This thread is dead, but I thought i would update this for the sake of people searching for BPD (i hate myself when threads are left hanging with no closure).
i don't believe anymore my family member has BPD. in retrospect, her psychiatrist was right to disagree with that diagnosis, but was not smart enough it figure it out. i'm almost positive she has high functioning and compensated Asperger syndrome (AS) with a comorbility of generalized/social anxiety and episodes of severe depression triggered by stress and massive failures in her personal life.
i took me a while to figure it out (by myself) and it was quite a personal journey. i discovered that i had similar traits myself, but with a bit more typical presentation of AS, as expected in males. I also differed in regards to suicide attempts, as i never had that inclination, even though there were some depressive episodes, mostly triggered by stress.
this (old) article that i only found recently summarizes well why women with AS don't present with typical symptoms and are misdiagnosed with something else: https://www.theguard...aspergers-girls
"Girls are not being picked up because there is still a stereotyped view of what Asperger's is, which is based entirely on how boys present with the condition," she said. "Professionals are not up to speed in knowing how girls present. We are working with the government to ensure they highlight this concern in their upcoming consultation. We are hoping to convince them to target this much under-investigated but vitally important issue."
[...]
"We need to draw up a female version of Asperger's that identifies girls on the basis of the way they present, and we need to do this as a matter of urgency: undiagnosed Asperger's can create devastatingly low self-esteem in girls. In my experience, up to 20% of female anorexics have undiagnosed Asperger's."
Girls slip through the diagnostic net, said Attwood, because they are so good at camouflaging or masking their symptoms. "Boys tend to externalise their problems, while girls learn that, if they're good, their differences will not be noticed," he said. "Boys go into attack mode when frustrated, while girls suffer in silence and become passive-aggressive. Girls learn to appease and apologise. They learn to observe people from a distance and imitate them. It is only if you look closely and ask the right questions, you see the terror in their eyes and see that their reactions are a learnt script."
Girls also escape diagnosis, said Attwood, because they are more social than boys with the condition. Their symptoms can also be missed because it is the intensity of their interests that is unusual, and not the oddity of what they do.
"The impairments to their social life or interests tend not to stand out in the same way as boys' do," he said. "They might have one friend, while boys with the condition won't have any. Also, boys hyperfocus on facts and certain interests, such as trains or weather. Girls escape into fiction. They have imaginary friends, live in another world with fairies and witches, obsessively watch soap operas or become intensely interested in celebrities."
Professor David Skuse, head of the behavioural and brain sciences unit at the Institute of Child Health, teaches clinicians to diagnose the condition. "Increasingly fewer girls are diagnosed as their IQ reaches 100, the population average," he said. "Some people maintain this is because girls simply don't have Asperger's, but I would argue that brighter girls, especially those who are more verbal, are able to mask and compensate for their condition. I make sure I emphasise the difference in the ways boys and girls present when I train clinicians, because I am certain that girls are being failed by the system, especially those with higher IQs," he added. "My belief is that, if we can prove the ratio of boys to girls is as high as many of us suspect, it would be as significant a milestone in this field as the discovery that the condition is on a spectrum."
i would venture to say, even though it's just a guess on my part, that a lot of girls with those autistic traits are going be get labeled as BPD or something similar, while boys would be more likely correctly diagnosed, even though a lot of them will end up misdiagnosed as ADHD, anxiety, or depression.
But maybe it's just semantics as a lot of drugs that help in BPD help in AS, too.