I'd love if someone could chime in if you have experience with my story. I have anxiety from as long as I can remember. Didn't affect me too much until..
- First feeling of true depression was when I was working for a development engineering company abroad on university placement aged 21, I was not good at my work which was too much for me and it stressed me greatly not being able to perform. I was told this, and asked to leave, went home and was greatly depressed/anxious for six months. No treatment beyond trying lexipro for a month. Did nothing except kill boners.
- Second episode was when I was 23, back in university final year of my engineering course that I hated, lasted six months and no medication. Felt really down, poor concentration/memory, mood. One night before final exams, I was unable to sleep and this lasted two nights. I felt my head was like ice, and was incapable of sleeping without getting an aid, which I did because it was torture.
- After college, got a job in a consulting engineering firm, liked it at the start but stressful, found the same feelings come again with memory/concentration and the mood taking a dip after I noticing this and its effects on work. I had to quit the job it got so bad as I was unable to sleep or do my work on time. Felt like I was losing my mind especially waking early and not sleeping longer than 6 hours no matter what, eventually I couldn't sleep AT ALL and went to a doctor. Once I left the job and went home, I was able to sleep again but totally burned out. I could visibly feel my mind crumble a month and a half before I quit. I had no working memory or short term memory. Retrieval of information I learned at work was very hard. I felt dumb as a bag of rocks.
I have been unemployed for the last three years mainly because of depression for two years of it but also constant issues with cognition. I just feel so thick. I don't drink, and haven't in years as it makes me feel super depressed the next day. I did abuse pot off and on over the last six years. I have quit for good for the last two months.
After I left my last job, got bloods/thyroid done and they came back normal, I went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with MDD and GAD and and two months later, an endocrinologist said I had fibromyalgia and depression. Cymbalta for the GAD/MDD and amitriptyline later on. I didnt take either for more than a month regrettably.
I have no daily stressors on me now except job hunting, yet Im still as dumb and slow as I was three years ago especially with all things memory. I find that when my stress levels are up, I wake easier. I can feel that now again. I also find that when I do masturbate when I feel stressed ( i rarely do anymore) I ejaculate pretty quick and feel the urge to.
Lastly, I exercise every day, eat simple foods and drink lots of water but I feel the claws of depression are back as I lose hope. I have booked myself into a doctors and I'm going to do a treatment program as I was probably wrong to stop after only a month twice before. I'm also going to try therapy, but I have no childhood traumas except severe bullying when I was 11.
Anyone, else experienced anything similar? I know I may have impaired my hippocampus/Prefrontal cortex in some way.
I have tried magnesium citrate, ashwangadha, rhodilia, and NAC but not much results. I don't have the cognition to get myself out.
Edited by Irishdude, 02 June 2015 - 06:44 PM.
