many things about me which highly worry me and I can't tell if this is something pathological or not.
Fact is I'm under a lot of stress and have been for many years which isn't healthy for the brain. I also suffer
from strong depression which is also not healthy.
Over the last 2 years I have been noticing things which I didn't have before. I tried to describe my various symptoms
to my psych and also a neurologist but they couldn't really draw much from them. Basically I can only tell that things
aren't right with me but I can't nail it down. I also don't know what kind of medical tests I should go for.
I thought about going to a neuropsychologist or something like that. But to be honest I'm scared of having to do mental
gymnastics like memory testing and things like that. I'm afraid of the results cause I notice that my short term memory
isn't good. I have also been tested for adhd in the past and back then my short term memory also wasn't normal. But I don't think that I have adhd. A trial with ritalin didn't work for me.
-During the day I often feel as if I'm intoxicated, I feel distanced and unconcentrated, I simply can tell that something isn't right, whenever this feeling is present I know it, when it's not present I can also certainly tell that it's not present, I also notice that this feeling often occurse when I'm under pressure or in a hassle, in situations where I'm under pressure I feel like my brain shuts down, recently I was checking my bank account online and numbers didn't match up instantly I became upset and got into this mode where I felt like I can't think straight anymore I sat there and it took me awfully long to be able to comprehend the numbers and to figure out what was going on.
And this same stuff happens all the time in situations like this. Or even when I go on a forum and read about health issues then I also feel totally overwhelmed and also start to feel aggitated.
-I also get a similar feeling of aggitation when I for example go to a store where they have all kinds of things which attract me. I remember as a teenager during vacation we once visited a gigantic mall and I went to the nutrition store and I was totally overwhelmed with all the stuff they had there and then I also got this feeling of inner restlessness. In this case it was caused by something positive and not negative but the feeling is pretty much the same.
-Basically I hardly ever feel at peace. during the day I most of them time feel hassled and spaced out. even when I'm in the supermarket I feel distracted and sensually overstimulated. i am also very sensitive to light. i feel much better in dark environments. darkness helps me to relax and gather my thoughts. i have been this way for many years.
-I also notice that my memory is impaired. sometimes i wake up in the morning and have to think really hard to figure out what day it is. or recently i was in the mall and when i was at the checkout i had to think hard where i had parked the car. i can't tell if this is something to be concerned about. what if this is something like neurodegeneration? how could it be tested?
-i also feel like when i have to calculate something in my head without pencil to write it down i lose track of the numbers. for example 248 x 4. for example when i try to solve it like this: 8x4 = 32 + 40x4= 160 + 200X4 = 800 then without being able to write it down I usually forget the different numbers which I needed to put together now.
i also can't tell if this is normal. i usually also don't calculate stuff. i try to avoid things like that cause I dont like any exercises where you really have to focus and concentrate cause I worry that in case I should suck at such an exercise it might mean that something's wrong with me. that's why I'm also scared of these psychological tests where you have to calculate stuff or memorize things. for me even to do calculations in my mind is always something which stresses me out cause I'm scared of not being able to solve the task in time or coming up with a wrong number and then feeling dumb.
-i also notice my thinking is very slow in certain areas. for example when i was trying to figure out wether my bank account numbers were okay then it took me totally long to be able to comprehend wether the different transactions where legitimate or not. i remember that i finally figured out that the different charges from telephone companies and stuff like that were legitimate. i took notes on a paper as a help for the future to help me comprehend the different numbers for example telephone company A charges 13 $ per month and company B charges 7,99$ per months and so on.
but a few days ago i was checking the same thing again and then the whole thing started all over again! again i sat there and was totally confused at first and again it took me a long time to finally figure it out.
this is something i have been noticing since i was a teenager. there are things which i have a hard time to even comprehend but even when i was able to finally comprehend them then this comprehension is also quickly lost again!
it's like my brain has holes in it and i simply cannot maintain certain data.
Even right now as I'm typing this I again feel aggitated and physically weak. Someone just came into the room and wanted something from me and I reacted very impatient. In such situations I also tend to talk very fast and I wish nobody would talk to me or approach me with a request.
What do you guys think about this? I know these symptoms are all weird and unspecific.
I'm simply worried. I wish I at least knew what kind of medical exams, tests, whatever I should go for in order to find
out if I'm normal. I have gotten brain MRIs in the past which were normal. Last one was 2 years ago but a normal brain MRI also doesn't mean that everything is allright.
L
onge
C
ity
Advocacy & Research for Unlimited Lifespans