7 replies to this topic

[Steve-22]

Hi!

This is pretty difficult from my point, because a lot of here praise certain prescription meds which help with cognition and mood. I've been a member for a while now and find this forum a great source of information. I realize you are not medical doctors and cannot presrcibe, treat nor cure etc. I would just like to have some basic information to steer me in the right direction.

Will try to make my story as short as possible.

 

Seven years ago I've been prescribed SSRI for anxiety. It did fix my anxiety, but made me become OCD, fat and extremely stupid. My vocabulary has greatly decreased and I feel like I literally lost my intelligence eversince and thanks to that, I've been dropped out of school. Tried to convince my psychiatrist that it made me become a zombie, but he said the usual stuff as you would expect from a person giving away pills like candy. After three years of "retardedness" I quit the drug cold turkey, because I didn't know better. Few months later all hell broke loose. Developed panic disorder, depression, anhedonia, brain fog, depersonalization, derealization (I don't know which one of the two is the feeling like being in a videogame, but it's real bad), soft glans syndrome, ED and could go on. Fast forward 4 years the symptoms haven't subsided. I don't even remember feeling the breeze of the wind or the sensation of grass hitting my legs when I'm cycling. No goal in life. No motivation, just staying at home.

I had to do my own research and realized all these symptoms match with having low dopamine levels. Maybe the anxiety part doesn't, so that's why I'm hesitant to try and boost DA levels. I've exhausted most of the available treatment beside drugs. Bioavailable vitamins, minerals, diet (GF, CF, Paleo etc.) to find that nothing makes me feel like my old motivated & happy self.
Carnitine is what I didn't try yet but they have advised me against it due to the anxiety. Albeit it's dopaminergic I'm really confused.

I want to leave the pharmateutical option for last. I'm more interested in alternative ways to manage my issues especially herbal ways. Skullcap is what I was thinking first. One last thing if this helps: I do believe I've been ADHD all my life and have been misdiagnosed. My job consists of "micro-management" and I get 1 day worth of job done in one week so the cognition is seriously out of whack.

Thank you very much for any future help!

[EarthWaterAir]

yo steve my man, what's happening dawg?

[Michael Rian]

I can relate fully to what the OP is going through, yet I have no answers myself.  I hope we can get better some how, I am sure Longecity is the place to look.  Feel better soon friend

[pheanix997]

I can understand the derealization you've experienced since discontinuing the SSRI. That's the dark side when you come off the pill. I know those zoned out feelings make it seem like low dopamine, but my guess would be that it's caused by your brain being deprived of an artificial 3 year long source of serotonin. It's withdrawal. Your brain had changed in response to this added drug, and now that the drug has been yanked, it's struggling to reorganize itself to it's original state. This sucks, I know.

 

About the cognitive symptoms you experienced while on the SSRI, could you elaborate? Are you 100% positive these symptoms weren't present pre-SSRI? Do you think it's possible that once you went on the SSRI, it reduced your anxiety enough for you to notice your cognitive deficits? (I suspect that people with anxiety and depression tend to focus more on their emotional problems than their cognitive functioning, but once the anxiety or despair is relieved the deficits in cognition become more apparent). It's like turning down the loud music in the car to better hear whether or not the brakes are squealing. And are the tires low on air? And is that clunking sound a transmission problem? Then you start thinking, "damn, maybe I shouldn't have been driving so long with the music cranked so loudly. I wasn't mindful enough to notice these other problems!" 

 

Of course, the symptoms very well could have been caused by the SSRI. I don't know.

Edited by pheanix997, 15 August 2014 - 12:41 AM.

[Steve-22]

Pre-drug phase: high energy levels, high social anxiety, ADHD, fairly good mathematical skills, motivation, no OCD, normal erections, more positive than negative, jokester, outgoing.

 

On-drug phase: OCD, ADHD, anhedonia, scattered, no anxiety, bruxism, no energy, excessive sleepiness/tiredness (came home from school and immediately layed down to sleep for 2-3 hours...something which I never could do before is to sleep during daytime even when I tried because I wasn't tired), fat gain in a feminime way (face, waist), feeling like in a video game, severe cognitive problems (pointed at window and say it's a door), couldn't function in school and had the worst grades of my life but I was able to sit in the classroom without having anxiety.

 

Post-drug phase: amnesia (lost information of events I retained in my head for 15+ years, the events I can recall from the 3 years being on SSRI I could count on a single hand - being put on drug, had a girlfriend, winter, loved one telling me I'm grinding my teeth at night most likely from the drug), bruxism, teeth loss and bad dental health from SSRI induced bruxism, severe memory issues mimicking symptoms of Alzheimer's disease, very forgetful, lose most memories of loved ones e.g. parent's age, which I have to ask often, paranoia, depression, anxiety, feeling like in a videogame, ED, soft glans syndrome, scattered, no motivation, no goal, no energy, cannot focus well no matter if the subject is in my circle of interest or not, lower back pain, muscle weakness, anhedonia.

This is more extended than the cognitive symptoms alone. Hope it can switch a lightbulb on and sorry about my grammar.

[pheanix997]

Pre-drug phase: high energy levels, high social anxiety, ADHD, fairly good mathematical skills, motivation, no OCD, normal erections, more positive than negative, jokester, outgoing.

 

On-drug phase: OCD, ADHD, anhedonia, scattered, no anxiety, bruxism, no energy, excessive sleepiness/tiredness (came home from school and immediately layed down to sleep for 2-3 hours...something which I never could do before is to sleep during daytime even when I tried because I wasn't tired), fat gain in a feminime way (face, waist), feeling like in a video game, severe cognitive problems (pointed at window and say it's a door), couldn't function in school and had the worst grades of my life but I was able to sit in the classroom without having anxiety.

 

Post-drug phase: amnesia (lost information of events I retained in my head for 15+ years, the events I can recall from the 3 years being on SSRI I could count on a single hand - being put on drug, had a girlfriend, winter, loved one telling me I'm grinding my teeth at night most likely from the drug), bruxism, teeth loss and bad dental health from SSRI induced bruxism, severe memory issues mimicking symptoms of Alzheimer's disease, very forgetful, lose most memories of loved ones e.g. parent's age, which I have to ask often, paranoia, depression, anxiety, feeling like in a videogame, ED, soft glans syndrome, scattered, no motivation, no goal, no energy, cannot focus well no matter if the subject is in my circle of interest or not, lower back pain, muscle weakness, anhedonia.

This is more extended than the cognitive symptoms alone. Hope it can switch a lightbulb on and sorry about my grammar.

I'm sorry to hear about the memory problems; I deal with this same issue and at times it's as frustrating as it is embarrassing. How high of a dose were you on? Furthermore, how was your childhood? Did you feel like you had a sense of sadness lurking within for most of your life? If not, did you hop on an SSRI to deal with temporary anxiety/ depression in response to some current life circumstance (this doesn't include a life circumstance that tipped the jug and caused the underlying turmoil to come pouring out). If you did, then you probably never should have taken a pharmaceutical pill - because your brain chemistry was never severely out of whack and thus probably over-supplied your brain with serotonin. Too much serotonin = feeling slowed down and apathetic, but without anxiety or stress. That's why I ask what dose you were on. If it turns out you were merely prescribed an SSRI due to some minor life circumstance - and not because of how your brain maladapted in response to an non-nurturing upbringing - and in addition were prescribed more than the lowest possible dose, then I can see why you felt "a general sense of retardedness," or however you put it, lol. 

 

As to how to fix your current state, if you're looking for a magic pill, you're wasting your time and energy, because such a thing doesn't exist. But if you're really insistent, consider trying something like modafinil or adderall and see how you react. I thought my dopamine levels were low at one point too until I tried modafinil, which made me feel anxious and jittery. Since then, I've realized that my dopamine levels are probably in better shape than average; it was my serotonin that's been out of whack all along - which explains why I respond decently well to an SSRI. Point is, experiment. A person with true ADHD is theorized to be lacking in dopamine regulation; that's why a stimulant makes them feel "normal" for the first time in their life, in the same way that an SSRI made me feel normal for the first time, and the same way hardcore street drugs make a person deprived of love their whole life feel normal for the first time - because an ACTUAL chemical balance existed. If there's no chemical imbalance, you'll respond poorly. 

[Steve-22]

 

Pre-drug phase: high energy levels, high social anxiety, ADHD, fairly good mathematical skills, motivation, no OCD, normal erections, more positive than negative, jokester, outgoing.

 

On-drug phase: OCD, ADHD, anhedonia, scattered, no anxiety, bruxism, no energy, excessive sleepiness/tiredness (came home from school and immediately layed down to sleep for 2-3 hours...something which I never could do before is to sleep during daytime even when I tried because I wasn't tired), fat gain in a feminime way (face, waist), feeling like in a video game, severe cognitive problems (pointed at window and say it's a door), couldn't function in school and had the worst grades of my life but I was able to sit in the classroom without having anxiety.

 

Post-drug phase: amnesia (lost information of events I retained in my head for 15+ years, the events I can recall from the 3 years being on SSRI I could count on a single hand - being put on drug, had a girlfriend, winter, loved one telling me I'm grinding my teeth at night most likely from the drug), bruxism, teeth loss and bad dental health from SSRI induced bruxism, severe memory issues mimicking symptoms of Alzheimer's disease, very forgetful, lose most memories of loved ones e.g. parent's age, which I have to ask often, paranoia, depression, anxiety, feeling like in a videogame, ED, soft glans syndrome, scattered, no motivation, no goal, no energy, cannot focus well no matter if the subject is in my circle of interest or not, lower back pain, muscle weakness, anhedonia.

This is more extended than the cognitive symptoms alone. Hope it can switch a lightbulb on and sorry about my grammar.

I'm sorry to hear about the memory problems; I deal with this same issue and at times it's as frustrating as it is embarrassing. How high of a dose were you on? Furthermore, how was your childhood? Did you feel like you had a sense of sadness lurking within for most of your life? If not, did you hop on an SSRI to deal with temporary anxiety/ depression in response to some current life circumstance (this doesn't include a life circumstance that tipped the jug and caused the underlying turmoil to come pouring out). If you did, then you probably never should have taken a pharmaceutical pill - because your brain chemistry was never severely out of whack and thus probably over-supplied your brain with serotonin. Too much serotonin = feeling slowed down and apathetic, but without anxiety or stress. That's why I ask what dose you were on. If it turns out you were merely prescribed an SSRI due to some minor life circumstance - and not because of how your brain maladapted in response to an non-nurturing upbringing - and in addition were prescribed more than the lowest possible dose, then I can see why you felt "a general sense of retardedness," or however you put it, lol. 

 

As to how to fix your current state, if you're looking for a magic pill, you're wasting your time and energy, because such a thing doesn't exist. But if you're really insistent, consider trying something like modafinil or adderall and see how you react. I thought my dopamine levels were low at one point too until I tried modafinil, which made me feel anxious and jittery. Since then, I've realized that my dopamine levels are probably in better shape than average; it was my serotonin that's been out of whack all along - which explains why I respond decently well to an SSRI. Point is, experiment. A person with true ADHD is theorized to be lacking in dopamine regulation; that's why a stimulant makes them feel "normal" for the first time in their life, in the same way that an SSRI made me feel normal for the first time, and the same way hardcore street drugs make a person deprived of love their whole life feel normal for the first time - because an ACTUAL chemical balance existed. If there's no chemical imbalance, you'll respond poorly. 

 

 

20 mgs (I know this section of the forum doesn't let you name brands, so it was P****) that I cut down to 10 mgs in one week and cold turkey from there.

Put on SSRIs for social anxiety. Regular smoker. First cigarette in the morning makes my heart race and gives slight anxiety. During cessation it felt like I became more stupid than ever. Never been overweight. Out of dozens of supps I tried I only noticed effect of one particular amino acid which is L-Tyrosine. It gave me the worst panic attack of my life (250 mg + 250 mg 1 hour later). All I want is my thinking skills, focus and vocabulary to return back to it's normal state with maybe a decrease in ADHD. I might be asking for too much here. There is a one time business opportunity in front of me that could compensate for all the loss, but I'm not too efficient in what I do. When I play LOUD music, (loud enough to cause hearing loss over an extended time) it clears up brain fog by 90% and gives me a significant amount of energy but cannot deal with the headaches and tinnitus afterwards. Been thinking a lot about going the Add***** route, but want to try an alternative approach first.

 

Thanks for the answers! It's great to know that someone cares.
 

Edited by Steve-22, 15 August 2014 - 02:41 AM.

[Michael Rian]

 

 

Pre-drug phase: high energy levels, high social anxiety, ADHD, fairly good mathematical skills, motivation, no OCD, normal erections, more positive than negative, jokester, outgoing.

 

On-drug phase: OCD, ADHD, anhedonia, scattered, no anxiety, bruxism, no energy, excessive sleepiness/tiredness (came home from school and immediately layed down to sleep for 2-3 hours...something which I never could do before is to sleep during daytime even when I tried because I wasn't tired), fat gain in a feminime way (face, waist), feeling like in a video game, severe cognitive problems (pointed at window and say it's a door), couldn't function in school and had the worst grades of my life but I was able to sit in the classroom without having anxiety.

 

Post-drug phase: amnesia (lost information of events I retained in my head for 15+ years, the events I can recall from the 3 years being on SSRI I could count on a single hand - being put on drug, had a girlfriend, winter, loved one telling me I'm grinding my teeth at night most likely from the drug), bruxism, teeth loss and bad dental health from SSRI induced bruxism, severe memory issues mimicking symptoms of Alzheimer's disease, very forgetful, lose most memories of loved ones e.g. parent's age, which I have to ask often, paranoia, depression, anxiety, feeling like in a videogame, ED, soft glans syndrome, scattered, no motivation, no goal, no energy, cannot focus well no matter if the subject is in my circle of interest or not, lower back pain, muscle weakness, anhedonia.

This is more extended than the cognitive symptoms alone. Hope it can switch a lightbulb on and sorry about my grammar.

I'm sorry to hear about the memory problems; I deal with this same issue and at times it's as frustrating as it is embarrassing. How high of a dose were you on? Furthermore, how was your childhood? Did you feel like you had a sense of sadness lurking within for most of your life? If not, did you hop on an SSRI to deal with temporary anxiety/ depression in response to some current life circumstance (this doesn't include a life circumstance that tipped the jug and caused the underlying turmoil to come pouring out). If you did, then you probably never should have taken a pharmaceutical pill - because your brain chemistry was never severely out of whack and thus probably over-supplied your brain with serotonin. Too much serotonin = feeling slowed down and apathetic, but without anxiety or stress. That's why I ask what dose you were on. If it turns out you were merely prescribed an SSRI due to some minor life circumstance - and not because of how your brain maladapted in response to an non-nurturing upbringing - and in addition were prescribed more than the lowest possible dose, then I can see why you felt "a general sense of retardedness," or however you put it, lol. 

 

As to how to fix your current state, if you're looking for a magic pill, you're wasting your time and energy, because such a thing doesn't exist. But if you're really insistent, consider trying something like modafinil or adderall and see how you react. I thought my dopamine levels were low at one point too until I tried modafinil, which made me feel anxious and jittery. Since then, I've realized that my dopamine levels are probably in better shape than average; it was my serotonin that's been out of whack all along - which explains why I respond decently well to an SSRI. Point is, experiment. A person with true ADHD is theorized to be lacking in dopamine regulation; that's why a stimulant makes them feel "normal" for the first time in their life, in the same way that an SSRI made me feel normal for the first time, and the same way hardcore street drugs make a person deprived of love their whole life feel normal for the first time - because an ACTUAL chemical balance existed. If there's no chemical imbalance, you'll respond poorly. 

 

 

20 mgs (I know this section of the forum doesn't let you name brands, so it was P****) that I cut down to 10 mgs in one week and cold turkey from there.

Lost dad when I was 15. Lost grandfather 2 months later. Childhood BF moved hundreds of miles away a year after. Started high school with a friend who dropped out later on. Had no friends. Been Aspie-like all my life and was not able to understand the building blocks of making friendship. Had to sell family house. Bullied in school. School nurse measured my BP during an anxiety attack clocking 180/160 with 140 heartrate. Put on SSRIs for social anxiety. Regular smoker. First cigarette in the morning makes my heart race and gives slight anxiety. When I quit smoking it felt like I became more stupid than ever. Never been overweight. Out of dozens of supps I tried I only noticed effect of one particular amino acid which is L-Tyrosine. It gave me the worst panic attack of my life (250 mg + 250 mg 1 hour later). All I want is my thinking skills, focus and vocabulary to return back to it's normal state with maybe a decrease in ADHD. I might be asking for too much here. There is a one time business opportunity in front of me that could compensate for all the loss, but I'm not too efficient in what I do. When I play LOUD music, (loud enough to cause hearing loss over an extended time) it clears up brain fog by 90% and gives me a significant amount of energy but cannot deal with the headaches and tinnitus afterwards. Been thinking a lot about going the Add***** route, but want to try an alternative approach first.

 

Thanks for the answers! It's great to know that someone cares.
 

 

 

I feel the same way after quitting smoking as well.  I quit the SSRI, then about a year later I quit smoking ciggs.  Now After a few years of vigorous exercise, eating very healthy, and sleeping well, I still feel brain dead and lost in a fog. Every single day.  I feel like I cannot progress in my recovery anymore, and I have somewhat plateaued.  Which leads me to think the damage is heavy and I am now getting desperate, which is not good.   I toy with the idea of going back on an SSRI, as much as I hate them, I fantasize that maybe it will fix me... Ive tried so many things, been on waiting lists to see Doctors, and all I get is prescriptions for SSRIs..... I wish I could find a Doctor who had a wider perspective. Sigh, sorry to rant, I just really identify with you and the people in this thread.