My main life problem is that (aside from times when I am in "crisis mode") I am very slow, sluggish, at thinking, doing, getting anything done, it can take me 3 hours to get myself to get out of the house, because of endless thinking in circles and trouble making decisions what to do an in what order, and over-analyzing everything to the extreme, and being totally overwhelmed by simple tasks, not being able to remember what I am doing and what I am going to do. Many days I skip shower because I am overwhelmed by the logistics of it: locating a towel, thinking if I don't have anything time-critical to do while I would take a shower, making sure it won't last too long, separating used clothing from fresh and remembering to get clothing from the right pile afterwards, etc. All these simple tasks are totally overwhelming and seem like an unmanageable task for me!
All these symptoms pretty much disappear when I am in "crisis mode", i.e. when something comes up which is unique, exceptional situation, requiring my immediate and full attention, when not doing anything about it for any longer will have dire consequences. Then magically my brain (for a short time) is working amazingly well, and able to organize myself, take decisions in seconds which normally take me hours, and just simply get stuff done. But this effect wears off once the crisis (which stimulated my productivity) ends.
Anyway the result is that anything what I ever achieved in life was done in crisis-mode, under stress. All other time was practically wasted, procrastinated to the extreme. Often its enough to be travelling somewhere new to induce some productivity, possibly adrenaline is doing this.
So if my brain can work amazingly well when certain, I suspect hormonal-origin things take place, why its usually so nonfunctional during normal times, that it can't even manage simple things? If it can work well in crisis, I don't think its broken. Its just the chemistry isn't right.
How can I fix it, so I can be functional and productive also when nothing exceptionally critical is happening? Because this crisis-mode time accounts for maybe 5% of the time, max 10-15% if stretched with soft-crisis like travel. Rest of my lifetime is practically wasted, and I feel terrible about it.
