Hello everyone, it has been awhile since I have posted anything.
Basically, about 6 months ago, I was in a bad place (I kind of still am, but can see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel). After years of dealing with physical and mental symptoms that could not be attenuated, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease; it was a relief, but not the end. I have, unfortunately, had three psychotic episodes because of this disease, which are not related to any underlying disorder according to medical professionals, although I was misdiagnosed. I currently have no diagnoses except that lyme makes me obsessive and psychotic and feel like my head is in a vice 24/7 
I have posted a lot about lyme on this forum and truly believe it is an epidemic, but I'm not going to rant about it here 
Six months ago, despite treatment with anitbiotics and antimalarials I was still symptomatic. During all this, due to my last psychotic break, I was on 10mg of olanzapine, quite possibly the most potent atypical out there. It made me gain 100 pounds; I've lost 50 but still a long way to go. I have been on so many drugs since the age of 15 that I feel I've done a lot of damage, but this was by far the worst. I was kept on it for two years because I was treating the lyme, and when I take antibiotics at high enough dosages I become psychotic (due to a Jarish-Herximher reaction).
In the interim I was posting on here about ways to combat my obsessiveness and anxiety while remain pro-life extension. That's how obsessive I am 
Well, long story short, I tested positive for the lyme coinfection Bartonella. Like, an actual positive test, which was a relief, because my lyme diagnosis was mostly clinical and based on my mycoplasma positive, aniplasma antibodies and insanely low CD57.
Anyway, I have the best Lyme doctor in the world, on the forefront of research (more of a scientist than your typical MD) and I feel I am in good hands. Things really aren't getting better but I know he can help me; he's helped thousands. I am currently on Levaquin for bartonella.
BUT, I withdrew from zyprexa 6 months ago after my doctor reasoned the risk of psychosis was low, and MY GOD it was AWFUL, and it still is. I have never had insomnia but have not been able to fall or stay asleep without a xanax and/or megadoses of melatonin. My memory is shot, I can't concentrate, I have severe anhedonia (not even just anticipatory---I will feel nothing in the moment), I can't write creatively anymore (my mind is blank--I'm also a musician and my songs don't sound as good) and my usual kind, level headed demeanor had turned into that of a cynic (I may seem ok here, but in real life I can get nasty, which is not me). I do have some life circumstances affecting me, namely being misdiagnosed and maltreated by doctors for six years (I am 21), being bullied by a borderline girl in high school (fun) and not having a good therapist to help me deal with all this. I am currently on the hunt for one, yet therapists don't really seem to get it--I am a unique case.
Being obsessive, I am worried I have done permanent damage not only from the zyprexa, but from all the psych drugs I was forced to choke down, and of course, having my brain chronically inflamed and eaten away at from bacteria.
I am getting my hormones tested to make sure those are all in line, as I know Lyme can basically shut down your endocrine system. I have a good diet; no sugar, processed food, etc. I drink a lot of water, and even though I can't fall asleep I make sure I do, through whatever means. I exercise, but not enough as I probably should due to Levaquin and fear of tendon damage. With all the stuff I have going on, I try to be social, but it's hard to be sometimes.
I take milk thistle and dandelion to keep my liver healthy and drink kefir for probiotics; I make sure I have all my nutritional requirements covered. I also take extra vitamin C, D, Magnesium, Iodine and K2, and active forms of folate and b12 (I cannot tolerate methyl groups, so I take folinic acid and hydroxy b12; I don't have the main MTHFR mutation, just the other one which causes who knows what)
To heal my brain I am taking low dose lithium, ashwagandha (to also lower cortisol, which I'm sure I have plenty of 
), and uridine (I also take fish oil--not too into the whole EPA vs DHA thing--I actually prefer mussel oil actually). I take c60 for the antioxidant effect and setria glutathione with R-lipoic acid for glutathione. I have tried supplements to lower ammonia as I apparently have a homozygous CBS defect (which I'm not not sure matters) and lyme causes excess ammonia, but they don't really do anything so I'm done with that. I am looking into Picamilon to help with gaba as benzos help me sleep and focus, mostly due to the fact that because I cannot concentrate (which was never a problem for me until I got Lyme---brain fog, ya know? 
), I get anxious. I'm a perfectionist, if you couldn't tell. I am trying to meditate and do N-back but it's hard to stay on track. I would go on another drug if not for the fact that I'm very sensitive and trying to lose 50 pounds. I should mention I had to come off zoloft while coming off zyprexa (100 mg)--that probably complicates things as well. However, I was still on zoloft while noticing the zyprexa withdrawal effects.
There's this big thing in the Lyme community about detoxing, but I'm not sure I buy into it. I mean if you eat well, bathe, and exercise, won't you detox? I have looked into herbal antimicrobials and firstly, they are expensive, and secondly, I'm not sure I buy that they even work. I have concluded at this point that I need potent drugs to kill this bug, and some online protocol thousands of dollars later won't help me. Has anyone had any experience treating infections with supplements? Are there any ones that are worth all that money?
Lastly, is there anything I am not doing that can speed along the zyprexa recovery process, or am I doing enough and should just wait? Feeling like this is miserable, but I am not going to choke down another drug to mask the problem, thereby creating more problems when I must withdraw from that drug 
I know it's only been 6 months and I'm young, but it's scaring me-- I mean, I have never had a problem writing, ever. I was working on a novel and wrote 100 pages, and within a week of withdrawing from zyprexa, bam, creativity zapped. My math ability, ever since getting Lyme, has also reduced significantly, mostly due to brain fog. Being a neuro major in college this has been a doozy as well, and zyprexa really didn't help that.
I guess I am just look for ways that are going to expedite what I know is going to be a long process of recovery 
. I often find myself reaching out to this community more than I do any of my doctors (and it's not like they're bad doctors); they just aren't up and up about anything; except my lyme doctor; he knows every supplement in existence in regards to lyme; however, he's four hours away and booked 24/7 (as you would imagine).
It's been a really painful 6 years and feeling no emotions about is not going to help me heal; I was never a crier and now I can't cry about anything (and have a female body, so this is strange #sexism ). More than anything, this drug robbed me of my emotions, and that's the pits. It probably explains why I can't write creatively anymore--all fiction is is emotions, really.
Phew, this has been a long post. Thank you longecity for reading. Maybe someone could relate to what I'm going through. Psych stuff is tough... 
